The Push And Pull
by manhattanProject
Summary: God bless their swollen hearts, made up of broken parts. They love the push and pull, it keeps them comfortable. Alex/Mitchie friendship, eventual relationship
1. Into The Night

**A/N 1: Hey guys, this is my first story, it's been in my head for a while just not with these characters but I decided to give it a shot. It's Alex/Mitchie friendship but it will eventually be a relationship. It might start off a little slow but that's just because I don't want to rush anything and build it up before I get to anything like that, you know, trying to make it at least a _little_ realistic, but don't worry it'll pick up. This is just an intro, Mitchie's POV, most of the story will be in her POV but I will eventually switch to Alex's when it's necessary. So Read & Review and let me know what you think, all comments are welcome; good, bad, keep writing, stop writing, constructive criticism. I really like hearing what people have to say about my writing so don't hesitate to send me something or ask questions. Enjoy!**

**Story title/summary: The Push And Pull by Boys Night Out**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot. Story title and Chapter titles are songs. I don't own them either.**

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><p>1. Into the Night<p>

_So sing to me your darkest secrets_

_Time to leave behind your regrets_

_Before we get lost in the blink of an eye_

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><p>The faint flickering of the light bulb above my head was the only thing on my mind as I waited. I watched the unsteady light dance around the bench I was currently sitting on. I glanced down briefly as I checked my watch, which was pointless because I know it could not have been more than two minutes since the last time I checked it. I was getting impatient. But I wouldn't leave. No, I would wait here as long as it took for her to grace the park with her presence. This was normal for us, well, recently it has been. She'd always need me at ungodly hours of the night, but I would always show up no matter what. I wouldn't do that to her. So I waited, and waited, and waited. I checked my phone this time as I was growing tired of straining to read the hands under the wavering shine of the streetlight hovering over me. Only another minute and a half has passed.<p>

The air is colder than usual, although I didn't expect to have gorgeous weather at three in the morning. I crossed my legs and hugged my arms closer to my chest trying to provide my body with a weak amount of warmth. I could see my breath in front of me as I let out a deep sigh, as if I were blowing out the smoke of a Marlboro Red. I think back to the first time I ever tried one of those and I thank God I had the right mind to refrain from being a repeated offender. There wasn't anything particularly appealing about the activity anyway. It was just something I did spur of the moment in a drunken stupor. At least my hazy mind could comprehend at the time that it was downright awful.

I bring my thoughts back to the present, a gust of wind sending a shiver throughout my entire body. Perhaps sitting on a park bench in the middle of the night in nothing but a hooded sweater in the dead of winter was not my most brilliant idea. But it didn't matter much in the end. I would sit out here night and day in below freezing weather in shorts and a sports bra for her. I know she needs me more than anyone else and I was not about to let something as trivial as cold air stop me from being there for her. In the end all that mattered was that she was okay, and I was here to make sure that happened.

I tilted my head back and continued to stare at the bulb. The park was eerily quiet at this time of night but then again this place was never crowded, even in broad daylight. We would always come here and never have too many witnesses during these exchanges, which may be why she would always want to meet me here. These exchanges always ended the same. She's going to argue with me, I know it. She's probably going to be crying. She always is. And no matter how hard I try, I cannot seem to fix whatever it is that is breaking her. I can see her shattering before my eyes every time this happens. She calls or texts me, frantic and desperate, and begs me to meet her, either at one of our houses but usually right here, on this very bench where I'm sitting and waiting for her. But I don't care. It will just make things worse if I am not here. At least when she gets mad at me when I am here I know she'll bounce back. She always does. This is how it has been for months now; she wants me, she hates me, she needs me, she pushes me away, and so on. But I still stay no matter how many times she pushes and pulls me and I'll wait forever if that's how long it took.

I met her a few years back when we were both in middle school, barely teenagers. She was just one of those people that you can't help but gravitate towards. She wasn't the most popular person in the school. No, she never had a high status and neither did I. But she was always well-liked. We became fast friends and we have gotten closer and closer ever since. Our friendship has grown over the years and it means everything to me. I know she cares about me too even with all the things she has been putting me through lately. I don't have to question it and neither does she, except I sometimes feel that she has her doubts, in her moments of weakness and helplessness—when the world is bringing her down and she turns into nothing more than a shell of the girl she used to be. She's still my best friend and my number one priority in life.

I hold nothing against her. No matter how many times she screams or insults me or treats me like dirt, I know she doesn't mean it. The demons inside of her that are eating away at her heart and soul cloud over her mind but she always comes back to me. She'll tell me she doesn't mean it and that she doesn't know why she says these things to me. She tells me that I'm a saint for still being here and that she doesn't deserve a friend like me. I disagree and tell her not to worry about me. It's the same every time, but I don't mind much. I just pray that she will one day find her way back. She's not the same person she used to be. I cannot even recall how far back this behavior had started but it can't be more than a year.

I honestly don't know what's gotten into her recently. It's something different every time we end up here but it's also always the same. It's predictable and yet I still somehow know nothing. I can only assume that tonight's meeting must have been caused by her boyfriend, Nate. I can't exactly say that I'm a fan of his because in reality he sickens me right to my very core. I'd look into his eyes and want nothing more than to put a bullet in between them.

I probably sound overly dramatic about the kid but I swear he is the epitome of a douche bag. He doesn't even try to pretend that he cares about her. He criticizes everything about her: her appearance, the things she says, the things she does, and so on. I don't think I've ever heard him say a single nice thing about her. Apparently he has issues showing his emotions in public; her words, not mine. It's a load of horse shit to me. He's the same age as the two of us yet he acts as if he is older, meaning he treats her like a child. I honestly do not know how he turned out to be such an awful person while his brother, Shane, is the exact opposite.

I actually dated Shane for almost a year. Even though he was slightly older, he never saw me as a kid. He treated me with respect as he would with any other friend his age. We had a good run although the relationship never got too far physically. He never complained though, he was a sweet guy. I just never felt too much of a connection with him other than a really good friend and I think that is what ultimately led us to split. We broke up—on good terms—sometime around last year. It was a mutual break up as Shane was going off to college anyway and we agreed that we shouldn't tie ourselves down to each other especially when we were now on opposite ends of the country. He went off to university in California while his shit head of a younger brother was still here in New York with me and my best friend. I truly cannot stand him.

Even though she fails to see that my deep hatred for the boy is only ever fueled by the atrocious way he treats her. Even though time and time again I have told her that she could do and deserves so much better. Even though I have spent countless nights holding her as she shakes and sobs into my chest because of him. I keep my mouth shut and my hands to myself. I look at my phone; another two minutes have passed and I am beginning to worry about her. Neither of our houses is even far from this park; a five minute walk at most. Our houses are only a block apart from each other. She lived with her mom, stepdad, and younger brother while I lived as an only child with my parents.

I sometimes wonder if her home life is what is making her this way. I know she hasn't had the best relationship with her family over the years, except for her younger brother, Max. I have always liked the boy. He was weird, but the kind of weird that you welcomed rather than condemned. They weren't the closest siblings in the world, but they never argued and always understood each other. They weren't best friends but they tolerated each other, liked each other even. It was a content feeling between them. That content toleration was enough for her, especially since her older brother was not even in the picture anymore.

Unlike with Max, she and her older brother, Justin, never got along. They would butt heads on literally everything and they were so mean to each other. From the exchanges I have witnessed I came to realize that Justin started most of them, and usually for no reason. They just knew how to get under each other's skin. In many cases it has resulted in her climbing up my fire escape at odd hours of the night, teary-eyed and frustrated. I would welcome her in my room every time, no questions asked. I never understood their animosity toward each other. That was one of the many things she would never open up to me about, but I didn't make her tell me anything she didn't want to. I knew she trusted me and that she would come to me whenever she was ready.

At one point in time, I forget when, they eventually just stopped talking to each other. He didn't even give her enough time to reconcile their broken relationship before he packed his bags and moved out. She came home from school one day to find him dragging his stuff out of there hastily, as if the place was on fire. He didn't even have the decency to say goodbye to her; he didn't even look at her as he walked right past her and out the door for good. She came to me that night. She must have said no more than two sentences the whole time. We just sat in silence as I held her trying to get her to calm down. It makes me mad just thinking of that night. Her small frame curled up on my bedroom floor, unable to control the tears pouring down her face. I sat beside her and allowed her to put her head in my lap as I stroked her hair to get her to relax long enough for her to fall asleep. She hasn't heard from him since.

Her mother, Theresa, was something else. I don't think I will ever understand that woman or whatever relationship she has with her daughter. She doesn't seem to mind that her daughter is dating a terrible person who doesn't care about her. Her mother was never the kind to get involved in their children's lives especially if they were having problems. Every time she was upset she wouldn't even dare go to her mother, who would probably just end up making it worse. Perhaps she resents her kids because I don't think she has a good relationship with her sons either, although she was blatantly nicer to them than their sister. Anytime an altercation would break out between her and Justin, her mother would always take his side. I think there was even more animosity between the two after Justin moved out. Perhaps she blames her for his sudden departure; it makes me sick. How a mother could just ignore her only daughter her entire life is just astonishing to me. She only talks to her when she really has to; casual conversation never happened.

The only person in her family that she is even remotely close to—shockingly enough—is her stepdad, Brian; a man who has only been in her life for a few years. Her biological father is a mystery to me. She would never talk about him; I assume their relationship was not a good one either. The only thing I know about the man is that his name was Jerry and he left her and her family around the time she met me, maybe a little before. I don't ask questions about her father even though, I admit, I am extremely curious about the man that abandoned her. It was possible that he is the cause of her constant distress, or at least part of it.

Brian, however, is a completely different story. She actually gets along with him, as do I. Aside from Max, Brian is the only other person in that family that I could have a friendly conversation with and not feel the need to locate the nearest window to throw myself out of. Brian's a nice guy. He is always there for her when she needs it which makes me happy. I know I can't be there with her every single second of every single day and it puts me at ease to know that she isn't alone, that she has someone to take care of her because God knows her mother won't. Truth be told, I honestly do not know what he sees in his wife, but that is none of my business. The only thing that is my business is the girl that I call my best friend; the girl I am currently waiting on at this moment.

I refocus my attention to the streetlight, the flickering finally starting to give me a headache, but I continued to stare into it regardless. I haven't checked the time in a while but I assume it hasn't been long since the last time I did. I swung my feet back and forth as I looked up, letting the soles lightly scrape across the floor, enjoying the noises it made. The staccato seemed to match the flashes of light sputtering around me. If I wasn't so used to this park I would be genuinely scared to be sitting here by myself at this hour. The weak sound of worn out sneakers barely lifting off the concrete broke my reverie and I finally tore my gaze away from the faulty bulb long enough to stare into a pair of bloodshot brown eyes.

"There you are Alex. I was starting to get worried that something happened to you." I stood up from the bench. I didn't realize how long I had been sitting in that spot but it did a number on my back. I ignored the mild aching and went over to pull her into a tight hug. At least this time she didn't smell like alcohol. "Where have you been?"

"I was on my way out when Nate called me. He started yelling and we ended up arguing for a good fifteen minutes before I threw my phone and left," she said in a hoarse voice. She'd obviously been crying for quite some time. She sounded exhausted too. We both sat on the bench that I had been previously occupying for the past twenty minutes.

"Why'd you even pick up the phone? You knew how it would end. Why do you put yourself through this?" I tried to keep my voice from showing my anger. The last thing I wanted was to start the fight early. I knew it was coming though, soon enough. It always does.

"Please, Mitchie, not now." She looked at me with pleading eyes and I couldn't help but give in to her. She looked broken again and I hated seeing her like this. I didn't want to push her away, even though she doesn't share the same mindset when it comes to me.

"Is that not why you called me here anyway? Because of Nate?" I asked, hoping she wouldn't get mad that we were still on the topic of her sad excuse for a boyfriend.

"Well, yes and no. After all that screaming I just want to be here with you. I don't even want to talk about him or anything else anymore."

"Is something else bothering you?"

"Mitch…" she began but I stopped her. I felt it coming. The storm was racing toward us and no matter how hard I try I can't seem to shield us from it.

"C'mon Lex, talk to me. You know I'm always here for you but you keep shutting me out."

"Mitchie, please, just stop it. I don't want to do this right now." She was trying to not get mad; she wasn't yelling but I can see it in her eyes and hear it in her voice.

"This isn't the first time you've done this," I started but her look of confusion made me stop my thought short.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean this isn't the first time you have called me like this in the middle of the night. You're my best friend Alex, I can tell when something is wrong." She sighs and I can tell she is already done with this conversation and I am just dragging it on.

"There's nothing that you need to get yourself so worked up about. I just needed to see you after the horrible day that I have had today. I would have come to your house but I was too tired to go up the fire escape. I didn't want to chance waking up your parents." She does seem tired, but that doesn't lessen my worrying. I reach out to grab her hand in mine.

"I'm just trying to help. You know I hate seeing you like this." I hoped to God that she would see just how much her outlandish behavior is affecting me. Her bipolar-like mood is taking a toll on me. I can only imagine what it's doing to her.

"I know you are but I'm just tired and fed up with everything. After tonight I just need peace and quiet. I need some form of security or comfort. I need you." She stared directly into my eyes and I could see the desperation in them. I felt so bad for her and I don't even know what it is that is making her feel this way.

"Alex, what happened to you?" I don't know if she thought I was referring to tonight or the past year but my question seemed to strike something deep inside of her. She shook her head fervently.

"Mitch, stop. I don't want to talk about it. There isn't even anything to talk about," she told me calmly. For a brief moment I wondered how much longer it will take for her mood to shift and she starts her irrational tirade.

"Are you sure? Alex, you can't blame me for worrying. You're starting to scare me," I say carefully. I am now holding her hand with both of mine. I just want her to know that it's okay for her to let me in. I don't want to set her off though; we've gotten this far at a normal rate and I fear it is only a matter of time before it begins to escalate.

"Yes, I'm sure. Just drop it. I told you I'm not doing this with you now." I wasn't convinced at all. I have known her long enough to see right through her façade. I just can't seem to figure out exactly what it is she is hiding from me and the rest of the world. Her stubbornness is trying. No matter how many times I deal with it, it never gets less exasperating. The only reason she made me lug myself in my tired, half-conscious state to this park was because she needed someone to talk to. Maybe her moods are kicking in early. I anticipate the consequences of my next question. I know they're going to be bad but I can't stop what comes out of my mouth next.

"Then why'd you even call me to meet you here telling me you 'needed to talk to me' just to push me away again?" I'm pissing her off by saying this. I'm not trying to instigate her into arguing with me, I just need answers for once. After all this time of putting up with it I deserve to have the slightest clue as to what is eating away at my best friend and making her so empty. She'll take it the wrong way though. If I say I'm always there for her I shouldn't be complaining about it to her. That's not even the case; I _want_ to be here, for her.

There is a long pause before she even answers me. I watched her face for her eyes to narrow or her brows to furrow, but it never happened. I immediately regretted pushing her. I stared at her for a short while, taking in her appearance. She too made the foolish mistake of wearing only a hoodie at this time of night. However, unlike me in my sweatpants, she was in a pair of skinny jeans. Of course, she was not the one who dragged herself out of bed to come here. She was out all night, with _him_ no doubt, and something must have happened between them and came straight to me. Something always happens. I fight back the urge to roll my eyes at the thought of the boy as I look at her to the best of my abilities, granted the bulb above us is not providing the best quality light. I have seen this look on her face so many times yet there is something off about it today. I made a mistake. I shouldn't have tried to get her to talk.

"I'm sorry Mitch. I know I keep doing this to you. I know it's late and inconvenient. You didn't have to come if you didn't want to." She was so quiet I almost didn't hear all of it. She wouldn't even look at me when she said it. Her voice was as shaky as my shivering limbs. I've never seen her like this. In all those months of us arguing and fighting, I have never seen her not react to something I say. She usually snaps back or storms away. She's just sitting there looking lost. She chanced a fleeting look my way. I avoided her gaze and averted my eyes away from hers. As much as I know this is probably hurting her I cannot bring myself to look into her eyes, because it will hurt me too. I'm being selfish. From the corner of my eye I can see her turn her head away from me. She feels guilty. It was now my turn to stare at her. I see her profile under the lighting and, although imperfect, it is enough to allow me to see her fighting back tears.

Only about fifteen seconds pass before I stop staring at her and attempt to collect my thoughts. I wanted so badly to finally understand what it is that is going on with her, what's making her act so erratic. She never talks about it, not directly anyway. And no matter what she does decide to reveal to me I know it is never the whole thing. As vulnerable as she is almost all the time, she wants to keep a fraction of her frail wall up. Regardless of the fact that she does this to me all the time, I wasn't being fair to her. I know better than to pry.

I was about to tell her she had nothing to be sorry for. I was about to tell her that it didn't matter why she called at this hour. I was about to tell her that I didn't care if she wanted to talk or not, that I would be just fine sitting in silence with her. I was about to tell her that she is my best friend and I would do anything in my power to make her feel better. I was about to tell her all of these things but she stood up and shoved her hands in her pockets before she walked away from me, head down and silent tears slowly making a familiar trail down her face. She isn't arguing with me this time. She's walking away. I didn't expect her to feel guilty. I knew I had hurt her.

I knew deep down in my heart that I should get back up. I should haul my ass off of this bench and go after her, but I'm stuck. I can't bring myself to get up and chase after her. I know I'm going to regret this. It doesn't stop me from remaining frozen in place. This has never happened before, but I should have anticipated it; the day our friendship might stretch and bend to the point where it refuses to snap back into place. And lingering here in my seat is only going to further push our relationship when it already is so fragile as of late.

For the first time, I was wrong about the storm. It's not coming, not tonight anyway. She wasn't getting mad. The sadness in her voice still lingered around me. It was as noticeable as my hot breath in the frigid air and cut me deep through my chest. The usual back-and-forth between us, the abrupt shifts in mood, the paranoid accusing and helpless crying, the stubborn shoving and desperate clinging, the yelling and the begging, the cursing and the pleading; none of that was going to happen this time.

I turned my head to catch her just as she turned the corner, now officially out of my line of sight. If I go after her now she will probably be mad at me for not coming sooner. If I choose to go in the opposite direction and go back home instead…well, I don't exactly know what will happen. I've never been in this position before; I never let her get away and if I did, I always go after her. I checked my watch; it's really late now. I was in such a rush to get out of my house that I didn't even let anyone know where I was. I usually don't have to because my dad trusts me and can usually calm my mom down when she doesn't know my whereabouts. Whenever I have to leave for these situations I leave a note in my room somewhere. This time I didn't. If for some reason my parents wake up and check on me, well let's just say I am in deep shit. Looking back on the past thirty-something minutes, I really should not have rushed. Considering how long I waited for her, I probably could have taken the time to write a note. But she needed me so I came, and now she's gone. I know I'm wasting time by weighing out my options. She's probably almost home by now. I looked in the direction that she left. Then I looked in the other direction, the way to my house. I looked at the time again and realized how stupid I was being. I got up from the bench and started walking.

**A/N 2: Song Title/quote: Into The Night by Alkaline Trio**


	2. Triple Trouble

**A/N 1: This story will be mainly Mitchie's POV but it will eventually shift to Alex. Also, it is going to be kind of slow because I don't want it to be rushed, so just bear with me. I'm going to try to update as often as I can. I basically have the concept of the whole story in my head and the main events that are going to take place, it's just not written. I had this already done, it was a bit longer but I split it into two chapters instead. I was going to post this tomorrow or something but I figured since I cut it I'll just post it now. Sort of just a filler. Next one will be up either tomorrow or the next day, I'm still working on it. So, yeah. Read & Review, don't be afraid to tell me what you think, any criticism is welcome.  
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**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

2. Triple Trouble

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><p>"MITCHIE, WAKE UP AND GET YOUR ASS INTO THE KITCHEN." She cannot be serious right now. Shouting? At this hour?<p>

"LEAVE ME ALONE," I responded loud enough so she could hear me through my door and down the hall. I fought to open my eyes against the bright rays of sun shining through my blinds. I tried to adjust my vision and could barely make out the blurry silhouette of my clock. I think it said it was quarter past seven, but I could be wrong. Not like I cared anyway, but apparently my mom did.

"GET OUT HERE NOW, WE STILL NEED TO TALK AND YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE FOR SCHOOL." Honestly Mom, I could probably hear you if you toned it down a bit. This is just adding to the headache that I already have.

I didn't respond. Instead, I turned back over onto my stomach and buried my face further into my pillow trying hard not hear anyone or anything. I wasn't in the mood to deal with the world right now, especially after last night.

_Flashback (Last Night)_

_I got up from the bench and started heading towards her house. The last thing the poor girl needs is to think her best friend is fed up with her. I picked up my pace. When I was about halfway to her apartment my phone started buzzing in my back pocket. I quickly retrieved it, silently hoping that it was her. I nearly groaned out loud when I read the screen. I had two new messages. Neither was from her._

_Text Message From: Mom_

_Michelle you better get your ass back home this instant or I swear to God you will never see the world beyond your bedroom._

_Fuck me. I read the second one._

_Text Message From: Dad_

_Mitch, Mom's freaking out. I told her you were probably with Alex but she's pissed. Come home right away. And next time, try to give me a little heads up before you take off in the middle of the night so I know I'm not lying to your mother._

_God damn it. I knew I was going to be in deep shit if they found out. I looked up from my phone and down the block. I contemplated ignoring my parents' demands and continuing my trek to Alex's place but my phone buzzing again ended all of those thoughts._

_Text Message From: Mom_

_And don't you dare even THINK about ignoring me or I promise you your punishment will be a hundred times worse._

_Well that answered that question. As much as I detested the idea of leaving Alex, God only knows what my mother would do to me if I disobeyed her now. I kicked a nearby rock in frustration and turned around to head back home as quickly as possible; I'll just text Alex when I get there._

_It didn't take long for me to get back to the familiar apartment. I hurried through the front door and bolted up the stairs to the fourth floor. I caught my breath when I reached the top of the steps and I looked up to see my mother glaring at me, already waiting with the door wide open. Ah crap, my dad wasn't kidding when he said she was pissed. I tried to give her an innocent smile but her death stare broke me. My face dropped and I ducked my head as I walked passed her into our living room and sat on the couch. I can see my dad hanging back by the kitchen; a safe place to watch over the impending debacle that was about to happen and get involved if necessary. And now we wait for the lecture._

_My mom shut the door, faced me, and closed her eyes. She brought her hand up to rub her temple before she started scolding me._

"_What. The hell. Is wrong with you." She was quiet but sounded like she was about to blow any second._

"_Look, Mom…" I started but she cut me off almost instantly._

"_No, you look Mitchie. I do not know where you got the idea that it is ever okay to leave the house, at THREE IN THE MORNING no less, and not even have the common courtesy to let either one of us know where you were going." She put her hands on her hips and continued to glare at me. Boy, if looks could kill…_

"_Mom, I know you're mad but…" she cut me off again. How does she expect me to explain myself to her when she won't even let me speak?_

"_Oh, no, I'm not mad. I am FURIOUS." Well, no shit. Like I couldn't have figured that out on my own? Was interrupting me for that even necessary? I tried to collect my thoughts again._

"_I know you are, but you don't understand."_

"_Oh really now? Tell me, Mitchie, what exactly do I not understand?" It was getting so hard not start yelling at her. I know it will just make things worse in my favor so I try to control my temper._

"_Well maybe if you stopped interrupting me, and let me talk for more than half a second…" I started but my dad thought now was a good time to step in, seeing as it looked like my mom was trying to kill me with her eyes at my attitude._

"_Watch it, Mitch. You're already on thin ice." He had a point._

"_Sorry. As I was saying, I know you're mad but Alex needed me." She rolled her eyes._

"_Of course. Every time that girl gets so much as a paper cut you have to go running to her rescue, right?" And here we go again._

"_Connie, stop it. Alex is her best friend; you don't know what's going on in her life. Maybe she really needed someone. You can't get mad at Mitchie for wanting to help," my dad said in my defense. At least I didn't have both of my parents against me._

"_Not now Steve. I don't care how much Alex 'needed' her, it is quarter to four and she should not have been out, God knows where, all by herself. I don't need you playing attorney to our daughter when she is clearly in the wrong. I'm tired of you never putting your foot down with her."_

"_How can I when you already do that enough for the both of us?" He sounded mad. They continued to bicker. Maybe if I'm quiet I can sneak away from this soap opera. I tried inching my way off the couch and towards my bedroom._

"_WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?" Well, nowhere now._

"_To bed?" I don't think now is a good time to get snarky with her._

"_I don't think so young lady. You get back here right now. I'm not finished with you yet." Great._

"_You already yelled at me. I know how this goes, Mom. 'Blah, blah, blah don't do this again blah, blah, blah never leave this house so late without telling me where you're going and why blah, blah, blah I hate Alex.' I get it."_

"_Well that's good, but you forgot about 'blah, blah, blah you're punished.' And I don't hate Alex," she said, narrowing her eyes at me. I scoffed._

"_Could have fooled me, Mom."_

"_I don't hate her, I just think she…has…issues." Thanks, like I wasn't aware. Still, she has no right to judge her. Alex has been nothing but polite whenever she would come over. I never understood what my mom's problem with her was. My dad adored her._

"_You don't know anything about her." She was starting to piss me off and unless my dad butt in to take control of the situation, I was about to start yelling._

"_Guys just stop. This is getting ridiculous. Alex is a good kid." Thank you, Dad._

"_Fine, but you're still punished," she said sternly._

"_For how long?" She seemed to think about it for a second. I could have sworn she had some elaborate punishment waiting for me._

"_You're not grounded this time." Um…what? I couldn't have heard that correctly._

"_I'm not?" I asked, incredulously. Wasn't she seconds away from tearing my head off about all of this?_

"_No. Could I see your phone for a second?"_

"_Uh, okay." I reached into my pocket and handed it to her cautiously. "Here."_

"_Good, because you're not getting this back until next month," she said simply. I was livid._

"_WHAT?" I nearly shouted. My dad shushed me, probably due to the time and the fact that we had neighbors that actually liked to sleep throughout the night like normal people, unlike us._

"_Mitch, calm down. Connie, don't you think you're blowing this out of proportion?"_

"_No, Steven, I don't. Now go to bed, it's late. We'll continue this in the morning.  
>Good night, Michelle," she said firmly. I groaned and stomped my way to my room, shutting the door behind me.<em>

_End Flashback_

* * *

><p>After about five minutes, maybe less, I heard a knock on my door. My God, she was persistent. I ignored the requests to enter, but then I heard the door knob turn. Great, the last thing I want to do is talk to her, let alone see her. I didn't even bother to lift my face from my pillow before I responded, rather loudly might I add.<p>

"Get out of my room, Mom," I warned. I felt a dip at the foot of my bed. I was seconds away from getting up just so I could get away from her. I heard someone chuckle lightly.

"Relax honey, it's just me." I turned over to see my dad sitting next to my feet. I sighed in relief.

"Oh, sorry Dad, I thought you were Mom. Why does she even want to talk to me again? I thought she got it all out of her system last night."

"Well, I may or may not have convinced her that she was being a bit too harsh last night," he said with a shrug and a smile. I sat up in my bead immediately.

"You did? So what does that mean? Am I not punished anymore? Can I have my phone back?" I asked anxiously.

"Calm down, Mitch. I don't know what she's going to talk to you about. I just tried to talk her out of it," he told me as he eyed me suspiciously. I don't know why.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Mitch, I'm only going to ask you this once, and whatever you tell me I'll believe you, because I trust you. Don't make me lose that trust. What happened last night? I know this isn't the first time that you have done this whole sneaking out business, but you usually have the good sense to let me know or at least leave me a note or something." He seemed more hurt than mad that I didn't tell him.

"I'm sorry Dad. I swear to you, I really went to meet Alex at the park. She was upset and she needed me. She just took a little longer than expected."

"Okay, I believe you, but you have to tell me these things or I can't always defend you when Hurricane Mom comes blowing in. I know you and Alex have been having your problems lately. I thought we were closer than that, Mitch. You know you can always come to me." Yeah, he was hurt.

"I know Dad, and we are but I was just tired and in such a rush that I completely forgot. I honestly didn't think I would be out for that long anyway. I thought I would be back before you guys even noticed I was gone," I tried explaining to him.

"A text _would_ have sufficed, you know." Insert face-palm here. I closed my eyes and groaned; I didn't think of that. I opened them to see him smirking at me."Yeah, that's what I thought. I'll let it slide…this time. Next time it's going to be Hurricane Dad that you're going to have to worry about." He stood from my bed and headed towards the door.

"Sure it is," I responded, cheekily. He playfully glared at me.

"Just get dressed before you start running late Michelle," he said from my doorway before he left to somewhere else in the house, probably the kitchen.

I tried not to take such a long time to get ready for school, considering I did wake up later than usual. It's not like I slept much anyway. I was up all night thinking about Alex and how she probably thinks I'm mad at her. I thought back to the previous night and how sad and quiet she was as opposed to how defensive and mad she always gets when I would pry. Seeing as I couldn't text her, I'm hoping to catch her in homeroom this morning so I could talk to her. Homeroom is the only time I see her during school this semester, besides lunch. I finished getting dressed and pulled on my sneakers as I left my room to see what in the world my mom could possibly want to speak to me about in the kitchen.

"Well it's about time you got ready, Mitchie," my mom said as I took a seat at one of the stools by the island.

"Sorry, what did you want to talk about?" She stared at me for a while, contemplating what she was going to say next.

"Well, according to your father, I am apparently not being fair to you. You were just being a good friend, and we trust that you just went to see Alex because she really needed you." It looked like it was a struggle for her to admit that. She took her time to lecture me about being out so late and not telling anyone where you are and how dangerous it can be. I eventually tuned her out.

"So does this mean I'm not punished?" I asked hopefully.

"No, you're still punished." My face fell instantly.

"Then why are you keeping me here, weren't you the one yelling at me that I was going to be late?" I asked with an eyebrow raised. She glared at me and continued.

"You're still punished…just not for a month. I'm still keeping your phone, but only until the end of the week," she said almost reluctantly. I beamed.

"YES thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!" I said dramatically. My dad laughed at my tone while my mom rolled her eyes.

"You're most certainly welcome, Mitchie," my dad said. This was obviously his doing. My mom glared at him. She seems to be doing that a lot this morning.

"Alright Steven, enough. Mitchie needs to get to school," my mom chastised. My dad put his hands up in defeat and grabbed his keys.

"Fine, fine, fine. C'mon Mitch, I'll drive you," he offered and we both started heading out. I laughed at him.

"Way to get scolded by mom, _Steven_," I said while I climbed into the passenger seat. He didn't seem fazed at all.

"Way to be late and phoneless, _loser_," he countered without taking his eyes off of the road as he pulled away from the apartment. Oh, he was good.

"Touché, father. Touché."

* * *

><p>It didn't come as a surprise to me that I missed homeroom. I didn't want to waste any time and since I still didn't have a cell phone I would now have to wait until lunch to talk to her. I slammed my locker shut in annoyance after getting my things out. First period started about fifteen minutes ago, I should probably hurry but there really is no point, considering I'm already late as it is. I made my way to my class at a leisurely pace. I was about to turn down the hall when I was stopped by a hefty man in a bolo tie.<p>

"Ms. Torres, so nice of you to show up." I didn't think this all the way through. I forgot about dealing with him if I got to school late.

"Mr. Laritate…how's it goin'?" I asked nonchalantly, as if I didn't miss the first forty-five minutes of school.

"You're late," he answered, obviously not amused.

"Yes, I know but I have a good reason." Well, it wasn't _that_ good a reason…

"Oh, well that's nice; you can tell the other delinquents all about it during lunch detention for missing homeroom."

"But that's not fair," he cut me off.

"And after-school detention, for being late to first period. No complaints Ms. Torres or I'll just add more." He seemed satisfied with my sentence. I was anything but. He turned around and walked away from me. Well, fuck. What am I supposed to do now? I don't have a phone or any classes with Alex. I huffed as I finished the walk to my class.

* * *

><p><strong>AN 2: Chapter Song Title: Triple Trouble by The Beastie Boys**

**A/N 3: I forgot to mention last chapter, Title and Summary of this story: The Push And Pull by Boys Night Out  
><strong>


	3. If I Ever Feel Better

**A/N 1: This one's a bit longer than the last. I apologize if it gets confusing at times but the way it is in my head, it will make sense eventually because things get revealed in later chapters so just sit tight. If you have questions/comments/concerns, you know where to go. Read & Review please. Thanks!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

3. If I Ever Feel Better

_The stormy days ain't over  
>I've tried and lost know I think that I pay the cost<br>Now I've watched all my castles fall  
>They were made of dust, after all<br>Someday all this mess will make me laugh_

I haven't seen her all day. Class just got out; meaning I only had about five minutes before I had to show up for lunch detention. I was at my locker putting my things away when I realized I had a couple minutes to possibly find her before the bell rings. I quickly walked to the other side of the building where I knew her locker was. I turned the corner and saw her there. She wasn't alone. She was with Nate. I inwardly groaned seeing as I really wanted to talk with her alone and knowing him, he was not going to go away just because I wanted him to. He was either really stubborn or I think he knows how much he irks me. It could be both.

Regardless, I started making my way over to them when I heard someone call my name and grab my arm from behind me. I quickly turned around, startled, but relaxed when I saw it was just my friend Zach. Before I met Alex, Zach was the closest friend I had. We met back in kindergarten. Ever since then we have been going to the same school. We're still really close and he even works for my dad as a mechanic. He is one of the best guys I know. My mom would always tell me to go out with him but to be honest I was never really attracted to him that way. I don't know why. It's not like he was unattractive, because he wasn't. He had short brown hair, green eyes, he wasn't muscular but he wasn't skinny, nice smile, and he had a great personality too. My parents loved him, especially my mom; I don't why she wouldn't, but then again she isn't too fond of Alex and she's the greatest person I know. I smiled at Zach and hit him on the shoulder.

"Jesus you scared the crap out of me." He laughed, obviously finding my miniature heart attack hilarious.

"Sorry Mitch, I didn't mean to."

"It's alright, so what's up?" I asked a little anxiously. I still wanted to get to Alex before the bell rang.

"Nothin' much, I just wanted to tell you to tell your dad I can't come in to work tomorrow. I got a doctor's appointment that I can't reschedule."

"Why can't you tell him yourself?" I asked, getting annoyed. I could have been spending this time talking to Alex. I looked towards her locker; she was still there. Nate had his arm around her and was kissing her neck while she was trying to find something in her locker, not paying much attention to him. She turned around and our eyes met. I just stared at her, until Zach's response to my question made me tear my gaze away from her. I could have sworn I saw her face drop as I continued my conversation with Zach.

"Phone's broken, won't get fixed 'till Friday," he answered, not noticing my impatience.

"Alright, I'll tell him." The bell rang; just my luck.

"Thanks Mitch you're the best!" he said as he gave me a one-armed hug as he started walking away from me. I was about to start heading to detention before I saw him stop in his tracks and turn around. "Oh I almost forgot, party at my house, Friday night! Tell Alex too," he yelled as he started taking off again.

I smiled and shook my head as I started moving in the other direction. Zach was always throwing parties at his house. His family wasn't loaded or anything but they were certainly comfortable. His parents are workaholics and are always going away on business trips, leaving him in his house by himself. So like any other teenage boy, he throws a party every time they're away. I finally reached the detention room and sighed as I walked in. I can't believe I still have to come here when school's over.

* * *

><p>I had last period with Zach. When I got to the class he called me over to the seat behind him. I sat down as he turned around in his chair.<p>

"So, you and Alex are coming on Friday right?" he asked.

"I don't know, I haven't seen her all day and I don't have a phone. Plus, I don't know if my parents will let me out on Friday. I literally just got out of being grounded," I explained. Just then, Zach's friend Eric took a seat next to us.

"Whoa Mitch you're not coming? Since when do you not come to a party?" he asked as he joined the conversation. Eric and I were friends, but I only knew him through Zach. We met at one of his parties. We have never gone out but I guess you could say he was my "go-to drunken hook up." Not something I would do when I'm sober, but then again there's no telling what I'll do when I get drunk. I really don't know how it's never been awkward between us when we see each other in school afterwards.

"I don't know yet," I answered.

"Ah c'mon it'll be fun, you always come to Zach's parties," he tried to convince me. I looked at him briefly. I know the real reason why he wants to me to come so badly. I shook my head.

"I know I do but I'm already in trouble with my parents I don't want to push my luck." Eric's face fell a little at my reply. Zach didn't seem to accept my answer either. He rolled his eyes at me.

"Don't be stupid. If you want, you guys can just stay over, I'm letting people crash at my place so I don't have to worry about anyone being an asshole and trying to drive home drunk. Just tell your parents you're going to hang out with me and sleep over at Alex's, they'll believe that." He had a point. My parents did trust Zach even though they aren't aware of the parties he throws.

"Alright, alright, I'll come," I caved. They high-fived each other, satisfied. The teacher finally told us to shut up and do our work and we remained silent for the rest of the period. When the bell finally rang, signaling the end of the school day, I headed straight back to the detention room, not wanting to be late.

* * *

><p>After-school detention is longer than lunch detention. I got home at around five, considering I decided to walk home. I thought about going to Alex's house first but I decided against it. If I took any longer to get home my parents would start freaking out. And by "my parents" I obviously mean "my mother." By the time I got there, I was exhausted. I was greeted at the door by my mother. She seemed mad again. I thought she would get over being mad at me by now but I guess I was wrong.<p>

"Where have you been?" she scolded.

"Sorry, but I was busy sitting in detention because _someone_ made me late to school this morning," I said with added emphasis. It didn't look like she cared.

"So you couldn't let me know that?" She really was ridiculous.

"Sorry, but _someone_ took my phone away so how would I have been able to let you know?" I told her with a smirk. She narrowed her eyes at me but then her face went back to normal.

"Fine, your father was right about this whole "no phone" punishment, it is going to cause problems. You can have it back. Just go do your homework or something. Dinner will be ready in a couple of hours." Thank God she didn't try to argue further. She handed me my phone and I went straight to my room.

The second I went inside I collapsed on my bed. My mind was racing and I couldn't believe that I still hadn't gotten the chance to talk to Alex. I thought back to earlier today when I saw her by her locker with Nate. The thought of the boy made my stomach twist. He is only even remotely interested in her when he gets what he wants. They have been dating for almost two years now and how they managed to last that long is just astounding. I have tried, and failed, numerous times to convince her that he's a prick but she never listens. I have tried to tell her how he only uses her but she never listens. Even when she found out he would cheat on her she still wouldn't listen. She figured that if she gave him what he wanted then he wouldn't look for it with other girls. I told her how disappointed I was that she was willing to have sex with him just to keep him interested. She tries to tell me that it's fine and that she loves him. Their relationship is anything but healthy but she never listens. I pray for the day that she finally does.

I always tell her she's wasting her time with him and have asked her why it is so hard for her to just break up with him. She's afraid of being alone. I already knew that but he just adds to her fears. He always tells her that she is ungrateful and that she is lucky that she has him because no one else would want her. That fear alone makes her cater to his ever wish and it makes my blood boil. They would always get drunk or high and he would always leave her after she would have sex with him. Of course, not until after he decides to berate her with insults. She'd always end up right here in my room next to me, tears in her eyes. Even after I would tell her that he's wrong in yelling at her and belittling her, she won't listen. She would say how it is her fault and she would believe every horrible thing he says about her. It broke my heart to hear her talk about herself that way because in reality she was perfect.

I didn't even realize how much time had passed since I came home. I also didn't realize that I had fallen asleep, still in my sneakers and leather jacket. It was around eight. I heard my dad calling my name, letting me know that dinner was ready. I slowly got up, still groggy from the nap and took my jacket and shoes off and headed to the dinner table.

"Well you look gorgeous," my dad said sarcastically as I sat down. I was so tired, I probably looked dead. I shoved his arm.

"Shut up Dad I was sleeping," I said in a hoarse voice.

"You sound great too," he snorted. I bet he thought he was just hysterical. I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Thanks. I was talking to Zach today; he said he has a doctor's appointment so he can't make it to work tomorrow." My dad nodded and my mom spoke up.

"Oh I haven't seen him in such a long time. I have always liked that boy. How is he?" I knew my mom always loved him like a son. I figured now would be a good time to let them know about my Friday plans. Or at least what they think I will be doing.

"He's good. Actually, I wanted to ask you guys something. I know you're still kind of mad at me for last night, and I know you said I wasn't grounded but I wanted to make sure. Zach wants to hang out Friday night, is it alright if I do?" I asked as nicely as possibly. My mom seemed to be thrilled at the idea.

"Of course you can, honey. Are you guys finally going on a date?" she said smiling. I knew she was going to assume that.

"No Mom, it's not going to be just the two of us. And I'm probably going to sleep over Alex's that night, if that's okay," I asked cautiously. She has never cared before about me sleeping at her house but after last night I wasn't one hundred percent sure of my mom's feelings towards her.

"Sure, that's fine," she answered. She seemed hesitant but I honestly didn't even care, I'm just glad I was allowed to go out. I'm sure Zach and Eric would be ecstatic. Mainly Eric.

"Oh by the way, Mitch, Alex stopped by earlier," my dad told me and my eyes widened.

"She did? When?" I asked, trying not to sound completely shocked and overly anxious.

"While you were sleeping." I was trying so hard not to lose my mind at the dinner table.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked a little more frantically than I had wanted to sound.

"I told her that I could wake you up but she said that it was alright. She said that you should get your rest and that she didn't want to bother you." Fantastic. I sighed as I stared down at my still untouched plate.

"What's the matter, Mitchie? You're not hungry?" my mom asked, slightly concerned.

"I just don't really have much of an appetite."

"Are you okay?" my dad asked, now concerned as well.

"I'm just tired. I think I'm going to skip dinner and finish my homework and go to bed early." My mom became even more concerned and I knew where this was going. I really didn't want to have this conversation right now. Or ever.

"Mitchie…" she warned, wanting me to stay in my seat. She was giving me this look. I would know that look anywhere. I hated it. She kept staring at me and I sighed.

"Mom, I know what you're thinking, just stop it. I just don't feel well, if I get hungry later I'll eat something then," I tried reasoning with her. She kept looking at me for a few more seconds before she gave up.

"Alright, fine. Feel better," she said, defeated. I mumbled a 'thanks' and got up and headed straight for my room.

I tried to focus on my homework but I couldn't concentrate. All I kept thinking about was Alex and my mother and how God damn tired I was. I wish my mom would back off once in a while, she worries for nothing. Well, I mean I guess not for nothing, but I haven't given her any reasons to worry lately. I just didn't want to feel like I was in a fish bowl with everyone watching me. I attempted to bring my attention back to my textbook. That lasted all of about ten minutes before I knocked out and fell asleep.

I woke up, completely disoriented, to a weird noise. I couldn't tell what it was and I had no idea where it was coming from. There was no way I had gotten enough sleep which was just weird considering how early I went to bed. I rubbed my eyes and tried to adjust my vision to the blackness of my bedroom. I blinked a few times and tried to read my clock. It was almost quarter to four. I wondered what on Earth could have possibly woken me at this hour. I looked around my room for anything that might have fallen to make some sort of noise but I couldn't really see much with only the pale light of the moon barely illuminating it. I heard the noise again and I think it was coming from outside.

In my barely-conscious daze I sat up in my bed and was about to get up before I heard my phone vibrating on the bed side table. I quickly grabbed it and saw that I had a new text message. My heart nearly stopped when I saw who it was from. I opened the text as fast as I could and read it. My brows furrowed in complete and utter confusion.

_Text Message From: Alex_

_Whziyouywndwolckedpentemtchie_

I stared at it for a few seconds. Am I supposed to know what that means? I couldn't decipher whatever it was she was trying to tell me. She was obviously wasted but I was too overwhelmed with the fact that she was actually talking to me to even begin to care. I texted her back.

_Text Message To: Alex_

_Use the space bar Lex I don't know what you're saying._

It didn't take long for her to answer me. She was probably just hitting random letters on her phone anyway so I didn't expect to see a coherent response. I opened the new message. I couldn't decide which of her texts was more confusing.

_Text Message From: Alex_

_Whips tire widow licked orbit matches_

I again stared at the message, dumbfounded, until I assumed that her auto-correct feature was fixing her messed up words…incorrectly. I didn't even have enough time to answer before I heard what sounded like a low growling noise and my phone buzzed again.

_Text Message From: Alex_

_FUXK TGHIS PHOEN_

I laughed as I read it. At least that one I could understand. I was about to start typing a response asking her what was going on before I heard a strained whining coming from outside, followed by a loud thud. I ran over to my window and raised the blinds and opened it to find Alex sitting on my fire escape in her socks, eyes closed, completely shitfaced. For a moment, I thought this was a hilarious sight until it hit me and I immediately became worried; she's completely shitfaced…_on my fire escape_.

"Alex what the hell are you doing are you trying to get yourself killed! And how did you even manage to get all the way up here?" I whisper-yelled at her, not wanting to wake up my neighbors. She opened her eyes to look at me and started whining again.

"Miiitchiieeee finallyyyy," she said dramatically. "I dunnooo I can't rememberrr. But lemme tell ya it wasn't eeeeasayyy. Took many many many many many many tries. BUT I DID ITTTTTT!" She tried standing up but failed miserably. She was stumbling from the alcohol and slipping a bit from her lack of shoes. I quickly grabbed her arms to steady her so she wouldn't fall over the rail. She sat back down.

"Careful! What are you doing here Alex? And what the fuck happened to your shoes?" I asked, looking at her feet.

"Youuu wouldn't opennn the winnndowwww," she slurred slowly as if she had said it a million times already and I was the idiot who didn't understand her. I gave her a confused look before something under my window caught my eye. It was one of her sneakers. She must have thrown them at my window to get my attention considering she probably couldn't get up; I saw the other one on the fire escape steps by the third floor window where it must have fallen. I shook my head.

"My window isn't locked, you're just too drunk to open it. C'mon get inside, it's cold out and I don't want you to fall."

"You're sooo sweet you're alwaysss looking out for meee," she gushed. I tried to pull her upright but she wasn't putting in much effort.

"Lex, you're gonna have to try to move a little." She pushed herself off the rail slightly and I yanked her by her arms through my window and she crashed into me. She absolutely reeked of alcohol. She stumbled through as she lost her balance and fell face-first onto the floor. I could hear her groan in pain, muffled by the rug. I stifled my laughter as I bent down to flip her over. She looked at me and I remembered that I have been trying to talk to her all day and finally, here she was. She was obliterated but still, she was here. "What are you doing here?"

"Do you want me to not be here?" she asked, confused. I helped her sit up a little bit against the side of my bed.

"Why would you think that?" She touched my face. I didn't know what she was doing but I didn't stop her. She's drunk, I figured I'd just let her go about her weird antics.

"You're mad at meee," she whined, dropping her hand to her side. I couldn't tell if she was asking me or telling me.

"No, of course I'm not mad at you," I reassured her, like I had been trying to do for the past twenty-four hours.

"I'm sorry." I was going to tell her she didn't have to apologize but she started talking again, "I'm sorryyyy."

"Lex, you-"

"I'm sorry." She won't stop repeating herself and she won't let me talk. She's not even paying attention to me and I was starting to wonder if it was even me that she was apologizing to.

"Alex," Her voice was getting louder and I worried that she might wake up my parents…or the rest of New York.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sor-"

"Alex! Shut up!" I grabbed her face and forced her mouth shut. She finally looked at me. "Why are you apologizing? If anyone should be apologizing it should be me. I was out of line last night."

"Nooo Mitch I'm sorry not…uh, you're always being nice and I'm just...I…Nate he, uh…" she trailed off. I didn't even know what she was talking about.

"What about Nate?"

"I was with him tooooonighttt," she practically sang. "Aaaand we were with people. Aaaand we were drinkinggg aaaaand we…" she paused for a second, probably trying to think of a word. "…fornicated," she said extremely slowly, almost as if she was trying to make sure that she was using it correctly. She always did like to try and use big words when she was drunk, although I don't know why. I never questioned it, I always found it amusing. I grimaced at the mention of her having sex with Nate before she continued, "aaand thennn I came right here I dunno whyyy but it made sense when I was thinking of you in my mind about you you're nicer than Nate aaand because you're my best friend everrrrr but you're mad at meeee." God, she was an idiot.

"Alex, for the hundredth time, I'm not mad at you." She looked at me and started to touch my face again with her left hand.

"Pinky prommiiisseee?" she asked, poking me in my eye with a hopeful smile. I laughed as I grabbed her hand and pulled it away from my face before she made me go blind. I stood and pulled her up with me, seeing as she couldn't stand on her own. I took her jacket off for her and helped her lay down on my bed. I sat next to her and wrapped my pinky finger around hers, humoring her.

"Yes, I pinky promise." Her eyes widened in delight and she smiled.

"YAYY THAANK YOUU MI-ummprhhmfm" I clasped my hand over her mouth to keep her from yelling.

"Shhh! It's four in the morning, you're going to wake up my parents," I whispered to her. She nodded her head in understanding. I released my hand. She threw her arms around me and placed a long and extremely sloppy kiss on the corner of my mouth. Her smile turned into a slight frown and she reached up and wiped her saliva off of my face roughly with her sleeve. Then she smiled lazily again.

"Allllll betttterrrr nowwwww."

"Christ Alex, how drunk are you?" She held up her hand and put up four fingers. "Four? What the hell does that even mean?" She closed her eyes for about five seconds before opening them again and stared at the hand she was holding up.

"Am I pretty?" What? Where did that come from?

"Yes, of course you are Alex. You're beautiful. Why would you ask me that?" Her hand found its way to my face again, just touching random parts of it: nose, cheeks, mouth, eyes, forehead, etc. I just stared at her and her hand, confused.

"Nathaniel doesn't think sooo," she sang again. I wanted to go on a rant about how much I hate that guy, but I decided against it. She became sad for a moment before looking at me and smiling again. "You're soooo prettyy Mitchiiieeee. I just loooove your faaace." She pinched my cheeks with both hands. She was so drunk. I shook my head at her as she finally released my face. We stayed in silence like that for a while. I looked at her and I noticed her expression suddenly turned serious. I put my hand on her shoulder but she shrugged away from my touch. She took a deep breath and tried to speak accurately. "I know you said not to say sorry again, but I am sorry." I was about to interrupt her but she stopped me. "No, Mitch, I'm serious. I know…I know I'm always being weird and…I never tell you what's going on. I just can't okay? You put up with me all the time…and I'm not being fair but…you have to understand that I just can't, at least not yet. I'm not ready. Please Mitch, I'm sorry and I love you and…I don't want you to leave me but please I just can't, I just…" she didn't finish her thought. She started crying. I immediately wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into me. I felt her shaking against my torso and her tears were starting to soak through my t-shirt.

"Shh, don't worry Alex, I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. You don't have to tell me anything now. I'm sorry for asking so many times," I told her as I rubbed circles on her back.

"I promise…I'll try to be better. I swear I'll try," she said quietly into my chest after a while as her sobs started to die down. There was only the occasional whimper or sniffle. I think she was sobering up. I started playing with her hair because I knew she loved it when people did that; it helped her relax.

"Don't worry Alex, it's okay," I assured. I kept playing with her hair for a few minutes and I thought she had fallen asleep because she had been quiet for a while. She stirred a little, still with her head on me.

"Hey, Mitch?" she asked quietly. I hummed in response. "Are you going to Zach's on Friday?" Well that was random.

"Probably; why?"

"Nate told me to come but I don't really wanna if you're not going. The last thing I need is to be around him when he's drunk with his friends again." I know I told her I'd back off but that worried me.

"Did something happen with him tonight?" I asked seriously but cautiously, afraid she would get upset with me for mentioning it. To my surprise, she remained lying down on me and just simply turned to face me and shook her head.

"No, it's just…annoying. I'd rather be with you." I smiled down at her and she returned it. She stared at me for a moment and then turned her head and laid it back down on my torso, wrapping an arm around my waist. I brought my hand to her back and started rubbing circles there again. She sighed in contentment and I bent over to place a kiss on top of her head. I closed my eyes and tried to drift back to sleep until Alex called my name again.

"Hey, Mitch?" she asked softly without moving.

"Yeah?" I stopped my hand's movements.

"Your mom's gonna be so confused when she finds me here in the morning." I could hear the smile in her weary voice. I laughed quietly. My mom still forgets that the fire escape is outside of my room.

"Not as confused as my neighbors are gonna be when they find your sneaker outside their window," I countered. I felt her shake slightly against me as she chuckled and mumbled a 'sorry.' "Don't worry about it; we'll get it back tomorrow. Go to sleep." She snuggled into me more as I wrapped my arm around her shoulders.

"Love you, Mitch," she murmured tiredly against my shirt.

"Love you too," I replied just as quietly, suddenly feeling exhausted again. I hear her breathing even out after a while. I just kept my eyes on her sleeping form. I know whatever this is we are going through is not over. I don't know if it took me not going after her or if her problems are beginning to become too much for her to handle but the walls she has put up are growing weaker. As much as she and I would like to put this to rest, we can't. She knows it and so do I. I put the thought at the back of my mind and allowed myself to finally drift into sleep.

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><p><strong>AN 2: **Chapter Song Title:** If I Ever Feel Better by Phoenix  
><strong>


	4. Skin & Bones

**AN/ 1: Sorry, this took longer than expected. **This one's more Mitchie-centric.** It's _sort of_ a filler but still important to the story. Again I apologize if it seems to be going slow, just hang in there. That's about it. Reviews make me want to write more so...Read&Review, all comments are welcome.  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

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><p>4. Skin &amp; Bones<p>

_Mirrors lie to me; tell me you can see  
>Maybe you won't be able to recognize me now<em>

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><p>When I woke up I didn't feel the pressure of her body on mine. Instead, I felt something tickling my nose and incredible numbness in my arm. The sun shining in my room is extraordinarily bright and I remembered that I never closed my blinds after letting her inside. I fought to pry my eyes open and I found the reason for my arm being dead. She must have shifted at some point during the night. I could see where her makeup had run down her face and I wondered if she had cried again after I fell asleep. Her head was against my face and she was lying entirely on my right arm; I couldn't even feel it anymore. I tried to move it out from underneath her sleeping body but I didn't want to wake her up. I sighed and tried to go back to sleep for about three minutes until I remembered that we had to go to school.<p>

I heard my alarm go off and she began to stir and grumble next to me. I shut it off and slowly shook her to get her to wake up. She didn't budge. Hopefully my parents won't ask too many questions as to what she was doing here when I went to bed at 8:30. She lightly slapped my arm away when I tried shaking her again.

"Alex c'mon, we have to get ready for school," I told her even though I knew she was just going to ignore me, which she did. "At least get off my arm." I tugged on it so she would get the hint. She lifted herself up slightly for about one second giving me enough time to yank my arm out. I got out of my bed and she took over the entire thing. I threw my pillow at her. "Get up, you lazy shit." I heard her laugh into the sheets. She turned to face me.

"Alright, stop yelling. I'm awake," she said before she dropped her head back onto the bed.

"I'm not yelling; you're hungover. Just get ready, you can borrow my clothes." I started to get dressed while she just laid there and did nothing. I couldn't really blame her, she had a rough night. Still, I didn't want to be late again. I glanced at myself in the mirror as I was pulling my jeans on. When I buttoned them I stood up straight and stared at myself. I felt someone's eyes burning into my back. I turned around to find Alex looking at me unusually. "What?" I asked. I reached for a random shirt and put it on, not wanting her to start asking questions. She finally stopped looking at me.

"Nothing, I just…spaced out for a moment." Liar. I went to my closet and grabbed some clothes and threw it at her.

"Here, now hurry. The last thing I need is to get two detentions again." She sat up.

"Again? Since when do you get detention?" she asked, confused. I almost never got in trouble in school and I was rarely ever in detention once, let alone twice in the same day.

"I was late yesterday. I missed homeroom and was late to first. I got caught so I got lunchtime and after-school detention. Why else do you think I wasn't there?" She looked at me for a second before looking away.

"I don't know. It's just that I didn't see you at all in school and then when I came by yesterday your dad said you were asleep even though it was really early. I figured you were avoiding me," she told me awkwardly. We stayed quiet for a moment before I sighed. I opened my mouth to apologize but I guess she knew what I was going to say because she stopped me. "Don't, it's okay, really." She got up and went to the bathroom to wash her face and started changing her clothes. I headed towards the window and started climbing out of it. She looked at me as if grew another head. "What are you doing?"

"I'm getting your shoes, you threw them at my window last night like an idiot and I think one of them fell." She started laughing. I don't think she remembered anything that happened last night.

"Oh, oops. I don't even remember how I got up the fire escape…or your apartment in general." Typical.

"Where were you, anyway?" I called from outside. I looked around near the edge of my window and found her left sneaker. "Found one!" I turned around and noticed her bag was there too.

"I don't even know. I was with Nate at one of his friend's house and I just wanted to go home the whole time." She finished getting dressed and leaned against the open window. I was on the steps going to the third level but I stopped and turned back to look at her.

"Then why didn't you?" I spotted her right sneaker on the edge of the third level. "Got the other one."

"I told him I didn't even feel like being out, but he insisted I come for at least a little while. When we got there we started drinking and the rest of the night is kind of just a blur. Anyway, at like three I told Nate that I was leaving whether he was coming or not and he told me to go. So I left." I stopped again. She left at three?

"Three? How far does this kid live? I don't know if you remember, but you got here at almost four." I hopped up the steps back to the forth level and climbed through the window. She looked confused and then shook her head.

"Wow, I guess I was more lost than I thought I was," she laughed. I, on the other hand, didn't find it as funny.

"You got lost…for an hour…in the middle of the night…drunk…by yourself?" She looked confused again. I placed her bag on the floor and tossed her shoes towards her. "You know, you're really lucky it didn't rain last night." She caught them and proceeded to put them on. "What _do_ you remember from last night?" I asked curiously.

"Uh, drinking…a lot, Nate telling me to go fuck myself, and leaving. I remember crying…a lot, and falling…somewhere I don't know where but it probably happened more than once. Everything up until I fell into your room is a little foggy. But everything after that I remember." I nodded. At least she remembered talking to me. I decided to not bring up her boyfriend and started putting my boots on when she called my name. "Mitchie?" I looked up at her.

"Yeah?" She came next to me.

"I just…thanks…for last night." I leaned back up and smiled at her.

"Anytime." She pulled me into a hug and I heard a knock.

"Girls, hurry up or you're gonna be late," my dad said through the door. Wait…girls? I turned to Alex and she seemed to be just as lost as I was.

"He knows I'm here?" she asked as we both stood up. I shrugged my shoulders, equally confused. I heard my dad call to us again.

"You guys aren't exactly quiet, you know." She smacked her forehead and mouthed a 'sorry' to me. I knew she was being too loud last night.

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><p>The week has been surprisingly good. I guess she really meant it when she said she would try to be better. She even seemed happier. I was beginning to wonder if it was genuine happiness or if she was just trying to get me off her back and keep me from worrying. Regardless, she hasn't shown up at my window crying since that night and we haven't been arguing. That was four days ago and as bad as it sounds, that's a record for us. She's been spending a lot less time with Nate which of course I am absolutely thrilled about. The less time she spends with him, the better. I honestly believe that she might actually be feeling better because she isn't around him all the time lately. Most of her time has been spent with me. My mom doesn't seem like she hates her whenever she would come over and thank goodness for that.<p>

The way my mother has been acting towards me is a different story. She always asks me questions and I feel like she's always watching me or something. I confronted her about it the other day but of course she denied doing such things. I even think Alex is starting to do the same thing. I would catch her looking at me all the time. I couldn't tell what she was thinking. Her face wouldn't show any type of readable emotion but she would look at me curiously. I think my dad is the only one who isn't practically walking on egg shells with me. Then again, he never brought anything up like Alex or my mom, even before.

I could feel her eyes on me again as we sit at a table during lunch. I normally ask her why she was staring at me, but I wasn't in the mood for her denial again. I just let it go and let her continue looking at me until she got tired of it. She eventually stopped and we eased back into a casual conversation. She was in the middle of practically making out with her slice of pizza when she stopped and looked at me again.

"You want?"She offered. I laughed and shook my head as I played with the cap of my water bottle.

"No thanks. Besides, you look like you're enjoying that way too much."

"Shut up," she said with her mouth full. "You're not eating." It wasn't a question.

"Mr. Turner was out so I had a free period with Eric, we went out for food." She didn't look convinced but she seemed to drop it. Instead she brought up a different, yet equally awkward topic.

"You going out with him yet or what?" she asked amused, poking me in my side. I almost spit out my water, partially because of the question and partially because of how ticklish I am there.

"No." She raised an eyebrow at me. "Why does everyone always think that?"

"That's a stupid question," she retorted, still amused. She had a point though. I sighed, defeated.

"Yeah, I know. I don't want to go out with him. I mean, I don't think I do. I've never really even considered it. I usually only ever want him when I'm wasted. It's like when I'm sober he's just another friend I see in school. But when I'm drunk, I just…I don't know. But he's always willing and doesn't seem to want to do anything about it either so why change that, you know? Am I making any sense?"

"Not really, but then again you never do." I slapped her arm and she whined as if it actually hurt her.

"Oh, shut up you baby." I hit her again.

"Abuse!" she practically screamed. Some people in the cafeteria looked toward us but eventually carried on with their lives. "You're lucky you're my best friend or else I wouldn't accept this violent behavior of yours"

"You'll get over it, and stop being so dramatic."

"We'll see who's being dramatic when you put me in the emergency room." she said seriously. She is so stupid. I couldn't help but laugh at her.

"Alright, alright _I'm sorry_. Anyway, are you coming to my house before Zach's tonight?" I asked deciding to change the subject. She seemed hesitant to answer me.

"Uh, I kind of told Nate I would hang out with him before. You know, since I haven't seen him much this week." My face dropped at the mention of his name and I think she noticed it. "But, I don't have to, I mean, I could just tell him I'll see him at Zach's house later," she added. As much as I would love it if she didn't hang out with him, I know that he's still her boyfriend and they should at least spend _some_ time together.

"No, it's fine. We're all going to end up at the same place anyway." Just then the bell rang. After a quick 'see you later' we went our separate ways and headed to our next classes.

School dragged on and I was practically falling asleep during each period. When I got to my final class of the day I took my seat and was immediately greeted by Eric. I think this kid is getting way too excited to see me these days. I mean, I only saw him a few hours ago.

"Hey Mitch, what's up…whoa, are you okay?" His excitement turned to worry.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why?" I asked, genuinely confused.

"Nothing, you just look really pale and your eyes are kind of red."

"Oh, I fell asleep in my last class. I don't know I'm just really tired lately." He nodded and I think an idea popped into his head because he looked like he was getting excited again.

"Oh, by the way, I was wondering if you wanted a ride to Zach's later tonight." I thought about it for a second. What could it hurt? Plus, he looks really happy. I wouldn't want to shoot him down.

"Yeah, actually that would be great if you don't mind." His eyes lit up at my response.

"No not at all. I was planning on going around 10:30, is that alright for you?"

"Yeah that's fine. Thanks," I smiled at him.

"No problem," he replied just as Zach took his seat in front of me.

"So ladies, what are we talking about—whoa Mitch, you been hittin' the crack pipe?" I shoved him and so did Eric, probably because he called him a lady.

"Ass," we said at the same time. He looked at the two of us and lingered on me a little bit longer, his facing showing slight concern. I shook my head to reassure him that I was fine.

"Anyway…Mitch, let's try not to get naked tonight, okay? We all know what happened last time," he said as he looked over his shoulder. Eric started hysterically laughing.

"I did not get naked. And you're the one who suggested it so I don't know why you're complaining."

"Ew, why would I ever suggest that? That's like asking my sister to strip." He scrunched his face in disgust and Eric laughed even harder.

"I meant you suggested putting the word 'strip' in front of every drinking game we played so that was your own fault, dick." He seemed to give up after that and we continued on with class, which I paid no attention to.

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><p>The entire way home I was thinking about Eric and what Alex had said. I mean, sure, Eric was a good looking guy. After Shane, I never really looked for anyone else really. I guess I was a little attracted to him. I had to be. Why else would I always hook up with him at parties? He was fun to hang out with and he seems to really like me. Maybe I'm just thinking about it too much and I should just go for it. I kept that thought it my mind until I got home yet I couldn't bring myself to fully accept the idea. I walked into my apartment and saw my dad sitting on the couch, probably sleeping. I sat next to him and he opened his eyes to look at me. He must have noticed my appearance, which I assumed still made me look like I was sick, because he looked like he was trying not to smile. He was just <em>dying<em> to insult me. I glared at him.

"I don't remember you looking like that when you left for school this morning," he said holding back a laugh. "I thought I told you to say no to drugs."

"I hate everyone," I groaned.

"Does that school not have any mirrors or is this a new look you're going for because I think you're trying too hard to be different."

"Go ahead, Dad. Get it all out of your system," I offered.

"You auditioning for Frankenstein?"

"Dad!" I got up to walk away but he pulled me back down.

"Oh, c'mon Mitch I'm just kidding. You don't look bad, you just look ill. You're not sick are you?"

"No, I'm fine. I'm just tired," I said, slightly agitated. He put a hand on my shoulder and made me look at him. He studied my face and then looked me up and down. I was about to ask what he was doing before he started talking.

"You've been tired a lot lately. Is there something I should be worried about?"

"Ughhh, no, not you too…Dad, don't I get this enough from Mom? And now Alex too."

"Listen Mitchie, I have backed off and given you your space because I felt that your mother was a little too concerned when there was nothing to worry about. Lately, she seems to be justified in worrying though and if something is going on I would like you to tell me, okay?" I know he's just being a father but I really didn't want him to start.

"You guys are beyond ridiculous."

"If being ridiculous keeps you out of the hospital then so be it. I know what you're doing and I'm telling you right now, it has to stop before your mother has you committed." He sounded serious. He never gets like this with me unless he means it.

"Would she really do that?" I asked quietly after a while.

"You know how she gets, Mitch. You're scaring her and to be honest you're starting to scare me too. I'm sure it's the same with Alex. You know, you spend so much time worrying about her you probably don't realize that she does the same with you." I sighed and put my head in my hands and he put his arm around me.

"I'm sorry, Dad," I said, my voice getting a little shaky.

"It's okay; I just don't want anything to happen to you again." I turned and hugged him tightly as I let a few tears escape my eyes. I know how badly he was affected last time and I don't want to put him through that again. "Why don't you go lay down before dinner, and…maybe fix yourself up a bit so your mother doesn't ask you any questions, okay? Are you still going out with Zach tonight?" I nodded. "Don't make me tell him to keep an eye on you, Mitch. You know I will." I nodded again. With Zach being so close to me and my family, he was bound to know everything that goes on with us. He only ever brought it up if he thought it was serious. Other than that, he leaves it alone. He knows how much it bothers me to talk about it again.

"Don't worry Dad. I promise, I'll stop." He patted me on my back and I got up to go to my room.

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><p>After dinner, I plopped down on my bed. They're watching me like hawks and I can't stand it. I'm not making my case much better. They know something is wrong. I used to be good at this. We would all go about our days and no one would even ask me a single question. I lost my touch and they saw right through me and all of my lies. Truth be told, I am a great actress, or at least I used to be. I know they will never fall for any of it again. I can't blame them.<p>

I stood in front of my full-length mirror and sighed. I know I should stop and I keep saying that I am going to but like I said, I am good at acting. I used to be in denial but I have come to accept it. It still doesn't make me want to change even though I pretend that I have. I can't take looking at myself. I can see it in my parents' eyes; I'm hurting them, and Alex. She was there the first time I took it too far. It was when it became obvious; obvious to the point where I was unrecognizable. The way I looked and the way I acted was just different. As much as I didn't want to, I knew I had to stop. She cried and begged me to stop. She told me she'd do anything she can to help me. That was ironic. Still, I tried and it worked for a while. Seeing her so scared, and knowing that I was the cause of it, broke my heart. I would do anything to please her as long as it meant that she wasn't getting upset because of me. It wasn't worth it.

Eric would be picking me up in about an hour. I have already finished getting ready, out of sheer boredom. I just keep looking at myself in the mirror. I wish I didn't even have one. I looked to the bathroom and felt temptation coursing through me. I keep hearing my dad's voice and seeing Alex's face in the back of my head and I know what they are telling me to do. I also see the face in the mirror staring back at me and it's telling me to do the exact opposite.

I looked at myself again. I looked at the bathroom again.

_I promised my dad_.

As much as I want to keep my promise, I know that I am weak and I hate myself for it. I stare at myself for another minute before I head for the bathroom. I'll try again tomorrow.

When I get out I check my phone and see that I have a new message.

_Text Message From: Eric_

_Zach said people started showin up earlier than expected. You wanna just go now?_

Getting out of this house as quickly as possible sounded like the best idea in the world to me.

_Text Message To: Eric_

_Yeah sounds good, I'm ready anyway._

_Text Message From: Eric_

_K, be there in 10._

I put my phone down and went to grab my shoes. When I was completely ready I sat on my bed and waited, not allowing myself to look at the mirror again. I can't help but think that nothing good can possibly come out of this night. Drinking on an empty stomach, I am just asking to black out.

Well…tonight should be interesting.

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><p><strong>AN 2: **Chapter Song Title/Quote: Skin & Bones by Marianas Trench****


	5. 40 Oz To Freedom

**A/N 1: Sorry this took longer than expected again, I kept editing and changing it. It's longer than usual though. I don't know if this came out the was I planned but I think it's close enough to what I wanted. I was slightly losing the will to keep writing this but I got over that. I don't know when the next one will be up because I have to work a lot this and next week. I'll try to write in my spare time though. In the meantime, read & review, I might find time to write more if you do. Or not. I don't know. Sorry that this A/N is really long.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

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><p>5. 40 Oz. To Freedom<p>

_When you lie, it just don't show  
>But I know which way the wind blows.<br>A 40 oz. to freedom is the only chance I have  
>to feel good even though I feel bad.<em>

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><p>I didn't pay attention to anything Eric was talking about the whole way here. I don't know why but I just couldn't bring myself to care about what he was saying. I almost felt bad for ignoring him but my focus was on my already increasing headache that just seemed to get worse once we stepped inside of Zach's house. I just needed to drink…badly. There was a massive amount of people and an even more massive amount of alcohol literally everywhere. I was immediately greeted by Zach who handed Eric and I a can of beer and told us to come to the dining room where a bunch of others were.<p>

When we got there we noticed that the dining room table was being used for beer pong. I spotted Nate on one of the teams with his friend that I recognized. I think his name was Joey but it could be James, I'm not entirely sure. I looked around but didn't see Alex anywhere near him. No surprise at all; he left her somewhere to go hang out with his friends. I told Eric I'd be right back and went into the kitchen, hoping he wouldn't follow me. I found Alex sitting on a barstool with this girl Lauren from our homeroom. She spotted me and called me over.

"Hey Mitch, where have you been? I've been here for like an hour already. Nate ditched me to play pong," she said although she didn't sound like she was upset. She just smiled at me.

"Eric drove me here, didn't know when people were coming." She looked amused again, like she did when we talked about this before during lunch today. "Shut up."

"I wasn't gonna say anything!"

"Sure. Anyway, wanna get next game?" I asked, wanting desperately to drink more. She looks like she had a few already.

"Hell yeah let's go," she answered excitedly. She grabbed my arm and practically dragged me back to the dining room and announced that we were next. Nate and Joey, or James, just won their game and started setting up again. Nate looked up at his new opponents and gave a confused look.

"What are you doing, Alex?"

"Getting ready to kick your ass," I answered for her. He glared at me. He never did like me and I was completely okay with that.

"Yeah well good luck with that, she sucks." God forbid he throws in a single compliment from time to time. She just rolled her eyes and the game began.

We ended up winning. She actually sank more cups than Nate did, which I thoroughly enjoyed watching. Nate and the other guy, whose name I finally learned is Jimmy, demanded a rematch…five times. We won all of them. After the fifth game, I can say that I started to feel the beer getting to me; not drunk yet, but I was on my way. Alex seemed drunk, but then again she started an hour before I did. We eventually resigned, getting tired of beating Nate over and over.

I was about to walk to the backyard with Alex when out of nowhere Zach grabbed my arm and pulled me away from her and into the kitchen screaming something about flip cup and shotguns. I happily agreed to both. I take great pride in chugging beer faster than Zach and he always claims that he's going to beat me one day. That day has yet to come. I lost count of how many cups of beer I had so far and so did Zach, but that didn't stop him from shoving another can in my hand and drunkenly yelling at me to shotgun it with him. I probably shouldn't have done that because drinking that fast never settled well with me. I swallowed the beer as fast as I could, my stomach groaning and churning in protest. I ignored it and finished the can to see that I once again was faster than Zach. I grinned in victory.

"Oh fuck you Mitch." Sore loser.

"Cry me a river, Zachary. Not my fault you can't keep up with a girl." He smirked at me and went into one of his cabinets and pulled out shot glasses and a bottle of tequila and started pouring. He handed me one. Oh dear God, this wasn't going to end well.

"Bottoms up, bitch," he slurred as we both downed them. He proceeded to pour another for the two of us when Eric came in. Zach got excited and poured him one too and we drank.

"Jesus Mitchie, you work fast! How much you had so far?" Eric asked me, looking pretty wasted himself. I really have no idea how much I have had.

"I dunno, but I'm noooowhere near finished." Zach seemed to agree with me by pouring another round of shots…and another, and another. The burn it sent down my throat and into my chest and stomach nearly made me choke but I held my own. My headache was increasing by the minute but I ignored it and downed another shot. I don't know why but I for some reason believed that if I just keep drinking the pain in my head and stomach will go away. I think being drunk is affecting my logic. Zach looked like he was starting to get affected by the liquor. After a few more rounds he offered the bottle to a small group of people on the other side of the kitchen and then came back to Eric and me.

"I'm going out back. Mitch this isn't over!" he yelled as he left the kitchen. I shook my head and turned to Eric.

"When's he ever gonna learn?" He laughed and shook his head as well.

"I dunno Mitch, but I gotta hand it to ya, you're good," he complimented and I knew where this was going. He put his arm around me and pulled me closer to him. He looked into my eyes and smiled at me. "You're beautiful, you know." Normally, any girl would swoon at this charming and attractive guy, but he has said this to me so many times before. I never believe it, but he seems to. To be honest, his compliments make me feel a little uncomfortable, but I always gave in. I think it's because I always kind of felt like he was the only guy who actually wanted me after Shane. He leaned in closer to me and brought his hand to the side of my face.

In the instant before he closed the gap between us, I contemplated stepping back or turning away from him. I thought about how I don't even really want this to happen. I thought about how maybe he really does like me and I might be leading him on. I realized I didn't have enough time to act on any of my thoughts because I soon felt his lips pressing against my own. Being as drunk as I am, I ignored my previous hesitance and kissed him back. I felt nothing, but I didn't stop him. I have always wondered how he would react if I rejected him for once even though I know I probably never will. I don't know why; it's not like I get much joy out of it. He's a nobody to me when this happens. And this always happens; I don't know why I think it's going to change. This means nothing and it leads to nothing. We go back to being regular friends as if we don't do any of this when we're drunk.

He deepened the kiss, his tongue entering my mouth and meeting my own as I felt his hands move from my face to my sides, squeezing them. My own hands moved to the back of his neck and lightly tugged at his hair, pulling him closer to me. He started getting more and more into the kiss as his hands found its way to my ass and pushed me further into him.

We pulled away to catch our breath for a second and I realized that we were still in the kitchen. I doubt people noticed, or cared, considering how wasted everyone was, but still, it felt weird. I think he noticed too because he grabbed my arm and pulled me towards a nearby bathroom.

Once we were inside, he closed the door and immediately grabbed my faced and kissed me hard. This kiss was more intense than the last one and a lot more urgent. His hands were instantly on my ass again and he started bucking his hips into mine. I think the alcohol was clouding over my mind because I started grinding back against him. He seemed to take that as encouragement and he pulled away from my lips and started kissing my neck. He sucked on the spot below my ear and bit down a little. I involuntarily moaned in pain but I think he thought it was out of pleasure.

He moved his hands from my ass to the back of my thighs and he lifted me onto the sink, rubbing my inner thighs in the process. I wrapped my legs around him to get him to stop and he started kissing my collar bone. He started playing with the hem of my shirt and lifted it over my head. I don't know why I let him. More confusion ran through my head as I pulled his shirt over him and tossed it next to mine. I must be drunker than I have ever been because I really do not know what was going through my mind when I reached for his jeans and started undoing the button and zipper. They fell to his ankles and I felt his erection press into the front of my own jeans through his boxers.

I don't know where I was going with this or why I was doing it in the first place. He started doing the same to me but since I was sitting he couldn't really get them off. His hands started trailing to the edge of my underwear slightly dipping below the thin material. I immediately did the same to his boxers and he grinded into me more, practically fucking me through my clothes, which forced my hand further down his boxers. His moans and panting were driving me crazy and not in a good way. He probably thinks I am as into this as he is; it's not like I'm giving him a reason not to believe such a thing. I tried to justify my actions by telling myself that I was only doing it so he wouldn't continue moving his hands down my pants. It worked though. He got distracted and put a hand on the back of my head, pulling me into him for another heated kiss as I retracted my hand from his waistband. He ran his tongue across my bottom lip and just as I was about open my mouth, I heard the door open. We broke apart from each other to see a very drunk and very shocked Alex standing in the doorway. Her eyes were wide and slightly red. I remembered that this probably looked really bad. She kept looking between the two of us, not saying anything, her breathing a little uneven. I don't know why but I kind of felt bad that she had to see this.

"Alex, uh…" I trailed off, stunned. She snapped out of her trance after a moment and tried to form a sentence.

"Um…don't mind me. Just…um…needed to…pee," she stammered out as she backed out of the bathroom and closed the door behind her. I let go of Eric and hopped down from the sink to find my shirt.

"Uh…I'm sorry Mitch, I…" he started but I stopped him, not wanting to talk about it.

"It's fine." He nodded and once we got our clothes back on we went back to the kitchen and I leaned against the counter.

I didn't see Alex anywhere and I sighed. I can't believe what just happened. Would we have even stopped if Alex didn't walk in on us? I shook the thought from my head as someone grabbed my arm. I turned around to see Zach who seemed very excited.

"Come outside, you're going down!" Should I be worried? What the hell did he mean by that? The booze was taking over even more when I pushed myself off the counter. "And keep your shirt on this time!" he shouted over his shoulder. If only he knew what went on in the bathroom before. We started walking or stumbling rather, out back when Alex grabbed me by my arm and pulled me away from the guys. People need to learn to tap my shoulder or call my name. This whole grabbing of my arm is going to result in me dislocating my shoulder. I turned to face Alex and I noticed that she looked a lot more composed than the last time I saw her. She was still completely hammered but I doubt she was as bad as I was…and I was _bad_. I think it was extremely obvious too because she just stared at me in awe.

"Wow, you are shitfaced," she told me, amazed, as if she has never seen me drunk before.

"Thaaank youuu Captain Obvious," I replied while tapping her on the nose. She smiled at me and swatted my hand away.

"No, I mean like, you're fine right? You looked kinda off today I just don't want you to die," she said with a laugh.

"I'm fiiine, calm down MOM."

"Yes, because you sound _really_ convincing. Seriously though, don't die tonight," she retorted a little more seriously. I guess my dad was right; she does worry about me too.

"Okay, officer, I'll be careful, you don't have to take care of me" I said, even though I know I probably won't. I think she could tell I was lying. "Alright fine, if things go bad then you can."

"Good…so…you and Eric finally together?" She asked a little awkwardly, changing the subject. I wished she didn't. At least she wasn't directly bringing up what she walked in on.

"You are insane, I don't think I'm gonna go out with him," I answered as casually as I could manage. I didn't want to make what happened back there seem like it was a big deal. She seemed confused.

"What? Why not? I thought you liked him?" she asked quickly. He probably thinks that too.

"I don't knowwwww. I mean, mayyybeee? I feel like I should but…like…I don't? I don't know, Alex."

"He likes you though. I can tell." Her face was unreadable, but then again, I _am_ extremely intoxicated.

"Do you think I should?" She looked at me for a while and then shrugged.

"I don't know Mitch, only you do." That seemed to end our talk about the matter and I noticed that once again Nate was nowhere near her.

"So, where's Prince Charming?" I asked sarcastically. Her face dropped a little.

"Being a drunken asshole somewhere," she said bitterly. They definitely got into a fight.

"What did he do this time?" Normally she doesn't like to talk about it but I guess the alcohol in her is making her loosen up.

"I went to find him after you went into the kitchen with Zach. He was even drunker and he just grabbed me and started kissing me and like groping me. He was just being really aggressive and when I told him that I didn't want to do anything at the moment or, you know, in front of a bunch of people, he just started insulting me and told me to get over myself or some stupid shit like that." She really needs to dump him. I started getting mad the second I heard the word 'aggressive,' but I also felt a little guilty. If I hadn't left her she wouldn't have gone to look for him.

"Lex, I'm sorry. I swear to God if," I suddenly felt multiple hands grab my arms and legs and hoist me high in the air. "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!" I got a little dizzy when I was lifted and tried to focus my vision. Everything was becoming a blur. Whoever was carrying me started walking around the pool, chanting and cheering, and I saw Alex following close behind. I was so disoriented I didn't even know what was happening. I finally cleared my head long enough to hear Zach and Eric screaming my name and the guys below me screaming 'keg stand.' They finally put me down near the giant keg and Zach slapped me on the back a little too hard. I stumbled forward slightly.

"Let's see you beat my time, Mitch!" he yelled over the cheering of the other kids around us. I noticed the guys that were carrying me, Jimmy and another guy I knew from school named Frank, bent down to grab my legs and in a matter of seconds I was upside down and chugging. The blood rushing to my head made my headache ten times worse and I could barely hear the people around me counting. At some point I lost track of the numbers that were being shouted and just drank until my lungs gave out. I might as well have been drinking apple juice at this point.

I eventually released one hand from the keg and lightly tapped Frank's leg, asking him to put me down. When I was finally on my feet again I heard people cheering. I had no idea what was going on. Zach looked pissed and Eric looked thrilled. He stumbled over and threw an arm around me and I stumbled again. Sweet mother of God, I was so drunk.

"FUCKIN' TANK OVER HERE!" he shouted happily at all the bystanders, mainly Zach who looked defeated as ever.

"Yeah, yeah, WHATEVER. Screw you Mitch, I give you booze and you show me up at my own house!" he yelled at me, not really mad. I must have beaten him again. I laughed at him as he walked away.

"Love youuu toooo!" He flipped me off and I hugged Eric back and he sloppily kissed my cheek. Alex came up to all of us. She again looked between me and Eric before she spoke.

"I think that was a new record for you. How are you even alive right now?" she asked.

"That is a daaaamn good question," I said as I reached into the cooler for another beer can and started drinking; like I said…apple juice. I saw Nate was next to Jimmy and Frank and I remembered the rant I was going to go on before I was manhandled and carried away. I immediately got mad again. I put my beer down and started walking over to him. I think Alex figured out what I was doing because her eyes widened and she tried stopping me.

"No, Mitch, don't. Please, it's not a big deal. Do you have any idea how drunk you are, don't be stupid," she pleaded with me, grabbing my hand and pulling me back.

"I'll just be a second, I swear," I slurred and shooed her away, trying to reassure her that she had nothing to worry about although I had every intention of going off on him.

"Mitchie…_please_. I'm begging you. If you care about me at all, you won't do anything." I was far too intoxicated to even begin to listen to what she was rambling about. With the amount of alcohol I have had tonight, my annoyance at what Alex told me about him before turned into anger. I ignored the rest of her futile protests.

"HEY DOUCHE BAG!" I yelled, effectively getting his attention. Of course he would respond to that. Eric seemed to notice this little exchange and followed us towards Nate, intrigued. When I reached him, I lost control and tried to attack him but Eric held me back. "LET ME GO ERIC!"

"Better listen to your bitch, Eric," Nate said, not seeming to mind that I was trying to kill him. Eric glared at him, silently warning him to watch his mouth. Alex tried to step in. God, I wish she wouldn't.

"Mitchie, please stop. And Nate, just shut up. You're being such a dick tonight" He narrowed his eyes at her, not liking the fact that she was standing up to him. Normally, I would applaud her for it but she was drunk and oh so fragile. She wouldn't handle this well.

"Fuck you Alex, get lost. You're lucky I didn't dump your ugly ass before. Go be useless somewhere else," he spat while taking a threatening step towards her. She looked incredibly hurt and she flinched at his tone. I thought she was about to cry. That was the look I was trying to avoid. That is exactly why I didn't want her to step in. How in God's name does this girl put up with him? The booze is taking a toll on me. My anger turned into absolute blind rage. _Nobody talks to her like that._ Especially not in front of me.

"I SWEAR TO GOD I AM GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS SO HARD YOU WILL BE SHITTING MY SHOELACES FOR A WEEK!" I yelled, still struggling to break free from Eric's death grip on my arms. "FUCKING LET GO ERIC!" Nate seemed a little shocked at my outburst, as did the other people around us, but no one seemed to want to step in and stop the showdown.

"Mitchie, calm down," Eric tried to reason with me, but I wasn't having it. I was drunk and ready to give this kid what he deserved, even if I was just a girl significantly smaller than him. I'm usually not this angry or violent when I'm wasted but I didn't care. I couldn't control myself.

"Yeah Mitchie, don't you have some random guy to go fuck anyway? Slut," Nate added with a smirk. I wanted so badly to smack it off of his smug face. His comment shouldn't have angered me as much as it did, considering the only guy I hook up with is Eric, and we have never even had sex. Well, I don't know what the hell that was turning into back in the bathroom, but still. Eric actually seemed to get offended too. He was always kind of protective of me, like I am with Alex, obviously not _as _protective…that was impossible. His hold on me loosened a little and I briefly wondered if it was an accident or not. That thought ended quickly when I finally shook him loose and lost all control. I lunged at Nate and, considering he was drunk and probably not expecting it, we both went down easily. Some people gasped, but mostly people were cheering; a drunk girl kicking a drunk guy's ass…quite a show for our friends.

"What the fuck Mitchie!" he shouted as he tried to push me off, but he was so drunk that he couldn't. The alcohol was affecting me even more now; I was on another planet. I felt Nate grab me by my throat as I tried to do the same to him. We struggled on the floor practically choking each other and I was starting to wonder why no one was trying to stop us anymore. All I could hear was Alex desperately shouting at Nate to let me go and some other things that I couldn't quite make out. He lifted his head off the ground and spit on me. For a moment I was stunned and disgusted at the same time before I snapped out of it and tried to strangle the life out of him. He finally shoved me away. "Get off of me you weigh a fucking ton!" he shouted as we both stood back up. That was literally the last thing I needed to hear, from him of all people. It might have been the insult, it might have been the alcohol, it might have been my protectiveness over Alex, it might have been all three, but whatever it was…I snapped. I balled up my fist and punched him in his face, directly under his left eye.

Everyone just looked at us, shocked. He didn't stumble or fall back or anything. I mean, he was a guy. I'm sure getting punched by a girl wouldn't send him to the ground, but he did get hurt. He grabbed his face where I had hit him and held in his groan as he quickly retaliated. He punched me back. He _actually_ punched me…in the mouth. His fist collided with my jaw and I was done. Even if I was sober I wouldn't be able to keep myself on my feet but I was far beyond wasted and I had no balance what so ever. That one hit made my entire body spin around. I tried to move my feet back to steady myself but it was no use, there was no ground behind me. Then it was as if everything happened in slow motion. I briefly saw Alex's horrified expression and Eric's wide eyes as they both tried to reach for me, but failed. In a matter of seconds I went crashing into the pool. The alcohol finally took over my entire body and I was helpless as I felt it shut down.

I was too drunk and too tired to swim or even move and my lungs were quickly giving out. I just kept sinking. I remember hearing someone desperately screaming my name and something wrapping around my body in the water. I became terrified, thinking it was weighing me down even more to the bottom of the pool. Strong hands gripped my arms and pulled me. I couldn't even tell which direction the surface was. I felt my body being forced to move around in the pool until I finally felt the cold air of the night hit my face. I couldn't bring myself to open my eyes though. I couldn't even breathe, it was physically impossible. I tried and tried but nothing happened. My lungs refused to take in oxygen. I felt myself still being pulled, possibly towards the edge where two pairs of hands, one pair being much smaller than the other, grabbed at my arms and pulled me out of the water and onto the concrete. I heard the faint mumbling of different people around me but I couldn't figure out to whom each voice belonged to, and they were getting quieter by the second. There was a massive amount of water in my ears and I could barely hear anything at all.

I felt something press into my chest repeatedly, using a lot of force. I was lying on my back struggling to breathe or move at all. I was growing exhausted and I fought to hear the people around me, the only thing letting me know that I was still alive. I couldn't feel anything, just pressure on my chest. I could slightly feel someone holding my hand but it's like it is numb; a weight pressing down on a lifeless body. That's all I felt…pressure. And I was slowly slipping away.

The pressure against my chest became more powerful and in an instant my body started convulsing and I became more aware of the voices around me and the hand holding my own. I felt like I was about to throw up. I tried holding it down. I fought to keep it from rising in my chest but I couldn't stop it. It burned my chest and lungs on its way up and the second it reached my throat my eyes shot open, bloodshot and teary. I was choking on it. I immediately lifted my head off of the hard ground and water started pouring out of my mouth. I heard a million gasps and sighs of relief and a million people asking if I was okay. I coughed and gagged as someone hit my back and someone else rubbed circles on it until it was all out.

I regained a shred of my composure long enough to sit up and wipe my face with my hand, clearing my vision a bit. I was still so drunk I couldn't see all that straight. Everything was spinning and I was gasping for air. As soon as I steadied myself a bit, I felt a throbbing pain in my jaw and I remembered how I ended up in the water. I looked around but I didn't see Nate anywhere. I saw Zach sitting to the left of me with his head in his hands, taking deep breaths; his clothes were completely soaked and his hair was dripping. I noticed that someone was still holding onto me and I looked to my right and saw Alex with tears in her eyes, hand wrapped protectively around mine.

I tore my gaze away from my distraught best friend when I felt a pair of strong, wet arms wrap around me gently but firmly. Alex relinquished my hand. I assumed it was Zach who was hugging me and I rested my head on his shoulder and he rested his on top of mine and kissed it. I whispered a broken 'thank you' into his chest.

"I thought I was going to lose you," he whispered to me and I wrapped my arms around him reassuringly, letting him know that I was right here, alive, because of him. "Don't ever scare me like that again Mitch, I can't take that again, I can't. You're all I've got." His voice cracked a little and it sounded like he was trying not to cry.

The crowd of people that were surrounding me finally started to dissolve after seeing that I was in fact alive. Only a few people remained. Alex still sat to my right and next to her was Eric. I noticed that both of their sleeves were wet and I guessed that they were the ones who lifted me out of the pool after Zach brought me to the surface. Zach released me and looked at Eric with a hardened expression.

"Eric, go into the house and grab an ice pack or something. They're in the freezer in the basement. Her mouth is going to start bruising," he ordered him. Eric nodded and jogged towards the house. "I'm gonna go grab some towels, okay?" He turned to Alex. "Stay with her." He wasn't asking. Of course, she nodded quickly and scooted closer to me as Zach stood up and started heading in the same direction as Eric without another word. I stared at him as he retreated. I have never seen him like this, so…serious and…mad. I looked at Alex again; she wasn't looking at me. She seemed kind of distant, but that pained expression on her face was still there. I tentatively reached for her hand, missing the feeling of it holding mine. She intertwined our fingers and I leaned back to lie down again. She lied down with me and sucked in a breath, finally turning to face me.

"I told you not to," she whispered, barely audible, but I heard it. "It nearly killed me when you didn't come back up. If Zach didn't jump in when he did, I…Mitchie, you can't…" she trailed off. A lone tear made its way down the side of her cheek. I wiped it away with my thumb. "I _begged _you, Mitch…you could have died." Her tone and the look on her face just about shattered my heart. I regretted not listening to her, not because of how hurt I got, but because of how absolutely devastated she looks right now.

"I'm sorry," I whispered back just as quietly and squeezed her hand. It was all I could say. She used her free hand to reach up to touch my face. Her fingers traced my jaw bone and my chin lightly, trying not to cause me any pain. As gently as she was touching me, it still hurt but I didn't make a move to pull her hand away. In fact, I welcomed the pain. She leaned closer to me and placed a soft kiss on my lower jaw where Nate had hit me. I looked at her, her profile illuminated by the light in front of the pool house. Even though she had tears streaming down her face and red puffy eyes she still managed to look beautiful. How Nate can even think about calling her ugly is beyond deplorable, not to mention absolutely insane. She turned onto her back again and we stayed like that for a while, still hand-in-hand. My vision was getting disoriented again and everything was still spinning above me. My headache was worse than ever and I can't believe I haven't puked my brains out yet, aside from the water I just spit up. I still can't move all that much either. She was about to get up but I tugged her hand so she would come back down. The thought of her going anywhere made my chest tighten and constrict in pain. She looked at me confused.

"Don't leave," I begged softly. She stopped shifting and stayed where she was and looked at me.

"I'm not going anywhere, I promise," she assured me and held onto my hand a little tighter. We sat in silence again for about another minute before we noticed someone hovering over us.

"You guys okay?" We both looked up to see Eric holding an ice pack in one hand and a towel in the other; Zach probably gave it to him. We sat up and I took the ice pack from Eric. I placed it against my mouth and winced in pain as the ice cold object touched my wound. Alex took the towel and placed it around my shoulders, rubbing my arms a bit. I clung to it, the combination of the cold water and the cold air making me shiver.

"Yeah, we're fine. Thanks Eric," I said in a raspy voice as I tried to smile at him. Alex remained silent.

"No problem, just…glad you're alright." He said awkwardly to us and I nodded. A shooting pain went through my head and I grabbed it, shutting my eyes tightly.

"Mitch, what's wrong?" I heard Alex ask me softly, voice full of concern. My eyelids were getting heavier and heavier and I didn't know how much longer I could keep myself up.

"I think I need to lie down." My stomach growled and ached, but I refrained from complaining, not wanting to bring attention to it.

"Okay, well it's almost three anyway. C'mon let's go to bed." She stood up and it was getting hard for me to hear. I grabbed her hand again.

"Please…stay with me?" I needed her.

"Mitch, I'm right here. I promise I'm not leaving you." I nodded. They probably knew I was still completely obliterated. I could barely make out what she said to Eric before they both bent down and put my arms over their shoulders and started bringing me towards the house.

I was slipping in and out of consciousness and the next thing I knew I was in Zach's guest bedroom upstairs. I was still slightly holding on to Alex and Eric. I strained to hear anything and I realized that they were talking to each other; about what, I have no idea. They seemed to be getting a little louder and I suddenly felt their grip on me loosen and my face immediately collided with the hardwood. I cried out in pain when my jaw met the floor and after that everything went black.

When I woke up I looked around, not knowing how I got in the bed. The first thing I noticed was that Alex was nowhere in sight. She promised she wouldn't leave me and she was gone. I had no recollection of almost anything else that happened last night after that keg stand. I was even more confused when I realized that I was naked, well practically; I was in only my bra and underwear. I suddenly felt a throbbing pain in my mouth and I had no idea why. I slowly moved to get out of bed to walk over to the mirror to see the damage that was done last night, but I hit something and I fell down, hitting my face on the floor. I clutched the lower half of my mouth. The pain was absolutely agonizing.

"Owwww what the hell," I whined as I rolled over. I looked at what it was that sent me crashing to the ground and I was back to being confused and, now, mildly nervous. Eric was sound asleep in nothing but his boxers and I quickly scrambled to get up. A million and one questions raced through my mind.

Where did Alex go and why wasn't she here? What in God's name was Eric doing next to me half-naked? Why am I in so much pain? And most importantly…what the _fuck_ happened last night?

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><p><strong>AN 2: Chapter Song Title/Quote: 40 Oz. To Freedom by Sublime**


	6. Soft Surrender

**A/N 1: Hey guys sorry about the long wait for a chapter that I admit that I am less than thrilled about. This is one of the chapters I did not have already planned out in my mind and I kinda just threw it in.**

**I feel like I'm losing some people and I have to admit that the lack of reviews is slightly diminishing my inspiration to keep writing. Honestly, any comments are welcome. I am totally open to criticism if you feel like I'm being confusing or repetitive in the story.**

**Anyway, I'm on spring break so updates might come more often. Reviews help with that too. So Read&Review.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

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><p>6. Soft Surrender (Where Is She?)<p>

_On one hand, I've got myself to blame  
>But on the other, it's always the same<br>Follow suit, shake your head  
>Tell me that it's a lie<em>

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><p><em>Flashback (Saturday)<em>

_I ran out of Zach's house and just kept going. My house is probably about five miles from here but I don't care. I have no car and there was no way in hell I was going to ask Eric for a ride. I didn't even wait for him to wake up. God only knows what happened last night. I shook my head trying to rid the thought from my mind and kept running._

_At least I'm dressed appropriately for all this running. I couldn't even find my clothes. I found an old t-shirt and a pair of basketball shorts in Zach's room and put that on; I didn't want to search the whole house for my clothes while I was still half-naked. Everyone was still asleep when I left and I silently thanked God that I didn't have to explain my immediate departure to anyone._

_I started getting tired after only a mile and I was feeling light-headed. Maybe running while nursing a hangover wasn't such a good idea. I slowed my pace and pulled out my phone. I needed to know what happened last night. It rang and rang but there was no answer. I redialed the same number and waited…still no answer. I tried and tried again and again. I was about to give up and start writing a text when I heard someone's timid voice on the other end._

"_Hello?"_

"_Finally Alex! I called you like a million times. Why haven't you been answering me?" I exclaimed as I started walking towards my apartment again._

"_I wasn't by my phone," she said simply, obviously not catching my frantic tone. There was something off about the way she was talking. She cleared her throat and tried to break the silence. "Uh, what's up?"_

"_Where are you? What happened last night? Why'd you leave?" I asked quickly, not giving her a chance to answer any of the questions._

"_What are you talking about?" she said trying to sound confused. Did she think I was stupid? I was getting impatient._

"_How could you not know what I'm talking about! What happened last night? I woke up next to Eric naked and I have a bruise the size of fucking Africa on my jaw! The last thing I remember was that keg stand and then I was lying down on the floor with you and then you and Eric carried me upstairs. I remember hurting myself and then the next thing I know my clothes are missing and I have no idea where they went." I finished my recollection of last night and waited for her to say something…anything. It was a while before she responded._

"_I don't know what to tell you Mitch, I left after we brought you upstairs. Maybe you should ask Eric," she said getting defensive._

"_You left? Why?" None of this was making any sense._

"_I just had to go," she said, avoiding any real explanation. Why was she being like this?_

"_How could you leave me after you promised that you wouldn't?" I asked with disappointment laced in my voice. I was getting upset. It was silent for a while again._

"_I thought you said you don't remember anything."_

"_I said I remember when we were on the floor outside. I begged you to stay with me and you promised that you weren't going to go anywhere."_

"_Do you even remember why you were on the floor in the first place?" she asked, trying to change the subject. I really did want to know why but this was more important._

"_That's not the point Alex! Why are you acting like this? What are you not telling me?" I demanded._

"_Nothing Mitch, I just didn't feel good so I left," she tried to explain. "God, why is this so important to you anyway?"_

"_Why are you getting so mad? I'm just asking you to tell me the truth. Forgive me if that's asking too much," I replied sarcastically._

"_I am telling you the truth; maybe you're just being paranoid."_

"_Don't I have every right to be paranoid though? I don't know what the fuck happened to me! I could have had sex with Eric for all I know!" I shouted at her. Her attitude was getting old and I'm so close to being completely fed up._

"_Well that sucks. I would hate to have sex with Eric and not remember if he was good or not."_

"_Why are you being like this? Did I do something to make you mad last night? Because if I did then I'm sorry." She didn't talk for a while. I don't know what to make of her snappy remarks or her silence._

"_I'm not being like anything. I told you what you wanted to know and you won't drop it."_

"_Alex, you're my best friend. I know when you're lying to me."_

"_You don't _know_ anything." Her tone was getting bitchier by the second._

"_You know what, fuck you Alex. I am sick and tired of you doing this."_

"_Doing what?" she asked, playing dumb._

"_Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about! I'm so tired of it." I don't even care how this argument ends up. She needs to hear this._

"_Of what?" I couldn't hold it in any longer. _

"_OF EVERYTHING! Your mood swings, you snapping at me for no reason, your constant lies. And after all that you come to me, nobody else, to help you when you're upset. Why? Because I'm your best friend and I love you and no matter what I'm always there for you. Even when you treat me like absolute shit, I am still there for you. All I want to know is why this keeps happening but you won't ever tell me anything. I put you back together every damn time you break just so you can push me away again. I care about you more than anyone else so stop pushing away the only person putting up with your shit." I concluded my rant and took a deep breath. I almost regretted saying any of that to her but it was too late to take it back._

"_I know! Alright? I know! I'm the worst best friend ever, I'm selfish, I'm a bitch, I'm a disappointment, I ruin everything. You don't have to fucking tell me any of this, I know!" I cut off her self-loathing rambling._

"_I didn't say any of that Alex. What is going on with you?" I asked, my voice sounding less harsh._

"_I gotta go." She hung up. No explanation or 'bye,' she just hung up. She never does that. I know I'm not going to get any answers from her so I called someone who might actually help me. It rang a few times before a groggy voice picked up._

"_Mitch? Why are you calling me? Where are you?" I tried to regain my composure and calm down before I answered him._

"_I left like fifteen or twenty minutes ago, sorry. I'm on my way home now."_

"_Oh okay, it's just that you're clothes are still in the dryer. Did you borrow something of mine or are you streaking home?"_

"_I borrowed…wait what are my clothes doing in the dryer?"_

"_Uhh…they were wet…" he said as if it was obvious. "Do you remember anything that happened?"_

"_Not really," I said, hoping someone would finally tell me something._

"_You got into a huge fight with Nate. I didn't really catch what it was about. It was probably about Alex I'm assuming but I don't know; I wasn't really there." Great, was anyone paying attention to me last night? "Anyway, I didn't see what happened during the fight but apparently he punched you and you fell in the pool." I was speechless._

"_Nate…punched me?" I asked, incredulously. Well, I mean I wouldn't put it past him…_

"_Yeah, pretty bad too. Plus, you were completely shitfaced and you weren't moving," he sighed. He sounded like he was getting upset. "And everyone was just standing there. Fucking no one did anything. They just watched you drown. I only noticed because I heard Alex scream, she was freaking out. She was actually about to go in after you but I stopped her and jumped in instead. There was no way a drunk girl of her size could have pulled you back up. She would have drowned too." His voice got quiet again. "And I couldn't just stand there like everyone else and watch the only person I care about die right in front of me. I told you Mitch, I can't handle that again."_

"_Zach…I'm sorry. I don't even remember any of that." I really felt horrible. I heard him sigh again on the other end._

"_It's okay Mitchie, you were drunk and you didn't know what you were doing."_

"_I know, but still…thank you…for saving my life."_

"_Don't worry about it. Just…get home safe. I love you, Mitch."_

"_I will, and I love you too," I said before I remembered something. "Oh wait, I forgot to ask, what was up with Alex last night?"_

"_What do you mean? She seemed fine," he said sounding confused._

"_I don't know, I asked her why she left after bringing me inside and she was being all evasive and weird and then when I called her out on it she started freaking out and getting upset."_

"_I don't know, I saw her when she was leaving but she didn't really say anything…but that was at like, four," he said as if he was trying to figure something out._

"_So?"_

"_So…they brought you inside at three." What? I couldn't even form a rational response to that. She lied to me._

"_Oh, okay…thanks. I'll talk to you later Zach. Bye." I hung up without another word and kept walking home._

_End Flashback_

That was four days ago. I haven't heard from her or seen her since. I haven't even seen her in school. When I got home that day I felt really bad about going off on her like that. I know I had every right to be mad but I shouldn't have thrown it in her face all at once. I have tried texting her a thousand times and I haven't gotten a single response. She was ignoring me. My calls went straight to voicemail now. I went to her house the other day to see if I could possibly catch her there but of course I had the pleasure of running into her mom. She just told me that she wasn't there and that she was 'probably with Nate or something,' and she closed the door on me.

I was walking into the cafeteria at school when someone stopped me. I inwardly groaned when I turned around to see Eric. Talking to him has finally become awkward. He has tried bringing up Friday night but I really didn't want to think about it. I cleverly dodged the topic every time we had a conversation. He's been practically following me around since then and it is really starting to get on my nerves. Yeah, I like the kid but he needs to know when his affectionate behavior turns into clinginess…like right now.

"Hey Mitch!" He sounded way too anxious to see me.

"Hey Eric," I said, trying to hide my annoyance. "What's up?"

"Uh, nothing, it just seemed like you were avoiding me lately. I thought you were mad at me or something." Oh, so he _has_ noticed. I guess I'm not as clever as I thought I was.

"No, I'm not I've just…been…busy lately, that's all," I said, unconvincingly.

"Mitch, does this have anything to do with what happened on Friday?" Well that would require me actually _knowing_ what happened on Friday. I didn't answer. "I'm sorry about what happened, but, when I woke up you weren't there and I figured you were," I stopped him, not wanting to hear any of it.

"Look, I don't even remember what happened, okay? So it's okay, you really don't have to explain yourself."

"Yes I do. Zach won't even talk to me." I have noticed that they barely speak to each other during last period.

"Why? What's going on with you two?" I asked, genuinely curious now.

"I thought you guys were mad at me for the same reason."

"Eric, I don't know what you're talking about," I said slowly.

"Zach blames me for what happened to you…the whole Nate thing."

"How was that your fault? Nate punched me; it's his fault I almost drowned, not yours."

"I let you go, and I didn't go in after you either," he admitted, ashamed. "I'm sorry Mitchie, he was saying all these things and I didn't know that would happen. I tried to grab you but you fell in and I didn't go after you. I don't know why I didn't I just couldn't move. Zach came out of nowhere and yelled at me before he went in. I'm sorry." He really did look like he was sorry. I was never a big grudge holder anyway. I didn't even think that this is what he needed to explain to me.

"It's okay Eric. I'm fine now and that's all that matters."

"Yeah…hey, I thought you didn't remember what happened. What did you think I was talking about before?"

"Oh…uhh, I thought since we were so drunk that night that maybe something might have happened…you know…between us," I said as I gestured to the both of us with my hand. He looked lost but then thought of something.

"You mean when Alex walked in on us?" My eyes widened. I definitely don't remember that happening.

"WHAT!" I yelled, forgetting we were still in school. A lot of people gave me weird looks. I lowered my voice. "What do you mean she walked in on us?"

"Yeah, she just looked at us like 'what the fuck is going on' and then left." I think he noticed my expression which I could only assume still looked shocked. "Don't worry we weren't like naked or anything. Well, almost. But nothing happened, I swear. You left after that." I left? What was he talking about?

"What do you mean? You were still there when I woke up." Again, he looked lost.

"Woke up? Mitch, we were in a bathroom and then you left. This was even before the keg stand and the fight," he explained but then it looked like something finally hit him. "Oh my God, no Mitch I swear nothing like that happened. I know it looked bad but I _promise_ that nothing happened. Everyone was passing out on the couch or taking up all of the rooms and when I went to check on you, you know to see if you were okay, I saw that you were sleeping. It was a big bed and I figured that I could just crash there too. I didn't think it all the way through because I was still drunk. I didn't think about how you might react when you woke up."

"Why were you naked?"

"I always sleep in my boxers," he said like I should know that already.

"Okay, why was _I_ naked?"

"I don't know. I mean…your clothes were wet." Makes sense, I probably should have thought of that. I forgot that Zach told me my clothes were in the dryer. Oops.

"Oh."

"Is that why you've been dodging me? You thought we had sex?"

"Well what would you think if you were me?" He nodded.

"You have a point." The bell rang and we got up to leave the cafeteria but I stopped him.

"Hey Eric, did you happen to see Alex before she left that night?"

"Yeah I saw her as she was walking out but she didn't say anything. I didn't expect her to; I mean she was mad at me too. I guess I can't blame her, but she didn't have to yell at me so much the whole night." Of course no one knows anything about her. "Why?"

"I don't know, I haven't really heard from her since then."

"Sorry, I don't know any more than you do." After that we went our separate ways. I was walking through the halls when I spotted Nate by his locker. A small bruise was apparent under his eye and I'm guessing that I did it. I have to admit, I was quite proud of that. As much as I really didn't want to have to resort to talking to him, I really wanted to know where Alex was. I walked up to him and he noticed me and he stared at my mouth; my own bruise was slightly worse than his. I'm not surprised, his hand is larger than mine…and stronger. He seemed confused as to why I was even near him.

"Nice shiner," he said with a slight smirk. I don't really think he cares that he almost killed me.

"Yeah, yours isn't bad either," I quipped and his face fell a little.

"What do you want?" he asked, annoyed.

"I just wanted to know if you knew where Alex is." He looked at me confused again.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that question?"

"Why would you ask me that? I haven't seen her since Zach's party."

"Well neither have I." I was starting to get worried.

"But when I went to her house her mom said she was probably with you."

"No, I haven't seen her. She's probably just in her room. She's always upset or crying about something so it wouldn't surprise me." He closed his locker and left. It did make a little sense and it's not like Alex's mom pays attention to her to actually know where she is anyway. I started walking to my next class when I heard my name being called.

"Hey Mitchie, wait up a sec!" I recognized the voice. I turned around to see Max running towards me.

"Hey Max, long time no see," I told him happily. He's usually not home when I go to Alex's house but I haven't really been there in a while anyway.

"Yeah I know I have soccer practice all the time. But anyway, could you tell Alex that," I cut him off. I didn't want to be rude but the topic of Alex's whereabouts was starting to wear me out.

"I'm sorry Max I don't know where she is. I haven't heard from her since Saturday." His eyebrows furrowed.

"She hasn't been staying with you?" Now I was confused.

"No?"

"She told me she was. She hasn't been home since like Friday morning before school." Now I was freaking out. I tried to calm down enough to form a coherent sentence.

"Alex is missing?"

"Mitch, I'm worried. She isn't even picking up the phone. My mom is convinced that she's fine and with Nate but she would never spend that much time with him." Now I was back to being confused.

"Why wouldn't she?"

"She doesn't even like him. She's always complaining about him but I could be wrong. I mean, she doesn't really talk to me about it anyway. I figured she would have told you because she actually cares about you," he explained a little sadly. It hurt to hear him talk like that.

"Don't say that Max, you're her brother. Of course she cares about you."

"I just want her to come home. I know we're not close and I'm not the same age as her but she thinks just because I'm fourteen I wouldn't understand anything. Please, you have to get her to come back home. I don't want Brian to start freaking out. You're the only one she'll listen to." I didn't know what to say. It was like I couldn't talk anymore. I took in everything he said and I nodded, trying to hold myself together. After that he turned and walked away. My best friend is gone and no one knows where she is. I pulled out my cell phone and quickly dialed the familiar number, silently begging that I wouldn't end up talking to a voicemail message. The call failed once again. I mustered up enough strength in my voice to start talking. Still shaky and on the verge of tears, I left a message.

"Lex, it's Mitchie. I'm so sorry about what I said to you over the weekend. I'm not mad at you. I could never be mad at you. I love you and I just want you to be okay. I know you haven't been home in a while." I took a deep breath before I continued. "Please Lex, you gotta come back. I promise everything will be alright, just, please…come home," I choked out before I ended the call.

**A/N 2: Chapter Song Title/Quote: Soft Surrender (Where Is She?) by The Killers**


	7. Swim

**(Please read, I feel like I have to explain myself lol)**

**A/N 1: I feel like all I've been doing lately is apologizing. I really meant for this to be up sooner but I didn't think I'd be so busy over my break. Luckily, I'm at work and have zero customers so I have some free time to do this. I still feel like I'm losing people but thanks for the reviews they mean a lot to me. Keep 'em coming, I swear they're like crack. They actually will make me update faster next time because my hectic work schedule is over. The next few chapters are going to start being a bit more revealing so some of your questions might be answered soon. I know, thank God right? I've already begun writing the next one so it should be up within the next few days. This is Mitchie-centric but again it's necessary.**

**Alex's POV is gonna be in the next one so get excited!  
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**Anyway, Read and review; good, bad, keep writing, stop writing, constructive criticism, don't matter.**

**A/N 2: I admit, this chapter was a little hard for me to write, I had a friend in a similar situation a few years back so that's where I got the idea. I don't think it's my best work but I tried really hard (also why it took me a while to write). If you're confused about anything at all, don't hesitate to let me know.**

**Also I'd really appreciate reviews for this chapter in particular because I feel like personal issues get in the way of my writing and I feel like I'm slacking but I really want to do it justice even though I'm really self conscious about writing from my own experience.  
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**A/N 3: I strongly recommend everyone listen to the song for the chapter title. It's not necessary to follow the chapter, it's just a really great song.  
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**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

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><p>7. Swim<p>

_You gotta swim, swim in the dark  
>There's no shame in drifting, feel the tide shifting<br>And wait for the spark  
>You've gotta swim, don't let yourself sink<br>Just find the horizon, I promise you it's not as far as you think_

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><p>I was clutching my phone in between my hands. I haven't let it go all day. I am currently lying down on my bed praying that my phone will start ringing letting me know I had a call or a text message or anything. It was already past ten; I slept through dinner. I avoided interrogation from both of my parents but I know that they are concerned. I'm slipping up a lot these days but today I just couldn't focus on anything but Alex. She hasn't called back yet. I was more worried than I have ever been. She has worried me many times before but I didn't even know where she was now. Does she even know what kind of hell she is putting me through? Not even just me but her brother too, and if Brian finds out that she isn't really with me or Nate then shit will really hit the fan.<p>

Even though she gets along with Brian I don't think she thinks he cares about her as much as he really does. She has trust issues with everyone but me…well, for the most part anyway. She thinks he sees her as something that just came extra when he married her mom. Maybe she is afraid to get close to someone in her family again but then again I don't know much about her family to begin with.

My head was starting to hurt from all of this thinking and worrying and my stomach felt like it was twisting itself into knots. I thought that sleeping would make it go away but I think it only made it worse. I tried to ignore the pain and focused on the phone in my hands. I had to try something else. I know I won't be able to sleep tonight not knowing if she was okay. There were a million things I could say to try and convince her to come home or even just answer me to let me know she wasn't dead. I figured the latter was more important. I opened my phone to a new message and started typing.

_Text Message To: Alex_

_You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to. Just text me so I know you're okay. Please._

I hit send and tossed my phone aside. I heard a knock at my door and although I really didn't want to talk to anyone for the rest of the day I told whoever it was to come in. My dad poked his head into my room.

"What's wrong with you today sweetie? You seemed a bit out of it when you came home." I figured I shouldn't tell him the truth.

"It's Alex." Well it wasn't a _complete_ lie. He doesn't need to know all of it, even though I'm sure he could figure it out.

"What's going on?" he asked as he took a seat next to me on my bed.

"I don't know, Dad. She isn't talking to me," I sighed.

"Doesn't she do this all the time? I'm sure she'll come back to you." I almost laughed at the irony of his words.

"I think it's more complicated this time. I'm really worried," he looked at me, concerned.

"You can't do this to yourself, Mitch. You're making yourself sick worrying about her. You can't help someone who doesn't want it. Maybe by trying so hard to help, you're only just pushing her away."

"But _she's_ the one pushing _me_ away. I'm the only one she feels comfortable enough to talk to; I can't just ignore whatever it is that's going on with her."

"Mitch, is that all that's bothering you?" I knew he had more that he wanted to talk about.

"What do you mean?"

"Are you putting all of this focus on Alex's problems to avoid your own?" I hate it that he has the most accurate guesses ever. He's a lot smarter than he looks.

"I don't have problems. I'm fine," I said defensively as I finally noticed the plate he was holding.

"Eat this," he said as he held it out for me.

"Daaaaad, I'm not hungry," I whined as I pushed his hand away. He pushed it back and sighed.

"I don't care. You slept through dinner _again_. I don't know if you think I'm dumb but I'm not going to leave until you eat so I suggest you get to it," he scolded. I knew he meant business and I didn't want to make him even more upset so I took the plate from him.

"I'm really not hungry but alright fine, just to prove to you that you're worrying for nothing," I told him as I bit into the sandwich he made for me. He seemed somewhat pleased with my compliance but he still looked at me suspiciously.

"Am I really worrying for nothing?"

"Yes, I promised you, remember? I meant what I said." I felt a tinge of guilt as I said that. I hate lying to him but it's the only way to get him to back off.

"Alright, I trust you Mitch." I felt even more guilt at his response. He got up and left, actually trusting that I would finish eating without his supervision. I am the worst daughter ever.

As soon as he closed the door I got up and tossed the rest of it out. I felt myself growing tired again and I went to lie back down on my bed. I was about to drift off to sleep when I was startled by my phone ringing. I frantically looked around where I had previously thrown it and opened the new message as fast as I could.

_Text Message From: Alex_

It was blank. To be honest I didn't even care. I was just so relieved that she sent me _something_. I figured I wouldn't get anything else from her so I didn't bother with begging her to come back or tell me where she is.

_Text Message To: Alex_

_Thank you. Be safe Lex, I love you._

I sent the message and closed my eyes almost falling asleep instantly but not before my phone brought me back to consciousness again.

_Text Message From: Alex_

_I love you too._

A smile appeared on my face before I completely knocked out, content knowing that she doesn't hate me for the things I said to her. I still don't know where she is but she is talking to me and I will gladly settle for that right now.

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><p>When I woke up the next morning my head felt like it weighed a ton and my eyes were aching when I struggled to open them. This felt worse than any hangover I had ever had in my life. I even had trouble sitting up straight; I just felt…weak. I had zero strength left in my body and I cannot even fathom how I'm going to make it through the school day.<p>

I dodged my parents before they could start asking me questions as they did every morning recently. It was getting harder and harder to keep lying to them when I know for a fact that they don't believe a word I am saying. They are watching me a lot more closely but I can't worry about them breathing down my neck while I'm under their microscope when I have my best friend to worry about.

When I got to school it was as if all the light bulbs were replaced by bright new ones that just happened to be ten times stronger. I rubbed my eyes to relieve the dull aching burn it brought on but to no avail. Homeroom passed, again without Alex much to my dismay, and the first few classes just dragged on. After a brief conversation with Eric during lunch he tried to convince me to see the nurse. I guess I looked as bad as I felt. I told him that I was fine and that I just didn't get enough sleep last night which is a complete lie considering I slept at least five hours before I actually went to bed for another nine.

"Mitch, are you sure? You look like you're about to keel over and die," he said as he placed a hand gently on my shoulder. I shut my eyes tightly, perhaps longer than one normally should before opening them weakly to look at Eric.

"I swear I'm fine. I think I'm just getting a migraine," I assured him as I stood up. I started getting a head rush and I struggled to keep my eyes open. His forehead creased with concern and he put another hand on my other shoulder, steadying me. I didn't even realize that I wasn't standing still.

"I think you should at least sit down or go to the bathroom and throw some water on your face or something." I tried to protest but the ever increasing pain in my stomach became too much for me to ignore. I clutched my abdomen firmly with one hand as I tried to suppress a whimper. Eric put an arm around my waist and supported me a bit. "Come on Mitch, I'll bring you to the nurse." I shook my head ardently.

"No, seriously I don't need to go. I'm fine it's just…cramps," I told him lamely. Who knows, he might actually buy it.

"Ew," he replied with a grimace. Yeah, he bought it. Pansy.

"Sorry, I think I just need to go to the bathroom." I detached myself from his hold on my waist and started heading towards the hallway. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Eric trailing behind cautiously. When I walked out into the hallway it was like taking off a pair of sunglasses while staring directly into the sun. I immediately winced as I closed my eyes and tried to regain my balance. The combination of stabbing and throbbing pain in my body was growing stronger and stronger and I felt it taking over at a rapid pace. I couldn't hold myself up any longer as I started getting lightheaded and dizzy. My breathing was shallow and it was getting harder and harder to see. Everything was so bright and intense it was almost as if everything around me was turning white and blurry. I could faintly hear Eric rushing to my side as all the white dimmed to black and I collapsed onto the floor.

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><p>"I'm starting to think passing out is a habit of yours," someone said over the light beeping sound floating throughout the room. I groaned in pain and tried to figure out what was going on. I attempted to get up from the current lying down position I was in but something was preventing me from lifting up my arms. I tugged lightly and I felt something strapped to it. I instantly began freaking out. The last time I woke up to this…I didn't even want to think about it. I had to get out of here. I tugged harder as I started to panic even more and I heard the beeping speed up slightly. Suddenly, two hands gripped my own and forcefully held them down at my sides. "Mitchie, stop!" I finally found enough strength to open my eyes, not willing myself to look at whoever was with me.<p>

"I can't! I gotta get out of here!" I yelled as I tried to rip my hands free but with no luck. I was completely drained. I hated feeling so weak, in every sense of the word. I started taking deep breaths trying to calm myself but it only made me feel worse. I felt tears slowly making its way down my face as I turned my head as far away as possible from the other person in the room. "Please, I can't be here again," I begged helplessly.

"What are you talking about? Mitch, it's me, Eric," he said softly, still holding onto my hands so I wouldn't try to escape. I finally turned to look at him before I looked all around the room. He was the only one in here. I sighed in relief before I remembered what happened and my face fell.

"Who else knows I'm here?" I asked as he looked down and scratched the back of his head nervously.

"Um, don't be mad at me okay?" My face fell even more and I think my heart rate started picking up again. Before he could confirm my fears I heard the door burst open and I looked up to see the angriest pair of eyes staring at me coldly. Eric immediately tensed up and let go of my hands as he started backing out of the room. "I'm just gonna leave you two alone. Feel better Mitchie." He hurried out and closed the door behind him. I avoided his gaze as best as I could but I could feel his eyes burning into me.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" he asked deadpan. I flinched at his tone but remained silent. "LOOK AT ME DAMN IT!" More tears filled my eyes as I tried to prevent them from falling when I turned to look at him. "How could you do this again?"

"I'm sorry," I whispered as I tried to fight back the sobs that were building up in my chest.

"Sorry? You're _sorry_? How many fucking times are you going to come close to dying before you actually mean it, huh? Or maybe you're waiting until you're actually dead? Then will you really be sorry?" he yelled as he pointed to the various tubes and wires and machines I was hooked up to in the room.

"I didn't mean for this to happen again Zach," I cried while looking straight into his eyes. He has never looked so disappointed in me before.

"It doesn't matter! Who cares if you meant for it to happen or not? The point is that it _did_ happen again and you've been lying to everyone! How could I have been so stupid I can't believe I ever bought any of the crap you told me!" I cried even harder. Everything he was saying just made me feel worse. He had every right to yell at me but I couldn't take it.

"Stop! I'm sorry! I know you don't believe me but I really am sorry! I don't know what to tell you so you won't be mad at me!"

"How can I not be mad? And I'm not just mad, I'm fucking _terrified_. This is the third time I thought I had lost you! How many fucking times are you going to put me through that! Thank God Eric had the good sense to go after you this time or I could have been talking to your dead body right now!" he screamed at me before pacing back and forth trying to calm himself down. "I don't mean to yell but Mitchie you don't understand. I really don't think you do. I've known you since kindergarten. No one has been in my life as long as you have. I'm an only child and my parents are never home. They don't even know what grade I'm in. I don't think they even know how old I am anymore. We've been best friends since we were _four years old. _If I ever lost you…I would be completely alone. I don't care if I have over a million fucking friends, I have no family Mitchie. You're the closest thing I've got. Blood means nothing; you're my sister and I love you more than anything. I can't lose you…I just can't," he said as he tried to prevent his own tears from forming in his eyes. I felt my heart shattering piece by piece at every word he said. I loved this kid to death and here I am selfishly destroying him. I tried to choke out an 'I'm sorry' but I found that it was a lot harder to speak now than it was before. He looked down and sighed and I thought he was going to start talking again before I heard the door open. Unlike Zach, this person did not look angry; there was no emotion at all. Again, I found myself avoiding eye contact.

"Zach, could you give us a minute? I need to speak with Michelle." The impassive tone sounded so much more frightening than Zach's screaming. He nodded his head and left me alone with my new guest. "You _promised_."

"Dad, I'm," he cut me off, suddenly showing a _lot_ more emotion than before.

"You're what? Sorry? Don't you dare even try to tell me that you're sorry Mitchie! You promised me time and time again. Do you think I'm fucking stupid? I must be for ever trusting that you would stop this!"

"I know Dad! Just stop, Zach already yelled at me before," I pleaded with him. He narrowed his eyes at me and grabbed my face in his hand.

"I don't give a shit; Zach is not your father! Zach isn't the idiot who didn't listen to his wife when she wanted to get professional help. I am. I'm the one watching his daughter slowly killing herself right in front of his eyes. So I don't care what Zach already did, I'm not going to keep quiet about this anymore! You took it too far again!" He released my face and stepped back from the hospital bed. "Orthostatic hypotension," he said slowly, almost unsure. I looked at him confused. "I spoke to the doctor and that's what he called it. All of a sudden you got a head rush when you stood up and you fainted; that's what Eric said to the nurse before they called an ambulance for you. Your heartbeat was irregular and combined with that they thought that you wouldn't make it. It's from low blood pressure, malnutrition, and dehydration. You have nothing left in you because of starvation and vomiting," he explained seriously. It scared me how much he knew. It scared me even more learning that I really did almost die again. I couldn't control the tears anymore. It was impossible to hold them back. My head fell in my hands and I bawled my eyes out.

"Dad, I didn't even realize how bad it was getting. I just couldn't help it."

"I know you couldn't Mitchie, but we all tried to help you. You wouldn't let us!" He paused for a moment and brought his voice down to barely a whisper. If my heart wasn't already broken, then it was completely destroyed at his next words. "This is my fault."

"What? No Dad, don't blame yourself, _please_." I couldn't handle the guilt I was feeling. It physically hurt to feel this guilty.

"No Mitch, it is my fault. I think deep down I always knew that you weren't being honest with me when you would tell me that this was over. I knew it wasn't. I saw it and I ignored it. I saw how upset it would make you and I hated making you upset by bringing it up. I just wanted you to be happy. I always defended you when your mother would freak out thinking you were going down that road again. I feel like I have failed as a parent. I was being your friend, not your father. But Mitch, I can't be your buddy anymore. What happened to my daughter? What happened to the girl who never cared about what she looked like or what other people thought of her? I know she's still in there somewhere. I don't know what to do anymore Mitch. I just want my little girl back." A tear slid down his cheek as he turned away from me. I cannot even remember the last time I had ever seen my father cry. He can't even look at me anymore. The thought of him giving up on me made me absolutely devastated and I cried even harder.

"Dad, please stop. You didn't do anything wrong. You're the best father a girl could ever ask for. I'm right here, please Dad, believe me. I'm still here. You're little girl is still here. I know you don't trust me anymore but I promise that I'm going to try. I'll do anything, I swear. You're right. Mom is right. You're all right; I need help. I can't do this on my own. I thought I could but I can't." I couldn't stop sobbing at this point. I caught my breath long enough to finish talking. "Please don't give up on me Dad, I need you." He immediately turned to look at me.

"I would never give up on you, sweetie. How can you even think that? I love you no matter how many times you mess up or lie to me. You're my daughter and you'll always be the center of my universe. You're my whole world. Don't ever doubt that I will always love you unconditionally until the day I die. You're right; I don't trust you…now. I'm hoping that will change in the future. I'm disappointed in you Mitchie but I want to believe that you will actually try this time." He paused and thought for a short while. "So here's what we're going to do: someone is going to eat with you at all times, Zach is going to keep an eye on you for me when you're at school, and you're going to start seeing a doctor once a week. Or if you don't like that we can always go with your mother's idea of having you committed." I wanted to disagree to all of his new rules but I knew I had to do this. The second option was absolutely out of the question. I nodded my head in agreement.

"Okay, that's fair. Just, please don't let me do this to myself. I'm scared, Dad."

"So am I, Mitchie. Don't be afraid to be afraid. You can't keep all of this to yourself, it's not healthy. Sometimes being strong means admitting that you need help. It's going to be hard but it'll be okay, just don't give up on yourself. I'm going be here every step of the way whenever you need me." I can't believe I ever hurt him. I don't deserve such a great father. He looked down at his watch for a moment. "It's a little after five now, you were out for a while. Get some rest, they're going to keep you here overnight and do some tests in the morning."

"Okay. I love you, Dad." He leaned over my bed to place a kiss on my forehead.

"I love you too, sweetie." He turned and walked out of my room as I tried to get comfortable on this borderline plastic mattress. All the crying I did was catching up to me and I suddenly felt completely exhausted. Despite the uncomfortable bed, I easily fell asleep within minutes of my head hitting the paper thin pillow.

I woke up in a daze to my pitch black room. The only form of light was from the moon coming in stripes through the blinds. I immediately found the reason why my sleep was disturbed. I felt a small amount of weight on my left side near my hand. I saw the silhouette of someone's small frame leaning over my bed with their head resting on their arm. I heard the sound of soft crying, muffled and barely audible, and I felt my heart swell with a flood of different emotions. For a moment I thought I was dreaming. I looked down at the broken angel on my bed side and I had to stop tears from welling up in my own eyes. I gently lifted my hand to run it through the dark brown hair splayed out next to me. I heard the crying cease for a moment as the extra weight on my bed disappeared. Tear-filled eyes stared at me in a mixture of surprise, relief, guilt, and sadness. There was just enough light for me to notice every detail. Fading cuts and small bruises decorated the once flawless mask that was now washed away. I brought my hand to cup a warm, damp cheek and with my thumb, I brushed away any new tears that dared to fall and try to ruin the perfect face that I was holding. I felt delicate fingers brush across my elevated arm, over the tube resting in the incision all the way to the pulse meter on my fingertip. There was a gentle grip on my hand before a soft kiss was placed on my palm. Then, in just above a whisper, I heard the most tragically beautiful voice try to speak through uncontrollable tears.

"Is there nothing I could tell you to make you believe how perfect you really are?" I wanted so badly to believe it, and hearing it now, I almost did.

"I could ask you the same thing, you know." The tears came down even harder than before and I couldn't take seeing it anymore. "Please don't cry. And _please_ don't ever leave me like that again." I was too shaky and weak; I wouldn't be surprised if my plea fell upon deaf ears but I felt the head leaning into my hand nod a bit. "Just…_why_?" It was silent for a moment before the quiet sobbing died down.

"Tomorrow." It was silent again. I nodded my own head and moved to grip the small, frail hand holding mine. I almost didn't hear the desperate words that soon fell from the bruised lips. "You won't leave me either, right?" I knew the real meaning behind those words and I didn't think it was possible for my heart to break so many times in one day.

"Never."

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><p><strong>AN 4: Chapter Song Title/Quote: Swim by Jack's Mannequin  
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	8. House Of Cards Part I

**A/N 1: Hey guys, no work so I had time to write this. This chapter is SUPER long (sorry if you don't like long chapters) and I updated faster than last time so...yay. Thanks to all who reviewed the last one. As promised, this chapter features Alex's POV for the first time and we finally learned what really happened at the party. I was going to put it in bits and pieces but decided to just retell all of it. I was going to cut this in half but I felt it had to go together although I'm not sure I got the emotion right, like the way I wanted it, but hey...I tried so be kind :)  
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**This is going to be a two-parter so watch out for the next one.**

**Any comments, questions, concerns let me know and I'll clear up any confusion.  
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**Read, Review, Follow, Favorite, all that shit.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

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><p>8. House Of Cards Part I<p>

_Now I can't look you in your eyes  
>Because the guilt is killing me<br>I try to disconnect my heart again  
>Just so I can breathe<br>I wanna be myself again  
>But I just can't<em>

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><p>Despite still being emotionally drained, I felt a little better physically when I woke up. I was secretly hoping that everything that happened yesterday was all just a dream but when I was met with the incessant beeping of the machine next to me I realized that it unfortunately was real. After getting over the initial annoyance of being in the hospital again I looked around to find that the rest of the room was empty. I was alone. Did I imagine Alex being here last night or did she break her promise and leave me again? I actually can't tell which of the two would be more disappointing.<p>

I sighed as I sat up and thought about the previous day's events. I messed up big time. I always knew how Zach's family was practically nonexistent; I should have known how he felt about me. I feel like such a horrible person. I was being selfish. I didn't even stop to think that not only am I hurting myself but I'm hurting others too. My dad cried for God's sake! And Alex…I need her now more than ever and she's not here. I lied back down on my side feeling even more upset. Before the depression could wash over me I heard the door knob turn slowly. I didn't bother to turn around; it was probably just the nurse coming in to bother me again with questions. I wasn't in the mood to see or talk to anyone right now anyway.

I didn't hear anything for a while after the door closed and I was beginning to wonder what the nurse was doing if she wasn't trying to ask me anything. I moved my head to look towards the front of the room and I noticed that the chair in the corner was now occupied. The person looked up from a small cup of coffee when my staring became obvious and I saw a smile form.

"Hey, you're awake. I've been waiting forever; you slept for like fifteen hours. I was starting to worry." I was still in shock. It took me a little while before I could come up with a real sentence.

"Sorry…um, what are you doing here?"

"Oh…do you not want me here?" I could hear the doubt and uncertainty and I shook my head at the typical response.

"Why do you always think that when I ask you that? Of course I want you here, idiot." I heard a nervous chuckle that almost sounded like it was mixed with a sigh of relief.

"I don't know, I just kind of thought you would be mad at me or something for, well…you know." I admit, I was a little mad but I know I could never stay mad even if I tried.

"No I'm not mad. Worried, but not mad," I said reassuringly. She looked at me weirdly for a moment. "What?" I asked, suddenly self-conscious. She got up from her seat to move it closer to my bed. She touched my cheek so lightly it was like a feather was brushing over it. I have already come to terms with the fact that she has this weird fascination with touching my face, but it still bemused me every now and then. I never had a problem with it though. In fact, I enjoyed it; it was comforting. A weak smile tugged at the corner of her lips.

"Your bruise is going away," she said quietly. It became quiet again and I didn't like how awkward it felt. It was never supposed to feel awkward between us and I didn't want it to become a trend. The smile she wore started to diminish. "Are you okay, Mitch?" I didn't realize the frown featured on my own face until it was pointed out just now.

"What? Yeah, I'm fine."

"Mitch…" I guess I didn't sound as convincing as I had hoped. I let out a long sigh.

"I uh…I thought you left me…again," I admitted, avoiding eye contact.

"I wouldn't do that to you. I mean…I know I did before but I swear I'm not running away again."

"Where'd you go?" I asked, my curiosity getting the better of me.

"Home?" I couldn't tell if that was genuine confusion or just a really sad excuse for a lie.

"Is that supposed to be a joke Alex?" She looked puzzled at my question.

"No? I really was at home. I was still up when you fell back asleep but the nurse told me that you couldn't have visitors stay overnight so I had to go home. I asked her when the earliest I could come back the next day was and well…here I am." Oh, she was talking about last night…

"Right…sorry, how long have you been here?"

"I don't know, like a couple hours maybe. I figured you'd still be sleeping so I went to the hospital cafeteria real quick. It sucks ass but I didn't bother to eat anything at home. I woke up and left as soon as possible. I didn't want you to wake up and I wasn't there," she told me as I felt a smile forming on my own face.

"Thanks."

"I know I messed up Mitch but I meant what I said last night. I'm not leaving again," she told me seriously. I didn't know if I should believe her or not but for some reason I did. I don't know what it was but I really do feel like she's being honest this time, and that's more than I could ever ask for.

"I believe you." She smiled at me again and I almost felt bad for bringing this up but I couldn't help myself. "Do you um, remember what else you said last night?" She thought about what I just asked for a moment. I think she got it because her smile fell from her face.

"Uh…yeah, I do remember," she said nervously. There was another awkward silence. I hated how often they were happening now. "I meant that too, just…not now, please? I kind of want to forget about it for just a little bit longer."

"Alex, you said," she stopped me before I could go on a rant.

"I know I did. We can talk about it later but…not right now." I decided not to push the issue and I gave in.

"Promise?"

"I swear." I nodded my head and she stood up and walked back to the small table where her chair used to be. She grabbed her coffee and a paper bag that was next to it before coming back to sit down next to me, extending her arm out. I know what she wanted but I still couldn't bring myself to do it. I looked at the paper bag uneasily and she sighed. "Please Mitchie? For me?" I hated when she would do that. But she did it because she knows I would literally do anything for her. I began to protest.

"Look, Alex, I know that," she cut me off again.

"_Please_? Can you at least eat half? I'm not going to stop bothering you until you do," she begged. I knew she wouldn't leave me alone if I didn't give in so I nodded. The things I do to please this girl. She smiled wide in victory and proceeded to tear her bagel in half, handing me the smaller side. I held it for a moment just looking at it. "Don't worry, it's whole wheat. I know you hate plain," she assured me and I couldn't help but laugh a little. She knows me all too well. "I mean, I don't know _why_ because to be honest, whole wheat tastes like crap." She told me after she sipped her coffee.

"You were going to eat it though," I pointed out to her as I bit into my half.

"Well, I bought it so that if by some miracle you actually agreed to eat something, it would be something that you like. I gotta say I'm surprised you did agree. Not that I'm not happy about it. I'm beyond happy actually. I just thought you'd be more stubborn about it," she explained. I let out another laugh even though I could tell she was hesitant about calling me stubborn.

"I have no idea what you're talking about. You're the stubborn one in this relationship." She rolled her eyes at me and scoffed. "But still, thank you."

"Yeah, yeah whatever, you know normal people wouldn't make all of these sacrifices for you. Just remember that."

"Well it's a good thing that you are nowhere near normal," I replied, amused. She scoffed again.

"Fine, see if I ever eat cardboard for you again Michelle Torres," she said as she started eating her half, grimacing at the taste.

"Hey, don't full name me. I'm having a bagel for you aren't I?"

"Oh well don't I feel special," she said sarcastically. I hit her arm and she almost spilled her coffee on herself. "Ow…bitch." She groaned in pain even though I didn't hit her hard at all. "These doctors are a bunch of liars. They told me that you would be feeling weak when you wake up but you still hit like a fuckin' boxer."

"I am weak you lunatic you're just really sensitive." She winced slightly as she rubbed her arm where I had hit her. I finally took a moment to look at her face and I noticed that it looked different from last night. She must have put on makeup this morning because I could no longer see the small, light markings that adorned her face before. I was going to ask her about it but I figured she'd eventually explain it to me when she was ready to talk about why she left in the first place…hopefully. Plus, I didn't want to ruin our banter with something serious. I was so glad that the awkward silences were over and the playful arguing was back. It reminded me of when we were younger, when we first met. I missed it. It reminded me that no matter how far we stray from each other and no matter how many problems we face we can always fall back into the same routine of just joking around like best friends should. She may push me away from time to time but I know she's always going to be there.

"I am _not_ sensitive," she exclaimed in mock offense, breaking me out of my train of thought. I was about to object but the door opening interrupted our conversation. We both turned towards it to see who it was. My dad walked in and immediately noticed Alex sitting next to me.

"Oh Alex, you're still here?" he asked, surprised.

"Yeah I am…why wouldn't I be?" she asked a little unsure, like always.

"I just thought you'd be at school…and because Mitchie is as boring as a bag of rocks," he stated as if it was obvious. She laughed loudly at that and he joined in. He then noticed the bagel in my hand, but didn't say anything; he was probably just relieved.

"You guys suck, I hate you both," I said defiantly as I crossed my arms against my chest. Alex stopped her laughter and leaned over my bed to pinch my cheek.

"Shut up, you know we're kidding." I smacked her hand away.

"Fuck you." She laughed at me again.

"Hey, language," my dad warned as if he actually cares. I raised my hands in defeat.

"Fine sorry, so what's the verdict? Am I good to go?" I asked anxiously, wanting to get the hell out of here as fast as I possibly could.

"Yup, doctor said your heart is better but your blood pressure is still a little low. But it's nothing that would make them need to keep you here any longer…so long as you eat…and some other medical crap that I didn't understand."

"Thanks, I'm so glad you paid attention. That's really beneficial to my health Dad," I said sarcastically. He waved me off.

"You'll be fine if your diet starts to go back to normal." He sounded more serious this time, so I nodded. "Okay then, the nurse is going to come in one last time before you can leave. I guess I'll just take you home whenever you're ready. Alex, you need a ride?"

"No, I have my car with me, but thanks." He nodded and went to wait outside, leaving us alone again.

After the nurse came in to question me before removing the tube from my arm and everything else I was attached to, I started to get up from my bed so I could change into actual clothes. Alex looked over to me from her chair.

"You need help?" she asked, noticing I was struggling to get myself out. She came over and put my arm over her shoulder letting me use her as support so I can get up. I didn't realize how little strength I had in me.

"Thanks Lex. See, I told you I was weak." She chuckled as she released me and I started undressing.

"What, uh…what are you doing?" she stammered out.

"Changing?" I said with a raised eyebrow.

"Right. Um, I'm just gonna wait with your dad. You're going to be okay right? You don't need my help or anything?"

"Uh, no I got it." She nodded and left the room to find my dad. Since when does she care when I change in front of her? I usually am too self-conscious to do it in front of others but Alex always made me feel comfortable about myself. I know she doesn't change in front of me but I never questioned it. I shrugged it off and finished getting dressed so I could finally get out of this hell hole.

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><p>I had just finished eating dinner with my dad…if you could call it that. I just picked at a few things on my plate, not finishing all of it, but he seemed to accept it. I could tell he was a little disappointed that I still wasn't eating much but I assured him that I was trying. You know…baby steps for now. He told me he understood and he was just happy that I wasn't making excuses anymore. I excused myself and went to my room. I stared at the bathroom and contemplated getting rid of the contents of my stomach. The thought of it made my throat burn in anticipation. I got up and walked towards it and I shut the door. I didn't want to look at it. I didn't want to feel any temptation. I had to keep my promise this time; I <em>had<em> to.

Alex still hasn't talked to me yet. She wasn't ignoring me. We've been texting ever since we left the hospital but she's been avoiding the topic that we needed to discuss; the one she promised to talk about today. She was doing it on purpose, changing the subject and putting it off, but she can't avoid it forever. I grabbed my jacket and I headed out of my room to the front door. I quickly yelled to my dad that I was going out for a while and that I would be back a little later. He shouted something along the lines of 'okay, be safe' back to me and I started going down the stairs, out of my apartment.

After walking for a short amount of time I reached the familiar building and debated whether or not I wanted to go up the stairs, anticipating the possibility of running into her mom. I turned from the door and jogged to the small alleyway and grabbed a hold of the ladder. Granted, I struggled a little but I eventually pulled myself all the way up and trotted up the steps until I reached the window I was looking for.

It was already open and I looked in to see if she was there. I saw her standing in front of her mirror. Her shirt was slightly lifted but her body was blocking her reflection from my line of sight. I shifted a bit in the window and I think she finally saw me behind her because she jumped, and I mean literally jumped. She adjusted her shirt back to normal and put a hand over her chest.

"Jesus Christ! Mitchie, what the hell are you doing here?" she asked, completely frightened. I was taken aback but brushed it off; I mean I _did _just randomly pop up in her window; I'd probably shit my pants too.

"Do you not want me here?" I asked, slightly mocking her.

"That's not funny Mitch," she said sternly. I climbed into her room completely.

"I'm sorry. And I'm sorry for just sneaking up on you like that but Alex…you know we need to talk." She looked around her room nervously.

"Here?"

"Yes." She looked tense and her hands even started shaking a bit, but she nodded.

"Okay. Um just please promise me something?"

"Sure, anything."

"Just…promise that you won't hate me?" I looked at her confused. Why would she even ask me that?

"I could never hate you Alex. Why would you think I ever would?" She looked away from me and shook her head.

"No, Mitch. _Please_. Just promise." She sounded so serious.

"Okay, I promise." She walked away from me and took a seat on the floor next to her bed. She didn't say anything so I just went over and sat next to her and waited for her to start. She took a deep breath trying to calm herself but she still didn't look at me.

"Okay, so uh, you remember that party at Zach's? Well, I mean I know you don't _remember_, remember but uh…yeah."

"Yeah, I don't remember much after you uh…walked in on me and Eric…" I said slightly embarrassed. She looked uneasy for a second.

"Okay, um…well…"

_Flashback (Friday Night: Zach's House) ((Alex's POV))_

_After Zach pulled Mitchie away from me I decided not to go after her. I continued to walk out to the backyard when I heard my name being called. I inwardly groaned as I recognized the voice as Nate's. I really wasn't in the mood but I figured I might as well hang out with him while I wait for Mitchie to come back. I headed over to him and he threw his arm around me. He stunk like booze and I knew he was extremely drunk._

"_There you are. Why'd you leave the game?"_

"_I got tired of winning?" I told him with an eye roll. His drunken half-smile disappeared._

"_Don't be a bitch about it, you just got lucky." Some of his friends laughed a little. I immediately got sick of being around him and I went to walk away but he grabbed my arm and pulled me back into him. "Where do you think you're going?"_

"_Anywhere you're not," I told him, annoyed._

"_Oh c'mon don't be like that." He dipped his head down and started kissing my neck. When I tried to pull away he just gripped my arms tighter and I winced in pain._

"_Ow, Nate you're hurting me," I whispered into his ear but he just started sucking my pulse point even harder. He moved his hands from my arms to my waist and squeezed it roughly. "Nate, stop."_

"_Will you shut up already? God, you're annoying." He moved his hands up my shirt, slightly lifting it. I automatically yanked his hands out and pushed him away from me. "What the hell is your problem Alex?"_

"_You are! Can't you just stop? I don't want to do this right now!"_

"_Well why the fuck not? You're my girlfriend." He reached out to grab me again, this time by my ass, and started kissing me. He tried unbuttoning my jeans but I again stopped him, not wanting him to undress me in front of his friends._

"_I said stop you asshole!" His friends laughed again and he seemed to get angrier. He grabbed my face so hard I thought he was going to leave a mark._

"_Don't fucking talk to me like that."_

"_I'll do whatever the hell I want," I managed to say even though he was squeezing my mouth._

"_Get over yourself Alex. No one fucking cares about you! All you do is whine and complain. Sometimes I don't even know why I'm with you!" he screamed at me loudly. His friends just kind of looked around feeling awkward witnessing this argument. I could feel tears building up in my eyes but I tried so hard to hold them in. "What? You gonna cry now? Fine, go. See if I give a shit. Come back when you stop being such a little bitch." I held back the tears that were begging to fall and I kept a hard face to let him know he wasn't breaking me this time, even though I could feel everything inside of me crumbling. I didn't even say anything back to him. I just turned around and walked away from him and towards the house._

_When I walked through the glass sliding doors I immediately started looking for Mitchie before the tears could start pouring out. I checked the kitchen where I thought she would probably be but I couldn't find her. I wasn't too worried but I was getting more upset. I needed her so badly right now._

_After searching practically the entire house I felt the alcohol I had catch up to me. I started getting slightly dizzy and decided to go to the bathroom to wash my face or something. All of the bathrooms were occupied and I was about to give up and use the sink in the kitchen when I remembered that there was a bathroom next to it that I haven't checked yet. I turned the knob to find that it was unlocked and I silently thanked God. I opened the door to find the most disturbing sight ever and I felt my heart drop into the bottom of my stomach. I felt like throwing up. I was speechless._

_Mitchie was sitting on the sink in just her bra, her jeans unbuttoned and her legs wrapped around none other than Eric. Eric had his pants around his ankles. My stomach twisted when I saw his clearly noticeable erection pressing into Mitchie's jeans and I felt the sudden urge to grab her by the arm and pull her away from him but I couldn't move. I kept looking at them. Mitchie looked as shocked as I felt. Eric just looked drunk and confused._

"_Alex, uh…" Her words broke my trance and I wanted nothing more than to run out of here and get away from the both of them._

"_Um…don't mind me. Just…um…needed to…pee," I managed to get out before I backed out and tried to get as far away from that room as possible. I headed outside again and thankfully I didn't run into Nate. I took a moment to calm myself down. It's not a big deal. I know that this happens every time…but it still hurt to see that. No, it's not a big deal. Don't freak out. I have no reason to. Just relax…but God, that was disgusting._

_In the middle of my conversation with myself I noticed Mitchie come outside, fully clothed, with Zach and…ugh, Eric. I felt weird about how I just walked in on them but I also just really wanted to talk to her or just…be around her. I might have also wanted to take her away from Eric. I grabbed her by her arm to get her attention. When she turned to face me I couldn't help but stare at her. She looked so incredibly drunk, but still so beautiful. Why the hell would she ever waste her time with Eric? Well, I have no right to judge. I mean, look at my perfect boyfriend. I realized I had been staring at her for a while so I decided to break the silence so she wouldn't feel awkward._

"_Wow, you are shitfaced."_

"_Thaaank youuu Captain Obvious," she replied while tapping me on the nose. She is so dumb when she's drunk but I couldn't help but smile as I lightly smacked her hand away from my face._

"_No, I mean like, you're fine right? You looked kinda off today I just don't want you to die," I said, remembering how she looked kind of sick during school._

"_I'm fiiine, calm down MOM."_

"_Yes, because you sound really convincing. Seriously though, don't die tonight." I was starting to worry. I don't think she's ever been this drunk before. _

"_Okay, officer, I'll be careful, you don't have to take care of me." She cannot be serious. I just stared at her. "Alright fine, if things go bad then you can." I smiled, feeling a little bit relieved. I decided to change the subject. I really don't want to hear about it but I can't help but feel curious._

"_Good…so…you and Eric finally together?" I asked a little awkwardly. Did I even want to know the answer to this?_

"_You are insane, I don't think I'm gonna go out with him."Oh thank God. Wait, then what the hell was all that? They look like they've been getting closer in school too. _

"_What? Why not? I thought you liked him?" I asked a little too quickly._

"_I don't knowwwww. I mean, mayyybeee? I feel like I should but…like…I don't? I don't know, Alex." She seemed really confused and frustrated about this. I didn't want her to feel bad so I tried to cheer her up._

"_He likes you though. I can tell," I told her as I tried to hide the discomfort I was feeling. I didn't want to encourage her but she looked kind of upset._

"_Do you think I should?" No. Well, she'll probably ask me why so I decided against giving a real answer. I just shrugged._

"_I don't know Mitch, only you do." Hopefully that ended the discussion of him._

"_So, where's Prince Charming?"Well, apparently we're on the subject of a different douche bag now. _

"_Being a drunken asshole somewhere," I said bitterly as I remembered the fight we got into and I tried not to get upset again._

"_What did he do this time?" I don't know what possessed me to tell her but I did for some reason. She usually gets so mad when we talk about him and I didn't want to cause an unnecessary argument._

"_I went to find him after you went into the kitchen with Zach. He was even drunker and he just grabbed me and started kissing me and like groping me. He was just being really aggressive and when I told him that I didn't want to do anything at the moment or, you know, in front of a bunch of people, he just started insulting me and told me to get over myself or some stupid shit like that." She looked extremely pissed off but also kind of…guilty?_

"_Lex, I'm sorry. I swear to God if," she couldn't finish her rant because Jimmy and Frank came out of nowhere and grabbed her arms and legs and started carrying her away while chanting 'keg stand.' "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!" Jesus, there is no way she isn't going to throw up tonight. I followed them to where the keg was and they lifted her by her legs into the air and she started drinking. I was hoping that she wouldn't last long because she has already had more than enough to drink but I knew Mitchie…and the girl could chug. She was up there for a while before she was put back down looking drunker than ever. Before I could go up to her, Eric ran to her and put his arm around her. I had to hold back an actual growl of annoyance. And as if that wasn't enough, she hugged him back. I was about to just walk away but I saw him kiss her on the cheek and I instantly thought back to the scene in the bathroom and I felt sick again. I walked up to the two of them awkwardly._

"_I think that was a new record for you. How are you even alive right now?" I asked, still amazed at how she hasn't passed out yet._

"_That is a daaaamn good question." She grabbed another can of beer, as if she wasn't drunk enough, and started drinking it. She stopped suddenly and I noticed her expression change from happy to completely pissed off and I wondered what set her off so quickly. I looked around and I saw Nate at the other end of the backyard and I started panicking. I knew what she was planning on doing._

"_No, Mitch, don't. Please, it's not a big deal. Do you have any idea how drunk you are, don't be stupid," I begged her as I tried to pull her back to me._

"_I'll just be a second, I swear." She must think I'm as drunk as she is if she thinks I'm going to believe her. I had to stop her_

"_Mitchie…please. I'm begging you. If you care about me at all, you won't do anything."I tried everything I could. I couldn't let her do this. She doesn't know Nate like I do and this isn't going to end well…at all. I don't think she was even paying attention to me anymore. She completely dismissed everything I was telling her and started screaming._

"_HEY DOUCHE BAG!" Damn it Mitchie. I hated that I was about to resort to this but I ran to Eric._

"_Eric please, you have to stop her! She doesn't know what she's doing she's going to get hurt, please!" I begged him and he seemed to believe how serious I was and caught up to Mitchie and grabbed a hold of her. I didn't like him putting his hands on her again but it was the only way._

"_LET ME GO ERIC!"_

"_Better listen to your bitch, Eric," Nate said, unaffected by the teenage girl coming after him. It was one thing for him to talk to me like an ass but I couldn't stand hearing him call Mitchie that. I will probably regret this but I tried to intervene._

"_Mitchie, please stop. And Nate, just shut up. You're being such a dick tonight." He narrowed his eyes at me, seeming much angrier than he did before. I'm already regretting my decision to step in, but at least he's going to yell at me and not Mitchie._

"_Fuck you Alex, get lost. You're lucky I didn't dump your ugly ass before. Go be useless somewhere else," he spat while he moved closer to me. I flinched, thinking he was going to hurt me again and I really didn't want Mitchie to see that. I found myself holding back tears for probably the hundredth time already but Mitchie just got even more pissed off._

"_I SWEAR TO GOD I AM GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS SO HARD YOU WILL BE SHITTING MY SHOELACES FOR A WEEK!" she screamed as she continued to struggle. "FUCKING LET GO ERIC!" Everyone seemed a little shocked at how mad she was getting but they all just stood there watching, entertained._

"_Mitchie, calm down," Eric tried to reason with her._

"_Yeah Mitchie, don't you have some random guy to go fuck anyway? Slut," Nate added with a smirk. I hated him so much. I hated the way he was talking to her. She didn't deserve it. I was about to say something again to try and stop this but I saw Eric loosen his grip on Mitchie and I wanted to scream at him. Is he fucking stupid? In a second, Mitchie broke free and lunged at Nate bringing them both down to the floor._

"_What the fuck Mitchie!" he shouted as he tried pushing her away. He grabbed her throat and they started wrestling around on the floor. He was holding her neck pretty tight and her face was turning an odd shade of red. Why the fuck wasn't anyone trying to stop this?_

"_Nate let go you're gonna kill her!" I turned to the useless dumbass next to me. "Eric, do something! She can't win this fight!" He didn't even move. He just kept looking at the brawl in front of us. Nate spit on her and she started strangling him._

"_Get off of me you weigh a fucking ton!" he shouted as they finally got up to their feet. Shit. Why did he have to say that? I mean I know he doesn't know but still. I could see the hurt and anger in Mitchie's eyes like a raging fire. She punched him right in the face. I was mortified. I had only ever slapped him…once, and that didn't end well. I was about to pull her away before something bad could happen but it was too late. Nate didn't hesitate to punch her right back. His fist knocked into her mouth and she stumbled backwards. My eyes widened in horror and I think Eric finally snapped out of his daze. We both ran to her to grab her but her foot hit the edge of the pool and she fell right in._

"_MITCHIE! Nate what the fuck is wrong with you!"I yelled but he didn't look fazed at all. Eric looked like he was in a trance again. No one was moving. They all just stared at the pool and the unmoving body sinking towards the bottom of it. There is no way I could bring her up on my own. I slapped the back of Eric's head to bring him back to reality. "HELP HER!" No response. I looked at the water and she still hasn't resurfaced and I became terrified. I couldn't lose her. I took my phone out of my pocket and put it on the ground before I stepped to the edge of the pool. I was about to jump in before someone grabbed my arm. I thought that Eric had finally stopped being a retard but I turned around to see Zach's confused and worried face._

"_Alex what the hell are you doing?"_

"_I have to get Mitchie she's not moving!" He looked at me with wide eyes and noticed the drowning girl before pushing me back and jumping in after her. He swam straight to her and grabbed her tightly. He was taking too long for my liking but they both came up and he started slightly pushing her towards the edge. I knelt down and grabbed her arm. The water was weighing her down and I didn't think I could lift her out by myself but I still pulled. Eric came next to me and grabbed her other arm and together we yanked her out and laid her on the hard ground. Looks like someone finally decided to stop being useless._

_Zach climbed out of the pool, soaking wet, and ran to Mitchie's body, still unmoving. Her face was completely drained of color except for her lips which were a dull blue-ish color. I couldn't fight back the tears anymore and I let them pour out as I grabbed her cold hand. I held onto it firmly, secretly hoping that it will somehow help her come back to me. Zach was trying to revive her, pressing into her chest repeatedly, over and over and over. Nothing was happening. I wanted to scream. The look on his face was heartbreaking as he tried even harder to get her to breathe._

_Without a warning, Mitchie's body started convulsing. It almost looked like she was having a seizure. I looked at her with nothing but fear and hope in my eyes. She shot up quickly and started coughing out the water in her lungs. Everyone gasped and sighed in relief. It actually angered me. They're so happy she's okay but they didn't even try to help her. She was gagging and choking on the water and Zach pounded a closed fist onto her back to help her get it out. Still holding onto her hand, I used my other to rub soothing circles on her back praying that she was going to be okay._

_She was gasping after she stopped spitting up water and Zach moved to sit next to her, breathing deeply, trying to calm himself down as well. I was so shaken up I couldn't even look at her anymore. I reluctantly let go of her as Zach went to hug her and whispered something in her ear. I just sat on the other side of her still slightly panicking. I know that she's okay but I can't believe I almost lost her again. I wanted to break down at the thought of it but I tried to hold myself together._

"_Eric, go into the house and grab an ice pack or something. They're in the freezer in the basement. Her mouth is going to start bruising." Zach's orders broke my thought and I saw him glaring at Eric like he wished he was dead; at least now I'm not the only one who feels that way. Eric nodded and jogged towards the house. "I'm gonna go grab some towels, okay?" He turned to me. "Stay with her." I quickly nodded. Of course I was going to stay with her. I moved closer to her as Zach left us alone. I was still lost in my own mind when I felt a cold, shaky hand hold onto mine gently. The feeling of it comforted me and I relaxed a little. I intertwined our fingers, never wanting her to let go. I felt like I was going to lose her again if I wasn't holding onto her for dear life. She started to lie down on the floor and I moved to do the same. I had to calm myself down. Even though her hand was as cold as ice it was burning my skin. I sucked in a breath, willing myself to finally look at her._

"_I told you not to," I whispered. I don't even know if she actually heard me "It nearly killed me when you didn't come back up. If Zach didn't jump in when he did, I…Mitchie, you can't…" I trailed off. I felt my tears coming back and I couldn't contain the single drop that fell down my face. She wiped it away for me and I felt more on its way. I wanted to fall apart at her touch. "I begged you, Mitch…you could have died." That look of guilt was back on her face again._

"_I'm sorry." She held my hand even tighter and the gesture sent a shiver throughout my body. I used the hand that she wasn't holding to reach up to touch her face. The color was starting to return to it and the bruise was becoming more evident. As lightly as I could manage, I traced it with my fingers hoping that I wasn't hurting her. Even with a busted jaw she was still absolutely breathtaking and, without thinking, I felt myself leaning closer to her face. Before I did something I would regret I lowered my head slightly to kiss the side of her mouth gently. I went back to my original position on the ground next to her and just sat there. My insides were going to explode. I had to keep my breathing under control and being this close to her wasn't helping. I made a move to get up but she pulled me back down to her._

"_Don't leave," she begged in such a small voice that she sounded like a helpless child. I knew I had to put my own problems aside so I could be there for her._

"_I'm not going anywhere, I promise," I assured her and held onto her hand a little tighter. We didn't say anything else after that. It was quiet until I opened one of my eyes to see the bane of my existence standing over us._

"_You guys okay?" Eric was holding an ice pack in one hand and a towel in the other. I wanted to tell him to get lost but Mitchie took the ice pack from him and put it on her wound, cringing in pain at the contact. I helped put the towel around her because she looked like she was turning blue again._

"_Yeah, we're fine. Thanks Eric," Mitchie told him, her voice sounding hoarser than ever. I kept my mouth shut, afraid that if I opened it I would go off on him._

"_No problem, just…glad you're alright." He said awkwardly to us. I just wanted him to leave us alone. I noticed Mitchie holding onto her head in pain and I became worried again. _

"_Mitch, what's wrong?" She looked like she was on the verge of passing out._

"_I think I need to lie down."_

"_Okay, well it's almost three anyway. C'mon let's go to bed." I tried standing up but she stopped me again. I looked at her, confused._

"_Please…stay with me?" As if I could leave if I wanted to._

"_Mitch, I'm right here. I promise I'm not leaving you." She nodded but didn't look like she was about to go anywhere. She was probably too drunk and tired to move. I looked to Eric who was still standing there, not talking. I was about to help Mitchie up but Eric put a hand on my shoulder, preventing me from doing so. Irritated, I shrugged him off of me but he was persistent. "What?"_

"_Let me help you."_

"_I think you helped enough. Oh, wait…no you didn't." I told him bitterly. He grabbed one of her arms anyway and threw it over his shoulder as I did the same to her other arm. We started carrying her into the house. People were looking at us but I think they all knew what had happened so no one really asked anything. When we reached the stairs, Eric tripped on the first step a little bit. I mumbled an 'idiot' but I think he heard me._

"_Did I do something to you Alex?" he asked as we reached the top of the steps._

"_Don't talk to me," I said firmly. I didn't even want to be near him let alone talk to him._

"_Oh c'mon, look, I," he started but I cut him off._

"_You know what Eric? Just shut up, okay? I don't want to hear it so leave me alone." He glared at me and threw his arms in the air, ready to go on some type of rant. He's an even bigger idiot than I thought. As he released his hold, all of Mitchie's weight suddenly leaned onto me. I tried to fix my footing to balance us but she was like dead weight and we both fell to the floor. I heard Mitchie scream in pain and I winced as I quickly turned her over. "Shh, Mitch, I'm so sorry are you okay?"_

"_Owww what the fuck was that?" she slurred out while groaning in pain. I glared up at Eric who had his hand on his forehead and his eyes shut tight. I swear I am going to kill him._

"_Holy shit you are so useless. How many times are you going to let her go you fucking idiot?" I yelled at him._

"_I'm sorry, I didn't mean to! God, Alex can you just relax?" It took everything in me not to kick him in his crotch._

"_Relax? You want me to relax? If you would have just held her back like I told you to, she wouldn't have gotten hit. If you would have just jumped in after her like I told you to, she wouldn't have almost died. And now you drop her like a fucking retard and you want me to relax?" I asked him, incredulously. "Look at how much pain she's in!" I yelled, pointing to Mitchie who was writhing on the floor clutching her hurt jaw._

"_I'M SORRY! Stop yelling at me! Alright, I'm sorry!" I sighed, not wanting to argue with him anymore._

"_Just go, I'm gonna help her get to bed." He didn't say anything. He just shook his head and left the room, slamming the door shut on the way out._

"_What happened?" I turned to see a dazed Mitchie finally sitting up although it looked like it was a challenge for her._

"_Nothing, don't worry about it Mitch. C'mon let's get up." I stood from the floor and realized that she wasn't following me. I bent down to her and with all the strength I had in me I put one arm behind her back and another behind her legs and lifted her up. She wasn't heavy at all but I was still a little drunk and extremely exhausted. Thankfully, the bed wasn't far from where we were and I moved over to lay her down on it._

"_Where's Eric?" she asked randomly. My heart sank a little._

"_Um…I kind of told him to leave." I didn't know if she would be upset about that or not. "I could bring him back if you want," I offered hesitantly. My chest tightened a little bit as I waited for her answer._

"_He's trying to take my pants off. I keep saying to that I don't want to but I mean why? I have no idea." What does that even mean? I think the alcohol is taking over completely. She's not even making sense anymore. I don't even know how she's awake._

"_It's okay Mitch, he's gone now," I assured her as I moved to lie down next to her. She turned to face me._

"_Oh…so I don't have to touch him…he is so…he bites me." Even if she's not saying real sentences I still didn't want to hear about her 'fun time' with Eric._

"_Then why'd you do it?" She looked deep in thought for about two seconds._

"_Because he's there?"_

"_So are a lot of other people," I told her, hoping to convince her to stop this with Eric. She shook her head like a defiant little five-year-old._

"_No there's not. Not since Shane." Her face went from drunkenly confused to just plain sad. "Only Eric wants me. He says I'm pretty it's only before he wants to have sex with me but I know he's lying." I looked at her in disbelief._

"_You're crazy if you think that Mitchie." She shook her head again, disagreeing with me but I held her face steady with a light grip, avoiding the mark by her mouth. She looked like she was slightly nodding off. I don't think she even knows where we are anymore or who she's with. I hoped that she would at least listen to me. "Mitch, I'm serious. Anyone would be lucky to be with someone like you. You're smart, you're funny, and you're literally the nicest person I have ever met in my entire life. And you're gorgeous. I hate it when you doubt how beautiful you are, inside and out. I swear Mitch you," I couldn't finish my sentence because I soon felt Mitchie press her lips onto mine forcefully. My eyes widened and I just lied there trying to figure out if this was actually happening. As much as I wanted to I couldn't even respond. I didn't move at all. She pulled back after a couple of seconds, her eyes still closed. I finally snapped out of it and focused on her. "Mitch, what are you," she cut me off with another kiss and I still couldn't bring myself to kiss her back. She was drunk. She probably thinks I'm Eric or something. I cringed for a moment before I felt her break the kiss again._

"_Come on Alex," she said quietly, almost desperately. I just stared at her. The broken up look on her face made me want to cry. She looked sad again, probably because I was rejecting her, but I couldn't do that to her. She doesn't really want this. She's drunk and upset. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into me. I hugged her tightly and kissed her cheek, hoping that it would make her feel better. She lifted her head from my chest and stared into my eyes. I stared back, admiring her. My heart constricted when she leaned into me once again, but a little slower this time. The voice inside my head was screaming at me to turn away or just haul ass out of this whole house. I stayed where I was and felt her lips on mine again. It wasn't as forceful as before. I felt my will power deteriorating and I cursed myself before I closed my eyes and gave in. I kissed her back._

_My lips were on fire. I have never wanted something so bad in my entire life. We broke apart after a moment and she immediately grabbed my face and brought me back in for a passionate, drunken kiss. It was faster and more urgent. My hands were still wrapped around her and she moved her hands from my face to the back of my head. I kissed her back with as much force as I could manage, getting high off of the feeling of her tongue against mine. The voice in my head was shouting at me to stop once again but I couldn't listen to it. It was like something took over my entire body. Plus, I may never get this chance again so I took it._

_She started getting more and more into the kiss and I could feel her breathing getting heavier, matching my own. My heart was beating a million times per second and I'm surprised that I wasn't shaking. She moved so that she was on top and I allowed her to straddle me. I was still possessed and I let her move from my mouth to my neck. I also let her move her hands to my waist as I moved mine to tangle in her dark brown hair. I even let myself moan as she slowly started rocking her hips against mine. This was fucking ecstasy._

_I was reveling in the heaven that was Mitchie's irresistible lips when the voice yelled at me loud and clear. What the fuck am I still doing? What kind of a friend am I? She's drunk! She is absolutely drunk! I can't let this continue. I brought my hands to her shoulders to try and push her back but she grabbed them and pinned them above my head. She kissed my lips once more and I felt myself melt at her touch. I was helpless._

_No, no I wasn't. I'm not. I'm not as drunk as she is. I can stop this. I was about to say something but she let go of my hands and started taking my jacket off, not breaking our kiss for a second. She threw it on the floor and slid her hands under my shirt. My eyes widened and I felt myself slowly coming back to reality. I tried to stop her from taking it off but she somehow succeeded and tossed it aside. I tried to keep myself from hyperventilating as she just stared at me. She ran her hands over my chest and I sucked in a breath while shutting my eyes as tightly as possible. I prayed to God that the room was too dark and that she was too drunk to notice my reaction. I did the only thing I could think of and I flipped us over so that I was on top._

_Her hands were still on me and I couldn't stop the moan that slipped from my mouth again. I didn't want to enjoy this. I couldn't. This was so wrong. I felt like an animal and I couldn't control myself. I practically tore her top off and started kissing her chest as my hands roamed all over her perfect body. I slid them down her sides and over her hip bones to the top of her still drenched jeans. Without thinking, I unbuttoned them and proceeded to take them off. I felt her stop moving underneath me and I thought that she finally came to her senses and realized what she was doing. I also stopped, fearing the worst would happen. She moved her hands towards mine and lifted herself off the bed a little and slid her jeans the rest of the way down and kicked them off. I kissed her lips passionately and I heard her moan my name into my mouth. That was like lighting a match to the tank of gasoline inside of me. I just exploded. All thoughts of stopping this fled my mind and I kissed her harder._

_Her movements against me slowed down a bit but I still kept going. I sucked on her neck as my hands trailed to her hips again. I kissed her collarbone down to her chest and all the way down her stomach. I moved down even further until I reached the hem of her underwear. Still trapped in my reverie, I moved my hands to her thighs as I slid them up. I looked up for a moment before reality came crashing down on me…hard. I retracted my hands that were now shaking uncontrollably. I knew there was a reason she wasn't moving anymore._

_What did I just do? What the fuck was I about to do? She's so drunk that she passed out! God damn it I should have stopped. What the hell was I thinking? Mitchie didn't want this. I was being selfish again. I can't believe I gave in when I knew what I was doing! My internal argument was cut short when I heard the door knob turning and my heart immediately stopped. I pulled away from Mitchie's unconscious body but I didn't have enough time to get off of the bed before the door swung open and I prayed that I was just having a nightmare._

"_What the fuck is this? You're cheating on me now?"_

"_What? No!" I yelled back._

"_Then why is she naked?" I looked at her clothes in a pile on the floor and I tried to come up with something._

"_Her clothes were wet because YOU punched her and she fell into the pool you idiot." Well it was true._

"_Don't fucking lie to me Alex!" he screamed._

"_I'm not lying, Nate!" He came up to me and grabbed me by my arm and threw me onto the floor. My face hit the ground so hard that my own teeth punctured my lip. I was in so much pain but I didn't want him to know that._

"_How stupid do you think I am?" he asked seriously._

"_Very, actually." I know I probably shouldn't have said. He slapped me across the face. It was excruciating._

"_I'm glad you think you're funny, you worthless whore." His words stung badly but I was still focused on the throbbing in my cheek. He's never hit me before. He'd always just shove me or squeeze my arm a little too tightly, but never hit me. "I could hear you." My entire world had just stopped after hearing those words. Shit. There was no use in trying to lie to him anymore. He knew. I stayed quiet and turned away from him. He grabbed my face roughly and forced me to look at him. His eyes were filled with hatred. "You disgust me."And with that he let me go and left me on the floor._

_I just sat there and cried. I cried long and hard. I choked on my sobs as I looked toward the bed where Mitchie lay fast asleep. I thought about all of the things we just did, all of the things I was doing to her. She was drunk and I knew better. She is my whole life and my entire reason for being. I love her more than anything in the world. She is my best friend and I took advantage of her. I felt like a monster. My insides were burning and I thought I was going to be sick. I couldn't be here anymore. I couldn't be here when she woke up. I couldn't even look at her without feeling repulsed with myself. I told myself I would never give in to my feelings and I did. She would hate me if she knew what I did. I hated myself. I had to leave._

_I found my shirt and quickly put it on along with my shoes. I grabbed whatever else I had before going. I didn't talk to anyone else in the house on my way out. I opened the front door and left. Once I was outside I started running. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me. I ran for miles. I ran until the tears running down my face dried from the wind. I ran until my lungs were on fire. I ran until I reached my house. I looked up at it and started feeling sick again. I couldn't go home either. I dug through my jacket pockets hoping that they were still in there. I felt the small metal loop attached to the object I was looking for. I pulled my car keys out and quickly got in before I sped away, not daring to look back._

_End Flashback_

I finished my story, of course excluding the details about my feelings for her, and we sat there in silence. I was trying not to cry but the suspense was absolutely killing me. We weren't looking at each other and she wasn't saying anything. This was a bad idea. I knew I shouldn't have told her, but after everything I have ever put her through I felt like I owed her the truth for once. It wasn't the whole truth but it was a start. I thought I might feel better after getting that off of my chest but I felt sicker than I have ever felt in my life. I wanted to run, but this was my house. And I promised I wouldn't run away again. I needed to face this but God her silence was deafening. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs just to break it.

"Please say something," I begged, my voice cracking a little. She didn't even react. She just continued to stare straight in front of her, lips slightly parted, deep in thought. She blinked a couple times and her eyebrows furrowed. She looked angry. If I didn't already hate myself, then I definitely did now.

**TO BE CONTINUED.**

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><p><strong>AN 2: Ohhhh shit what's gonna happen? lol sorry, please don't hate me for this. A little note about Part II: Alex may or may not be telling Mitchie the whole truth about her issues.**

****I smell drama in the next one!**  
><strong>

**A/N 3: Chapter Song Title/Quote: House Of Cards by Madina Lake**


	9. House Of Cards Part II

**A/N 1: Fast update (but shorter than the last)! Hopefully it didn't come out as rushed as I think it did because I didn't want you guys to wait so long for this one. There's a lot of emotion in this chapter so I hope I got it right. I feel like I could have done better but I've done all I could do to it. It starts out still in Alex's POV but it goes back to Mitchie's because it's difficult for me to write in Alex's. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this chapter. It's the most dramatic/emotional one yet. Let me know what you think I love hearing your opinions**.

**Read, Review, Follow, Favorite, all that shit.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

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><p>9. House Of Cards Part II<p>

_I'm afraid to be alone  
>I'm afraid that one day you'll find out<br>And you'll be amazed at the secrets I keep  
>You'll be amazed at my mouth full of lies<br>But I'm too afraid to come clean_  
>'<em>Cause my life's the flame in a house of cards<em>

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><p>"Anything…just say <em>anything<em>," I pleaded on the verge of breaking down. I couldn't take the look on her face. I'm just sitting here waiting for her to start screaming at me. I _wish_ she would scream at me. I wish she would do _something_, anything but this. She was glaring at my wall for the longest time. Can she just yell at me already and get it over with? "Mitch?" Nothing. "Are you okay?" Nothing. "Mitchie, can you just look at me?" Still nothing. That's it, I can't take it anymore. I stood up but her hand flew to my wrist instantly, holding me in place. Well, at least she's moving.

"Don't," she finally said after about five more seconds of silence. She still wasn't looking at me though. "Why didn't you tell me?" I couldn't understand the emotion in her voice. She was like a robot. I didn't want to answer her but she pulled me down to sit next to her again. I just wanted to disappear and forget any of this ever happened. "Answer me."

"Are you really asking me that?"

"I can't believe you lied to me," she said quietly. "Well actually I can, considering you lie about everything."

"Mitchie…please, I didn't _want_ to lie to you but I had no choice. I just couldn't tell you!" She finally looked at me, her expression still unreadable.

"Are you still with him?" Of all the questions she could have asked did she have to ask that one.

"W-what do you mean?" She closed her eyes and looked away from me again.

"You know what I mean." Her voice rose slightly. I bit my lip and looked down remaining quiet, ashamed to even face her anymore. "You've got to be kidding me Alex."

"I'm sorry," I whispered. She went from stoic to completely angry.

"You're still with him! He hit you Alex! How many times has this even happened?" I looked back at her and shook my head quickly.

"Never. I swear that was the only time he's ever done something like that. But it doesn't matter Mitchie. I deserved it," I tried to reason with her. I really don't know why I'm defending him.

"How can you say that it doesn't matter? Of course it matters! You didn't deserve that Alex!" Did she even listen to the entire story I just told her?

"Yes I did! Were you even listening to a word I just said!" I yelled at her, not meaning to be so loud.

"What are you talking about?" She is _killing _me!

"Don't make me say it again Mitch! It was hard enough the first time!"

"Alex, just calm down," she said in a much quieter tone than mine.

"I can't calm down! Do you know how painful it was for me to tell you that? I feel like I can't even breathe right now!" She looked at me with her eyebrows scrunched together.

"Tell me what? That we had sex?" She sounded a little madder. Although this was the reaction I was expecting I was seconds away from absolutely losing my mind. My hands were sweating and my heart was racing.

"We didn't have sex!" I shouted quickly. The tears that I was trying so desperately to hold in were slowly starting to break free. My uneven breathing slowed down a bit as I tried not to fall apart. She was still looking at me confused.

"Then what's the problem?" Oh. My. _God_.

"DID YOU NOT HEAR ME!" She flinched at my sudden screaming. "We didn't have sex but we almost did! The only reason we didn't is because you passed out!" I couldn't control myself. I had to be careful though. Everything I had bottled up started leaking through the cracks in my giant wall of lies and shame. "I'm sorry Mitchie, I'm sorry!" The tears were running down my face like a waterfall and I was trying to talk over the sobs I was finally letting out. "I couldn't stand to look at you after so I left. I'm sorry!" She tried to put a hand on my shoulder.

"You didn't have to run away because of that. Alex, it's okay." I shrugged her off of me.

"No it's not! We were drunk and…the things we did…I basically took advantage of you! God, I felt like…like I was raping you or something. Mitch we almost went through with it! What don't you understand about that? I _had_ to leave!" I yelled, my body now visibly shaking with my cries.

"We were _going_ to, but we didn't. Alex, I'm not mad at you. I don't think you took advantage of me." My tremors slowed but the tears didn't stop. "I mean yeah I am mad, but only because you lied to me about it. I thought we were best friends. I thought we told each other everything." She paused to let out a long sigh. "Look, I always gave you your space when you wanted to keep things from me because I wanted to respect your privacy. Obviously there's something bothering you but if you don't feel comfortable enough to tell me of all people about it then I figured I should just let you be. But I'm worried about you all the time. Why don't you trust me enough to let me help you? I told you that I'm not going to hate you."

"You _can't_ help me. No one can help me," I let out with a broken cry.

"Alex, why are you being like this? You're getting so worked up about this but I told you that it doesn't matter. I'm a little shocked, yes, but it's not a big deal." I shut my eyes tight before I stood up and started pacing a little. She just didn't get it.

"But it _is_ a big deal!" She stood up as well and grabbed a hold of my arm to stop me from moving around.

"No it's not! We were drunk! It was stupid, it was a mistake, and it didn't mean anything!" she tried to reason with me and I swear my entire heart shattered to pieces. It meant nothing to her. I couldn't tell her that it actually meant _everything_ to me. The tears came even harder and I didn't want to be around her anymore. I moved away from her but she followed me. "Alex, what's wrong? Talk to me." I swear if this wasn't my house I would have been out of here by now. But this was my house, so I did the only thing that seemed logical to me.

"Can you just go Mitchie?" She looked at me with confused eyes.

"C'mon Alex," I stopped her. I couldn't do this. She was completely breaking me and she didn't even know it.

"I mean it Mitchie. I don't want to talk to you, just go," I warned firmly. She looked hurt but she didn't make a move to leave. I didn't like hurting her but…she was hurting me and she wasn't even trying to.

"You're being ridiculous. I'm not leaving until you talk to me."

"We talked. It's done. Just. Go," I said a little louder. I didn't mean to yell at her but she had to get out of here. This was too hard for me to deal with and I wanted nothing more than to run away again. There was no way in hell I was going to stick around and let her break my heart a million times over. It hurt way too much. I could actually feel pain in my chest. It was like someone was wrapping their hand around my heart, digging in their nails and squeezing the life out of it. I shoved past her and headed for my bedroom door. I think she knew what I was doing because she grabbed my hand tightly.

"Alex, stop it! You're not running away again!" I tried yanking my hand out of her grasp but she was wearing me down. "You're overreacting!" Her voice alone had enough power to make me weak in the knees…but I had leave.

"Get off of me Mitchie! I'm not doing this!"

**Mitchie's POV**

She tried to struggle out of my hold on her but I wasn't about to let her go. I have never seen her like this. She's been bad but never _this_ bad. Her mood swings are out of control. This storm came at us full force I can't believe I didn't see it coming. She was crying and trembling and screaming at me but I refused to give up. She tried harder to pull away from me but I just grabbed her other wrist. With both of her hands behind her back she just got more upset. She started freaking out and tugged even harder.

"LET ME GO!" I didn't say anything. I just kept my grip on her, refusing to give up. I released one of her hands to reach for her shoulder and I spun her around to face me. She turned her head as far away from me as she could manage I thought her neck was about to break. I grabbed her chin and forced her to face me but her eyes avoided my own. I sighed.

"Alex, look at me." She shook her head stubbornly.

"No!" She moved her head away from me again but I just brought it back to where it was.

"Look at me!" She didn't say anything. She just pulled her other hand even harder. I jerked her back towards me once more until she was close enough for me to put my arms around her. I hugged her tightly.

"Mitchie get off!" she cried as her sobs came back. I felt her shuddering against my chest as she brought her hands up to my shoulders, trying to shove me away. "Why are you doing this? Just let me go!"

"I'm doing this because I love you!" She shoved me even harder. "C'mon Alex we're best friends just stop this!"

"No we're not! Get off I don't want to talk to you! I don't even want to look at you! Just get away from me!" I tried to cover up how hurt I was. Now was not the time to let my own tears fall. One of us had to hold ourselves together.

"I know you don't mean that just please calm down," I said evenly, hoping to lighten her up a bit.

"Fuck you Mitchie you don't know anything!" I ignored her and just hugged her tighter. "Don't touch me!" She sounded both angry and terrified. I tried to keep my arms wrapped around her waist as best as I could with her now hitting me with all her strength. She slammed her fists into my arms and chest over and over but I didn't falter. It's not like it really hurt me anyway; her hands are pretty small. She was sobbing so hard that she kept coughing and choking every time she would try to throw another hurtful comment my way. I didn't respond to any of them. She eventually got fed up with me not reacting to her and she let out a strained 'I hate you' and I actually thought about letting her go. I know she's just upset but that cut me deep. I had to ignore it though and stand my ground. She continued to punch me until she wore herself out and, still in my arms, she started to collapse.

She wasn't yelling at me anymore either, just crying. She buried her head in my neck and I felt hot tears stain my skin. She finally hugged me back and clung to me tightly. She looked so frightened and vulnerable. I don't know what to do. I can't stand to see her this way. Her legs were buckling and I led her to sit on the floor so she wouldn't fall down. I cradled the broken girl in my lap and I ran my fingers through her hair, trying to calm her. She began whispering desperate apologies into my chest as her tears seeped through the fabric of my shirt.

"It's okay Alex. It's okay. Everything is gonna be alright," I continuously whispered in her ear. "Whatever it is, it's gonna be fine." I could feel her head shake in disagreement against my torso.

"Stop being so nice to me I don't deserve it," she said just as quietly. I pulled away slightly so I could see her face.

"Don't say that Alex, of course you do," I reassured her. She put her head back down on my shoulder.

"Mitchie please, just stop it." This was hopeless. I am never going to get through to her. This girl was one giant enigma even after all of these years. I sighed.

"Can we just talk? No screaming or fighting or hitting?" I asked in a soft tone. She didn't agree to anything but she didn't shake her head or protest either so I took that as an invitation to start talking. "Okay…can you please just explain to me what's going on with you?"

"I'm sorry," she finally said after a long silence. Her voice was low and raspy from all the crying.

"Sorry for what?"

"For everything." She looked up at me again; the pain in her face was as noticeable as the cuts and bruises on it. I brought my hand up to graze her bottom lip. A tear escaped as she shut her eyes at my touch. My finger ghosted over it as I moved to the reddish mark on her cheek, to the patch of light bluish purple under her eye, and up to the fading scrape near her eyebrow. I glanced down at my shirt where she had previously cried into. I saw faint makeup stains smudged onto it. I couldn't believe what I was looking at.

"What did he do to you?" I asked with a bated breath. She opened her eyes and shook her head.

"It's nothing. Don't worry, I'm fine."

"Alex, you're not fine. And I don't like that there is someone hurting you like this." She closed her eyes again and started crying. She got off of me and stood up and I did the same, making sure she couldn't try to leave again.

"Can we just not talk about him anymore…please?" she begged without turning around to look at me.

"But isn't that what all this is about?" I asked. She spun around and looked at me in disbelief.

"What?"

"Isn't he the problem?" She let out a humorless laugh.

"You can't be serious." I officially have no idea what's going on anymore. She just stared at me with a dumbfounded expression. I kept mine straight so she would know that I was in fact being serious. "That's just great."

"What are you talking about Alex?"

"You really just don't pay attention to anything, do you Mitchie?" she asked, starting to get mad again. I was dreading her third or fourth mood swing of the night. It was exhausting.

"Apparently not because every time I try to talk to you, you end up screaming and pushing me away." She narrowed her eyes at me. Now she was mad.

"See this is why I don't bother!" she shouted at me.

"You're doing it again," I said pointedly. She didn't look like she cared.

"I don't care! This is better then what I feel every single day! This is better than what I have felt for the past five years! This is better than having my heart ripped out and stomped on! This is better than any amount of pain I suffer through! This is better than feeling scared and upset and trapped and guilty and worthless!" I looked at her with my mouth open. She was crying hard again. I was in awe.

"I'm sorry Alex, I really am."

"Don't apologize if you don't even know what you're sorry for!"

"I don't know what to tell you Alex! I'm sorry okay? I'm sorry that I have no idea what you're feeling! I'm sorry that I'm so dense that I wouldn't understand what you're going through even if it was painfully obvious! Okay? I'm sorry!" She didn't say anything. "C'mon Alex, I love you but I just don't know what to do anymore."

"Please stop saying that!" She had a look of anguish and guilt on her face. Why does she continue to feel guilty? I don't understand it.

"For the billionth fucking time, I'm not mad at you! I promised that I wouldn't hate you after you told me why you left. You were honest with me and guess what? I DON'T hate you!" I shouted at her and she fell to her knees with an earth shattering sob. Her whole body shook in agony as she cried hysterically into her hands.

"Stop! I can't take it anymore!" I knelt down until I was at eye level with her. I didn't say anything though. I was afraid I might set her off again because, honestly, all I would say is that I have no idea what she is talking about. I put my hand over hers to pull it away from her face slowly. She stared at me sadly before she finally spoke again. "I lied to you." I stared at her confused.

"When?"

"Before…when I told you about Friday night…"

"We were drunk, it's okay Alex." Only her hands were trembling now as she shook her head.

"_You_ were drunk." I blinked a few times trying to comprehend what she just said to me, taking careful note of the way she said 'you.'

"What?"

"_You_ were drunk…_I _wasn't." I didn't know what to say. I just stood back up, not a single emotion ran through my body or my mind. She looked up at me. "I was practically sober after watching you drown. After Eric left, you were upset and I tried to comfort you. You kissed me and I tried to stop you but you were just so…sad. I knew better and I shouldn't have done it but I felt bad and I just…I'm sorry."

"You…were sober?" was the only form of a coherent response I could come up with. She nodded her head slowly. "And…that's why you left?" I wasn't really asking because I didn't know, I just wanted to make sure I was getting this right.

"Well, um…that among other things."

"What _other_ things?"

"My life is just one big mess Mitch. I couldn't handle it anymore. I don't know what to do. Every time I think I have it under control I fall apart. I just wanted to finally leave everyone and everything." I didn't like the way she was talking. It was scaring me and the distant and dead look in her eyes made me want to cry with her. I tore my gaze from her because it was too much. I looked anywhere but her. I looked all around her room. It was a mess and there were random things scattered about her desk. One object in particular caught my eye though and I looked back to it again. I recognized it from a long time ago but why was it out now? I started getting nervous and I almost didn't want to ask my next question, for fear of what the answer might be.

"Alex…" Her eyes moved to mine and then tried to find what I was looking at. "Why is that out?"

"What are you talking about?" I walked over to her desk and picked up the small item. I turned over to read the small orange bottle. Her full name was written across it as well as the name of her doctor. I read further down the sticker to see the complicated medical terms and dosage. It was her painkillers from when she broke her knee. She was around fourteen. She fell down the stairs and had to go to the hospital because Max never learned to put his crap away. I remember being with her every single day until she got better; six whole weeks. I held up the nearly empty bottle of pills to her.

"What were you doing with these?" She looked at me with an unreadable expression. I took a deep breath, ready to confront her. "Alex were you…were you going to…" I trailed off. I just couldn't finish that sentence. I didn't want to ever have to ask something like this. She seemed to know what I was thinking though and her eyes widened and she quickly rose to her feet.

"No! No, no, no, no. I swear I wasn't going to try to kill myself." I looked at her doubtfully, but wanting to believe her so badly.

"Then what are they doing out?"

"I was just getting rid of some things in my room and I found those. I figured I didn't need them anymore so I'd toss them. I just forgot where I put it," she answered, but I couldn't tell if that was true or just well rehearsed. She noticed my skepticism. "Mitchie I swear I wasn't going to do that again." I nodded and turned to the desk. As I set the bottle back down on the wooden surface I froze and then immediately spun back around to see Alex staring at me with even wider eyes than before.

"Wait…what the fuck do you mean _again_?" She didn't say anything. She just kept the deer-in-headlights look on her face. "ALEX!" The room practically shook with my outburst she came out of her shock. I brought my voice back to normal. "You tried to kill yourself?" Her eyes wandered all over the place, anywhere but me.

"Don't make me answer that," she said so quietly I thought she was just mouthing it out. That was all the confirmation I needed before I finally let my tears start falling as I walked back up to her.

"How long ago was this?" I couldn't understand any of this. Why would she ever want to do something like that?

"Two years ago," she admitted, her voice dripping with shame and guilt. "I'm sorry. I never meant for you know about that. I didn't want you to get upset so I just kept it from you."

"Alex, you keep everything from me but…_this_, I can't believe you would do that to me." I think I was crying more than she was at this point. "And I didn't even know anything about it! You were suffering in silence and I had no idea. This is why I always want you to tell me things so I could be there for you! What could have possibly made you want to do this?"

"Everything!" She tried to catch her breath so she could speak properly. "I hated everything, I hated everyone, and I hated myself! I thought that everything would just be better if I wasn't alive. I couldn't take the pain I felt anymore. God, I just wanted out!" My chest tightened and I put my hands on her shoulders gently.

"What about me? Did I mean nothing to you? Alex you mean everything to me, do you know what it would have done to me if you had succeeded?"

"You would have been fine. I just make everything worse for everyone…especially you," she whispered sadly.

"No you don't." I held one of her hands. It was cold with sweat. "You make everything better."

"I ruin everything."

"Alex please stop. You know I hate it when you talk about yourself like this. I don't know why on Earth you would ever think like that." She pulled her hand out of mine and stopped looking at me again.

"Because it's true! I hate it when you say nice things about me because I don't believe any of it! I hate it when you're always there for me because I don't deserve to be comforted! I hate it when you tell me how much I mean to you because I am worthless!" I stared at her in shock. I can't believe how bad this was. I can't believe I never realized how bad it was. She's been feeling this way the whole time I have known her and I didn't even know. I felt awful. I wished she would start hitting me again. I wanted to be punished for not knowing. I wanted to feel physical pain for not realizing sooner. I know that she wouldn't have let me help her even if I did know but maybe she wouldn't have felt so helpless. "I have been trying so hard to live like this. I felt like I wasn't even worthy of life. I still had the pills left over so I swallowed a handful of them and I woke up in the hospital the next morning. I swear I wasn't planning on doing it again. I felt a thousand times worse afterwards. I was consumed by the guilt. I would look at you every day after that and think of what a terrible person I was to have done that to you. Mitchie, I know it was stupid but I was lost. I didn't know what to do with myself. It seemed like the best solution but when I woke up all I could think about was you and how disappointed you would be if you ever found out what I tried to do. I can't forgive myself and I don't expect you to forgive me either. I'm just a selfish person. And…that night that we…you know…I felt like that again. I felt guilty. You had no idea that anything had even happened."

"But…I was the one who started it."

"But I didn't have to go along with it."

"You were just trying to make me feel better." She brought her eyes back to me. I don't know how it is even possible for a single person to release so many tears in one night. Her eyes were red and she attempted to wipe her nose with the sleeve of her flannel shirt.

"No I wasn't." Her voice was shaky and weak. She looked so tired. "I tried to tell myself that that was the reason I did it but…it's not."

"What do you mean?" I feel like she is getting fed up with me by now.

"Never mind…just forget it," she said, clearly exasperated.

"Alex you can't keep all of this inside of you again!" I shouted at her as she began heading for her door. She stopped dead in her tracks and turned around to scream at me.

"Why not? I've been doing it for years! I think I can go a little bit longer!" I walked right up to her to look her in the eyes.

"Why are you doing this?" Her face twisted as she let out another strangled cry.

"You wouldn't understand!"

"Then make me!" She grabbed me by my arms. I should have known she was going to start hitting me again. She shoved me against her wall, hard. I felt pain surge through my entire back and shoulders. I was about to tell her to calm down when she gripped me even tighter. Before I could react to the pain she crashed her lips into mine and kissed me. I could feel her tears on my own face. I didn't know how to respond. I was frozen in place but the only thing I could focus on was the girl in front of me. My eyes closed and I don't know what it was but I kissed her back. I don't know how long we stayed like that but it couldn't have been more than a few seconds and before I knew it she pulled away. I was still stuck where I was, dazed and confused. When I opened my eyes I finally came back to reality…and reality scared the shit out of me. I gasped and my eyes widened in pure shock and horror. This was an absolute nightmare.

**TO BE CONTINUED.**

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><p><strong>AN 2: Oh did I say it was going to be a two-parter? I meant it was going to be a three-parter. Again, don't hate me lol. If you're confused let me know although you're answers might be in the next chapter but you know...whatever lol. I again apologize if this seemed rushed but I had to get it out.**

**A/N 3: Chapter/Song Title: House Of Cards by Madina Lake  
><strong>


	10. House Of Cards Part III

**A/N 1: Hey guys, this is the last part (for House Of Cards, not the whole story) I promise not to switch it up on you again and make it a four-parter lol. I don't know if anyone predicted this (because the last thing I want this story to be is predictable or you know...bad) but I hope I'm not throwing _too_ much drama in it now. But I can't really help it...it's supposed to be a dramatic story. So...yeah. But I _really_ want to know what you guys think of this chapter so if you normally don't I'd appreciate it if you would take to the time to leave a review. There's just something about this chapter that I wanted to get right, and I want to see if I got it. Enjoy!**

**Read, Review, Follow, Favorite, all that shit.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

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><p>10. House Of Cards Part III<p>

_It's such a shame what I've become  
>After years of breaking down<br>My whole life has come undone  
>Cause I'm trying to fake it all<em>

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><p>"<em>Why are you doing this?" Her face twisted as she let out another strangled cry.<em>

"_You wouldn't understand!"_

"_Then make me!" She grabbed me by my arms. I should have known she was going to start hitting me again. She shoved me against her wall, hard. I felt pain surge through my entire back and shoulders. I was about to tell her to calm down when she gripped me even tighter. Before I could react to the pain she crashed her lips into mine and kissed me. I could feel her tears on my own face. I didn't know how to respond. I was frozen in place but the only thing I could focus on was the girl in front of me. My eyes closed and I don't know what it was but I kissed her back. I don't know how long we stayed like that but it couldn't have been more than a few seconds and before I knew it she pulled away. I was still stuck where I was, dazed and confused. When I opened my eyes I finally came back to reality…and reality scared the shit out of me. I gasped and my eyes widened in pure shock and horror. This was an absolute nightmare._

I didn't even have time to be confused about what had just happened. I was too busy freaking out over the scene playing out in front of me. I wished that Alex kissing me was the only thing I had to worry about but this…this was…something else. I couldn't have been awake right now. There was no way that this could have been real. If I thought Alex's lips on mine had enough power to stun me to stone I was sorely mistaken. I literally couldn't move even though I knew I should. I had to. Everything inside of me was yelling at me to get up and do something but my bones were locked in place. Nothing could shake me from my catatonia. I was seeing everything in bits and pieces: the screaming, the rough grabs, the harsh throws, the brutal blows, the frantic pleas. All the while I just stood there, trying so hard to react…but nothing. Alex's desperate cry for my help was the trigger that brought me back to life and I suddenly felt my body moving without realizing what I was actually doing. All I knew was that I had to stop this.

I reached to grab the offending arm as it was pulled back before it could strike the sobbing girl crumpled on the floor again. I was immediately met with the opposite hand landing open-palmed on my right cheek. It stung like nothing I had ever felt but before I could even compose myself the arm in my grasp broke free and moved to the cordless phone on the desk next to me. Within milliseconds it was connected to my temple with brute force and I fell to the floor clutching my head in agony.

"OW! What the fuck is that phone made out of…titanium?" I screamed as I opened my eyes just enough to see Alex gripping her side tightly as she lay a few feet in front of me. A fist collided with the same temple and I could hear Alex's begging over my cry of pain.

"Mom, stop! Leave her alone!" I looked up through eyes straining to stay open to see Theresa turn back to face her daughter and I immediately found the will to get back up and hold her back before she could lay another finger on my best friend.

"Alex, run!" I pleaded, hoping she would listen to me and not be stubborn for once. Next thing I knew I was face down on the floor and I had a mild flashback to the night I wrestled with Nate. Similar to that fight, hands wrapped around my throat as I attempted to squirm away like a bug that knew it was about to die but tried to escape regardless. I was exhausted in seconds. My stamina has depleted from years of starving myself. I had no energy. "I mean it! Just go!" She just stared at me from her fetal position on the ground, completely frightened and unable to move. I was about to yell at her to get out of here again when I felt another fist knock into the side of my head and my vision started going. Before my eyes shut I saw Alex struggle to escape the room.

**Alex's POV**

I screamed as I watched my mom attack her. It was like Zach's house all over again. I had two options: A, try and help Mitchie wake up and possibly get killed in the process or B, run for the hills and pray Mitchie ultimately wakes up on her own. Mitchie's head dropped and I saw my mother's piercing, hate-filled glare turn back towards me. I'm pretty sure all the color drained from my face and my throat went dry. I pick B for now.

I ignored the pain in my abdomen and scrambled to my feet in a hurry and, with all the energy I had left, made a run for it. I could hear the footsteps behind me moving at a rapid pace, maybe even faster than mine. I saw the front door to my apartment, the prison's exit gate, and reached for the knob. A hand grabbed me by the back of my shirt and pulled me back until I was flat on the ground. I put my arms over my face, cowering in fear.

"Please Mom I'm sorry!" I tried begging but she drove her foot into my side once again.

"How many times do I have to tell you Alex, huh? How many times!" she screamed as she bent down to yank me back up. "How long has this been going on!" I flinched from her loudness.

"It hasn't! I swear this has never happened before!" It was the truth but I don't think she believed me. She never does.

"That girl has been here countless times and I will be damned if I'm going to allow this repulsive behavior in my own house!" I hated the way she would refer to her as 'that girl' all the time. My fear was gradually being replaced by anger.

"She has a name you know! I'm tired of you acting like she's nobody!" I was again thrown to the ground. This time my chin broke the fall.

"Don't talk back to me! I thought we discussed that this is unacceptable!" Another kick to the stomach. That one knocked the wind right out of me. I tried to catch my breath between coughing fits.

"I didn't mean for that to happen! It didn't mean anything! I swear it just happened, please, just stop!" I lied as I braced myself for another blow. I curled up in anticipation but was hoisted back up again. My legs were wobbling a bit and she held me firmly by my arms as she pushed me hard against the wall, the back of my head aching from the forceful contact. I let out a small whimper before I was slapped across the face.

"I will not have some fucking lesbian lie to me. You are disgusting." She said with venom wrapped around every word. My tears finally came back, along with more anger.

"I hate you!" I pushed her back just enough for me to slip out of her grasp and start running again only to find that I didn't have anywhere to go. I felt myself being cornered and I started panicking. I wanted to wake up from this awful dream. I wanted to take back this entire night. I want to be back with Mitchie. I don't even know if she's okay. This was all my fault. I have to get her. I need to know that she's okay.

My mom reached over the counter for the glass that was sitting on it. I had no doubt in my mind that she would use it to hurt me. She's used worse before. I tried to make a move to escape but she would just go the same way. I had nowhere to go. She pulled her arm back and chucked the glass my way with all the force in the world. I ducked as quickly as I could and it flew just above my head and landed against the wall behind me with a loud crash. The glass shattered and flew everywhere around me and she came at me again. I tried stopping her but we just ended up in a shoving match.

Every wound burned and throbbed. I felt myself growing tired and dizzy. The tears were still coming full force and I couldn't fight off the onslaught of punching and clawing and kicking and beating. It was torture. I didn't know how much longer I could endure so much pain. She has never hurt me this bad; at least not all in one night. But then again she has never walked in on me kissing my best friend…who happens to be a girl. I tried groveling.

"I'm sorry! I'll do anything, please! I can't take it, Mom, I can't!" I cried as I shook on the floor, a small amount blood coming down my face, from where I had no idea.

"Did you think I was stupid? I knew you were lying to me, Alex!"

"I wasn't lying to you! I swear!" Another hit.

"What the fuck was that in there then, huh?" I didn't answer her. I was too afraid to. How could I possibly explain to her what she saw? It was exactly what it looked like; two girls kissing each other. "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT IN THERE?" she repeated about ten times louder making me cry even harder as I shook my head. She grabbed my neck so tightly I thought she was going to tear the skin off of it. "SAY IT!"

"ALRIGHT! I kissed her!" Her hand released its hold on my throat and found its way to my cheek again instead. I could no longer tell the difference between the wetness of my tears and the wetness of my blood on my face. I was even starting to feel numb to every slap and punch she would throw.

"You are never allowed to see that girl ever again! Do you hear me?" she barked with the angriest look in her eyes. My eyes widened.

"You can't do that! I love her! She's my best friend, Mom!" Her hand balled up into a fist and it landed right on my face. Never mind, the pain was back.

"I DON'T CARE! THIS ENDS NOW!" She screamed. I'm surprised my neighbors haven't called the cops on us yet. "You will stay as far away from that girl as possible and you will go back to therapy first thing tomorrow," she ordered, inches away from my ear.

"What! No! I'm not going back you're insane!" I could have sworn I saw a bomb go off inside her pupils as she kicked me in the ribs. Over and over. I lost count of how many times she kicked me but after a couple more I was gasping for air again. To make it even more difficult, she bent over to choke me again. I just wanted Brian to come home but at the same time I didn't. I didn't want him to see this. I'm almost happy that Mitchie isn't even awake right now because she is literally the last person that I wanted to see this. Regardless, I wished she would come in here and save me from this nightmare. Maybe when all of this is over I could convince her that none of it actually happened. I could imagine my face turning blue as my ridiculous wishful thinking stopped and I remembered that my mother was practically killing me. "Please stop, I'm begging you! I can't breathe!" She stopped momentarily, and I used that half-second to my advantage. I shoved her off of me and she landed on the floor. I didn't even stick around to see how long it took for her to get up. I looked towards the front door and then towards my bedroom. I sprinted as fast as I could, looking behind me the whole time in case she caught up to me. I ran into my room and collided into something and I fell to the floor…again. Instead of smashing my face into the hard ground like I had expected to, I landed on something soft and…warm? It was a pleasant change. I almost didn't want to get up. I shook my head to regain consciousness and I looked down to see that the safety net that caught me was Mitchie.

**Mitchie's POV**

I eventually opened my eyes in a daze to an empty room. I could hear two people shouting at each other. One was loud and accusatory and one was scared and apologetic. Different spats of 'this is unacceptable' and 'I hate you' were thrown around as the ringing in my ears was slowly dying down. Crashes and sounds of glass breaking exploded throughout the house as I tried to stand up. My body still wasn't fully recovered from yesterday and I found it very difficult to hold up my own weight. I finally rose to my feet when I heard a loud thud before all the screaming ceased. I took one step and the bedroom door flew open. Before my mind could register what was happening I was tackled back down to the ground, the weight of another body pressing down on me. I was getting ready to rip out the person's throat with my bare hands when I realized who had just body-checked me.

"Shit, Mitchie are you okay? I'm so sorry!" The sweet, angelic voice, although shaken and hysterical, brought an overwhelming sense of calmness to me. My anger faded if not for a moment when I felt Alex's hands around my own attempting to lift me off of the hardwood. "Please you have to get up!" Her tone gave me strength to stand up once more. I must have gotten a second wind or something because my mind was racing a million miles per second. I ran to the door, slamming it shut, and locked it.

I turned around to see Alex sitting on the floor with both arms wrapped firmly around her stomach, shaking slightly. She was crying and there were even more bruises on her face than before. Her lip was cut and bleeding profusely as was her forehead, her chin, and her left cheek. My heart broke and I just wanted to sit with her and hold her and tell her that everything was going to be okay but for the first time I actually didn't believe that. I had no idea how long this has been happening. I once again hated myself for not knowing so much. I felt tears in my own eyes. I held them back as my anger took over. I started moving all around her room, searching. Alex kept her eyes on me but never said anything. She watched me step into her closet, frantically digging through things scattered on the floor. I didn't bother with being neat about it seeing as how Alex's room was already a pigsty. I threw things left and right and over my shoulder until I found what I was looking for. I grabbed the old gym bag and opened it and began throwing in anything I could find: shirts, pants, sweaters, shoes…whatever I could fit. Alex still stared at me wondering what in the world I could be doing in her closet for so long.

"Mitch, what are you doing?" she asked in a tiny, distressed voice. I zipped the bag and tossed it to her. She looked up at me confused. "What is this?"

"C'mon, we need to go," I said in a shockingly calm yet authoritative voice.

"You're scaring me." I looked in her eyes and saw nothing but panic and misery. I wanted so badly to wrap my arms around her and never let her go. I wanted to wipe her tears away and bring her bright smile back to her beautiful face. I wanted to murder her mother to make sure she would never be harmed ever again. I wanted to save her…and that's what I was going to do. I reached for her hands and picked her up off the floor. A loud, obnoxious banging made us snap our heads back towards the door.

"ALEX, OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW!" Alex shrunk back behind me, terrified. The thundering against the wood increased and I turned to face the frightened girl.

"Don't worry. We're getting out of here," I assured her but she didn't say anything. She just continued to whimper in fear and pain. I headed for her window and luckily it was still open. I grabbed the bag and threw it onto the fire escape. "Alex, let's go." She stopped questioning me and my antics and nodded her head quickly. The loud noise of fists slamming on the door stopped and for a brief moment I thought that she had given up. I almost felt relieved until I heard the faintest sound of a doorknob jiggling slowly and I was suddenly overcome with terror. "We have to go. Now!" I grabbed Alex by her arm roughly, without meaning to, and dragged her towards the window.

"Mitchie, what's going on?" she asked, clearly alarmed by my abrupt haste. The doorknob continued to move around and I all but pushed Alex out the window.

"She's picking the lock, start going down and head for my house!" I let out in a rush as I began to climb through the window myself. I was about halfway through when I heard a loud noise and I felt something pull me into the room. Alex looked on, even more afraid than before, as Theresa grabbed me by my ankles and dragged me back inside. Alex moved to pull me towards her but there was no use.

"MITCHIE!" she screamed after failing to hold onto my wrists.

"ALEX LEAVE!" I called out while her mother pinned me to the floor and started beating me.

"But Mitchie," I cut her off. There was no time to argue about this.

"GO!" She still wouldn't move. "I'll catch up with you just get out of here, NOW!" Punch after punch landed on my face, my head, and my sides. "PLEASE!" She nodded and turned away from me, albeit reluctantly, and hurried down the steps on the side of the building. I brought my attention back to the she-devil currently on top of me.

"Get off!" I struggled to get out of her hold but she sure was strong.

"You stay away from this house! You will not corrupt Alex and ruin my family!" she shouted in my face. I finally pushed her off of me.

"It was just one kiss! She's your daughter how could you do this to her!" She narrowed her eyes at me as she slapped me again. I grabbed my face and hissed in pain.

"That vile…thing…is _not_ my daughter," she said sternly. My blood boiled. I wanted to rip her to shreds. She was acting as if Alex wasn't even a human being. I couldn't imagine how someone could ever hurt that girl and I wanted to single-handedly kill anyone that ever thought it would be okay. I could murder this woman right now and feel no remorse. I shoved her hard against the closet door.

"Don't you _dare_ talk about her like that. Ever," I warned her in the most threatening tone that I could manage.

"You don't scare me. You're just a weak little fucking dyke like she is," she spat as she grabbed me and brought me down to the floor. I was fuming and I couldn't control myself. My body was telling me to stop because I couldn't handle it but I ignored the burning in my muscles and kept fighting. At first I just wanted to get away but now I really wanted to hurt her. I wanted her to suffer as much as she has made Alex suffer. I wanted her to have scars that matched Alex's. I wanted her to bleed. I wanted her to cry.

I somehow managed to finally get on top of her and I started relentlessly punching her. My fists landed with a crack and she tried to protect herself from the blows but I wasn't having it. I kept going, trying my best to avoid her counterattacks. She leaned up until her face was inches away from mine and in one swift motion she crashed her forehead into mine. The intense pain it brought on made my hands fly up to cradle my head as it ached. She took the opportunity to flip us over and bring her hands down over my throat. She picked my head off the floor and slammed it back down repeatedly. I felt like I was losing consciousness again though I couldn't tell if it was from getting hit or from suffocating. She pressed down harder on my neck and I seriously believed that she was going decapitate me. I couldn't breathe at all. I was slipping.

"I wish she was still here to watch me do this," she said as she brought my head back up one last time before smashing it against the floor.

**Alex's POV**

I ran, or should I say hobbled, all the way down the block. I thanked the heavens that Mitchie didn't live far from me. My legs were aching and I felt like my stomach has been ripped out of my body. I reached the corner and I had to stop to breathe. Each breath I took sent a new wave of unbearable pain throughout my body. My lungs would burn every time my chest would expand to inhale. I felt nauseas and I couldn't stay on my feet any longer. I doubled over and started vomiting. It wasn't a lot and most of it was blood. I coughed and gagged as I spit next to the small puddle I had just created to get rid of anything leftover. I leaned back up when I was sure I was finished and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and continued my short journey to Mitchie's.

I reached her apartment and climbed up to her window as fast as I could. I quietly snuck in her bedroom and instinctively locked the door. I sat on the area rug in the middle of her floor, not wanting to risk getting blood on her bed. Being here temporarily put me at ease. I looked around her room and a weak smile crept up on my face. Everything about her made me smile, even her room. Her clothes were folded in a pile on her computer chair and her laptop was open on the desk in front of it. Her room was neater than mine that's for sure. Her old guitar was slightly sticking out from underneath her bed as well as a couple of stray shoes. I took a deep breath and felt a little calmer; even the way her room smells made me smile. It always smelled like fresh laundry mixed with the perfume she uses every day. I don't know how long I just sat there but as much as the familiar atmosphere was making me happy I couldn't help but feel incredibly awful. Mitchie still hasn't come back.

I didn't want to leave her there but the way she was yelling at me, for some reason, made me listen to her. I trust her but I am so worried that something might happen to her. I never wanted this to happen. I was supposed to never let anyone know anything about this, especially Mitchie. And now she's suffering because of me and the fact that I couldn't keep my feelings under control. She doesn't deserve what I go through. She is the best person I know. That girl is an angel and I'm just bringing her down. I put my face in my hands and let the tears come out once again. I had to be quiet though; I didn't want her parents to notice that anyone was here. It was easier said than done because the pain and guilt wouldn't let me breathe properly anymore. I curled up in a ball on my side, ignoring the throbbing pain and silently cried waiting for my angel to come back to me.

I cried and cried and cried and I'm surprised that I still have tears left in me but they kept on coming. I would never forgive myself if anything happened to her. She had to come back. She promised me that she would never leave me. I saw one of Mitchie's hoodies on the floor and I reached for it and pulled it to me. It smelled just like her and it even brought that sense of security that she always did; it was almost as if she was right here next to me although nothing could compare to the real thing. I had stopped bleeding at some point so I didn't have to worry about staining it. I hugged it close to my body and let my tears drip down onto it.

**Mitchie's POV**

I don't know how I managed to pry her hands off of my throat but thankfully I did before I passed out. I kicked her off of me and I didn't even wait for her to retaliate. I kicked her once more before I made a mad dash for the window and threw myself out of it. I barely bothered with the steps. I jumped down each flight until I hit the street and started running for my house. I needed to get there as quickly as possible. I needed to get to Alex.

My ankles throbbed in protest at my excessive movement but I pushed forward and kept running. I turned the corner and headed straight for my fire escape. With the little strength left in my legs I made it all the way up to the fourth floor to find the window still open. I was dead tired by the time I reached it and I could hardly get myself through it; the soreness I felt was excruciating. I disregarded the latest pain introduced to my body when I saw a small figure a few feet ahead lying down on my rug. I heard sniffling and stifled crying accompanied by a couple coughs here and there. It was Alex. I inched myself over the window sill and when I was about halfway through I just let myself fall over the edge and onto the safety of my bedroom floor. At the sound of the soft crash, her head instantly turned my way and I could see relief wash over her delicate features as she hurried over to me. I put my finger up signaling her to not say anything. I took her by the hand and led her to my bathroom and turned the light on.

"Sit," I told her as I rummaged through the medicine cabinet until I found everything I needed. I proceeded to clean the now dried up blood from her face and mouth. I cleaned and bandaged her cuts and put pain-relieving medicine on her bruises. "Take your clothes off." She looked at me weirdly at my request.

"W-what?" she asked hesitantly. I sighed.

"Take your clothes off," I repeated in the same tone. She slowly pulled the flannel off of her shoulders but her hands shook slightly as she played with the hem of her dark grey t-shirt. She drew in a breath and peeled the article of clothing off of her. She then did the same with her skinny jeans. It was no longer a mystery why she would never change in front of me. I tried not to widen my eyes and audibly gasp at the horrific sight. Huge splotches of blue and purple were literally _everywhere_. One wrapped around her rib cage front to back. There was a bruise on her lower back near her hip, another covering a majority of her stomach, and a giant black and blue was mirrored on both of her thighs. There were smaller ones in various places, some looked old and some brand new, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from the monstrous ones that took over her body. I ran my fingers across her stomach and brought it to her ribs. "Tell me if it hurts," I said quietly as I applied a bit of pressure. She winced slightly but didn't make a noise. I moved to the other side and continued to lightly press into her ribcage, feeling the bones and making sure nothing was broken. I heard her suck in a breath and I looked to her closed eyes, worried. "Does it hurt?" She opened them and shook her head, letting me know that she was fine. A few tears escaped my eyes but I held myself together as I applied the same pain relief to her abdomen and legs as I did to her facial injuries.

Once I finished everything I took her by the hand again and brought us back into my bedroom. I went through the gym bag I had packed for her and took out a plain white t-shirt and a pair of black sweatpants. She took the shirt and pulled it over her head slowly. I held out the pants for her and she put both her hands on my shoulders to balance herself as I knelt down to help her into them. I didn't want her to bend so much in her condition. I slid them up her battered legs carefully before I rested my hands on her hips and let out a sigh.

"You…have a _lot_ of explaining to do," I informed her. Even though she nodded her head in agreement I could see how worn out she was. It could wait. "But…not now." I stood up and without another word, I pulled her into a tight, protective hug and she cried a million and one apologies into my chest. I laid us down on my bed.

"I'm sorry, Mitchie. I'm so sorry. I had no idea she was going to be home. I thought she wasn't coming back till later tonight. I'm sorry I didn't mean for any of this to happen," she sobbed quietly as I stroked her hair gently, shushing her. This was too much. The poor thing is so hurt and shaken up and she is _still_ blaming herself. "I never wanted you to get hurt. I didn't want to leave you there. I didn't want her to take you away from me," she sobbed even harder, my heart breaking with every cry.

"Shh, it's okay. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere." I kissed the top of her head. "I'm fine, don't worry about me, please stop apologizing."

"How can I not, Mitch? You're always taking care of me. You didn't have to do any of that for me, I'm not," I stopped her before she could go any further with her sentence.

"Lex I swear to God if you say that you're not worth it I will throw you out of my window," I said into her hair. Despite the state she is in she manages to let a small chuckle escape. "You _are_ worth it, and so much more," I finished, still embracing her. She pulled her head away from my chest slightly, her tear-soaked eyes looking intently into mine. She reached up and tentatively placed a quick, soft kiss on my lips before turning over onto her side, facing away from me. I heard her light crying resume and I too turned on my side. I stared at her lying down on the other side of the bed and I immediately missed her warmth. I moved closer until I was lightly pressed against her and I brought my arm to wrap securely around her waist. I felt her relax into my hold as she placed a hand over mine and her tears slowed. I kissed her temple and whispered an 'I love you' into her ear.

"I love you too…and thank you…for everything," she breathed out shakily. I rested my head back down next to hers on the pillow.

"It's okay, Lex. You're safe now. I'm not going to let anyone hurt you."

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><p><strong>AN 2: Quick side note, sorry if the constant switch between Alex's and Mitchie's POV was weird or confusing, I was just trying something new. I guess I didn't want this chapter to be one-sided.**

**A/N 3: Chapter Song Title/Quote: House Of Cards by Madina Lake...you know, like the other two parts with the same name...  
><strong>


	11. The Pretender

**A/N 1: Thanks for all the reviews I'm glad you guys are liking it so far! Sorry this took forever I had horrendous writer's block. I hope it doesn't come off as forced as it really was because I could not get this out to save my life. I'm trying to calm it down a bit since I threw so much drama in House Of Cards. This chapter is entirely in Alex's POV and it's pretty revealing. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it!**

**Don't forget: Read, Review, Follow, Favorite, all that shit.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

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><p>11. The Pretender<p>

_Send in your skeletons  
>Sing as their bones go marching in again<br>The need you buried deep  
>The secrets that you keep are ever ready<br>Are you ready?_

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><p><strong>Alex's POV<strong>

It was quiet when I woke up…like, _eerily_ quiet. My usual alarm clock of hateful screaming didn't go off. I was momentarily nervous until I opened my eyes to find that I was in Mitchie's bedroom. I let out a sigh of relief and stretched my aching limbs, wincing in the process. My body was still sore as hell, I could barely turn over from the position I was in. It took me a good minute or two to realize that the rest of the bed was unoccupied. I sat up and immediately regretted my sudden movement. I tried not to cry out in pain as I looked around the room. Nothing.

Before I had the slightest chance to worry about whether or not she had left me I heard weird noises. They sounded like they were coming from the bathroom. I got out of bed and slowly made my way over to the door and listened more carefully. There was a low mumbling and things being moved around and occasionally dropped. I stepped into the doorway and found Mitchie rummaging through her medicine cabinet.

"Are you talking to yourself?" She seemed startled at my question and she almost hit her head on the mirror. She dropped whatever it was that she was holding into the sink. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

"No, uh, it's fine. I'm fine I just thought you were sleeping," she answered a little quickly. She was still facing the sink and began moving things around again.

"What are you doing?" I asked a little nervously. I felt so weird around her, like I had to be careful about what I said or I'm just going to freak her out. I'm surprised she hasn't completely freaked out already. Getting kissed by your best friend and then getting attacked by her mother is not exactly the norm.

"Um, nothing I'm just…looking for something." She still wouldn't turn around.

"You need help?" I offered. She shook her head a little frantically. What the hell was she doing? "Mitch, are you okay?"

"What? Oh yeah I'm totally fine." Well, she sure didn't sound fine. I grew tired of talking to her back side. I touched her shoulder to spin her around but she flinched away from me, knocking more things over.

"Mitch, what's going on? Look at me." She wiped her face with both of her hands before turning around to finally face me. Her eyes were red. "Have you been crying?" I asked with concern in my voice.

"No…I just…can't find the damn aspirin." I looked over to the small white bottle sitting on the top of the sink, right in front of her face.

"Um…it's right there." She snapped her gaze towards where I was pointing. She sighed while she grabbed it and took a couple. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah of course, why wouldn't I be?" She was being way too nonchalant for someone who got the shit kicked out of them.

"Can we talk?" I asked hesitantly.

"About what?" She couldn't be serious.

"Don't do that, you know about what. I'm talking about last night. Or did you forget all this?" I lifted up my shirt, exposing my disfigured stomach. She reached over to pull my shirt back down hastily.

"There's nothing to talk about. It's fine."

"Seriously? You're the one who said we needed to talk last night," I reminded her as she shook her head at me again and turned around.

"No don't worry, it's fine." With that she walked past me and back into the bedroom. I followed her, confused. I could have sworn she wanted to talk yesterday. Now all of a sudden everything was…_fine_? "You want breakfast or something?" I looked at her with a cocked eyebrow.

"Do _you_?"

"Surprisingly, yes." I ignored her odd behavior for now. If it meant she was going to eat then I was all for it, but I'm not stupid. This is just a diversion. She knows I would obviously put her health over any weird discussion we needed to have. Not to mention she tends to actually eat only when she's nervous. We headed into her kitchen and she started going through the fridge and cupboards. It was just the two of us since both her parents were at work and we didn't have school. She pulled out milk and cereal and proceeded to pour two bowls. She handed me one as we both sat down and began eating in silence. An extremely tense and awkward silence.

I chewed my cereal slowly as I watched her. She didn't have as much as I did in her bowl but it was something. I was far more concerned with the fact that she was acting like a completely different person. I took some time to study her. She didn't bother to cover anything up this morning. Every bruise was perfectly visible. Different shades of red, blue, and purple meshed together in unorganized shapes and patterns along the side of her face, trailing down her neck and shoulders. It was so horrible yet so stunning; a painter's priceless work of art and a child's sloppy fridge-worthy drawing. I tried to tear my eyes away from the beautiful disaster in front of me but I couldn't look away. It was hypnotizing.

She didn't notice my staring at all. I could have been open-jawed and drooling over her and she wouldn't have even known. Her eyes were empty and distant, almost hollow, like she was seeing but everything went right through her. She seemed lost in thought and I so desperately wanted to know what was up with her.

"What's on your mind?" I tried, hoping she wouldn't stay in denial that something was obviously wrong. She kept her eyes on her bowl.

"Nothing," she said with a shrug of the shoulders. Of course I would only get one word out of her. I let out a long sigh.

"Look, Mitchie, I really think we need t-"

"Are you done?" I looked at her quizzically before I realized that she was talking about my cereal.

"What? Oh, uh yeah." She grabbed my empty bowl and brought it to the sink along with hers. "But Mitch I kind of want to talk to you…" She turned around from the counter and sat back on the bar stool across from me on the other side of the island.

"Okay."

"…about last night," I finished as she turned her gaze away from me again. She was doing that a lot this morning and it was making me uncomfortable.

"Can you talk about something else?" Her bizarre indifference on the subject finally wavered.

"No Mitch, now that it's all out, I can't put everything back in and pretend like it never happened. This isn't something I can ignore anymore." I was trying to keep my emotions in check but I felt as if everything was about spill out all at once.

"Alex, I said it was fi-"

"But it's not! Stop saying that everything is fine!" I pointed to my black eye. "Does this look fine to you Mitch?" I tugged down my shirt and moved my hair out of the way to show the abrasions on my neck from where my mom had grabbed me. "Does any of this look _fine_? I don't know what non-abusive household you were at last night but _nothing_ is fine!" It was silent for a long time. I mean, it was probably only a minute but a full minute of _nothing_ seems like a whole year to me right now.

"I don't want to talk about it," she finally said, breaking the silence with her quiet voice.

"Oh that is such bullshit Mitchie. Every fucking time something is wrong and I don't want to talk about it I have to but the second there is something that _you_ don't want to talk about you don't have to do shit. I have been carrying the weight of this since I was practically _thirteen_ and now that I'm finally opening up to you you're shutting me out? How the fuck is that fair to me?" I was pissed. For the first time I finally didn't feel like the selfish one. "What happened to 'you can tell me anything' and 'I'm always here for you' huh?"

"You _can_ tell me anything and I _am_ always here for you. That's never going to change."

"Then what's the problem?" She finally looked up to me.

"I don't know!" she exclaimed. She brought her hands up to run them through her hair before continuing. "I'm sorry Alex, I'm just a little…freaked out about everything. I mean the story about Zach's party and the whole thing with your mom. Then I find out that you tried to kill yourself two years ago and I had no idea. …I just…" she trailed off, leaving out one crucial incident that happened. "I'm sorry I didn't know." Her resolve was crumbling and I could sense just how unsettled she was by the whole thing. A tear trailed down her swollen cheek and I had to refrain from wiping it away from fear of hurting her.

"You couldn't have known. Please don't feel bad about it. I never wanted to hurt you. I knew if you found out you'd feel this way and I know that it would have been worse if…" I couldn't finish my thought. With every word I could see her face grow more and more upset and I hated knowing I was the cause of it.

"It's just…I don't know, hearing about it now, I don't want to believe anything that happened yesterday is real." I laughed humorlessly.

"Well, I don't want to believe that anything that happened the past five years is real…" She looked at me in a combination of hurt and awe. Again, I hated being the cause of her unhappiness. I almost regretted encouraging this talk.

"She's been doing this to you since you were twelve?" I could hear the astonishment laced in her voice and it pained me to think back on all that I have been burying since that age.

"No, I was fourteen when it started." She didn't say anything, just stared. I figured that she is waiting for me to elaborate but it still feels weird finally telling her all of this. I have been hiding it from her the whole time we have been friends. My heart started pounding in my chest and for a moment I forgot how to even breathe. Starting a sentence was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I was just so afraid of how she'll react. The one thing I never wanted was for us to feel weird around each other and now here we are in another awkward silence waiting to only fill it with even more awkward words. Well, it had to come out some time so…here goes nothing. "When I was around maybe twelve my mom noticed that I was a little…off. I mean, I guess I was but I didn't know what was going on either. I started feeling, um…confused about certain things. I don't know I just would see all the girls in school obsessing over boys but I just…didn't? I thought there was something wrong with me. I didn't know anything at the time, only what I was told so I usually went with that instead of what I really wanted. After a while I thought I knew what the problem was but it still didn't make much sense to me. I went to my mom about it and asked her why I was feeling that way and she just told me that I didn't know what I was talking about. She started acting different around me; she was a lot stricter and she would always ask me questions. She just seemed…meaner, I guess. I hated the way she would look at me. I ignored the confusion until I was thirteen when I finally decided that I can't keep lying to myself. I knew why I wasn't like everyone else in school. I knew why I wasn't obsessing over boys. But when I tried to come clean one night at the dinner table it just turned into a complete disaster and my life has been a nightmare ever since." I don't know why I couldn't just come out and _say it_. It's not like she can't figure it out on her own but I still felt the need to beat around the bush. I didn't want to talk anymore until I heard some sort of a reaction from her. She sat there thinking. I think she got it.

"I…I don't know what to say," she finally admitted after a while. "I'm sorry, Alex." Her face was completely unreadable. I couldn't tell if she was sad or grossed out or if she just didn't care. I didn't know if that meant 'I'm sorry that you had to go through that' or 'I'm sorry but we can't be friends anymore.' It was quiet again for about half a minute. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was afraid to." The tension in this room was actually suffocating me. My natural instinct of fleeing came to mind but I honestly had nowhere to go. If I left the sanctuary of Mitchie's house then where would I go, home? Yeah, that would be a brilliant idea…

"Why?" One question. On word. One syllable. And it broke me. I couldn't keep in my fears any longer.

"Because I thought you would leave me," I told her, ashamed. I almost felt bad about assuming the worst from her but I couldn't risk losing her. She's the only person I care about and the only person that cares about me. If she left me then my life would literally be over. I glanced up to look at her and her eyebrows were scrunched together.

"I would never leave you. I don't care if you're gay it doesn't matter to me. I still love you all the same." I breathed a huge sigh of relief. Just hearing her tell me that she still loves me made me want to cry. "So um, this whole thing with Nate then…" she trailed off. I almost forgot about him.

"It's just a cover so I could please my mom. I figured if I had a boyfriend then she would back off. Of course, Nate doesn't know that though." I could tell she still hated that I was with him even though it wasn't real, not to me anyway.

"And you couldn't pick _anyone_ else to have a fake relationship with?"

"It made sense at the time. He wasn't always an ass. Somewhere along the line he changed but I didn't want to break up with him because I thought if my mom found out she would get mad and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to find someone else. Having one boyfriend is bad enough when I don't even want one and I have to keep pretending like I'm in love with him or _he_ will break up with _me_. God, being with him is awful! Every time he kisses me, every time he touches me, every time we have sex I just…I want to die. I hate it so much I have to be completely wasted or stoned out of my mind to even stomach it. I don't want to do it but I have to!" She came around the island and pulled me into a hug.

"I'm sorry," she said softly.

"I don't want to be like this Mitch it's killing me!" I cried out as I tried to fight the tears that managed to spill over my eyelashes.

"Oh Alex, don't cry." I sat on the stool with my head against her chest and more tears started coming out. I loosely wrapped my arms around her waist and felt her hold on me tighten. "I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you had to hide it from me. And I'm sorry for being stubborn before. I know how much this is bothering you. I just…didn't know what to expect, it was all so overwhelming." Her voice was only slightly shaky. I could tell she was trying to keep her composure seeing as mine was completely demolished. As always, she held everything together while I was busy falling apart.

"I know I've been lying to you but I couldn't tell you. I couldn't have you hate me too. It would have destroyed me." Just once, I would like to go through a day without completely breaking down, but this past week has pushed me to my limits.

"Alex, I am nothing like your mother," she said as her expression went from apologetic to hurt.

"I wasn't talking about my mother…" I started as I watched her face, still stuck in a mixture of confusion and sadness. I swallowed the lump in my throat so I could take a deep breath. "I never told you about my dad…my _real_ dad. It hurts too much to even think about him. When I was younger we were really close. I felt like I could go to him with any problem I had. When I finally told my parents during dinner that night I thought it would be okay because he was going to be there. I knew how my mom would react but I didn't want to keep it from them. They didn't even say anything. They just stared at me like I was a stranger in their home. My mom told Justin to take Max to his room so we could 'discuss some things.' I was terrified. When it was just the three of us my mom started yelling at me saying how I was wrong and what I was feeling was wrong and that no daughter of hers was going to be like that. My dad just sat there, not saying anything. I was hoping that he would be on my side and stand up for me or at least stop my mom from losing her mind. After being screamed at for an hour or two she sent me to my room. I could hear them arguing later that night. I didn't know what they were saying but they wouldn't stop shouting and I knew it was about me. They would argue constantly and it only got worse as the days went on. Eventually it got to the point where neither of them could take it anymore and they filed for a divorce."

"I thought you said your dad left you." Another lie I have fabricated over the years.

"No they both wanted a separation but…he might as well have," I explained as I felt my tears returning to their familiar home on my cheeks. "My mom got custody but my dad said that I shouldn't worry because he is still my dad. I thought he accepted me. Until then he never mentioned…that. It was a taboo in my house. Even Justin was weird around me. Max was only nine or ten at the time so he had no idea what was going on."

"So what happened?" she asked, noticing my hesitance to continue with my story. The corners of my eyes stung as the memories came flooding back.

"I never heard from him again. He told me that nothing would change between us but he lied. It was like he fell off the face of the Earth." I stopped again to choke out a loud sob before I continued. "He hated me so much that he didn't even want to see me or talk to me anymore Mitch." She tried rubbing my back to get me to calm down but it didn't help. Reliving my awful past was sending me into a whirlwind of misery. "Everyone hated me. My mom yelled at me every chance she got. Justin ignored me all the time and when he would acknowledge me it was only so he could yell at me too. He would call me horrible names and tell me how it was my fault that Dad left us. Even Max avoided me," I cried into her as my body was overcome with tremors. The comforting hand on my back never left its place.

"Oh my God Alex I'm so sorry. You can't blame yourself for your parents' divorce though. Justin had no right to tell you that," she tried to convince me but I wasn't buying it.

"No Mitch it is my fault. I'm the reason my dad is gone. Even Justin didn't want to stick around anymore!" I tried to stop myself from raising my voice so much because all this crying was beginning to wear me out. "When I was fourteen he couldn't stand to be around me anymore and he just…moved out. I came home one day and he just shoved me out of the way as he walked out the door. He didn't even say anything to me before he left. No goodbye, just a cold stare and an even colder shoulder." I put my head down as I let everything out.

"Hey, look at me." She lifted my chin and looked straight into my bloodshot eyes. "It's not your fault. If they're stupid enough to leave then honestly fuck them. You're amazing and you don't deserve any of this." Her reassuring words eased my nerves slightly and I even found myself calming down a little as she brought me back in for another embrace. We stayed like that for a while until her timid voice broke the silence. "Um…Alex?"

"Yeah?"

"You didn't fall down the stairs, did you?" It didn't even sound like a question. I couldn't find any words. They all died in my throat as I let out another sob and settled for shaking my head against her. I coughed a little to speak like a normal person.

"After Justin left us too my mom absolutely hated me for ruining our family. She would hit me if I was home later than I should be or if I talked back to her…or for no reason at all. She would never do anything when Max was home though. He had no idea that when he would go to the park or to soccer practice our mom would just…beat me. And she usually avoided doing it anywhere people would notice it. Before last night, there was only one other time it was _really_ bad."

"When your knee was broken," she said and I nodded in confirmation. "What happened?" she asked, so amazed at the fact that I ended up in the hospital she couldn't imagine how it was even possible.

"Um…you remember Sam?" She thought for a few seconds.

"Sam Ackerman?" I nodded.

"Yeah, um, well in freshman year we became friends but she was always really…touchy-feely, and she would always flirt with me. Ever since I told my family about me I never really let myself…feel anything for anyone, you know what I mean? But I don't know, when I was around her she kind of made it easier for me to…be myself, I guess. One day we um, we were in my room just hanging out and she told me that she liked me. I didn't really know what to say to her because I've never actually been in that situation. Before I could even tell her anything she kissed me. I didn't really feel anything for her but…I um, kind of liked it so I…I kissed her back." I was completely on edge. I didn't even think I could stutter out the rest of my sentences. "We were making out on my bed and she uh, she started moving her hands up my shirt. It was all new to me. I had no idea what I was doing so I just went along with it. We were still going at it when my mom walked in on us. She didn't yell or look mad or anything. I think it was even scarier than when she would yell. She just told Sam that she needed to go home and left me alone in my room. I think like two minutes later my mom came back in with Max's baseball bat." It was getting hard to talk over my crying. I had to keep stopping so I could breathe. "I remembered that no one else was home…and I started freaking out and tried to get away…but she grabbed my shirt and pulled me back and she…she swung at me. I tried to protect myself…so she ended up hitting me in my knee." I think she was crying now too. I just wanted this to be over already. "I couldn't even get up from the floor. It hurt so badly. Even my mom could tell that it was broken so she brought me to the hospital and told them that I fell down the stairs."

"I can't believe you kept something like this from me." The guilt was coming back to me at full speed and hit me like a truck. I think she noticed because she was quick to explain herself. "I'm not mad at you, honest, it's just…I'm supposed to be your best friend and…I feel like…like I don't know anything about you."

"I know, and I hated keeping it from you. I felt terrible about it. You stayed with me and helped me the whole time my knee was injured and I was just...lying to your face." Another sob shook through me and she put her hand son my shoulders.

"Lex, it's fine I swear. Don't feel bad, I just wish I knew so I could have been there for you, so you could have had someone to go to."

"I know it was stupid but…I was scared. I already lost two people who were close to me. I have no one else. My mom hates me and Max and I just don't talk. I'd rather not be close with him than have him hate me too. And Brian just doesn't know anything. He married my mom when I was almost sixteen and by then I had buried all this shit so no one else could ever find out." She sat next to me and grabbed my hand with both of hers. Her skin was soft and her gaze was intense.

"Listen, you have nothing to be scared about with me, okay? I promise that this doesn't change anything." I wanted to believe her but I couldn't. We have yet to discuss the most important detail about the other night and I think she was avoiding that on purpose. I think _that_ is what's finally going to change things between us. I think she feels like talking about it would make things awkward and if we just forget about it then it would be like nothing ever happened. This is probably just her way of letting me down gently, rejecting me without actually rejecting me. I nodded weakly and she offered a smile, suddenly in a much better mood. "You wanna get out of here?"

"And go where?" She tugged on the hand that she was still holding to make me stand up. She started dragging me into her room.

"Anywhere," she said simply. I thought it over and decided that after this emotional roller coaster we just went on, getting out and taking our minds off of everything would be a great idea. I found myself actually smiling back at her.

"Sounds good to me." She let me go so she could cover her bruises and get dressed. I started doing the same but I felt myself glance over to her as she was changing. I knew it was wrong but I continued looking at her. Even though she doesn't feel the same, I still couldn't help my feelings for her. I loved her more than I had ever loved anyone in my life and it pained me to know that I could never have her. I sighed quietly.

Maybe it was for the best.

I averted my eyes as she turned around. It was too hard to look at her without having the urge to kiss her, especially when I have had the pleasure of feeling her soft lips against mine…more than once; it was addicting. I also felt the need to look away so she wouldn't see that I was staring at her. She was fully dressed and her face was free of imperfections, but then again it always is to me.

"Ready?" she asked eagerly. I finished getting my shoes on and nodded.

"Yup, let's go," I answered as she grabbed her car keys and linked arms with me. Her lips swiftly met my cheek before we headed out of her house. Her smile brightened and if it was even possible she managed to look even more beautiful than before. She was perfect in every way, I swear it.

At that moment I decided that nothing else in this world matters but the girl standing right beside me and I refused to accept that she will never love me the way I love her.

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><p><strong>AN 2: Chapter Song Title/Quote: The Pretender by Foo Fighters  
>(Side Note: This is actually one of my favorite songs...ever.)<strong>


	12. All Over You

**A/N 1: This would have been up earlier but I've just been dealing with some personal things and I haven't been sleeping, not to mention my computer crashed like ten times while typing this. Due to my utter and complete exhaustion I didn't really proofread/edit much because to be honest I'm half asleep right now. Anyway, this is again entirely in Alex's POV but I think I'm going to be switching back to Mitchie's soon.**

**So yeah, read and leave a review. I like hearing what people think of my writing/story, especially since it is my first.  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

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><p>12. All Over You<p>

_In my daydreams, in my sleep  
>Infatuation turning into disease.<br>You could cure me, see all you have to do now is please try.  
>Give it your best shot and try.<br>All I'm asking for is love,  
>But you never seem to have enough.<em>

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><p><strong>Alex's POV<strong>

One week.

One week of not living at home. One week of sharing a bed with Mitchie. One week of acting like nothing had ever happened between us. And one week of God seriously testing my restraint.

I've accepted the fact that Mitchie was most certainly not going to be the one to bring up what happened between us. I know that it's probably better if we just forget it but of course my infatuation refuses to leave me alone. I have tried on numerous occasions to voice said infatuation to her but chickened out every time. I know she said that she doesn't mind my...preference, but I doubt she wants to hear me spill my heart out. She's too nice of a person to hurt me and I don't want to have to put her in that position.

Besides the undeniable anxiety I feel when I'm around her, nothing has changed between us…well, almost nothing. I have made it a point to refrain from any unnecessary touching with Mitchie. She, however, does not seem to share the same mindset and continues to hold my hand, kiss my cheek, play with my hair, hug me, etc just like she used to. I don't have the heart to tell her to stop. I don't have the heart to tell her that it's driving me crazy. I keep my thoughts to myself because I don't want things to be different than before but most of all, as much as the contact sets my insides on fire, my selfish side indulged in it.

Take right now for instance. We are currently in her living room sitting impossibly close on the couch watching some awful horror movie. I don't even know what the name of it is, there was just nothing else on TV and quite frankly all horror movies are the same to me. I don't mind them though. Mitchie on the other hand is absolutely terrified of them yet she continues to watch, squirming and screaming the entire time. Her parents are out for the night so it's just us in an extremely dark house which to be honest is not helping Mitchie in the least bit. It did help me though, because the lack of light allowed me to steal quick glances every now and then from the corner of my eye. There's no way she could have noticed because she was so focused on the movie to even be aware of anything else going on around her. I used that to my advantage.

"Was this seriously the only thing on?" she asked as she covered her eyes, her voice a little higher in pitch than usual. I wasn't even paying attention to the screen so I had no idea what she was reacting to. It was amusing but she would have gotten mad if I laughed at her.

"I don't know Mitch nothing good is ever on at this hour. You're the one who was too lazy to plug in the DVD player," I told her with a slight poke to her side. She immediately flinched and I couldn't hold in how funny I thought it was that she was so scared. I was met with an irritated glare from her but my face remained amused. Mitchie getting mad is like watching an angry puppy; no matter how menacing it tries to be it still looks adorable. She slapped my arm but then grabbed onto it tightly and buried her face in my shoulder as loud screams emanated from the television. I instinctively wrapped that arm around her and I almost immediately regretted it…as if we weren't sitting close enough already. "We can watch something else if you want."

"No it's okay. I mean, we're already more than halfway through it."

"If you say so." We continued to watch with her slightly leaning into me and my arm still limply draped over her shoulder. I kept debating whether or not I wanted to pull my arm back but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Like I said…I had a selfish side. I still had no idea what was going on in the movie but apparently something intense is happening because Mitchie practically jumped out of her seat and her hand gripped my bare thigh firmly. I stiffened but tried not to let it show because it was _really_ high up my leg. I shut my eyes tightly and bit my lip to keep myself under control but it was unbelievably difficult. I swear her hand was burning its print onto my skin. Note to self: when deciding on pajama bottoms, opt for pants instead of boxers next time.

She left her hand there…for a _long_ time. I started to wonder if she was actually doing this on purpose. She knows how I feel, or at least I think she does…unless she is the stupidest person on the planet and is _still_ completely clueless. I wouldn't put that past her though. She's exceptionally smart even though she does lack some common sense. I love her but she can be…well, for lack of a better word…an idiot.

The rest of the night was filled with more of Mitchie touching me and being completely oblivious to the effect she was having on me. She would cuddle into my side and rest her head on me and I had to sit there and do _absolutely nothing_ about it. I had to keep reminding myself to not run my fingers through her hair or hold her like I wanted to. I had to behave myself. I didn't want her to think I was hitting on her or trying to make a move even though she had no problem with drawing random shapes on my exposed thigh or lacing our fingers together. It's not like she hasn't done this with me before but I was about ready to tear my hair out of my head.

I doubt she would be playing with my feelings on purpose. Mitchie is not that type of person. I'm just too aware of everything we do now that I told her the whole truth. I mean, I never actually said it. I don't know why but saying it out loud makes me uneasy. The last time I said it my life went to shit. I danced around it but she figured it out. I guess she's not _that_ dense.

Anyway, fast forward another week and Brian is finally concerned that he hasn't seen me around the house in almost a month. Now, Mitchie's parents were all for me staying over whenever I wanted. They just didn't know I was…living there. She and I decided that it would be best to keep my home situation to ourselves for the time being. So her parents wouldn't get suspicious as to why I was there 24/7 I would "sneak in" at night and pretend that I just got there really early in the morning the next day. I hadn't set foot in my own house though. I know I could always ask Max if our mom was home or not but I didn't want him to start asking questions, same with Brian.

I see Max in school on occasion and apparently he had no idea that I had come back after my little runaway stunt. We don't pay much attention to each other so I didn't think he would notice. When I tried to explain to him that I am staying with Mitchie now he wouldn't believe me because last time when he spoke to her she had no idea what he was talking about. I need to come up with better lies. Regardless, I tried to avoid him in the halls as much as I could.

Back to Brian: he sent me a text asking where I have been lately. I told him that I've just been busy and I was either with Mitchie or Nate most of the time. Oh yeah…Nate is still my boyfriend. I was thoroughly shocked when he didn't break up with me even after I cheated on him. I mean, he's cheated on me before, multiple times in fact, but the difference is that I could actually care less about him or what he does. It's just that he has threatened to break up with me when I would yell at him or "disrespect him" or whatever he wanted to call it, and yet when I am actually unfaithful he stays with me. It made no sense. I chalked it up to him just never thinking he could actually lose me. The thought alone was hilarious and mildly pitiful considering he never technically had me, and he never will. I was reading the text when Mitchie came up to me at my locker and noticed me staring intently at my phone.

"Hey what's wrong?" she asked, automatically assuming something bad had happened. I must have been frowning more than necessary.

"Nothing really, Brian is just worried."

"What did he say?"

"He's asking me when I'll be home." I shut my locker and leaned against it to face her. "And he thinks we haven't seen each other in a while and that we should do something together."

"Well, what did you say to him?"

"I haven't answered him yet." She looked at me weirdly. "What?"

"Alex, you should talk to him." I shook my head furiously.

"No. No way. Absolutely not," I said stubbornly. There was no way in hell I was having that talk with him.

"I didn't mean about _everything_. You don't have to tell him that if you're still not comfortable but at least give him a chance. I thought you guys got along." I sighed and looked down at my feet.

"We do. It's just that…lately my mom has been on my case more, well I would imagine it'll be worse now, and I just haven't been the nicest person to anyone in my family, Brian included," I admitted quietly. I hate that I have been taking my anger out on people who don't deserve it. Though, I have to say, it's been getting better now that Mitchie knows. Whenever I feel like I'm letting it all get to me I can confide in her and I know she will do anything she can to help me. I wish I had told her when it all started. It would have saved me from many sleepless nights and emotional breakdowns. She put a supportive hand on my shoulder and looked at me sympathetically.

"I know it must be difficult for you because of what happened with your real dad," she started and I tensed up at the mention of my father…and from her fingers brushing my skin. "But you can't just assume that Brian is going to be the same way." I shrugged her off of me.

"How do you know that? How do you know he won't be the _exact_ same way?"

"You thought I was going to be the same way and you were wrong about that," she retorted, as if she had just proved her point.

"That's not the same thing Mitchie, you're my best friend."

"And Brian's your dad."

"_Step_dad," I corrected her. I shouldn't have said that. Brian has been more of a father to me this past year and a half than my real dad has been for the past four years. I sighed. "Sorry. You're right." I looked at my phone again and started typing a response and then shoved it into my back pocket. I pushed myself off my locker and we started walking towards the cafeteria.

"Hey, can I ask you something?" My head shot up to meet hers. A million thoughts of what she could possibly say ran through my mind.

"Um, yeah go ahead." We sat at a table not even bothering to get lunch.

"Okay, well…I just…these past couple of weeks you've been, I don't know, different. I just wanted to know…if something was wrong, you would tell me, right? I mean, I know we said we weren't going to keep anything from each other anymore but I kind of feel like you're pushing me away again." I was hoping she wouldn't notice. "Do you want to go back home?" If I was eating something I probably would have choked on it right now.

"What? Why would you think that?" I asked in disbelief.

"I don't know, you just seem like you don't want to be around me," she said a little sadly.

"No, I swear that's not it at all."

"Then what is it?" I focused my attention on the table. She touched my arm to get me to look at her but my eyes were glued to her hand. She followed my gaze and let me go. "I'm sorry Alex."

"For what?" My stomach twisted in anticipation. I tried to figure out what she was thinking from the look on her face but it was impossible. She opened her mouth to talk but was interrupted when Zach hopped over the table to sit next to her.

"What's goin' on ladies?" he asked as he noticed the emptiness of the table. His smile fell from his face and he turned towards Mitchie. "You're not eating?"

"We already ate," I told him quickly without even looking at him. My gaze never left Mitchie's. I don't know why I covered for her because I should be just as concerned as Zach is but there were more important things going on right now.

"Oh…uh, okay then. Good. So guess what." We still wouldn't look away from each other and I think Zach noticed this. "Um, did I interrupt something?" Mitchie finally acknowledged him and tried to put on a happy face.

"No, you didn't we were just…talking. What's up?" His smile reappeared as he remembered why he came over here in the first place.

"Right, my folks are gone again until next week so I'm having another party." He stopped and looked at Mitchie. "You think you can get through this one without beating somebody up?" he asked jokingly even though, deep down, he was probably being serious. She slapped him in his chest.

"You're hysterical, really. Why don't you tell _him_ that? Because, as I recall, _he_ is the one that tried to kill me."

"Yeah, but _you_ started it." He gave her a stern look and she huffed, defeated. My mind briefly flashed back to that night and I remembered how mad Mitchie got just because of the way Nate was treating me. It's times like those where I think that maybe, just maybe, she feels the same way. I find that little sliver of hope and cling onto it for dear life but then I always remember: _she's your best friend…of course she's going to protect you._ "You okay Alex?" I turned to Zach's concerned face and realized how unhappy I must have looked.

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine. I just zoned out for a second."

"Alright, well like I said it's this Friday and Mitchie," he called her as he stood up to leave. "I swear if something happens to you again I will just flat out kill you myself." She laughed and waved him off, silently telling him to get lost. He smiled and went to go find his friends somewhere else. I kept my eyes on Mitchie as she faced me again and her face dropped, remembering the conversation we were having before Zach showed up. She looked at me sadly and I cleared my throat.

"So, uh…what were you saying?" She sighed and shook her head.

"Can we just continue when we get home? I don't really want to have this discussion…here." I nodded even though I know it is going to be bothering me all day. I understand that this might be a weird conversation to have in the middle of the school cafeteria with, you know, all the students around to eavesdrop at the wrong moments.

The remaining classes were a complete drag. Only one thing was on my mind and I couldn't believe I had to deal with this all over again. I spent every period coming up with all the different ways Mitchie could tear my heart out later. I knew it was coming. I figured that maybe if I brace myself for the let down then it wouldn't hurt as much. Maybe I should just go back home. I should have known that being this close to her all the time would be bad for me. It hurts too much. Not to mention that piece of horse shit Eric is still pining over her. I see him try and talk to her in between classes in the halls and at her locker. God only knows how hard he tries when they're in class together and I'm not there to ignore him for the both of us. I mean, he isn't as bad as I am making him out to be. I just hate him because he wants what I want and he actually has a chance. I know for a fact that I don't and it makes my skin crawl and my blood boil. This must be how Mitchie feels about me and Nate. Not the whole jealously thing but the "I hate him and whenever he's with you" thing. No wonder she attacked him that night. I'm surprised I haven't done that to Eric yet.

By the time school let out I had successfully driven myself completely up the wall with my thoughts. Mitchie and I were walking to her house because she didn't take her car today. I noticed that she wasn't walking as close to me as she usually does nor was she touching me in any way. I knew my standoffish behavior was finally evident and she is definitely doing this on purpose. I just wish I could figure out what was going on in that head of hers without actually having this talk with her. I feel like all we do now is have serious talks about me and I am so sick of it. The last two weeks we have been completely fine though, well…on the surface. On the inside she was killing me but I tried not to let that show. I obviously failed with that task. I'm trying not to let my fears get the best of me but God damn it I couldn't handle doing this anymore. Now all I wanted to do was hear her destroy me so I can go back home and try and miserably put the pieces of my sad little heart and life back together all by myself.

The whole walk was filled with an uncomfortable silence. I think we were both so deep in our own thoughts that we didn't even bother to have small talk with each other. When we finally reached her house, she opened the door and led us straight upstairs and into her room, again, without a word. I just stood there in the doorway awkwardly, waiting for something to happen. When she noticed that I wasn't going in she grabbed my hand and pulled me in her room completely. It was the first time that she has touched me since lunch. Yes, I notice these things.

"You know I would never mess with you on purpose, right?" she asked, continuing right where she had left off in the cafeteria.

"I didn't think you were," I said, perhaps a little unconvincingly. She sat on her bed and tugged my hand so I would do the same. I took a seat next to her, making sure to distance myself a little bit. She sighed and moved closer to me.

"Alex, I know I said that things weren't going to change between us and I really don't want them to but," she paused as she tried to collect her thoughts. "Is this too hard for you? Because I'll stop." It was quiet for a while. I was trying to think of a way to explain what I was feeling without making her want to stop.

"I didn't mean for things to get weird between us. I'm sorry. It was stupid of me to do what I did."

"No don't apologize, I'd rather you be honest with me about it. I told you before that it didn't matter to me. I'm the one who should be apologizing. I couldn't have been making this easy on you. The last thing I want to do is lead you on." There it was. She doesn't want me to think she feels the same way…because she doesn't. The whole day I was wondering how it would happen and there it was. _Rejection_. I told myself that no matter what she said, no matter how she did it, I wasn't going to let it show how much it hurts. I don't think I am the best at hiding my emotions because I felt my eyes burn and I forced my tears to remain unexposed. "Are we going to be okay?" I swallowed the massive lump that had formed in my throat.

"Yeah, of course," I answered, my own voice betraying me as it cracked showing how badly she had broken me.

"Alex, I'm sorry. You know I love you, just…"

"Just not like that…I know." Another long silence consumed us.

"Just so you know, this is hard for me too." I looked to her and finally pulled my hand from hers.

"I highly doubt it Mitchie," I told her as I stood back up. "But don't worry I didn't expect to mean anything to you," I added a little harsher than I had originally intended.

"C'mon don't be like that," she said in a soft tone. "I can't help it if I don't feel the same way." No. This wasn't happening. I prepared myself for it but now that it's reality I couldn't deal. I don't know what came over me but I grabbed her face with both hands and kissed her fiercely. Our lips collided and I wanted to cry right then and there. I have missed this feeling so badly and I wanted to stay like this forever but I knew I was going to have to face the consequences of my actions. She didn't pull away or push me off of her. She kind of just stood there, accepting it, probably waiting for me to get off. It didn't last long…or not nearly as long as I would have wanted, but I finally pulled away. Her face was still in my grasp and I rested my forehead against hers as I tried to keep my erratic breathing under control. With my eyes still closed I decided to speak first.

"Tell me that meant nothing," I whispered, a silent tear rolling down my cheek.

"But," I cut her off. I didn't want the details. For once, I just wanted a straight answer. No pun intended.

"Tell me," I breathed out slowly but seriously. "That it meant. Nothing." I willed myself to look at her. She seemed flustered and had a tear mirroring my own. I really need to stop kissing her on impulse.

"I can't," she said in a small voice, barely audible over the sound of my heart pounding in my chest. For a fraction of a second my mind latched onto those two words and all the darkness in my life brightened up. But I knew better, so I remained completely still. "I can't say that. It's just all so strange and complicated. I don't know, okay? It's weird and it's confusing." Her voice was shaky and uncertain. I pulled my face away but kept my hold on her.

"What's so confusing, Mitchie? I love you. That's it." I finally said it. The hundred pound cinder block has been lifted off my chest but has been replaced with another as I wait for her to say something.

"I don't think you do." I seriously think that was the last thing I had expected her to say.

"I…what?" It was all I could get out. My brain could not form a coherent sentence to save my life.

"You don't really love me. I've just been there for you when no one else was. Alex, your entire life fell apart. Your dad and brother left you. Your boyfriend uses you. Your mom abuses you. I'm the only stable thing you have and I think you're just confusing our friendship with something else." I shook my head, not wanting to hear any more of this.

"I'm not confused about anything. It wasn't some love at first sight bullshit but somewhere along the line I realized that what I felt for you was more than just friendship. Now I don't know a lot of things, that's for sure. I don't know why my family hates me for who I am. I don't know why Nate treats me like dirt. I don't know why I'm gay and I don't know why my life is one giant shit hole. The only thing I know is that I love you…that I'm _in_ love with you. It's the only thing in my life that has ever made sense to me. Why are you trying to talk me out of this? Just tell me that you feel nothing," I begged helplessly as I tried to hang on to the final shred of my deteriorating composure.

"I can't tell you that!" she cried out. "Alex, you're my best friend; I'm always going to feel _something_. But I'm not going to stand here and pretend that it's what you want me to feel. It wouldn't be fair to me and it wouldn't be fair to you either. I don't want to hurt you but I don't know what to tell you so that we _both_ don't get hurt."

"I know," I said with an exasperated sigh. "I know. You're right. I'm being selfish. I can't make you feel what you don't and I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry."

"I'm not sorry for loving you. I will never be sorry for that. I'm just…I'm sorry that I'm causing so many problems for us…for you." She once again took my hand in hers and I actually welcomed the feel of her skin on mine.

"Don't think of it as problems. You're not causing any problems. I just hope that you can be okay with us being…the way we are." I mustered up enough courage and strength to bring a weak smile to my features.

"Of course. Mitch, I may be in love with you, but you're still my best friend. I just don't want to lose you because of this."

"You'll never lose me," she whispered and pulled me into a warm embrace. I returned the hug instantly, holding onto her as if my life depended on it. "I promise." She pulled me even closer, if that was even possible, until there was absolutely no space in between us and I gripped the back of her shirt. We broke apart slightly but remained close, arms still wrapped around each other. She lifted one of her arms and brought her hand to brush a few strands of hair away from my face. She tucked it behind my ear and left her hand there as she placed a sweet kiss on my forehead. I sighed contently and rested my head on her shoulder while she placed her own head on mine. "Sorry, was that okay?" She asked thoughtfully and I melted. She was too cute for her own good.

"It's fine. Don't worry about me. I'll be alright," I said with what I hoped was confidence. "Nothing has to change right?"

"Right. I just don't want to do anything that will make any of this harder for you." She still puts me and my happiness first after everything that has ever happened between us. Surely, this is not helping me get over my feelings for her. If anything, I think I'm falling even more in love with her. Then again, I never said I _wanted_ to get over her. I'm pretty sure I'm going to love her until the day I die and I would never stop trying.

"No, I'll be fine. I'm a big girl Mitchie." I took myself out of her hold and sat on her bed again. "Don't change the way you act around me."

"Only if you promise to not to be so…distant."

"I think I can handle that." She grabbed my hand, intertwining our fingers, and a smile graced her already beautiful face. "You really are so beautiful," I said breathlessly, voicing my thoughts without really meaning to. Her cheeks took on a red tint and she let out a small laugh.

"You know, you're the only person I like hearing that from." I looked at her, a single eyebrow elevated.

"Really?" She nodded, still smiling at me although now it was a little more shyly. "Why?"

"Because only when you say it…I actually believe it." Now it was my turn to be shy as I felt a blush creep up on me. I reveled in the fact that I was the only person who could make her feel that way. She leaned into me and kissed my cheek causing my blush to intensify. "You're sweet, you know that?" she asked and I chuckled.

"I like to think so." She laughed too and all of a sudden her expression turned serious, but still soft.

"I really do love you Alex. You know that, right?" I have longed to hear her say those words to me for years now. If only she would mean them in the way I do when I tell her I love her.

"Yeah…I know."

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><p><strong>AN 2: Chapter Song Title/Quote: All Over You by The Spill Canvas**


	13. Between You And Me

**A/N 1: I think I have officially lost the will to write. I thought once school ended I would be okay but I'm still dealing with some things and I'm just really out of it. Don't worry this is not ending, writing helps it's just getting a little harder. But now I have more time so let's see how this turns out. Anyway, this chapter is more Alex-centric in the beginning. It's _sort of_ filler-ish but...whatever. ENJOY.  
><strong>

**Reviews make me really happy and make me wanna write more.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

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><p>13. Between You And Me<p>

_Why do we always seem  
>To want what we can't have?<br>Lessons learned.  
>But then I listen to my heart<br>And it says still run back for more._

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><p><strong>Alex's POV<strong>

It was unnaturally cold in the hallway as I leaned against the wall, deeming the plastic chairs too uncomfortable to actually sit on. I kept glancing over at the clock hanging above me to see if the second hand had stopped because it felt like the time hasn't changed in over ten minutes. Patience was never one of my strongest qualities. I hated waiting.

I don't know why I was acting like I was counting down to see the results of a pregnancy test or to my execution. I bit my nails as if I hadn't eaten in days and in doing so I would actually be getting some form of nourishment. I had nothing to worry about. I needed to relax. I went over this a million times in my head already. I practically rehearsed everything I was going to say and talk about so there would be no way to steer the conversation in the wrong direction. Still, I was so nervous I all but chewed my fingers off. I guess anxiety is one of my strongest qualities.

I'm used to this. This shouldn't be a problem. I am a natural at stringing together lie after lie and I have been doing it for years. This is no different. I pushed myself off the wall and began pacing in the small space I occupied. I zipped up my jacket even more as I felt myself starting to shiver. Whoever thought turning on the air conditioner in the middle of January was a smart idea seriously needed to get punched in the face.

I hummed aimlessly to myself to create some form of entertainment as another minute ticked on by. I leaned back against the wall and shut my eyes. I thought I was starting to fall asleep but was startled when the door to my right flew open and the secretary called me back out. Finally.

"Ms. Russo, your father is here to pick you up," she said in a cheerful tone. I took a deep breath and followed her out the door where she had just come from. Once on the other side I thanked her and turned around to see Brian waiting for me.

"Hey stranger," he greeted me with a warm smile and gave me a one-armed hug. I returned it and we started walking out of the office. "So what's been going on? Did you move out and not tell us or something?" he laughed and I tried to hide the awkward tone in my voice.

"No, I'm just hanging out with Mitchie mostly. I have been spending most of my time with Nate so I felt bad that I've kind of been absent lately," I recited what I had been practicing. We exited the building and headed to his car. As we got in he gave me a strange look and shook his head.

"I don't like that boy. And I know I haven't been home much either, what with my job making me work these ridiculous hours now." He pulled away from the school parking lot and turned the radio on with the volume low so we could still talk. "Your mother doesn't seem too concerned about you being out all the time though so I trust that you're fine. I'm glad you're with Mitchie though and not Nate."

"Why do you say that?" I asked curiously.

"He just doesn't seem like a nice kid to me. Every time he's been over I thought he was a dick."

"Hey! He's not that bad!" I argued even though I knew that it was completely true. Nate was awful. Anybody with half a brain could see it.

"Yeah okay," he scoffed. "Sorry if I'm doing the 'overprotective stepdad' thing but I just don't want to see you get hurt." The familiar feeling of guilt settled into the pit of my stomach. He tapped the steering wheel to the beat of the fast rock song playing quietly on the radio. He had no clue that I was just feeding him a bunch of crap because I was too afraid to tell him the truth.

"It's okay, I get it. So, uh…why aren't you at work now?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

"Slow day, decided to take a few hours off so we could grab lunch together," he said with a smile. I felt terrible. I've been so mean to him for no reason and he's _still_ nice to me. "Hope you don't mind I pulled you out of school." I had to laugh at that.

"Are you kidding me? What teenager complains about getting out of school early?"

"Yeah, that's what I thought. Your mom didn't think it was a good idea but you know…it's not like we have to tell her."

We arrived at a small diner. All throughout lunch we talked casually as I cleverly avoided talking about my mysterious absence and, well…other things. I found that I was actually enjoying myself. I hadn't felt truly happy and at ease in a while. Sure, I'm always happy when I'm with Mitchie but rejection does hurt a little (or a lot). Things have been going surprisingly great with us ever since she turned me down though. I know it sounds weird but clearing the air and finally telling her that I love her made me feel a lot better, even if she claims that she doesn't feel the same.

She actually didn't believe me. I didn't think her self esteem could get any lower than I knew it already was but she seriously doesn't believe that someone loves her. I bet she thinks the same thing with Eric. There was no way in hell that he could love her or care about her as much as I do though. I just wish he'd stop trying. It's making it harder for me to show Mitchie that I'm the one she really wants to be with.

And I just hate him.

Brian and I were almost done eating and I started feeling bad again. It was as if I hadn't been the worst child ever to him. He never did anything to deserve the attitude I gave him when I was home. He is literally always nice to me.

"Brian?" I asked a little nervously.

"Yeah?"

"I um, I wanted to apologize…for the way I've been acting." He furrowed his eyebrows and looked at me confused.

"What are you talking about? You haven't even been home for me to know how you've been acting," he joked.

"I know, I meant before. I've been really mean to everyone lately and I'm sorry. I was just dealing with something and I took it out on you and I shouldn't have." I looked at him and he didn't even seem mad.

"Don't worry about it. You don't have to apologize." I shook my head.

"I just didn't want you to think I hated you or something," I admitted and he laughed. Leave it to Brian to never take anything I say seriously.

"What? I don't think you hate me." Thank God. Normally when I'm being a bitch people want nothing to do with me. "And just for the record, I don't hate you either." He was just joking around but he doesn't know that what he said actually meant a lot to me. I have spent way too long thinking that all parental figures, or just my own, despise me. It was good to know that Brian doesn't hate me. I sighed in relief. I probably had the biggest smile on my face because Brian matched it and laughed again.

"Don't laugh at me you jerk," I said in mock anger.

"I'm sorry Alex, but did you seriously think I hated you?" When I didn't answer him his laughter died down and he started to turn a little more serious. "Where would you even come up with such a thing? Did I do something to make you think that?"

"No, no not at all! I just…" I trailed off while trying to come up with an explanation.

"Alex, does this have something to do with your real father?" he asked cautiously and my head flew up to look at him in shock. I think he took that as a 'yes' because he gave me a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to," I stopped him. He had no reason to be sorry.

"No it's fine…I was just hurt when he left, that's all."

"Do you want to talk about it?" he offered, genuinely caring. It felt weird talking about my real dad with my stepdad though.

"It messed me up really bad after. He never saw me or spoke to me again. Mom and I started fighting a lot. I'm just not the most pleasant person to be around I guess. So if I've been a brat to you please don't take it personally I swear I don't mean it."

"It's okay I don't think you're a brat."

"You don't?" I asked hopefully.

"No of course not." He paid for the food and left a tip on the table as we began walking towards the door. "You know, when I first met your mother and she told me she had kids I was actually really excited," he told me and I tilted my head to the side.

"Really?"

"Oh yeah, I've always loved kids. Then we started going out and I got to know you guys more. It was like I was already part of the family. When your mom and I finally got married I was kind of nervous though. I mean, I didn't want you to think I was trying to take your father's place or anything because I know you could never replace someone like that. But I really wanted you to feel like you could come to me if you ever needed anything. I care about you guys a lot, even before your mom and I got married I thought of you and Max as my own kids. I just want you to know that I'm always here for you and…are you crying?" he asked mid-sentence and I furiously wiped away the tears that slowly trickled down my face.

"What? No!" He started laughing at me…again, and threw his arm over my shoulder.

"Yes you are! Aw is Alex getting all emotional?" he said in a kid's voice, mocking me and I pushed him.

"Shut up! God, you're so annoying," I said even though I felt myself giving in and laughing along with him. "And I can't help it. It's been a long time since I've heard that from my dad."

"Well I may not be your real dad, but I do love you and I am so proud to call you my daughter." I couldn't hold back the smile that broke out after hearing that.

"Do you really mean that?" I asked in a small, quiet voice.

"Of course I do."

"And you'll love me no matter what?" I asked in a more serious voice. He looked at me suspiciously.

"Yes…why?" I took a deep breath but bit my tongue. I still wasn't fully ready to tell him just yet.

"No reason." We got in the car and left the diner parking lot. After driving for a few minutes I told him to take me back to school so I could wait for Mitchie to get out.

"Oh sure, spend a couple hours with me whom you haven't spent any time with in like a month and then run back to the person you see every minute of your life as soon as it's over. I see where I stand."

"Oh stop complaining. It's not my fault that Mitchie is more fun than you are," I said teasingly. He feigned hurt and turned his nose up at me.

"Ugh, fine, whatever. If you love her so much then why don't you just marry her," he sneered like a child, but my heart momentarily stopped at the thought. Wow, he really hit the nail on the head with that one. I pushed it out of my mind and played along.

"Maybe I will," I shot back, secretly testing the waters. I kind of just wanted to see how he'd react to the idea of me possibly being with a girl. He didn't seem disturbed by my words but he looked like he was thinking about something unsettling. I internally freaked out a little bit and prayed he thought that we were still kidding around.

"Well, better Mitchie than Nate." He shrugged his shoulders as his face went back to normal. I just stared at him.

"You…would rather I marry Mitchie?" I asked a little disbelievingly.

"Well, she certainly is nicer and more respectful." I couldn't even speak. He wasn't yelling at me or telling me how disgusting it would be. "Honestly Alex, you could marry an animal and it would still be better. You could marry a table for all I care. I just really don't like that boy." Sometimes he could be so overdramatic. If I wasn't so sure we weren't directly related I would think that I got that trait from him.

"It's okay you don't have to worry about anything. I highly doubt I'm going to end up marrying Nate."

"You might as well dump him now then," he suggested with a hopeful tone. I laughed and shoved his arm.

"Shut up or I actually _will_ marry him, just to annoy you." He groaned loudly.

"Ughhhhhh come on! Can't you just marry Mitchie instead? I mean you guys act like you're married anyway there would be no difference. It would make both of our lives so much easier."

"What? How?"

"Because then I wouldn't have to go to jail and you wouldn't have to end up a widow."

"Really? You hate him so much that you would actually kill him?"

"He's such a little snot. Every time he opens his mouth, the crap that comes out of it makes me want to run him over with my car." He had a point. No one in my family liked Nate…well, except maybe my mom. I just don't want to break up with him and have my mom find out and then murder me. Last time I said I was thinking about dumping him she went ape shit. No matter what excuse I give to her for us breaking up she will find a way to blame on me being gay. Why? Because she is ridiculous.

"I've actually been thinking about breaking up with him recently." He whipped his head around towards me and swerved the car a little in the process.

"What? Why? What did he do? I swear I'll kill him if he did anything." He steadied the wheel again but still looked at me.

"Calm down, nothing happened. I just don't feel the same way about him as I used to. You know? I don't like him as much as I did before." He settled down a bit and visibly relaxed in his seat.

"Oh, okay…well good. He doesn't deserve you anyway. You could do so much better than that piece of rat shit." It's scary how he could sound so much like one of my teenage friends yet he's supposed to be a parent.

"Plus, I think I might have feelings for someone else," I started timidly as I watched his face morph into curiosity. Normally, it would be weird to talk to your dad instead of your mom about liking someone, but it's different with me and Brian. I don't know why but he's not like one of those dads that oppose the idea of their daughters dating anyone. He just wants me to be happy. I'm seventeen, he knows he can't exactly stop me from going out with anyone…like right now with Nate, but I value his opinion on certain things. Like I said before, sometimes it's like he's a teenager.

"Really now? And who might this someone else be…another curly-headed asshole perhaps?"

"Oh ha ha, and no, for your information, 'asshole' is no longer my type."

"Well thank God for that. But fine, you don't have to tell me…but I _will_ find out sooner or later." I shook my head at him and patted his shoulder.

"Sure you will." We finally made it back to school and I began taking my seat belt off. When I got out of the car I leaned into the rolled down window a bit.

"Thanks for picking me up today."

"No problem. We should do this more often. If our schedules keep going on like this I wanna at least make _some_ time for us to still hang out." He still thinks I'm actually busy. I seriously don't do anything; I'm just at Mitchie's house. Maybe I'll come home once in a while…only when Brian or Max is there though.

"Definitely."

"Alright well see ya later, oh and tell Mitchie I said hi. I haven't seen her around lately. You guys should hang out at home sometimes." That will never ever happen in a million years. Not only do I not want Mitchie to be anywhere near my mom but she's also technically not allowed to set foot in our house ever again. I decided to keep that to myself though.

"I will, and we're just so used to going to her house it feels weird to break the routine," I lied as he shrugged.

"Okay, well I gotta get back to work, it's a long day for me again," he said unhappily. I can see how much work wears him out but he still goes because my mom's work hours are really sporadic, which was always bad for me. I never knew exactly when she would be home or not. It's another reason why I am so hesitant to go back home. I've wanted to go back because I needed to get more clothes. Thank God Mitchie and I are the same size. I have been wearing her clothes for the past week.

"Okay, I'm gonna go wait for Mitch inside," I said as I started to turn away and start walking before I turned back. I leaned into the window fully and hugged him tightly. "I love you, Dad," I whispered, not trusting my voice to not crack at the moment. When I pulled away I saw the look on his face and I smirked. "Aw is Brian getting all emotional?" I asked, repeating his words from earlier in the same voice.

"Shut up."

"I believe the words you are looking for are 'I love you too.'"

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said pretending to be mad at me.

"Fine whatever, I'm going to go find Nate while I wait for Mitchie," I told him, knowing he'd get pissed off at the mention of his name.

"What? No, stop! Okay fine I love you too!" I turned back and smiled triumphantly. "You suck."

"Thank you, so do you" I answered, taking it as a compliment.

"This is the thanks I get for letting you skip school?"

"I said thank you!"

"Yeah and then you go and hurt my feelings," he said as he faked a sob into his hands. I burst out laughing at him as he glared at me.

"Oh my God you are so weird. How old are you? I thought you were supposed to be the adult." At some point while I was talking his scowl turned into a smile. "What are you," I started but was cut off when I felt a pair of arms grab me around my lower waist from behind and lift me in the air. I screamed at the top of my lungs, earning strange looks from the other people around us, but I didn't care. If there was one thing I hated, it was being snuck up on…and lifted. I had no idea what was going on but I was being spun around as I continued my unnecessarily loud yelling. "PUT ME DOWN!" I heard the familiar sound of the most adorable laugh in the world and I started to calm down a bit and even felt myself smiling. "Mitchie, please I'm gonna cry!" She set me back down and as soon as my feet hit the floor I wobbled a little. Her hand grasped my shoulder, making sure I didn't fall over completely. I stood up straight and immediate slapped her arm. "I hate you." She still hadn't stopped laughing at me.

"I'm sorry I couldn't help myself it was too easy." I stared at her angrily and then noticed Brian laughing hysterically in his car. I pointed a finger at him.

"And I hate you too! Screw you guys, ganging up on me." I crossed my arms and pouted while Brian and Mitchie high fived each other. I started walking away from them but Mitchie grabbed my hand and pulled me back.

"I gotta get going, bye girls," Brian said as he started pulling away from the school. Mitchie and I yelled a 'bye' back to him and I turned to look at her, not failing to notice that she still hadn't let go of my hand yet.

"What are you doing here? School doesn't get out for another twenty minutes."

"Didn't feel like staying," she said simply. I just raised an eyebrow at her.

"_You_ ditched class? Mitchie, I am shocked."

"Hey I didn't ditch, I 'excused myself' because I apparently am not feeling well," she retorted using air quotes to emphasize her lie.

"Wow, I'm impressed. Since when do you lie to get out of school?"

"Since school is boring as shit and I'd rather get out early when I know you're not in school either."

"Aw you broke the rules to spend time with me I'm so flattered," I gushed with my hand on my heart. She pushed me but kept smiling. It didn't last long though because it soon fell as she looked somewhere behind me. She quickly put her smile back on when I heard someone interrupt our conversation.

"Hey Mitch, there you are. You okay?" asked a concerned Eric. The second I heard his voice I may have visibly grimaced. I hope Mitchie didn't notice.

"Yeah I'm fine I just didn't want to be there. Why are you here?" she asked, wondering why he was out early too.

"I said I was going to see if you were okay or needed help." I wanted to hit him with something. There was a rock to the left of my feet. I seriously contemplated picking it up.

"Oh, well I'm fine, but thanks anyways," she said politely. She doesn't have to be so nice to him. I know I wouldn't. But then again Mitchie is nice to practically everyone.

"No problem." I tuned them out, not wanting to hear any of the lame things he had to say. I just stood there holding in a growl of annoyance. I couldn't watch this. I hated it. He's so obviously flirting with her and Mitchie is just smiling and laughing along with him. It made my heart clench inside of my chest and I had to remind myself to breathe. We somehow all ended up walking home together because Eric's house is in the same direction. Just my luck.

I was walking on Mitchie's left while Eric was on her right. I don't know if this was as awkward for her as it was for me but Eric seemed to not notice. He was probably just happy that he got to spend more time with Mitchie. I kept all my attention to the two of them as we walked, not saying anything the whole time. I noticed literally everything. I noticed the way he would try to throw in compliments here and there. I noticed the way his hand sometimes 'accidentally' brushed against hers. I didn't think it was possible to feel this sick just by looking at two people. I haven't felt that since I walked in on them at Zach's party and I wanted to throw up then. Images of them together going at it half naked flashed through my head and my stomach turned madly. Mitchie would glance at me every now and then, probably noticing my silence, but I wouldn't look at her. I was dying. This was absolute torture.

We finally came to the street where we would have to part ways and I couldn't be more thankful that this little stroll was over. Eric said goodbye to Mitchie and of course he had to pull her into a hug too. The guy couldn't even hug her like a normal person. He wrapped his arms around her tightly like he was her husband and he was going off to war or something. But Mitchie being Mitchie hugged him back. It lasted way too long for my liking. I didn't want to be rude and I had to hold back the urge to clear my throat. I stared at them throughout the entire hug. My eyes were burning holes into the side of Eric's head. If looks could kill then he would six feet under right now. When they finally broke apart he turned to me.

"Bye Alex," he said with a smile, oblivious to the fact that I was just wishing that he would die.

"Okay," I said indifferently as I turned around and headed down the other block towards Mitchie's.

"Hey, I'm sorry about that." I heard Mitchie's soft voice in my ear. I turned to see her walking with me.

"About what?"

"Eric, I didn't think he'd seriously come with us. I tried to get rid of him but I felt bad." At least she didn't want him there either.

"It's fine, he's just annoying." And he's obsessed with you so naturally I don't want him around. We continued to walk the next few blocks in a comfortable silence. When we got to her house I hopped onto her bed and sat cross-legged. "So I have been thinking," I said and she hummed in response letting me know she was listening. "And I think I am going to break up with Nate." Her head shot towards me and she looked at me curiously.

"Don't tease me Alex you better not be kidding, I swear if this is a joke to get back at me for sneaking up on you," I cut off her rambling.

"It's not. I mean I _want_ to but…I'm just scared." She sat next to me.

"Scared of what?" I sighed and leaned back until I was lying down with my legs dangling over the edge of the bed.

"I don't know…everything. I'm scared of how Nate will react, how my mom will react if she finds out." She moved from her sitting position as she swung a leg over me and straddled my waist. I tried not to widen my eyes or practically moan from pleasure.

"Listen, you have nothing to worry about, okay? As long as you're here with me, your mom can't do shit. And if Nate tries to do anything I will take it upon myself to make it so that he could never have children." I laughed as she said all of this. I love how Mitchie is the sweetest person ever yet when it comes to protecting me she gets so malicious and violent.

"You scare me sometimes." Her serious look turned into a face-eating smile.

"Good."

"Maybe you could beat up Nate for me again," I said playfully.

"Nooooo, I can't believe I did that. I get so angry when I drink. I need to learn to control my temper." I sat up with her still on me and I flipped us over. She yelped in surprise and I took my seat straddling her waist…_really low on her waist_. I leaned in close, my lips barely brushing the shell of her ear.

"Don't, you're kind of hot when you're mad." Her breath hitched and I felt its warmth against my skin. She stared at me with her mouth slightly parted and she blinked a couple times, not able to form a sentence. I proceeded to get off of her and walked out of her bedroom with a victorious smirk on my face. If Eric thinks that he's the only one who can try with Mitchie then he can just kiss my ass.

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><p><strong>AN 2: Chapter Title Song/Quote: Between You And Me by The Ataris**


	14. Sweet Disposition

**A/N 1: Thanks to all that reviewed the last one I loved the feedback I got. I was going to post this yesterday but I didn't like it so I rewrote it. It's a little longer but I didn't want to cut it. Anyway, finals are killing me but they're almost done so more time to write. Enjoy.**

**A/N 2: I am awful at multitasking and I would never in my life be able to keep track of multiple stories at once but I have a couple ideas for other stories. I may or may not write them though, I'm just not sure. It's different and kind of dark. One's based off of a book I read and I wanted to try it with these characters. I don't know yet, but yeah, I'll keep you posted.  
><strong>

**Reviews make me really happy and make me wanna write more.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

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><p>14. Sweet Disposition<p>

_So stay there_  
>'<em>Cause I'll be coming over<br>While our blood's still young  
>It's so young, it runs<br>Won't stop 'til it's over  
>Won't stop to surrender<em>

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><p><strong>Alex's POV<strong>

It happened on a Wednesday before school started.

We were in her room getting ready when her parents called her out. They wanted to talk to her in private. We both gave each other the same confused look and I told her to just go see what they wanted. Mitchie is always paranoid when her parents want to talk to her. She's been doing pretty well with her health lately though. She doesn't eat much but she isn't purging anymore so whatever she puts in her body actually _stays_ in her body. She doesn't look emaciated and isn't fainting so I don't think that's what they wanted to talk to her about.

I debated on whether or not I wanted to eavesdrop on their conversation because I had to admit I was extremely curious. But then again, it is none of my business. I left them alone and continued getting ready for school. I was tying the laces of my Converses when I heard my name being mentioned. I eyed the door for about three seconds before I decided to press my ear against it to listen. They probably shouldn't have stayed so close to her bedroom if they wanted to have a 'private' conversation. Oh well, it works out for me.

I strained to hear clearly but it sounded muffled. I turned the knob as slowly as possible hoping that it wouldn't make any noise and I pushed the door about a centimeter away. Once it was cracked open I could hear actual words.

"Does Alex ever go home anymore?" I heard her mom ask her.

"What are you talking about, of course she does." Mitchie isn't as good at lying as she used to be. I bet her parents could see right through her.

"She's been here an awful lot these past few weeks. I think maybe you two are spending a little too much time together." She didn't sound mad and I relaxed a little bit.

"She hasn't been here _that _much."

"Your mother was cleaning your room and found this." Something hit the floor and I scrunched my eyebrows together trying to figure out what it could have been. "Is there something you want to tell us?" I heard Mitchie stutter trying to come up with something to tell her parents but I could tell she was failing.

"I don't, uh…well, you see…"

"Mitchie just tell us," her dad urged her. They definitely found the bag with my things in it. I heard her breathe out a sigh. I knew she was about to tell them.

"Okay, Alex has…kind of been, well…living here." It was dead quiet after that. I'm surprised no one could hear me breathing because it was so loud in this silence.

"…What?" both her parents said at the same time, equally shocked and confused.

"She's been staying here for the last couple of weeks." I hope they're not mad. The last thing I want is for Mitchie to get in trouble for harboring me in her room.

"And how did we not notice this?" That's what I would like to know. I seriously can't believe it took them this long to realize.

"Well, you guys aren't here all the time. And she said she didn't want to cause problems or be a burden so she would hardly ever eat anything here. She would always go out when we would have dinner. And at night I would sneak her back in after she leaves and you guys would think she just got here when you woke up," she explained and I waited patiently for their reactions.

"Um…okay. But…why?" Crap. We haven't talked about telling them that. We just agreed to never bring it up if they started asking. Mitchie wouldn't be able to get through this. God help her she is the worst at covering for someone.

"I can't tell you," she said quietly. She didn't even try to come up with something.

"Sweetie, you can't just have her live here without giving us some sort of explanation. What's wrong with her house that she can't live there?" her mom questioned with a little impatience.

"She just can't go home." Her tone was turning desperate. She didn't want the conversation to go any further than that and to be honest, neither did I.

"Why not? Did she get kicked out or something?" her dad asked, now actually concerned.

"No she didn't."

"Then what's the problem?"

"I can't tell you!" I shut my eyes tightly praying that this wasn't happening. I don't want her fighting with her parents because of me.

"Mitchie don't raise your voice at us. I want you to tell us the truth right now or you're going to be in big trouble. You will not keep things from us. Need I remind you that the last time that happened you ended up in the hospital?" Why did they always have to bring that up to guilt her into doing what they wanted? They had a point but I just wish they would leave it alone now.

"Mom, I'm sorry. I just can't."

"If something is going on with Alex at home I don't think you should make it your business."

"But she's my best friend you don't understand I have to make it my business!" I don't know how much longer she was going to last without breaking.

"Why? What is it that's so bad that you have to lie to us?" Her mom was starting to get pissed. I couldn't let Mitchie die out there. This was my fault and I wasn't going to just stand here and watch her take the heat for it.

"My mom beats me." I made myself present as I stepped out of the doorway and into their line of sight. All of their eyes immediately turned to me, each of them wide. "Sorry for eavesdropping, but…you guys were kind of loud." I walked over to Mitchie and stood next to her. She leaned into me and whispered in my ear.

"What are you doing?"

"We can't keep doing this. You were getting in trouble; I had to tell them," I whispered back just as quietly.

"Wait…what?" Steve finally broke the silence we were in.

"Her mom is abusive. I couldn't let her stay there so I told her she could stay here."

"Why didn't you tell us this before?" her mom said, still in shock.

"We didn't want you guys to do anything or…go to the police or something," I answered nervously.

"Alex honey, if your mother is hurting you why wouldn't you want to do something about it? You have to tell someone." I shook my head vigorously.

"No, I can't." I felt a few tears escape my eyes. "I can't have my family be broken up again because of me. Please I'm begging you. Just don't say anything to anyone, _please_." Her parents looked at me with sad eyes and all the sympathy in the world. They looked at each other and mouthed a couple of things that I didn't catch before turning back towards me and Mitchie.

"Um…you guys are going to be late for school. Why don't we just discuss this when you two get home? Okay?" Steve proposed, and we both nodded. "Alright, well you should get going." After that we went back into Mitchie's room so she could finish getting ready. Once she closed the door she came up to me and pulled me into a hug.

"I'm so sorry Alex, I didn't know what to tell them." I shushed her and let her go.

"Don't worry about it. I just didn't want you to fight with your parents because of it. Plus, this day had to come sooner or later, right? I mean, maybe it won't be that bad."

"Okay, I just don't know what they're going to do now. I don't want you to leave." I handed her the shoes she was going to wear today.

"Let's not think about it and just get this day over with." She agreed and put her shoes on so we could finally leave for school.

The day went on normally but I would be lying if I said that I wasn't the least bit nervous about what Mitchie's parents were going to say later. They have never really had a problem with me staying over though. I know her dad is always cool with me being around but I sometimes I feel like her mom kind of doesn't like me. She was actually the one I was more afraid of to find out about me living there. I don't know why though. I mean, I haven't exactly done anything to make her think badly of me. I just get this weird vibe from her.

I think by the time the school day was ending Mitchie noticed my apprehension. I had a free period so I was heading towards the cafeteria to kill time before school let out. Mitchie normally has class now but she caught up to me as I walked through the doors. I looked at her confused.

"Aren't you gonna be late to class?"

"Nope, cancelled, figured you would be here."

"Oh good maybe I won't be bored to death for once. Almost no one else has this period free."

"You know you could just leave, right?" she asked, taking a seat at one of the many empty tables.

"And possibly face your parents alone? No thank you." I sat down across from her. I heard the cafeteria doors open and I folded my arms against the table and rested my head against them.

"Hey, what's the matter?" she asked trying to pull my wrist so she could see my face while I tried to stifle a groan.

"Hey Mitch." Enter the most insufferable person in this entire school. Eric sat down right next to Mitchie and leaned into her. "What's wrong with her?" he attempted to whisper, but failed. I couldn't tell if she shrugged or said something, because she actually knows how to speak quietly. Either way she stopped trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I kept my head down though. I just really didn't want to look at him next to her.

"I'm fine," I said loudly, letting them know I could hear them talking about me.

"You sure?" I nodded my head so she would believe me.

"Well," Eric started. At that I perked up and finally peeled myself off of the table. He was sitting extremely close to her, arms touching and all. It was gross. I decided to pretend he wasn't there.

"So anyway, Mitchie, what time do you think you'll be done in the guidance office after school?" I asked, successfully turning her attention away from Eric, who just looked at me slightly stunned at the fact that I wouldn't let him talk.

"Alex, I told you that you didn't have to wait for me." He kept looking between us and I again tried to keep the conversation on something he couldn't join in on.

"No, it's fine I really don't mind waiting. How long could it possibly take?"

"I don't know…fifteen minutes maybe, half an hour at most. It depends," she said and I noticed Eric starting to look bored. I suppressed the smile that tried to make its way onto my face.

"On what? What are you even going for anyway?" I asked after I realized that I actually had no idea what I was going to be waiting on her for.

"Nothing really, my teachers were just 'concerned' with my grades and they said I could make up for it by doing school service or something like that." I looked at her weirdly. Since when does she do poorly in school? She was always smarter than I was and certainly more responsible. I did okay but I was just lazy. My grades were average, B's at best, but Mitchie's grades were always A's. Eric opened his mouth like he was about to say something but I beat him to it.

"What happened? I thought you were doing well." He closed his mouth and I could have sworn I saw him roll his eyes.

"I don't know, I'm just losing focus but it's not that bad," she reassured me.

"Well that's good at least you're not gonna fail now, right?" Eric finally said. I glared at him as if there was some unspoken rule that said he wasn't allowed to speak. Well, in my mind that rule existed.

"She's not failing, idiot," I said, not even bothering to cover up the annoyance in my voice. They both looked at me with questioning stares, probably wondering what ticked me off. I continued like nothing had even happened, "So yeah, I'll just wait until you get out."

"You really don't have to. Just wait for me at home," she told me, not wanting to be an inconvenience.

"What do you guys like live together or something?" Eric asked, slightly confused. I literally had zero patience for this kid right now.

"Yeah, we do." I kind of just wanted to rub it in his face that I get to spend so much more time with Mitchie than he did. He probably wouldn't care. I mean it's not like he knows how I feel about her. To him I'm just Mitchie's best friend. I mean, I _am_ just her best friend but…whatever.

"What? Since when?" Jesus, does he ever stop talking?

"I don't know, a few weeks ago?" I answered, probably with more attitude than necessary...not like _any_ attitude was necessary at all anyway.

"Why?" It took everything I had to refrain from just straight up telling him to shut up.

"No reason." I thought that would end the discussion but apparently I was wrong. Eric sure was persistent…and annoying.

"That makes no sense," he said pointedly and I couldn't even pretend to be civil.

"I don't care." He tried asking Mitchie because he thought he could actually get some sort of an explanation out of her. Not as long as I'm here to tell him to shut up. "It's really none of your damn business." Mitchie turned to me.

"Alex," she warned sternly. I just shrugged, trying to look innocent.

"What?" She gave me this look that basically meant 'stop being an ass.' Eric once again looked between us confused before turning all of his attention towards Mitchie, pretending like I wasn't even there. Kind of like what I have been doing to him this entire time. I stared him down hard even though he couldn't see it.

"So anyway, Mitchie, I kind of wanted to talk to you," he started and reached out to hold her hand in his. Is he serious? Why couldn't he do this when they were alone or in class before? He must be out of his fucking mind if he thinks he's going to do this right in front of me. She kind of looked confused as she eyed him the whole time. I apparently didn't exist anymore because neither of them bothered to acknowledge that I was _still sitting right here_.

"Really? About what?" she asked, completely oblivious to what was going on. Oh, but I knew. And I wanted to die.

"Well, I actually have wanted to ask you this for some time now." If there really was a hell then this was it, I'm sure of it. "Look, I really like you and I was wondering," I got up and left before he could even finish his sentence. I couldn't be there anymore. I doubt they even noticed that I wasn't still sitting with them. I exited the cafeteria and headed straight for the building's main entrance doors.

As I was making my way towards Mitchie's house I wondered if she would be mad that I left. I mean I told her that I wouldn't mind waiting for but I just can't do it. I wanted to leave, I _had_ to. I was literally seconds away from clambering over the table and ripping his head off. It was better to just get out of there. I knew I couldn't play nice with him now. He's trying a lot harder nowadays and it is seriously getting on my last nerve.

I rounded the corner and stopped for a short while. I sat down against a wooden fence and ran my fingers through my hair as I tried to get my thoughts in order. Eric is Mitchie's friend. I can't just treat him like crap. If anything I could just blame it on the fact that he practically let Mitchie almost die at Zach's party. I didn't want Mitchie to be upset with me though. I huffed and tried to pull myself together. I didn't want to walk into Mitchie's house on the verge of breaking down when there's a chance that one of her parents might be there.

The rest of my walk home I kept thinking about what they were talking about back at school. I wondered how Mitchie reacted to Eric admitting his feelings for her and asking her out. I also wondered how I would react if she reacted positively. To be honest, I would be absolutely devastated. I wouldn't let her know that though. I wouldn't let anyone know that. I had to be happy for her if she wanted to be with him. I don't care how much it destroys me on the inside. Her happiness matters more to me than my own; that will never change.

I made it to her apartment after another twenty minutes or so of walking. I didn't exactly want to rush. I still had to wait for Mitchie to be done at school. I took out the spare key Mitchie had given me a week ago and let myself in. I walked up the stairs until I reached her door and opened it slowly. It was silent.

"Hello?" No answer. I breathed a sigh of relief and went straight for Mitchie's room. I still didn't know when her mom and dad were going to get home and I didn't want to risk running into them. I contemplated going out until I knew for sure that Mitchie would be back but after all that walking and worrying on my way here I was too exhausted to go anywhere. I kicked my shoes off and plopped down on her bed, not even bothering to change out of my clothes. I buried my face into the pillow, secretly hoping I would accidentally smother myself. As much as I wanted to pretend to be okay with the idea of Mitchie possibly being with other people, I really just wanted to wallow in my self-pity. There was no denying how miserable I was. I wanted nothing more than to just disappear. I hugged the pillow tight and, still in my jeans and jacket, I drifted off to sleep.

I was woken up by a hand tapping me lightly. I mumbled and swatted at nothing as I tried to go back to sleep. I soon felt two hands shake me and I rolled over onto my other side, away from who I can only assume is Mitchie.

"Alex." She didn't sound annoyed and I decided that I didn't want to push my luck. When Mitchie gets annoyed I never hear the end of it.

"Mmmm, what?" I groaned and tried to pry my eyes open but I was still too tired. She brought her hand to my forehead and then pushed my hair out of the way. Her hand made its way down and came to rest on my cheek. She probably thought I was sick or something. The gesture made me want to smile but then she would make me get up.

"C'mon Lex wake up," she tried again and this time I opened my eyes and turned onto my back to look at her. "Well, good morning sunshine."

"What time is it?" I asked her, my voice thick with sleep. I cleared my throat so I wouldn't sound like I was dying.

"Like, 5:35 or something." I sat up and stretched a little. I rubbed my eyes and when my vision was cleared I gave her a questioning look.

"It took you three hours to get out of guidance?" She chuckled and shook her head at me.

"No, I've been here since like quarter after three. I came in here and found you asleep and I didn't have the heart to wake you. You seemed out of it today so I thought you weren't feeling well. I wanted to let you sleep." She is way too nice to me. Even after I was deliberately rude to her friend she still cares. I'm glad my attitude towards Eric hasn't driven her away.

"Oh, thanks. I don't know why I was so tired when I got here." I finally took my jacket off and tossed it aside. "If you wanted to let me sleep why are you waking me up now?"

"My parents are home and they want to talk to us," she reminded me and I bit back the groan that almost escaped my mouth. I reluctantly nodded and allowed her to help pull me off of the bed. We walked into the living room and her parents motioned for us to sit on the couch. Mitchie held my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. It calmed my nerves for the time being.

"Okay, so although we don't like that you lied to us we understand why you did it." His voice was even and he didn't sound mad at all. Mitchie looked at him nervously.

"You do?"

"You were just being a good friend." Mitchie relaxed a little but Steve started talking again. "But something this serious shouldn't be taken lightly and as much as I don't want it to be true I hope you guys aren't just making this up."

"Why would we lie about something like that?" she asked and her dad pinned her with a stare to let her know he is being completely serious. I didn't want him to doubt that we were telling the truth so I stood up and turned my back towards them. I grabbed the hem of my shirt and started to lift it but Mitchie grabbed my hand again. "Um, what are you doing?" I shrugged her off and raised the back of my shirt to just below my bra strap. I heard her parents gasp.

"One time she hit me so badly that it left scars," I admitted shakily and I pulled my shirt back and sat next to Mitchie with my head down.

"Oh my God Alex that is terrible," her mom said gently and put a hand on my shoulder. "You poor thing, why would she do that to you?" I could feel Mitchie tense up next to me and I did as well.

"She hates me." I still wouldn't lift my head up to look at them. I could picture the look of pity on their faces.

"What?" Steve asked incredulously. "Why would she hate you?" I decided to not go with a lie but rather just not tell them the _whole_ truth.

"It's been this way ever since my dad left. She blames me for him leaving us and resents me for it." I wanted to cry. I hate thinking about it. Just knowing that my own mother _hates_ me, enough to hurt me so viciously, was tearing me apart inside.

"Why would she blame you for that?" I couldn't do this anymore. I didn't want to tell them it was because I'm gay but I couldn't come up with anything to tell them. How could I explain why my mom only blames me and not Max or Justin? I decided to just let my tears out. Maybe if they see how upset talking about it makes me they'll stop asking. I started sobbing into my hands and I felt the warm tears in between my fingers.

"Oh sweetie don't cry, it's okay," her mom said as Mitchie pulled me into her and rubbed my back. "Who else knows besides Mitchie?" she questioned and I moved from Mitchie's neck to stare at my socks. I sniffed and tried to breathe normally.

"No one. Well, now you guys. But no one else knows."

"Not even your brother or your stepdad?" I shook my head. "Alex, you have to tell someone." I started crying again but this time I finally met her gaze.

"I can't. I already lost my dad and my older brother I can't have that happen to me again." Steve looked at me and Mitchie and then towards his wife and back at me again. I couldn't tell what was going on in his mind.

"No one's noticed you're not at home?"

"No one is ever home. Max and I hardly ever talk anyway and Brian is always at work."

"And your mother has never even tried to bring you back?"

"She doesn't care about me enough to come looking for me. She only ever hits me when it's convenient for her," I told them bitterly and a silence took over the room.

"Dad, please just let her stay with us," Mitchie begged. Steve let out a sigh after thinking for a while.

"Okay, since it's not our business, we're not going to say anything to anyone. You're obviously broken up about your family's situation so you decide when you're ready to tell somebody. In the meantime, you can stay here. You are always welcome in this house Alex, especially if yours is not safe for you." I felt a surge of excitement and happiness course throughout my entire body. I was so glad they weren't going to make me go back. Although my tears had stopped I thought I was going to start crying again from sheer joy. Mitchie relaxed too and seemed utterly relieved. Before we could get too excited Steve brought his hand up. "But," he started. "If you're going to live here then you are going to have to follow the rules just like Mitchie does." I nodded my head quickly agreeing with him.

We discussed that I would help out around the house because I didn't want to feel like I was mooching off of them even though they insisted that I was not going to be a bother. I also told them that I would try to go home once in a while, when my mother is not there of course, to see Max and Brian so they wouldn't start asking questions. After we talked everything out Mitchie's parents told us that they were going to go out. Apparently one of her mom's coworkers invited them to dinner or something so it would just be me and her for the night. Before they headed out the door Steve turned to us and looked at Mitchie.

"Don't forget Mitch you have your appointment in half an hour."

"Ugh, alright don't worry I remember," she replied, clearly aggravated. They shut the door behind them and I raised my eyebrow at her.

"Where are you going?"

"I have to see a doctor for therapy or counseling or whatever you want to call it. It's so that my parents don't have to worry about me all the time." I nodded in understanding and she checked her watch. "Crap, I should actually just leave now. There's probably traffic."

"Want me to come with you?" She grabbed her jacket and her keys off of the table.

"No you don't have to do that. You would just be waiting for me in a room by yourself for an hour; it'll be really boring."

"Oh, alright then I'll just see you when you get back." She shouted a goodbye to me as she left the house. I didn't know what to do with myself. Mitchie would probably be gone for a good two hours and I didn't want to fall asleep again. I thought back to earlier today during last period and I gritted my teeth in anger. I tried so hard to push the thought out of my mind but it kept coming back to haunt me. I never asked her what happened after I left them alone. I couldn't deal with the fact that Eric might win. I didn't like thinking of her as a prize but I feel like I'm always going to be competing with Eric.

This is ridiculous. There is no way that Eric is better I am. I'm not trying to sound conceited but I definitely know Mitchie better than he does. I could make her happier than he ever could. I just needed to prove that to her. I needed to open her eyes to what is right in front of her. I will be damned if some retarded meat head is going to steal her away from me before I even get a chance to call her mine.

I ran into Mitchie's room and looked through my pockets for my keys. Thank God I retrieved my car from my house or I would be screwed right now. I didn't want to waste any time so I threw my jacket on and headed out the door, locking it behind me.

I didn't have to go far to get everything I wanted but it did take a while. Mitchie was right; there was a lot of traffic. When I got back to the apartment I jogged up the stairs and checked the time. She should be leaving now. I walked into the kitchen and set up the table for us. I know she hasn't eaten anything today but that was my fault. I had to go to the library to finish a paper and Mitchie offered to help. She usually eats around me, well lately anyway, especially since I get mad at her when she doesn't. I may also threaten to tell her dad but that's beside the point.

In all honesty, Eric doesn't really have much on me aside from the fact that he's a guy. He hasn't even known her that long. I probably have at least three or four years on him. I know everything about her. I know her likes, her dislikes, what she loves and hates, her fears, her dreams…literally everything. I bet he doesn't know anything about her and just thinks she's hot. Well, he's not wrong but at least I know the girl inside and out and I was definitely going to use that to my advantage.

I had finally gotten everything ready when Mitchie walked in through the door. She was here earlier than I expected but at least I was finished. She hung up her jacket and threw her things on a chair nearby and walked into the kitchen suspiciously.

"Alex what's going on?" she asked and I turned around from the sink. I looked up at her and smiled.

"I wanted to surprise you." A smile of her own tugged at her lips.

"You did this for me?" I nodded and handed her the flowers I had gotten. Her smile widened before cocking an eyebrow. "I thought you thought that flowers were cliché and lame."

"Yes I do, but I know for a fact that you love lilies so I wanted to get them for you." She chuckled and shook her head at me and I brought my hand to my chest as if it offended me. "Hey I even made sure they were pink because apparently 'white is boring and it sucks ass,'" I said, mimicking her voice. She laughed harder and came up to me to give me a hug.

"I know, and I love them. But…what's the occasion?" I filled a vase with water and handed it to her.

"There doesn't have to be an occasion for me to want to do something special for you. You deserve it. Just 'cause you're you." She blushed and looked away, but I caught it.

"Such a sweet talker. And I see that you took care of dinner, Ms. I-am-the-worst-cook-ever. Should I be worried?" she asked skeptically and I laughed while shaking my head.

"No you shouldn't because A, I bought this and B, I really can cook; I just say I can't because I'm too lazy to actually do it." She stared at me for a while and for a second I thought that I had said or done something wrong. "What's wrong? I thought Thai food was your favorite."

"No, it is. It's just…really sweet that you would do all this for me." We sat down across from each other and started eating.

"Well, you have helped me so much this past month and you've been letting me live here. And after all the crap we've been through I just want to say thank you…and sorry…for today." She looked up and into my eyes.

"What are you talking about?"

"I didn't mean to be a bitch to Eric. I know he's your friend and I was being selfish and I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I mean I was a little worried when you took off at the end of the day but I don't really blame you." I nodded and we continued eating until she spoke up again randomly. "I didn't say yes."

"What?"

"I know you've been wondering. I told him that I wasn't looking for a relationship." I tried not to scream from happiness.

"Why'd you do that?" She sighed and rested her head against her hand propped up on the table.

"It's weird. After hooking up with him so many times when we're drunk it's just strange to me to go out with him. I mean, sometimes I want to but other times I don't. I don't know it's complicated. I don't know how to explain it." I internally cringed at the thought of them hooking up but settled down a bit when I remembered that she rejected him.

"Don't worry about it, you deserve better anyway," I told her and stared at me again.

"He's really not that bad. I don't know why you hate him so much."

"Because he let you almost drown to death," I reminded her and she sighed.

"Let's just not talk about that," she said and I felt bad for bringing it up.

"I'm sorry, and I promise I'll try to be nicer." She smiled and thanked me and I changed the subject because I was sick of talking about Eric.

The rest of the dinner went by with small talk about everything and anything going on. I told her about my lunch with Brian and how happy I was that I finally had a father-daughter relationship with someone after all these years. She told me how she wanted to start getting into music again and I told her that I thought it was a great idea because she is honestly so talented. Of course I complimented her every so often and she would blush and continuously thank me for being so sweet.

"I have another surprise for you," I said as I put our empty plates in the dishwasher. I went to the counter and held up the DVD I bought. I could tell she was happy but her expression changed briefly.

"But you hate (500) Days of Summer."

"But you love it." Her smile returned.

"Aww Alex you don't have to do things you don't like just because I like them."

"Well I like making you happy. So I say it's win-win, don't you think?" Her face started turning a light shade of red again. "And I don't _hate_ it. I just never really got what was so great about it…kind of like The Notebook." She hugged me again but this time it lingered a little longer. I wasn't complaining though.

"You're the best," she said, still in our embrace. "But I swear you have the worst taste in movies."

"Hmm true." I pulled back slightly. "But I have great taste in girls," I told her with a wink and then spun her around and started pushing her out of the kitchen. "Now go change while I put the movie in." I smacked her ass and she jumped slightly before heading into her room, laughing the whole time.

I had already changed into a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt before she got home. I had learned my lesson the last time. If we were going to be sitting close together, no shorts. Thank God it was still winter. I started the movie and hopped on the couch. Mitchie returned and joined me, once again sitting impossibly close. I was sitting up by the arm of the couch but she was leaning into me. I felt the butterflies in my stomach going insane but I kind of liked it. If she was going to be all touchy-feely with me then why shouldn't I enjoy it?

About halfway through the movie she has somehow ended up with her head in my lap and my fingers found its way to her hair. I was playing with it and lightly raking my nails across her scalp. She looked up at me and smiled and I swear I never wanted to move from this spot. I had the most beautiful girl in the world with me and I was actually getting into the movie too. It wasn't as bad as I remembered it. Maybe it was because I was in such a good mood. Maybe it was because I could kind of relate to it now; the whole 'loving someone who doesn't feel the same' thing. Or maybe it's because everything just seems better with Mitchie by my side.

**A/N 3: Chapter Title Song/Quote: Sweet Disposition by The Temper Trap**

**I'm not gonna lie, I made this the title because of (500) Days of Summer, which I love as well as the song.  
><strong>


	15. Hey, Jealousy

**A/N 1: I can't believe how long it took to get this done. I'm really sorry and I hope you guys haven't forgotten about this story yet. Also, I'm going on vacation at the end of the month and I'm going to try to get at least one more chapter up before that. If not than I'm not updating until next month. Once again, I apologize.**

**This may seem rushed but I really wanted to put this up (I also didn't really proofread) and it's pretty long too so I hope you enjoy it!**

**Reviews make me really happy and make me wanna write more.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

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><p>15. Hey, Jealousy<p>

_And you can trust me not to think  
>And not to sleep around<br>If you don't expect too much from me  
>You might not be let down<br>Cause all I really want is to be with you  
>Feeling like I matter too<em>

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><p><strong>Alex's POV<strong>

I used to hear people say that all good things must come to an end or that too much of a good thing is bad. I always thought people were ridiculous for believing such a thing. I'm not the most positive person in the world but I definitely didn't think that negatively about life. If something good was happening I would never dwell on how it could go wrong. I probably should have.

I wouldn't even know how to explain when things went wrong or why for that matter. We're distancing ourselves. I have even considered moving back home just to make it easier on her. It's not like she would ever kick me out. She's not like that. After going through the ordeal of 'never leaving' like I always feared she would she wouldn't go back on her word. Sometimes I think she cares about me and my feelings too much. Sometimes I think she doesn't care at all. I know I'm just being absurd, because this is my fault.

It's not constant. No, she would have gotten sick of me if it were constant. It would happen randomly. It's like I was picking fights on purpose. Someone would say something or take something the wrong way. Someone else would blow it out of proportion but then we'd stop after realizing that we were being stupid. Almost all of our arguments have been stupid.

The only one that even remotely made sense was when I was supposed to break up with Nate. I never did. When I told her she didn't take it too well. I am aware that she despises him more than anything. I understand that she has good reason to. I tried to explain to her why I chose to stay with him but she was stubborn. She didn't want to hear it because no matter what I said it would result in her calling me an idiot.

I wanted to take her opinions of the matter into consideration but in the end this was my decision and I didn't like that she was trying to tell me what I can and cannot do. She said that she was just looking out for me and it was what's best for me. I just felt like she was trying to control me, which she wasn't; I'm just irrational. Call me crazy, and I would never tell this to her face, but she was acting like my mother. And I hate my mother.

After everything Nate has put me through I honestly thought that breaking up with him would be something I couldn't wait to do. I was scared at how he would react at first but now I am not so sure I have anything to worry about. Part of me wants to stay with him because although I could care less about my mom, I still felt the need to date a guy to please her. There was no doubt in my mind that she would lose her marbles if she found out that I broke up with Nate. I wanted to avoid that fight as much as possible. Another part of me, however, wanted to stay with Nate just because…I wanted to.

It isn't the easiest thing to describe. He hasn't been belligerent or insulting me every chance he got. I don't know why the sudden change in personality but he has been better. I actually don't mind being around him. Granted, the touching and the kissing still bother me because I am still not even remotely attracted to him in the least bit. I grin and bear it though because I don't want to set him off and ruin this pleasant attitude he has lately.

Mitchie thinks I am being completely delusional for thinking that Nate is any different now than he was before. I would of course get mad at her for calling me delusional and in return I would try and call her something equally offensive. I would regret it not even two seconds later but I couldn't help it. I could be really hot-headed when under pressure. I have called her worse but now that I was living with her I felt inclined to be nice to her even when she was telling me off.

Through all the bickering and name-calling my feelings have remained strong. I wish they wouldn't. I have come to terms with the fact that there was probably nothing she could do to make me stop loving her. I almost hated myself for letting it get so bad. I never wanted to let myself fall so hard for anyone let alone my best friend. It complicated things whether we wanted to admit it or not. It was hard on both of us. At least that's what she thought. She wasn't the one whose heart was constantly breaking with each passing second though.

She wouldn't ever bring my feelings for her into an argument. That was a line she didn't want to cross and I was always thankful for that. We knew what we could and couldn't say to each other. Sometimes I could feel the fights escalating to the point where one of us might take it too far but we never did. We would usually make up shortly after but I felt like we were pushing our limits and we are destined to break soon.

Although I still loved her, I admit I was beginning to lose hope. I literally cannot deal with it anymore. I try and try to just push my feelings aside for the sake of our friendship but it's not working. I want to stop loving her. I can't keep doing this to myself. I know she can't do anything to make me stop loving her but I _had to_ stop. It was driving me insane. I can't keep thinking that one day she is going to realize that she has feelings for me. I can't keep thinking that she is not going to end up with someone else. She deserves the best and, as much as it kills me, I had to admit that I wasn't it for her.

This has only been going on for a few days but those days seemed to never end. It felt like weeks had gone by. Normally I didn't really look forward to parties because Nate would always cause problems but I was actually relieved when Friday finally rolled around. I needed to get my mind off of her. The only reason I haven't actually moved back home was because I was still terrified of what my mom would do when I got back. I hate to admit it but I actually want to go home, just so my mom could hurt me. I felt like being punished for the way I have been hurting Mitchie. I don't like feeling like this. The girl I love is never going to be with me and I just felt like absolute shit. I wanted to feel something other than this hatred I had for myself. I really regret ever saying or doing anything. I could have just done whatever the hell I had wanted with her at Zach's party last time and never told her. But I love her too fucking much. I respect her and I care about her more than I care about myself.

The fact that we have been fighting has made me feel even worse. I hate being the cause of her unhappiness and I know it's my fault that we are fighting so much lately. I know I'm just pushing her away again, but I can't push my feelings aside long enough to remember that she is my best friend first and _not_ my girlfriend. Today was Friday and I knew that Zach's party was going to be soon. And no surprise at all, Mitchie and I are arguing again. It's about Nate again because I told her I was going to spend time with him tonight. I don't get why she is so mad though. I mean why the hell would I want to stick around her when I know she is just going to hook up with Eric again anyway? That's just putting me through more torture than I need to endure.

"Alex, are you even listening to me?" Oh, was she talking? I must have tuned her out again. I have been doing that a lot lately. I just really don't need to hear the same things over and over again.

"No actually I'm not," I said with attitude although I probably shouldn't have because now she was giving me that 'are you fucking kidding me?' look with her hands on her hips.

"Alex!"

"Oh my God, what do you want from me Mitchie? Why can't I hang out with my _boyfriend_ tonight? Since when is that a fucking crime?"

"Stop acting like you actually _want_ to hang out with that asshole. You and I both know that you can't stand being around him."

"Don't tell me what I want. You don't _know_ anything. I'm sorry that I want to spend time with someone who _actually_ cares about me," I spat at her even though nothing I said was accurate.

"Excuse me? I'm so fucking sick and tired of this self-loathing attitude you have lately. What do you want me to say then? Oh yeah, have fun with the guy that degrades you and treats you like shit. Go be with the guy you hate. Why don't you have sex with him while you're at it because we all know how much you love that too," she shouted back angrily and I almost flinched.

"Why do you even care so much? Just stop pretending like you give a shit," I told her and that seemed to bring our heated discussion to a halt. Her face went from irate to normal, almost tired, and she shook her head.

"You're unbelievable Alex. Fine, do whatever you want. I don't care." I just looked at her not knowing how to respond. She actually looked hurt. I knew I was being ridiculous by saying that she doesn't care. I _know_ she does. I can't control my outbursts though. I know she's not doing this on purpose.

"I didn't mean it like that." She sighed and started going through her closet. We were supposed to leave for Zach's in about half an hour and we have been too busy arguing to even get ready. "C'mon Mitch don't be mad." She reemerged holding a pair of jeans in one hand and a random shirt in the other.

"I'm not mad I just…you're not being fair."

"What do you mean?" She turned to look at me again and I could see the hurt clearly written across her face. It killed me but I knew I was going to keep this fight going. I knew what she was getting at but I was hoping that I was wrong.

"Look, just because I don't…it doesn't mean I…Alex don't make me say it you know what I'm talking about." I narrowed my eyes at her. I think she was trying to cross the line without _actually_ crossing it. And I was pissed.

"Nice Mitch, real nice. Don't even bother, I get it." I stood up and walked out the door of her bedroom. I slammed it shut, making my way down the stairs of her apartment. I pulled out my phone and dialed a familiar number. After a brief conversation I shoved it into my back pocket and leaned against the brick building. I admit that this was probably not the best way to respond to what she said but like I said, I am completely irrational. I guess _all_ of our fights are stupid. Or maybe I'm just stupid….or maybe both. It's probably both.

After waiting for another five to ten minutes outside, and ignoring about five to ten calls from Mitchie, I heard a honk coming from the road in front of me. I looked up to see Nate in his car with the windows rolled down, waiting. I was so thankful that he was driving tonight. It meant that I didn't have to be around Mitchie and Nate wouldn't be drinking. I quickly got into the passenger seat and put my seatbelt on.

"Hey." He leaned over the armrest and kissed my cheek. "I thought you were going with Mitchie." I didn't say anything and slouched a bit in my seat. "What's wrong?" It was weird hearing him actually picking up on me being upset but he really has been nicer to me lately. I just have no idea why.

"It's nothing really. I don't want to talk about it." He seemed to accept that answer and nodded his head, not pushing the subject any further.

"Okay. By the way, I can't stay late tonight because I have work early in the morning. So I won't be able to give you a ride home, unless you wanna leave early too." I thought about it for a second and I decided that I really needed this party tonight. I needed to get my mind off of everything.

"Uh, no that's alright I'll just get a ride back with Frank," I assured him and he pulled away from Mitchie's house and started driving towards Zach's. Frank was always a good friend of mine. We weren't _that_ close but out of all the guys I have ever been friends with, he is probably my favorite.

We drove in silence, just listening to the radio and I tried to not think about Mitchie but to no avail. Who was I kidding? I could never get my mind off of her. I thought back to how upset she was before I stormed out. I hated what I was doing but I can't help it. I'll probably end up apologizing tonight at some point but my moods are a little unpredictable when I'm not sober.

When we reached Zach's house I immediately started drinking. I didn't even want to waste time with drinking games because I thought it would take too long. I wanted to feel numb and I wanted to feel it _now_. I was with Frank, Jimmy, and Nate in the kitchen. We were all doing shots, minus Nate of course, when I finally realized that Mitchie was here…with Eric. Perfect.

I have no clue how long I had been there but if I had to guess I would think it was probably a little over an hour. Mitchie and Eric were engaged in a conversation on the other side of the kitchen when she noticed me. Her smile fell from her face and she turned away. I sighed and brought my attention back to my boyfriend who was placing another filled shot glass in my hand, making this my fifth...or sixth. I didn't know and I didn't really care. A couple more and I was gone.

Loud music. That is all that is going through my mind right now. It is the only thing I can hear and comprehend. I was dancing with…someone. I'm pretty sure it was Nate. I _hope_ it was Nate or we were going to have problems later. I felt hands grip my waist tightly and lips press harshly against mine. I moved my hands to grab a fist full of short, curly hair. Yeah, this was definitely Nate.

I opened one eye to see what was going on around me as he moved from my lips to my neck. I spotted Mitchie making out with Eric and I felt vomit try to rise in my throat at the sight. She too opened her eyes briefly and our gazes landed on each other for an instant. I immediately turned back to Nate before I could go over there and kill someone…or cry. Rough hands made their way down my body and to the waistband of my jeans. He tugged a little and I knew where he wanted this to go. I usually hate when he does this when we're in a large crowd. I mean, I hate when he does this period but I didn't stop him. Why? Because I am furious and absolutely drunk.

His hand pushed its way into my jeans and his lips found mine again. I didn't stop him. He was practically digging his crotch into mine and I still didn't stop him. I felt his fingers work against me and his tongue was lost down my throat and I still didn't stop him...but someone else did. I felt a third hand touch me and I pulled away from Nate confused. He pulled his own hand out of my pants and stared daggers and the person who interrupted us: Mitchie.

"What do you want?" he asked, more annoyed than ever. She ignored him and faced me instead.

"Can we talk?" she said loudly over the music. She still looked kind of mad but not completely.

"I'm a little busy, maybe later," I shot back and turned so I wouldn't have to look at her. She grabbed my shoulder again and spun me back around.

"Alex, I'm serious."

"And I don't care." She looked like she was about to say something but Nate cut in.

"Shit, I should get going. I'll see you later Alex." He kissed me and shot one more glare at Mitchie before he left the party to go home. I looked at my watch to see what time it was but I quickly realized that I couldn't read it to save my life.

"It's midnight," Mitchie told me, probably figuring I was too drunk to tell time. I just stared at her, not wanting to say thank you. "We need to talk."

"I don't want to talk to you." I pushed passed her and stumbled back towards the kitchen. When I got there I realized that she didn't follow me. I went to the fridge to grab a beer can. I was already wasted but I wanted to keep drinking. I was gunning for borderline blackout tonight. I randomly started talking to Zach about nothing in particular. He was about as drunk as I was and thankfully he put me in a better mood than I was in before. We were laughing about something he said when I heard someone's voice call my name. I haven't heard that voice in _forever._ I looked around the kitchen to find where it was coming from.

"…Sam? What are you doing here?" Sam. Sam Ackerman. Sam _fucking_ Ackerman. The first girl I had ever been with. We weren't actually together but she was the first girl I kissed. After her Mitchie was the only other one. My life went down the drain after that day in my room and seeing her now brought back so many emotions I thought I was going to throw up.

"What? You're not happy to see me?" she asked playfully.

"No, I am, it's just…I haven't seen you in such a long time. I thought you moved."

"I didn't move; I just got kicked out." I looked at her, stunned.

"Of your house?" She laughed and sat next to me.

"No, I got kicked out of school. Apparently they don't like it when you never show up to class, but…whatever." She paused and looked me up and down and met my eyes with an unreadable expression on her face. "I've missed you." I took the time to finally get a good look at her as well. She looked the same except her hair was a bit longer. Her light brown hair was in waves falling freely over her shoulders and her eyes were as blue as I remember. She was still so pretty but she had nothing on Mitchie. No one did.

"I've missed you too, Sam."

I realized that Zach had left us at some point in our conversation. I ended up talking to Sam so we could catch up since we haven't really seen each other in almost two years. She told me about her new school and how she recently broke up with her girlfriend. She said she was too clingy and that she didn't want to be in a relationship anymore because it was 'too annoying.' We were talking and drinking for some time when I felt her hand brush my arm. I looked up and saw her eyeing me with a drunken look of lust and desire.

"You know…we never really got to finish what we started," she slurred as seductively as she could manage. She moved her hand down to place it over mine. "What do you say we pick up where we left off." I felt my throat get dry and I couldn't speak. I still didn't have feelings for her but I was still thinking about Mitchie and I wanted to take my mind off of her so badly. An image of her and Eric together flashed in my head before I grabbed Sam's hand and pulled her towards the nearest empty room as fast as I could.

**Mitchie's POV**

I was sitting outside on the deck with Jimmy listening to one of his stories. I was drifting in and out of it, not really paying attention but nodding every now and then to let him think I was listening. I ditched Eric when some girl wanted him to play beer pong with her. Thankfully, he went to the dining room and I escaped into the backyard where I found Jimmy and decided to hang with him. He's really a cool guy, interesting too, but I just can't focus on anything right now. My mind keeps going back to Alex. She's been acting mean lately but when she drinks she gets so stubborn and annoying that I want to slap her.

She doesn't even like Nate and she still lets him do whatever he wants with her. I know it's really none of my business because he _technically_ is still her boyfriend but I know how she gets. Even if she has no feelings for him she still gets hurt we he does things to her. She can't stand to be touched by him yet she was practically having sex with him in front of everyone. It makes no sense.

"Mitchie, are you okay?" I snapped out of my thoughts when Jimmy's voice pulled me back into reality.

"What? Oh, sorry Jim I just spaced out for a second. What were you saying?"

"I was just asking you why you're not drinking tonight. I thought you were a tank," he said with a laugh as he nudged my shoulder. I shook my head at him, laughing too, and sighed.

"I don't know. I just wanted to take it easy tonight. I'm driving anyway."

"You mean you didn't want to get into another smack down," he joked and I was about to call him an idiot when Zach came and sat next to me.

"Hey, no smack downs tonight Mitch!" he shouted with what he thought was a stern look but he was so drunk he couldn't do it.

"Yeah, this is a party not the UFC," Jimmy added and he and Zach high-fived each other and continued to laugh at my expense.

"I'm not even drinking!" I tried to defend myself and Zach threw his arm around me.

"I'm just kidding no need to freak out on me," he said and then stopped to think about something. "Speaking of freak, I'm pretty sure your main bitch is about to get freaky with that chick from the kitchen." I had no idea what he was talking about.

"My…what?" He took another sip of his beer.

"Yeah Alex is inside drunk off her ass…gettin' it on," he slurred, amused at the situation. I tried to keep my eyes from widening. Nate left a while ago so who the hell was she with?

"What? With who?"

"That girl that came into the kitchen, Sam something, I don't know but she was hot though." That name sounded so familiar. I thought about it for a while and then it hit me. I was sure my eyes were wide now. "It's hilarious. She's so shitfaced she thinks she's fine but can barely walk." I got up from my seat, telling them that I had to pee, and went straight inside.

I looked all over the house for her. I know she has been drinking a lot tonight and I could probably bet it's because of me. I don't want her doing something stupid just because we got into a fight. She doesn't understand that it hurts me too. When I told her that I didn't feel the same way I could tell that it broke her heart even if she won't admit it to me. I hated doing it. I didn't enjoy it at all and I wish I didn't have to because now she is basically losing her mind with all the damn alcohol she's had tonight. I can smell another fight on its way but I was worried about her. I had to find her.

I checked the bathrooms and the basement and I have even asked a few people if they've seen her. Everyone was too drunk to know anything at this point so I went upstairs. Zach's room was locked, as always, because he doesn't want people having sex on his bed or throwing up in there by accident. His parents' room was locked too. I checked the guest rooms. The first one I went into I found someone passed out on the bed. The body looked way too big to be Alex or a girl for that matter and I closed the door quietly. The next one I checked was unlocked so I walked right in and well…I found her alright.

She was in nothing but her bra and underwear and so was the girl underneath her. Her mouth was attached to her neck while her hands were rubbing her inner thighs, slowly pushing them apart. Sam reached behind Alex and started unhooking her bra and tossed it aside with the rest of their clothes. She moved one hand to slip past Sam's underwear while her mouth was slowly moving down. Without even thinking I tried to get her attention.

"Alex!" She shot up instantly and, in her drunken stupor, fell off the bed. She landed with a loud thud and Sam sat up, probably confused. I looked at the girl rubbing her elbow on the floor. "What are you doing?" She finally looked up to see who it was that just prevented her from having sex. When she realized it was me she groaned and rolled her eyes.

"Oh great, my nagging wife is here," she said annoyed and Sam shot her a weird look.

"What? You didn't tell me you had a girlfriend," she told her sounding a little offended. She got up and started putting her clothes back on. Alex, however, remained on the floor almost completely naked. She didn't seem to care that she was only wearing her underwear or that Sam was leaving. She just sat there with a tired and annoyed look on her face. Sam walked up to me by the door once she was fully clothed and gave me an awkward apology before she left. I didn't even look at her. My eyes haven't left Alex since I came in here.

"Alex," I said again hoping she would look at me. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to have sex but you won't let me." She still kept her attention on the floor.

"With _Sam_?"

"Yeah with Sam. What's the problem? Jealous?" she said with narrowed eyes as she tried to get up but fell right back down.

"Um, how about you have a boyfriend? And you're drunk." She grabbed onto the top of the nightstand by the bed to pull her up but still couldn't do it. She gave up and just stayed on the floor.

"I'm not _that_ drunk and who the fuck cares about Nate? I cheated on him before…with you, remember? Oh wait, no you don't," she said finally looking at me angrily.

"Alex, stop it."

"No you stop it. We're not dating. How come you can fuck whoever you want and I can't?" she asked, getting a little louder.

"What are you even talking about? Why are you doing this?"

"So I don't think about you!" she shouted partially from anger and partially from the alcohol.

"Alex, I," she cut me off.

"Why don't you just go find that dick Eric and leave me alone?" I shook my head and tried to collect my thoughts. She is the dumbest person on the planet when she's drunk.

"You cannot be serious. That's why you're mad at me?" She remained silent. "We were just talking and he randomly shoved his tongue into my mouth. I didn't even _want_ to kiss him!"

"You…you didn't?" she asked, less harshly than before.

"No Alex, I didn't. I've been upset the whole night because all we've been doing is fighting and I've been worrying about you because you look like you're about to pass out at any second." She attempted to get off of the floor one last time and finally succeeded. Once she was on her feet, however, she lost her balance and fell forward. Luckily I was in her way so I caught her before she could hit the ground again. She gripped my arms as they wrapped around her to keep her from falling. Her chest was pressed against mine and I remembered that she was naked from the waist up. I don't think she noticed though.

She looked up at me and moved her hands from my arms to my shoulders. I met her intense gaze as I stared into her eyes. She was hurting, I could tell. She was scared, vulnerable, completely wasted, and yet still remarkably beautiful. I had always thought so ever since I met her but for some reason I couldn't take my eyes off of the girl I was holding in my arms. I'd blame the alcohol had I drank any tonight for what I was feeling but my sober lips crashed against her intoxicated ones and I kissed her hard.

A million and one thoughts clouded my mind as she kissed me back but they all disappeared when she parted her lips and I felt her tongue against mine as she deepened the kiss. I tightened my hold on her and moved my hands to rest at the small of her back; her own tangled in my hair. I could feel the goose bumps forming on her body as my fingers brushed across her bare back, lightly skimming the small scars. I pushed her until her legs hit the bed and she fell on her back and I landed on top of her. She moaned into my mouth and I tugged at her bottom lip with my teeth. She pulled back, her face completely flushed, and I started sucking on the side of her neck. She was breathing hard and would let out small whimpers every time I would move to another spot. She wrapped her legs around me, pushing her pelvis into mine. My hands roamed all over her exposed torso and landed on her hips. She breathed out my name but I couldn't tell if she was trying to tell me something or not. I continued kissing her, making my way to her collarbone and she said my name again. I shushed her and her arms unwound from my neck. I finally stopped and moved my hands to either side of her, supporting myself as I hovered over her.

"What is it?" I asked a little breathlessly.

"Stop, you…you don't really want this. We're drunk and…and you're just messing with my head and," I tried to get her to stop talking.

"Alex," I started but she completely ignored me.

"And you know how I feel about you but you…don't feel the same and I don't…I don't know why you're doing this."

"Alex." She still wouldn't listen.

"And it's not fair to me you're just hurting me because you're a bitch."

"Alex, would you shut up already! Wait…did you just call me a bitch?" I looked at her incredulously as I sat up, straddling her waist.

"What?" She blinked a couple times. I think she was trying to keep herself awake because she looked like she was nodding off. Her face was a little pale and she tried to open her mouth to speak but she couldn't form a real sentence.

"Lex, are you okay?" I asked worriedly and I got off of her completely. I reached for her hands to help her up but she pulled away from me, shaking her head.

"Don't." I have no idea where this attitude had just come from but I was so confused. Why was she so mad at me?

"Alex, come on let me help you." She tried to move away again but being so drunk she grew tired and reluctantly allowed me to pull her up to a sitting position.

"Where are my…um, my…" she trailed off as the alcohol was settling, making it impossible for her to think straight. "Um…pants." I looked around the room and found her jeans and shirt in a pile next to her discarded bra. I grabbed them and turned back around to hand them to her but she was lying on the bed again. I looked at her face; her eyes were closed.

"Alex! Don't sleep, I'm going to take you home but you have to stay awake until then, okay?" She groaned in response and I snapped my fingers loudly near her ear to get her to open her eyes.

"Mmm, go away," she mumbled and I pushed her hair out of her face, lightly smacking it.

"C'mon Alex you need to get up." She finally looked at me and tried to sit up. I put a supporting hand behind her back to prevent her from lying back down. "Okay, just lean forward a little so you don't fall." She did as I asked and I pulled her shirt over her head and helped her arms through the sleeves, deciding not to even bother putting her bra on. The second I moved to grab her jeans she fell back again and I sighed. I slipped her legs through the jeans and tugged them up to her waist, buttoning and zipping them. It was like dressing a dead person. "Jesus Christ, what did you do to yourself?" I looked at her half-conscious form and ran a hand through my hair. I could just let her sleep here; I know Zach wouldn't mind. But I told my parents I would come home tonight and I didn't want to leave her here by herself. I pulled her to sit up again. "Lex, sweetie, we're going home, okay? I'm going to help you to my car. I just don't want people to ask questions so you have to walk, can you do that?" She opened her eyes and then squeezed them shut for a while before opening them again.

"I'll try." I grabbed her ankle and guided her right foot into her boot and laced them after doing the same to the left. When she tried to stand up and walk she started swaying a bit. "I can't Mitch I can't do it." I grabbed her hand and held her steady.

"Don't worry, just lean into me, you'll be fine," I assured her and she nodded and did as I told her. She gripped my arm tightly with both of her hands and we started making our way towards the steps. It took us probably ten minutes to get down the stairs. I have no idea how no one noticed how long it took us to make it all the way down. Once we reached the main floor I spotted Zach in the kitchen and I waved to him and told him that we were leaving before heading out the door. I helped her into my car and put her seat belt on.

"Can I sleep now?" she asked groggily. I want to let her go to bed but I couldn't, not until we made it back home.

"Not yet just please try and stay awake for me." She opened her eyes to glare at me and I again wondered what I did to make her so upset with me. I pulled away from the curb and started driving home.

"You're not my fucking girlfriend. I don't have to do anything for you." she slurred and crossed her arms. At least she was talking, which meant she wasn't sleeping. I just had to keep her talking to me even if it meant we were going to argue again. "Why are you driving are you trying to kill me?"

"I'm not drunk you idiot I didn't drink anything tonight," I told her and her eyebrows scrunched together in confusion.

"What? If you're not drunk then why'd you kiss me?" I wish she wouldn't ask me that. I sighed and shook my head. I honestly couldn't come up with an answer to that question.

"I don't know, Alex." Her face went from confused to angry again.

"See, you're such a fucking tease. You don't want Eric, you don't want me, well what the fuck _do_ you want Mitch?" She was right. I didn't know what I wanted. I was just hurting everyone because I was so damn confused about everything.

"I don't know! I'm sorry Alex."

"Just don't. I can't do this anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm done." I stared at her speechless. She turned her head towards the window and I knew that this conversation was over. I pulled up to my apartment and parked the car. Thankfully my parents are asleep right now so I don't have to sneak a plastered Alex in through the fire escape. We made it upstairs relatively easily but she was still slipping in and out of consciousness. When we got to my bedroom she sat on the floor and put her head in her hands.

"Hey, you okay?" She shook her head and lied down, covering her face with her arm.

"I don't feel good," she slurred out and I started walking towards my bathroom.

"Just hang on a sec, I'll be right back." I looked all over my bathroom for bag or a bucket or anything in case she got sick. I finally found a bucket in the closet with all the cleaning products when I heard the sound of something splattering on the floor followed by profuse coughing. I looked back in my room to see Alex on her back, convulsing, with a pool of vomit by her head. She kept coughing and shaking and I realized that she was still throwing up…and choking on it. "Shit, Alex turn over!" I immediately ran to her and flipped her over so she was on her side. The vomit in her mouth finally started pouring out and I collected her hair and tied it back. She was still coughing a lot so I lightly pounded my fist against her back to help her get everything out.

Once she stopped throwing up I wiped the tears that had formed in her eyes and noticed that she was covered in her own puke. I practically dragged her into the bathroom and turned the shower on. I removed her stained clothes and put them in the sink. I took out her hair tie and made her sit in the shower. I knew she was incapable of getting herself cleaned up so I helped rinse the vomit out of her hair and face. After she was clean and stopped smelling like alcohol and garbage I towel dried her hair and put it back up for her. I helped her into a pair of shorts and a large t-shirt and laid her down in my bed. I set the bucket on the floor beside her in case she woke up and needed to throw up again.

I wiped up the vomit on the floor and changed into some sweats and a tank top before tiredly crawling into bed next to Alex. She was out cold and snoring slightly. I felt sick in the pit of my stomach. She drank herself into unconsciousness because of me. I couldn't keep doing this to Alex if I'm not entirely sure of what I'm feeling. I have never been so confused in my entire life. All I know is that I had to make this right in the morning or I might actually lose her. The thought alone made my heart ache. I couldn't lose her…I just couldn't.

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><p><strong>AN 2: Chapter Title Song/Quote: Hey, Jealousy by Gin Blossoms  
>(Side Note: This is also one of my favorite songs ever...just throwing that out there)<strong>


	16. The Artist In The Ambulance Part I

**A/N 1: Thanks to all that reviewed the last chapter. Just for you guys, I updated quicker this time. I didn't want to leave you guys with nothing before I went away. I may or may not be able to get another one up before than. I'll see the feedback I get for this one and decide whether or not I'll post another chapter before I leave. You may or may not hate me for this one though. I apologize in advance. You'll see. Love you all you're the best.**

**Reviews make me really happy and make me wanna write more.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

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><p>16. The Artist In The Ambulance Pt I<p>

_My world goes black before I feel an angel lift me up  
>And I open bloodshot eyes into fluorescent white<br>They flip the siren, hit the lights  
>Close the doors and I am gone<em>

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><p><strong>Mitchie's POV<strong>

The shine of blinding light and the sound of coughing and groaning woke me from my sleep the next morning. I couldn't even keep my eyes open for longer than two seconds because the sun was so bright. I knew it had to be way too early to even be up right now. I glanced at the clock next to me and the numbers read 11:46 AM. I mean it wasn't _that_ early but I slept pretty late last night. I was about to turn over and try and fall back asleep but I heard coughing again and I realized that Alex wasn't in the bed. I followed the sound all the way to my bathroom and there she was with her cheek pressed against the toilet seat, nose running, and tears in her eyes. Her hair was falling in pieces around her face and she pushed it back with her hand before dragging the back of it across her mouth.

I hated seeing her like this. I knew she was going to get sick but she is so hard-headed she'll never listen to anyone telling her she's had enough to drink. I briefly remembered that she was mad at me last night and I wondered if she still was. I also wondered if she even remembers anything that happened at all. I grabbed a handful of tissues and knelt down next to her on the floor. I wiped the side of her face that she had missed and then I gently took her vomit-covered hand and wiped the fingers she used to force herself to throw up. She looked at me with her sad bloodshot eyes and I returned her gaze with a look of sympathy.

"What the fuck happened? I feel like I'm dying," she croaked out, her voice raspy from purging the contents of her stomach.

"You drank yourself into oblivion last night. I had to drag you home and then clean you up because you threw up all over yourself," I told her as I moved the stray hairs that kept making their way back to the front of her face.

"I did?"

"Yeah, you were really bad. I was actually scared; you started choking at one point."

"Jesus," she said before she started groaning in pain again and she brought her hand to her aching stomach. "Oh my God Mitch I feel so awful."

"I know Lex, but don't worry you're going to be fine. It's Saturday so you can just sleep all day. Go back to bed and I'll bring you something for your stomach, okay?" I offered and she nodded her head weakly. "Come on; let's get you off the floor." I held her cold, sweaty hands in mine and she used my support to stand up. She rinsed her mouth out and washed her hands and face before slowly trudging back to the bed. I jogged to the kitchen to find that the rest of my house was empty, momentarily forgetting that my parents had work. I searched the kitchen for anything to help her hangover. After about three minutes I walked back to my room where Alex was moaning in pain under the covers. I sat beside her and gave her some aspirin to take. She sat up as well as she could and took it from me.

"How long will this work?"

"Long enough for you to fall asleep in peace." She sighed and washed it down anyway. I handed her a bottle filled with yellow liquid. "Here, drink this." She looked at me weirdly before taking it.

"What's this for?"

"Gatorade helps dehydration, which you are going to be from throwing up so much." She nodded in understanding and slowly chugged the cold drink. "Are you hungry?" I asked and she immediately shook her head.

"I can't. Just thinking about food makes me sick."

"I know but you have to. Just eat this before you go back to sleep." I handed her a plate of burnt toast and she grimaced at the sight.

"That's what that smell was? Why is it burnt? It's almost completely black."

"Bread is good when you're nauseous and burnt is better for alcohol poisoning."

"Why don't you just ash a cigarette into my mouth?" she asked sarcastically and I rolled my eyes at her.

"Alex, just trust me," I said and tried one more time to offer her the plate and she actually listened.

"Okay, Mom," she said playfully. She took a bite and chewed it carefully with a look of disgust on her face.

"I know everything is gross right now but you'll feel better later." She seemed to take my word for it and continued eating. After she was done she lied back down on her side. She looked absolutely miserable and even though I know that she did this to herself I felt responsible. I softly rubbed her back and she almost instantly turned over to lie on her stomach completely. I heard her groan into the pillow and my hand stopped its movements. "Do you want me to stop?"

"No please keep doing that," she said without lifting her head up and I resumed what I was doing. Within a minute or so she was fast asleep again and despite the situation I smiled. I swear Alex is like a dog; you just pet her for a while and she goes to sleep. I got up and decided to let her be for however long she needs.

I spent the majority of the day debating whether or not I wanted to bring up what happened last night. I know she was just drunk and upset but what she said still hurt me, even if she has a point. I had no idea what I wanted and it was starting to take a toll on the both of us. I wanted to just make everyone happy but I think I deserve to be happy too. Too bad I don't know what it is that is going to make me happy. I know I love Alex; she's the most important person in my life. I never thought about her in that way before and ever since she confessed her feelings I have just been confused. It didn't make any sense to me. Nothing did.

She's probably going to want to know what happened last night when she wakes up. I don't know if I should tell her _everything_ though. If I bring up the fact that I kissed her she's probably going to ask me why again and I am still not going to have an answer for her, but I don't want to lie to her. I couldn't even sleep last night because I was too busy trying to figure out what the hell was going on with me. I know that I wanted to kiss her but what doesn't make sense is that I am still sometimes attracted to Eric. I rejected him before because I didn't really like him like that but the truth is sometimes I do. He's a good friend and that's the only time I ever like him. When he actually tries and goes out of his way to show me how he feels it just bothers me. When he doesn't try I actually feel like I could possibly want to be with him. I don't know how to explain it because I don't even understand it myself.

And then there's Alex, my best friend. She's different than Eric. When she tries I actually like it. Most people would feel uncomfortable but she makes me feel special and actually wanted. The way she talks about me makes me feel like I'm the only thing that matters to her. I haven't felt that way since Shane and even then it wasn't the same. There's something about her but I don't want to hurt her. I feel like if I tell her that I feel the same way as she does than I'm only doing it so I don't lose her. And I think she might feel that way too at this point. And the longer this goes on the further I push her away from me. I feel like no matter what I do I'm going to lose her.

**Alex's POV**

I woke up at God knows what time and my stomach actually felt a bit better. This is exactly why I should never doubt Mitchie. I didn't feel the need to throw up but I was extremely thirsty. I reached over to the bedside table and grabbed the bottle of Gatorade to quickly finish the rest of it. I should have downed the whole thing before like she had told me to. She really knows what she's talking about but then again she would know a thing or two about vomiting; I would never tell her that though.

I turned over on my back and looked around the room to see if she was in here. I spotted her sitting at her desk with her headphones plugged into her ears. She was writing something and it seemed important because she didn't even notice me sit up. Her eyes were burning a hole into the page she was staring at and her eyebrows would furrow every now and then. I watched her for a good minute or so before she finally realized I was awake.

"Oh I didn't even know you were up," she said as she took the headphones out and paused whatever was playing.

"It's okay I only woke up a few minutes ago. What time is it anyway?"

"I don't know, almost six. You slept for a while." I looked over to her desk again and grew curious.

"Are you writing songs again?"

"Yeah, well I was trying to anyway. I don't know why I just can't seem to get any words out right." She closed her notebook and put it back in its original place before taking a seat on the bed next to me. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm a little better. My head still hurts though. Why did I even drink so much? What happened?" I asked and I noticed her face change from concerned to nervous.

"Um…we got into a fight." I tried to think back to yesterday to see if I recalled anything.

"Well yeah, I know that and then I asked Nate to pick me up."

"No I meant we got into another fight…and another…and another," she admitted and I just stared at her not remembering any of this.

"We did? About what?" She thought for a while and I wondered if I did something to upset her again.

"You know…the usual, Nate and whatnot." I felt like she was holding something back.

"What did I say?" I asked and she let out a sigh before turning her body to face me entirely.

"You were just upset and I get it. You had every right to be."

"Mitchie, what did I say?"

"Nothing really. We just argued about Nate and Eric and you said something about me being a tease and a bitch and that's really it. Then you threw up and passed out." I narrowed my eyes at her but not out of anger but out of sheer confusion.

"I…what? Why would I call you that?"

"Because…" she paused and shut her eyes before talking again. "Because I kissed you." I was speechless. I opened my mouth to talk but ended up closing it shortly after. No words would come out. She _kissed_ me? _She_ kissed _me_? What. The. Fuck.

"You did?" She opened her eyes and nodded without saying anything. "Why?"

"Damn it Alex I wish you wouldn't ask me that again."

"Again?"

"Yeah you asked me that when I was driving us home last night. I told you that I didn't know why and you got mad at me. That's why you called me a tease." She looked upset thinking about it but as hard as I tried not to I felt myself getting mad as I slowly started to remember the argument.

"So…you kissed me…but you don't know why?" She nodded again. "So you thought that since I was drunk it would be fun to just fuck with my feelings, was that why?"

"What? No! Alex, just calm down that's not it at all," she tried to reason with me but I wasn't having it.

"Don't tell me to calm down Mitch. How could you do that to me? Do you think this is a game?" I asked growing more and more pissed off by the second. I was being irrational again. I know she was just trying to fill me in on what I blacked out and I was just lashing out at her. But she can't do something like that and expect me to be okay with it.

"No of course I don't I just don't know what the hell is going on."

"And you think I did? When I was thirteen I had no idea what was wrong with me. You don't think I was confused too? I was and I hated it. And guess what, I still do!"

"I know and I'm sorry! I know I shouldn't have done what I did but I can't take it back."

"No you don't know Mitchie. I know I have told you but you can't know what this actually _feels_ like. It's the worst and I can't take it anymore. I hate being this way. You think I _want_ to be gay? You think I _want_ my family hating me because I'm gay? If it was my choice I would never in a million years want this! But this isn't something I chose. I have no control over this. This isn't like your stupid fucking eating disorder. I can't just go to a doctor or actually eat for once and have everything be fixed. It doesn't work that way!" I finished my tirade and regretted every single word I had just said. I smacked my forehead and brought my hand down to cover my eyes that were squeezed shut. I cannot believe what I had done. I didn't even want to look at her. I knew I had crossed the line.

"Do you feel better now?" she asked in what appeared to be a calm tone and I forced myself to open my eyes. What I saw made me want to smack myself even harder. Tears were collecting in her eyes as she tried to remain calm. "Throwing my mental illness in my face, do you feel better now?"

"Mitch I'm so sorry I swear I didn't mean that," I told her hoping to God she would believe that it just slipped because I was angry.

"I can't believe you. How dare you try to use something like that against me? I have been nothing but understanding and supportive in this whole entire situation of yours. You think you're the only one with problems? Newsflash Alex, I have them too! And I also can't control it! You think it's that simple? I just see a doctor and I'm better? Well I'm not better! I can't stand eating and I can't stand to look at myself. The only reason I eat at all is because of you. I know how much you hate what I'm doing to myself and I know you'll tell my dad and I force myself every single day to not slip up. So if you think 'everything is fixed' you're dead wrong." Her cold eyes bore holes into me with the deadliest stare I have ever seen in my life. I have taken this way too far.

"I know and I'm sorry, please you gotta believe me I didn't mean it!" I begged her but she just shook her head.

"I'm out of here." I froze in place. My eyes widened and I started panicking.

"W-what?"

"I know this is my house but I am out of here," she said slowly but seriously as she grabbed her jacket and phone and started heading out the door. I immediately got up and ran after her. When I reached her front door I grabbed her arm and pulled her back in the house.

"Mitch, stop!" She turned around to look at me. "Please don't go. You said you would never leave me. You promised." She yanked her arm away from me.

"I need to be alone." I gave her one last pleading look and she sighed. I could only imagine how sad and pathetic my face must have been. "I promise I'm coming back I just…can't be here right now." And with that she walked out the door leaving me alone to wallow in my regret.

I walked back into the bedroom and sat on the floor with my head in my hands. I fucked up big time. I don't even know why I said it. It's not like I believe it. I know she can't control her eating disorder and I know how hard it is for her. I literally ruin _everything_ good in my life. Why do I keep letting my feelings get in the way of our friendship? When I first realized that I was in love with her I promised myself that I wouldn't do anything to mess this up. I never wanted to hurt her and yet here I am being an asshole just because I lost my temper.

Even if she _did_ feel the same way I don't even deserve her. All I do is cause problems and upset her and she deserves to be happy all the time. I don't know why I'm doing any of this. This isn't how you're supposed to treat the person you love. If I ever thought for a second that I had any chance at all it was gone now. And I actually did believe I had a chance. When I found out that she kissed me…and she wasn't drunk, my heart almost exploded with hope. But it doesn't matter now. I have officially destroyed anything that could have happened.

I don't know how long I sat there crying into my hands but I think at least half an hour has gone by before I felt my phone vibrate. I looked at the screen and saw that I had a new text message…from Mitchie. I stared at it for a while not knowing what to expect when I opened it. I didn't know if she was going to still be mad at me or if our arguing was finally over. Who was I kidding? Of course she is still mad at me. I would be too if I was her. I stopped stalling and finally opened it.

_Text Message From: Mitchie_

_Come down._

That's it. That's all it said. As long as it didn't say 'get out' or 'I hate you' then I wasn't going to complain. I didn't even hesitate to get up and look for my shoes. I grabbed the first pair of sneakers I could find and quickly put them on. I picked my hoodie off of the chair next to the desk and I dashed out the door as fast as I could. Once I was downstairs I saw Mitchie sitting in her car. She rolled the window down but I just stood there.

"Get in," she said and I couldn't read the emotion in her voice. I didn't want to do anything to piss her off anymore so I listened and opened the door and put my seatbelt on right away. Before it could even click she started driving away, not looking at me.

"Where, um…where are we going?" I asked cautiously while studying her face for any sign of what she was feeling. She didn't answer me. I figured we would spend the rest of the car ride in silence so I didn't push it any further and just tried to relax in my seat. After driving for about ten minutes she pulled into a parking lot for a coffee shop I recognized.

"Come on," she finally said as she shut the engine off and got out, still not looking at me. I followed her through the doors and to a nearby empty table. A girl in her early twenties came up to us and asked us what we wanted and Mitchie told her to just bring two coffees, knowing exactly the way I take mine. The girl walked away and I looked at Mitchie, hoping she would return my gaze.

"So, why are we here?" I asked, my curiosity getting the best of me.

"We need to talk," she said as her eyes moved from the table to meet mine for the first time since she stormed out.

"We couldn't do that at home?"

"No actually we couldn't. I'm sick of arguing with you. I figured that being out in public will force us to have a civilized conversation for once." I took in what she just told me and as much as I hate to admit it, it made a lot of sense. Every time we talk it ends up in a fight so maybe being in front of others will keep us in check. I nodded my head. "Alex, do you really think I'm doing this to you on purpose?"

"I don't know Mitch. I know you would never try to hurt me but I couldn't help feeling like you didn't care."

"How can you think that? Of course I care about you."

"I know. I'm being stupid but…can you just please answer me something?" She looked at me carefully before nodding her head. "What was going through your mind before you kissed me?" I know she said she was confused but I had to know what she was thinking.

"I…I'm not sure. I found you in bed with Sam and it bothered me. When she left you were still only in your underwear and you fell into me. You looked so broken and still so beautiful I couldn't stop staring into your eyes. I can't tell you what was going on in my mind right before I did it because I seriously have no idea but all I can tell you is that I knew that I _wanted_ to do it. And that's what confused me. I shouldn't have acted on impulse because I didn't think through how much it could actually hurt you and I'm sorry for that." I kept myself together, not wanting to get upset when she was just trying to explain herself.

"Okay. I get it. It's fine and I overreacted. I never should have said what I said to you that night and…you know…earlier." I could see the hurt flash back into her eyes for a moment. "I was out of line and I had no right to bring any of that up. I'm really, really sorry." The girl came back with our drinks and asked if we needed anything else. I was too busy looking at Mitchie so she told her that we were fine. Once she left she shifted in her seat and focused her attention on the table again.

"I forgive you," she said quietly and I could almost hear her on the verge of crying.

"You do?"

"I told you Alex, I'm sick of fighting with you. I don't know why this keeps happening but I want it to stop. You said you wouldn't let this get in the way of our friendship." She looked up and I saw the sadness in her eyes.

"I know I did and I thought I was fine but it's been getting so hard for me."

"I guess I haven't been helping much either but we need to stop. We've gone from arguing to deliberately hurting each other. We can't keep doing this."

"You're right. I never meant to do any of this to you either, you know that right?"

"I do. I just don't understand why you did." I sighed and leaned back in my seat.

"Because being in love with you has officially driven me completely insane," I admitted and she looked at me curiously. "Can I ask you something else?"

"Of course you can." I leaned forward and drank some of my coffee before I started talking again.

"Has the thought of us being together ever crossed your mind, before or after I told you how I felt about you?"

"Honestly?" I nodded. "I never did until you told me. It didn't make sense but at times it felt like it would be the right thing to do. I just don't want to do anything without being one hundred percent sure because I didn't think it would be fair to you." I think my heart just stopped.

"So…you're saying you _might_ feel the same way?" I asked hopefully

"I'm saying I don't want to lead you on or give you false hope when I'm still so confused and unsure about everything."

"Okay, fair enough. I understand and I don't want to put pressure on you and I'm sorry if I did before."

"It's okay."

"I still hate Eric though," I said hoping to lighten the mood but maybe it might just upset her. To my surprise she chuckled and a smile finally reached her face.

"I figured. You called him a dick."

"Well if the condom fits…"

"Alex!"

"What? I was just joking!" I said defensively. She cocked an eyebrow and I huffed in defeat. "Oh whatever." She sighed and slumped forward a bit. I eyed her mannerisms and watched them change. "You like him…don't you?" I asked even though I didn't really want to know the answer. She pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes. She looked like she was annoyed.

"I do and I don't. Please don't make me explain myself I think my head is going to explode from thinking about this." I felt my heart sting, threatening to break all over again but I had to remember that she wasn't mine…and we were out in public. _No fighting_. I looked all over the coffee shop. I looked at the man behind the cash register. I looked at my almost empty cup on the table. I looked at the old couple sitting a few feet away from us. I looked at the ceiling. Anywhere but the girl sitting in front of me. "I'm sorry."

"Can we just go home?" I asked trying not to let my voice crack. I didn't want her to know how much I wanted to break down again.

"Alex,"

"Please." She sighed and gave in. We stood up not saying a word to each other and I didn't dare glance her way. We walked back to her car and drove away in silence. I wasn't sure what time it was but it was pretty dark out. Well then again it gets dark at like five during the winter so I wasn't really surprised. I leaned my head against the window and Mitchie lowered the radio until it was almost completely muted.

"You're mad at me." She wasn't asking. The girl could read me like an open book and I wish I wasn't so vulnerable to her. I used to be so closed off and she couldn't figure anything out but now I wear all my emotions on my sleeve for her to see and question.

"I'm not mad." I doubt that came off as convincing as I had hoped it would.

"You're lying." I finally looked her way as we merged onto the highway.

"Okay fine. I know I shouldn't be but I can't help it." She didn't look like she was going to go off on me and I silently thanked God I didn't piss her off with my attitude again. She opened her mouth to talk but was cut off by a loud screeching sound and the car jerked to the side. My seatbelt didn't even lock until my face and chest smashed against the dashboard. "Ow what the hell!" My side of the car was dented in and my legs were pressed against the glove compartment. I looked over at Mitchie and she was rubbing her forehead which was bleeding. "Are you okay?" I asked as I let worry take me over.

"Yeah I'm fine I just hit my head. Can you move?" I tried wiggling in my seat but my leg was pinned. I tugged it and winced in pain.

"No my leg's stuck." She looked like she was about to tell me something but her eyes widened and she visibly started freaking out. She struggled to get her seatbelt off but had trouble because she was so frantic. "Mitch what's wrong? What are you doing?" I heard her curse multiple profanities under her breath growing increasingly louder after every word. The last thing I remember seeing was Mitchie finally freeing herself from the seatbelt and a bright light coming from my window. After that I blacked out. All I felt was pressure. Everywhere.

I opened my eyes and found myself covered in shattered glass. Jagged pieces of metal were bent and sticking out left and right. The car was absolutely demolished. I groaned in pain as I tried to focus my vision to see more clearly. The windshield was practically nonexistent as well as my window. I still couldn't move and I felt my arm dripping with warm liquid as well as my leg.

"Mitch?" I tried to get her attention but there was no answer. I automatically thought the worst and looked towards the driver's seat. It was empty. "Mitchie?" I was terrified. What the hell, where did she go?

I heard sirens in the distance slowly coming closer and closer. The combination of red, blue, and white flashing lights blinded me and a police officer finally noticed me. He shined a flashlight in my eyes and I shut them before I could get an even bigger headache. My vision was still a little hazy and I felt like I was going to fall asleep at any moment. The pain in my head was overpowering the pain in the rest of my body. I think the man in the uniform was trying to ask me something but I couldn't tell what it was. He said something to another officer and leaned towards the missing window.

"Ma'am can you move?" I shook my head weakly and before I knew it more people started crowding around the totaled vehicle. The passenger door was pried off and an EMT worker helped pull me out. They put me on a stretcher and started loading me into the back of an ambulance. Before getting in I heard faint mumbling. Something about fractures and a drunk driver causing a pile-up, but I didn't really understand or pay attention to most of it. The only thing that was on my mind was Mitchie. I tuned back into the conversation the policeman was having with the EMT worker when a particular word caught my attention: unconscious.

I was awake, what the hell were they talking about? I strained to lift my head up enough to see my surroundings before I was wheeled into the truck. Everything else around me faded away. The multiple cars that were just as destroyed as the one I was just in, the police officers, the emergency cars, none of it stuck. They all faded as if they weren't even there. The only thing I saw was the love of my life's mangled body in a bloody mess on the pavement. I felt my whole world come crashing down and I screamed her name desperately as the doors were shut and the truck sped away from the horrific scene.

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><p><strong>AN 2: Do you hate me now? Fun fact: this chapter/scene was actually what I had based the entire story off of. It was in a dream I had and I thought I could turn it into something worth reading. I just didn't think it would take me sixteen chapters to get up to it but like I said from the start, I wanted to go slow and build up to important parts. If this was confusing it's because it's intended to be. Part II will answer questions you might have but I don't know when that will be up as I have not started writing it yet. Again, sorry for this, sorry if it seemed rushed at the end, and sorry for the unnecessarily long A/N's.**

**A/N 3: Chapter Title Song/Quote: The Artist In The Ambulance by Thrice  
><strong>


	17. The Artist In The Ambulance Part II

**A/N 1: Sorry this took so long and I apologize for the quality of this chapter but I wanted to update before I left. I could not for the life of me get this chapter out but I tried, so be kind. I probably won't update again until next month and if I do...well, won't that be a miracle?  
><strong>

**Reviews make me really happy and make me wanna write more.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

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><p>17. The Artist In The Ambulance Pt II<p>

_And I realize that empty words are not enough  
>I'm left here with the question of<br>Just what have I to show except the promises I never kept?  
>I lie here shaking on this bed<br>Under the weight of my regrets_

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><p><strong>Alex's POV<strong>

Dead silence.

My eyes refuse to open but my ears are straining to hear anything at all. The only thing around me is darkness for miles. Everything is black. I don't know where I am but the temperature is well below what it should be if I was in fact indoors…unless I was outside, which I highly doubted. I expected to feel pain again, but there was nothing. I felt numb. I couldn't tell what position I was in but I am assuming I am lying down. I can't remember anything. I don't know how I got here. I felt trapped inside of myself.

Beeping.

I picked up on the faintest sound. A steady beeping was slowly becoming clearer and clearer but I couldn't tell where it was coming from or how close it was. I tried again to open my eyes, to see anything, but it was useless. The beeping soon increased and became even louder and it started to make me nervous. I wanted to cry but I don't think I was even capable of doing so. I wanted to scream but I cannot make a sound. My panicking was interrupted by another sound. Snoring. It's quiet and barely audible but I definitely hear it. Someone else _has_ to be here. I want nothing more than to shout out to whoever was here with me but I couldn't. I wanted whoever was here with me to open my eyes and bring me back to reality instead of this nightmare I was in. I needed to get out. I needed to know what was happening to me. I needed to find Mitchie.

Mitchie.

Suddenly everything hit me in bits and pieces but it didn't make sense. Fighting with Mitchie, the coffee shop, the accident, Mitchie lying motionless on the floor. My insides were twisting and I felt like I was being suffocated. The beeping got significantly louder and faster and I could hear a door being opened. The feeling in my body slowly started to return to me. It felt like a million knives were being shoved into the side of my head. I tried to move but I still couldn't. I had to wake up. I had to know that Mitchie was okay. I used all the strength left in my body to tear my eyes open.

"Oh my God!" I felt someone's arms wrap around me carefully but tightly. Everything was blurry and my hearing was still a little off so I couldn't tell who was hugging me. I prayed that it was Mitchie but the voice sounded too deep to belong to a girl. "I was so worried. Thank God you're okay." I tried to focus my vision to get a better view at who was talking to me.

"Brian?" I choked out, my voice stinging from dryness.

"Yes, it's me. I'm right here." I could hear his shaky voice next to me as he sat back down in his seat. I gathered enough energy to bring my hand to my face and I rubbed my eyes hoping to see a little better. I noticed someone else was in the room too but I didn't recognize him.

"What happened?" I asked and the mysterious man came closer to us. He was middle-aged and had black hair that was graying in some areas. He was dressed in a white coat over blue scrubs and was holding a clipboard. I'm assuming he is my doctor; hopefully he can tell me what the hell is going on.

"You were in a car accident." He flipped through his papers. "There was a pile-up on the parkway."

"What?"

"The weather made for poor driving conditions; it's not uncommon, especially on highways and busy roads. I believe it was caused by a drunk driver." I took in all the information he just revealed and my mind went back to the only thing that really mattered.

"Where's Mitchie?" I don't think he heard me or he just dismissed my question all together.

"Now I was told you were conscious when paramedics arrived but you passed out at some point between leaving the scene and arriving at the hospital. You've been out ever since." He asked me to sit up and I tried to do so to the best of my abilities. It was then that I finally noticed my arm that was wrapped up. He took out a small flashlight and turned it on, asking me to follow the light as he moved it around. "Okay, now I'm going to ask you a few questions. What is your name?"

"Alex Russo."

"Okay, good. How old are you?"

"Seventeen." I watched him write something down on his clipboard and I wondered what the point of this was.

"When's your birthday?"

"September 5th."

"Do you know what month it is?" I thought for a moment.

"Um…January?" I asked, unsure. I don't know why but I felt like he was bound to tell me I was wrong.

"You sound uncertain," he pointed out and I refrained from rolling my eyes at him.

"Well you said I was out for a while. I don't even know what day it is. How long have I been here?"

"The accident was a few days ago. So yes, it's still January." After asking me more seemingly irrelevant questions he finally stopped and finished writing everything down.

"So…what exactly happened? Am I going to be okay?" He flipped through his papers again.

"Well you hit your head pretty hard but as far as I can tell there is no permanent brain damage. Your arm, however, is fractured and your knee is broken from when it hit the dashboard." I looked at my legs and groaned when I saw that I broke the same knee I did when I was fourteen. "It wasn't severe but you've had similar damage to the knee previously so it may take longer than expected to heal but it should be fine in about a month. You had some internal bleeding but we were able to fix that in surgery once you were rushed in. I need to go check on another patient but everything seems to be in order here. With the impact of the collisions it is a miracle you are even alive right now," he said as he made his way to the door. I looked at him curiously.

"Wait. What do you mean?" I called back to him before he could leave.

"Well the vehicle you were in was struck multiple times. One of the hits was directly into the passenger's side which is where you were pulled out of. The force of the crash should have brought on severe head trauma in which case you would not even be awake right now given that there is a very slim chance you would even survive." I just stared at him as he left. I didn't even notice Brian stand up.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked as he put a hand on my shoulder.

"Where is everyone?"

"Your mother and Max are in the cafeteria getting food."

"You guys have been here the whole time?"

"I have. Your mom didn't want Max in the house alone and we didn't know when you would wake up." Of course my mom didn't stay. She was just making excuses. I almost die and she still doesn't even care enough to see if I made it or not. I tried to hide how much it hurt me but then I remembered that no one ever answered my question.

"Where's Mitchie?" I saw Brian's expression change to something I couldn't read and I didn't like it at all. He sighed and took a seat next to me again but this time he moved a little closer. I grew more and more nervous the more he didn't talk. I felt tears collecting in my eyes. I swear to god if he didn't stop stalling I was going to scream. "Please just tell me where she is I need to see her."

"Honey, you can't see her." This was beginning to hurt worse than any car crash. I would rather be run over by a truck a million times and still live to suffer through the pain than deal with this. I think Brian could tell how badly I was panicking on the inside.

"I need to get out of here," I whispered, holding onto the final shred of my composure.

"You still need to stay here overnight because they don't know if you are stable enough to come home. I took off of work for the next two weeks so I can stay with you at home," he told me and I nodded. Well at least if I have to be back in my house I will have Brian around at all hours of the day. If my stepdad is there my mom can't try anything. I mean, I am already crippled but I wouldn't put it past her to hurt me after I get out of the hospital. I could feel my tears slowly escaping and I didn't even try to hold them in.

"This is all my fault. If I hadn't been fighting with her then we wouldn't have even been out in the first place!" I shouted as I cried even harder.

"You can't blame yourself. You were not the one driving drunk on a highway when you could barely see the road in front of you. Don't you dare think you caused any of this." My hyperventilating slowed down a bit and I tried to compose myself enough to speak properly.

"I can't believe this is happening." I brought my hands to my face, although I had some difficulty because I forgot about my bad arm. It was in a black splint to keep me from moving it too much. My knee, which was bent slightly in a brace, was throbbing and my head was pounding. Brian just looked at me not knowing what to do. I wouldn't know what to do either. My whole life is falling apart and there is nothing that anyone can do about it. The only person that can help me is Mitchie and she's the reason I'm such a mess. The door opened again and Max came in my room followed by my mom. She put on the same performance that she did when I broke my knee the first time. She acted like she was glad that I was okay and blah blah blah. After chatting with everyone for a while my mom and Brian decided to head out for a bit but Max said he wanted to stay with me. I eyed him suspiciously as my parents walked out of the room. Why didn't he want to go with them?

"So um…how are you?" he asked awkwardly as he scratched the back of his head. He took the seat that Brian was previously occupying.

"Uh, not so great. Like I said, I'm in a lot of pain. Getting hit by a car will do that to you," I told him and she shook his head as if he didn't like my answer.

"I wasn't talking about that."

"Then what were you talking about?"

"I just mean like…in general. I haven't seen you in the longest time. You're never home." This was weird. Max and I almost never talk and here he was asking me what's going on in my life.

"Why the sudden interest?" I asked probably a little bitterly even though I didn't mean for it to come off that way. "I mean, you've never asked me how I was before."

"I don't know I guess I was always a little afraid of you," he admitted hesitantly. I was shocked. How could he possibly be scared of me?

"What? Why on Earth would you ever be afraid of me?"

"I don't know Alex you're always like, angry or whatever. Or you're always fighting with mom and you just seem pissed off when you're around all of us." I can't believe what I was hearing.

"Seriously?" He nodded and then it hit me. "Wait…is that why you always avoid me?" I asked with my brows scrunched.

"Well, kind of. I mean, you never talk to me. After Dad left you and Justin would always be at each other's throats so I just wanted to stay out of your way because I didn't want us to be like that. And after Justin left you were just mad all the time," he explained and I was still stunned. I had no idea he even paid attention to those fights we had. "Even if you didn't want to talk to me I hated knowing that you almost didn't make it and we'd never, you know, get the chance to actually talk ever again."

"Max…I," I tried to talk but I didn't know what to say to him.

"You know I don't blame you for Dad leaving, right?"

"You…you don't?"

"Justin kept telling me that it was your fault but it sounded stupid to me so I didn't believe him. Plus, I thought he was just saying that because he hated you." As much as I fought with Justin I had always secretly hoped that somewhere deep down he actually did care about me. I would be lying if I said that what Max had just told me didn't hurt.

"But…you don't hate me?" I asked, needing reassurance. He looked at me as if I had said the most ridiculous thing in the world.

"No of course I don't. I thought you hated me." My eyes went wide and if I had been drinking something I would have choked on it right now.

"What? I could never hate you Max. Please don't ever think that. Look, I'm sorry if I haven't been the most pleasant person to be around but…you see, me and Mom, we have our differences…and I kind of take it out on everyone else."

"Yeah, I figured. I mean, that's probably why you aren't home so much, right?"

"Right. You know, we've wasted so many years avoiding each other for no reason. I'm sorry."

"Yeah I know but it's kind of my fault too so don't blame yourself. I probably would have done the same thing. I mean, Justin was kind of an asshole to you." I raised my eyebrow at him.

"_Kind of_? Do you know the things he has said to me when you _weren't_ around? He made me feel like the scum of the Earth and he didn't even care. He _wanted_ to hurt me, Max," I said as I felt myself getting upset again.

"Forget him. He stopped talking to me too. I don't know what his problem was." I do. I was his problem. "Anyway, feel better Alex I'm gonna go find Mom and Brian."

"Thanks," I said quietly before remembering something important. No one ever told me where Mitchie was. "Wait, Max!" I yelled out after him but he already retreated out the door, leaving me alone. I sank back down in my bed and finally allowed myself to fall apart. I couldn't even think straight. I just cried. Hard.

The nurse had to come in and check on me because my heart rate was picking up again. I cried and screamed until my lungs felt like they were on fire. Every time I was asked what's wrong I could hardly get a word out. I couldn't breathe. I clutched the pillow beneath my head and brought it over my face. I held it close and screamed into it. The noise was lost in the material, muting it from the world but it was deafening to me. It was all I could hear. And it was all I had left.

More and more people became concerned with the strangled cries coming from my room. The same doctor that had questioned me earlier returned to prevent me from ripping myself free from this medical trap. In the middle of my hysteria I managed to grab a hold of the IV in my arm with all intentions of tearing it out. I needed to get out of here. I needed to find Mitchie. My knee was destroyed but I was fully prepared to limp my way throughout the entire hospital trying to find her.

Before I could do something that might put me in danger I felt multiple hands hold me down to the bed. I thrashed and screamed but my attempts to escape were completely futile. The doctor threatened me with sedation if I didn't settle down. I couldn't speak. I wanted to tell him how badly I needed to find her but all that came out were sobs. Eventually Brian was called in to reason with me. Apparently it is unacceptable to be unreasonable when you have no idea what happened to the only person you love.

"Alex you need to breathe. Just calm down and tell me what's going on." My vision was blurred by my stinging tears but I could still see him. I shook my head in protest, wanting nothing more than to be alone right now. If I couldn't be with Mitchie then I didn't want to be with anybody. He turned to the nurse that had my arms pinned to the bed and asked if I could be released. The second I felt the weight disappear I sat up and held onto my stepdad's shirt for dear life. He pulled me into a hug as best as he could, what with my arm being in a splint and all, and rubbed my back until I finally found my voice again.

"I need her Brian you have to let me go. I can't take it anymore. I don't even know if she's okay. Please I'm begging you just tell me," I cried hysterically into his shoulder. I wouldn't be surprised if he caught none of that. I heard him sigh and he let me go.

"Alex, I know she's your best friend but you can't see her."

"Stop saying that!" I screamed, ready to start trying to get out of this bed again. He stood up and grabbed my hands before I could touch anything.

"You need to stay here until the doctors say you can leave. I'm not going to let you risk your life trying to get out of here before you're ready."

"Why won't anyone just answer me?" I cried desperately to no one in particular. I studied Brian's face as it changed from concerned to nervous. I could feel what color was left draining from my face before he even opened his mouth to talk.

"I'm sorry. I just…I didn't want to be the one to tell you."

"Tell me what?"

"In the car accident…Mitchie took a pretty bad hit. Her head went through the windshield and she lost a lot of blood." I looked at him confused.

"What? What are you talking about? The doctor said the passenger's side was hit." He seemed to share the same confusion as me.

"Well the car was hit more than once. How much of the accident do you remember?" he asked curiously. I racked my brain to figure out what exactly happened that night. I remember Mitchie asking me if I could move and then bright lights coming from my window. That must have been when the car hit my side. Everything was happening so fast and I couldn't even move from the seat.

"I…I don't know. It's all so foggy. It's like I completely blocked out everything in between the first hit and getting pulled out of the car," I tried to explain but I felt myself getting frustrated the more I couldn't remember.

"It's okay Alex just concentrate. Go slowly…start from the beginning." I took a deep breath and went through the night's events once more.

"Um…well I remember we were talking when we were in the car. We were arguing a lot that day so we went out to fix everything between us. I think I got mad at her when we were leaving but I didn't want to fight with her anymore. Uh, I don't really know what happened before we made it onto the parkway but I think it started raining. She was saying something to me and a car hit us." I looked down at my broken knee and felt it aching. "I…I couldn't move my leg and I don't think Mitchie could get out either." At the mention of her name I felt the tears threatening to start falling again. Brian had to remind me to keep breathing before I continued. "I uh, I don't…I don't really know what happened after that. I blacked out. I opened my eyes and could barely see anything. The car was totaled and an officer had to rip the door off of it to help me get out."

"And Mitchie too?" I looked at him with scared, helpless eyes, filled to the brim with tears begging to pour down my face.

"She wasn't there," I said in barely a whisper. "It was the last thing I saw before I woke up in here." I sniffed and took another deep breath to form a coherent sentence. "She was covered in blood and glass." My voice was cracking so much almost everything I said was incomprehensible. "She was just lying there. She wasn't moving." At this point I was crying hard again. My voice was so strained I couldn't stop coughing. I was afraid the doctors were going to come back in. "I just want to know where she is. I need to tell her that I'm sorry."

"Mitchie's room is upstairs. I was just with her parents. They haven't left the hospital since Saturday either." I felt myself relax and, if not for only a moment, I thought I could actually breathe right.

"So she's okay?" I asked with more hope than I had ever felt in my entire life. More hope than when Mitchie told me she might have feelings for me.

"Well…she's alive, but…barely," he said slowly and carefully as if trying not to set me off with bad news. My hope was rapidly diminishing.

"W-what are you talking about?"

"She was flat-lining in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. They managed to revive her but they said that her body was just too weak."

"Too weak? What do you mean she was too weak? She's okay now though…right?" I asked even though I had a feeling I was about to be let down.

"They have her on life support…but they don't know if it's enough to keep her alive." My hand found its way to cover my face and I tried my hardest to not let my heart shatter to pieces.

"No. She's going to be okay. She has to be okay," I argued with him but he just shook his head at my pathetic denial.

"I'm sorry Alex, but…she's not waking up." That was it. That's all it took for my life to crumble to the ground. If I wasn't so numb I would be a violent wreck right now but I can't move. I'm sure Brian and all the people working in this damn hospital are relieved that they don't have to suffer through another one of my tantrums; at least for now anyway. I think Brian got the hint that I was done talking to him…and everyone else for that matter, and he gave me one last sympathetic look before exiting the room.

I was consumed by a combination of misery and guilt and it was suffocating me. I didn't want to believe this was really happening. I wanted to believe that she was fine, that she was going to walk through that door and come to my side and tell me that everything was going to be okay. I wanted to believe that she would be here with me everyday like she was when I broke my knee three years ago. She would hold my hand and beg me not to worry because she was never going to leave me.

I stared at that door. I stared at it for the rest of the night. I stared at it long and hard but she never walked through it. Only nurses came in. They tried to get me to eat but I refused. I didn't even look their way. I didn't even talk to them. They eventually gave up, much like I have on everything else.

I cannot fathom what my life would ever be like without her in it. Sure we have been fighting lately but I would put my feelings, jealousy, and irrational anger aside in a heartbeat if it meant she would be okay. I promised her it wouldn't come between us and I would crawl on my hands and knees, broken bones and all, and beg for her forgiveness. If I hadn't been such an asshole to her we wouldn't be here.

Of all people for this to happen to why did it have to be her? She doesn't deserve this. If anyone does it's me. I would gladly take her place right now. If Mitchie doesn't wake up I honestly cannot find any reason to go on with my life. I know that I shouldn't feel this way and if she were here right now she would slap me for thinking like that. I want to be strong but I just can't. Brian's words floated around in my head all night: _she's not waking up._ I wasn't waking up for a few days either but I eventually did. They just aren't giving her enough time. She's made it through so much before…she has to make it through this. She just has to.

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><p><strong>AN 2: Chapter Title Song/Quote: The Artist In The Ambulance by Thrice**


	18. I'm Lost Without You

**A/N 1: Well this is certainly shocking. I didn't expect to make another chapter before I left but then again I didn't expect the responses I got for the last one either. It really means a lot to me so thank you to all who reviewed/favorited this story. So because of all the feedback I took some time out to give you one last update before I go. Sorry that it's a short one. And this really is the last one because it would be impossible for me to come up with another in less than two days.  
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**A/N 2: I've been getting a lot of people asking me to continue this story. I don't know if I hinted at me abandoning it or not recently but I can assure you that I do plan on finishing it. I admit that there was a time, maybe a month ago, when personal problems and school and other shit got in the way and I really was going to stop writing this but I promise that I'm not abandoning it. I may get writer's block and it may get hard for me to write but I don't give up. I'm just going on vacation guys, I'm not dying. I'll be back and I'm going to start writing again. In the meantime, enjoy this sort-of-filler-chapter. It's kind of monologue-like and, like I said before, it's pretty short. I think my A/N's are longer than this chapter so I'm going to leave you here.  
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**Hope you like it, let me know what you think and leave lots of reviews for when I get back. Love you all.  
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**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

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><p>18. I'm Lost Without You<p>

_I'll leave my room open till sunrise for you  
>I'll keep my eyes patiently focused on you<br>Where are you now? I can hear footsteps, I'm dreaming  
>And if you will, keep me from waking to believe this<br>Are you afraid of being alone? 'Cause I am_

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><p><strong>Alex's POV<strong>

It's been one week since the worst day of my life. I was forced to stay in the hospital for a few days after I woke up and it is now Saturday again. I haven't left this room; they still won't let me. They ignored every plea and argument I made. I never failed to beg someone to just let me leave. After hearing the word no so many times I probably should have given up but I couldn't bring myself to stop trying. Somewhere deep inside of me I truly believed that someone would have the heart to let me go, just to see her. I needed to see her.

It was late afternoon and Brian should be here any minute. He always comes around this time. He would leave work early and spend the rest of the day here with me so I don't lose my mind from boredom. Max would occasionally show up and hang out for a while. I have to admit it has been nice having someone else to talk to, especially since Max and I have never had a real conversation before any of this happened. Even Zach stops by every now and then. The poor guy probably hardly ever leaves this place. He and Mitchie have always been close and I could see how hard this has been on him.

The one thing that always comes up whenever I talk to Max or Brian or Zach is Mitchie. I ask about her all the time. I have to know how she's doing or I won't be able to get through the day. After the initial shock died down a bit—not completely because I will never get over this—I stopped my violent outbursts. As much as the pain is eating away at me I realized that there is nothing I can do about this awful situation. The only thing I could possibly do is wait. I could wait and pray and be strong for her. I know she would be doing the same for me.

It's funny because I was never religious…at all. A long time ago I might have been. Back when my family used to be normal and whole I might have believed in God or anything at all. People always thank God or pray to God even when they don't believe or care for that matter. I gave up believing years ago. My life being in a downward spiral for so long cannot be the work of someone who had intended it to be that way…unless God is cruel and wants me to suffer. It doesn't make sense to me.

All it takes is one incident to make anyone so desperate for help. I had gone back on everything I had ever believed and yet here I am praying, all for her. It always goes down the same way for everyone. It is desperation and hopelessness. I can't deny that. I am at the end of my ropes and I need to feel that there is a way to fix all of this. If it means praying to someone I don't believe in then I am going to do it. I don't care. I can't care. That would be selfish of me. Her poor parents are in her room everyday doing exactly what I am doing in here. The only difference is that they truly believe that God will somehow save her. As for me, if there is a God, I would blame him for doing this to her.

That's what everyone wants, someone to blame. It's not enough to blame the person who decided to get behind the wheel of a car while intoxicated. I heard the man that caused this died in the pile-up. Anger builds up inside of me thinking about it but then it always fades. It's weird because if he were here in my room I would want to kill him. I would want him to suffer as much as Mitchie is…as much as I am and as much as Mitchie's family and friends are. That is the irrational side of me thinking. No one deserves to die for making a mistake. Being in this hospital for a week, even if I have only been awake for half of it, has made me change the way I think about almost everything.

I want to believe that no one meant for this to happen. No one is heartless and despicable enough to go out of their way to harm someone, especially someone like Mitchie. I want to believe that if given the chance the man responsible for this would feel remorse. He would be repentant knowing what he has done and how much it has hurt innocent people. And I would forgive him. Holding a grudge is not going to help Mitchie wake up and it certainly is not going to make me feel any better.

"Hey sorry I tried to get here earlier but the traffic was ridiculous." I didn't even hear Brian walk through the door. He didn't take the seat next to my bed like he usually does.

"It's no problem. It's not like I'm going anywhere. You usually get here around this time anyway," I told him not wanting him to feel bad for no reason.

"Well I just assumed that you would want to get out of here as soon as possible. I figured the faster I got here, the faster you could leave," he said with a smirk and I stared at him with my mouth open.

"Wait…please tell me you're not kidding." I swear if this was his idea of a joke I was going to start throwing things.

"Nope. Doctors got your latest test results and you're all clear. All I have to do is sign you out and we're good to go." He slipped a bag off of his shoulder and placed it on the chair next to me. "I brought you a change of clothes so as soon as you get dressed I can bring you home." I practically screamed from happiness which was probably a pleasant change from my screams of pain and anger. As much as I wanted to get out of here there is one thing I need to do.

"Brian, before we go, do you think I could um… see Mitchie…please?" He sighed and nodded his head. He knows how much I have been dying to see her since I woke up.

"Yeah just get changed and then I'll take you to her room." He left my room and a nurse came in to help me out of the hospital bed. Getting dressed was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I have done this before but with a fractured arm added to the mix it was almost near impossible. At least my stepdad was smart enough to bring me basketball shorts so it didn't take such a long time to get them on. Once I put my shirt on I struggled to get my bad arm through the sleeve of my sweater. Brian came back in after signing everything and helped me with my sneakers and handed me crutches. Since my arm was messed up I could only use one. Brian had to help me move around so I wouldn't put so much pressure on my leg. Walking hurt but anything was better than lying in that bed day in and day out. "Ready?"

"And how," I said as I hobbled my way out of my hospital room. "I wanted to leave _days_ ago."

"I meant to see Mitchie." I glanced at him and noticed that he had a concerned look on his face. "She's pretty banged up Alex and I know how you get with her." I never really thought about how it would feel to actually _see_ her. I just wanted to be with her.

"I know Brian but…I have to see her." He nodded and led me to the elevator. We walked down a long, seemingly endless hallway until he stopped at a closed door. He turned to look at me one more time. "It's okay. I can handle it." Truth be told, I don't know who I was trying to convince more.

He opened the door slowly and I saw her parents sitting next to each other with the most stricken, heart-breaking looks on their faces. They immediately noticed us enter the room and they quickly got up to hug me. They told me how glad they were that I was alright. I could see the brave act they were putting on. If they fell apart in front of me they know that I would follow soon after. Apparently they visited me while I was still unconscious but have been so preoccupied with Mitchie they never wanted leave her side. It was completely understandable; I know I would be doing the same thing had they let me out sooner.

I finally turned to look at my best friend, preparing myself for the worst. Brian was not kidding. Her face and arms were scraped and bruised in different places. Her leg was elevated due to a broken ankle and her wrist was broken too as well as her ribs. I looked closer at her face and noticed a scar starting at the bottom of her left eye going down to the middle of her cheek. Her parents said they were going to go get coffee with Brian and asked me if I wanted anything. I was in a trance I almost didn't hear them. I politely declined, silently thanking them for letting me be alone with her. Once the door closed and I realized that it was only the two of us I sat down and pulled my chair as close to her bed as I could possibly get it.

I just looked at her. I don't know how long I just sat there staring at her but it had to be at least an hour. I waited for her to open her eyes or move even a little bit but she remained exactly the same as when I first walked in. I have broken down so many times this past week I had to hold myself together now. I couldn't let myself break again. I needed to be strong. I kept telling myself that. I cautiously reached out and gently held her hand in mine.

"Hey Mitch…" I started nervously. I don't know why I felt so weird talking to her. I need to get past the doubt in my mind that she might not hear me. That tiny shred of hope is all I have to hold onto while she is in a coma. "Um…wow, it's funny…ever since I woke up I've been dying to see you and yet I have no idea what to say to you now that I'm actually here." I took a deep breath and tried to calm my shaking hands. It was as if she was staring me in the eyes leaving me completely speechless. "Your parents are scared. They try to not let it show but I can see that this is tearing away at their hearts. It's tearing away at mine too." I felt the guilt fill me once again but I tried to suppress the urge to cry. It wasn't working. "I'm so sorry Mitchie," I choked out as my voice cracked a little. "When you wake up—and you _will_ wake up—I just hope that you can forgive me for all of this. I never should have gotten mad at you. I never should have let my feelings get in the way because it's not fair to you. I know how hard it is and I was out of line. I should have been more understanding. I'm sorry."

I was beginning to shake the more I tried to hold back my tears. I wasn't about to turn into a crying mess now. I brought my free hand to her face. I pushed some of her hair back and used my fingers to trace the scar on her cheek. There weren't a lot of stitches but it still broke my heart to see anything try to ruin her perfect face. "You know, you're still the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. You could be completely covered in bruises and scars and you would still be flawless to me." I pulled my hand back to hold hers. This was a lot harder than I thought it would be.

"Um…I just want you to know that everything is going to be okay. When you wake up I'm going to do whatever I can to make things better. I'm going to be there for you whenever you need me and I promise to treat you better. I have been so horrible to you lately and you don't deserve it. You don't deserve any of this. I wish it was me lying here in this bed. I wish it was me in a coma right now. I just want you to wake up so I could tell you all of this. I want to remind you everyday of how much you mean to me. Because even though you know how I feel about you I want to show you that you are the most important person in my life…and there is no one else in the world that I could ever love more than you. Now, I don't know if you feel the same or not but…it doesn't matter. I respect you and whatever you're feeling…I'm not going to let it get to me again, I promise."

Still holding her hand, I leaned over her bed. The last time we kissed I can't even remember it. I was so drunk and belligerent and she still wanted to do it. I really do manage to somehow fuck everything up in my life. I looked back and forth between her lips and her closed eyes. I felt awful after I kissed her the first time. She said that I shouldn't think that I was taking advantage of her but I felt like I was. And looking at her now, as much as I want to, I know that kissing her now would make me feel the same way as the first time. I stopped my internal debate and leaned closer to her. I moved her hair out of her face again and lightly pressed my lips to her forehead, finally allowing my tears to fall. They trailed down my face and landed against her skin. I wiped my tear from her cheek and I couldn't keep myself together any longer. I let go.

My face fell to her shoulder and I cried into it. I never released my hold on her hand. I thought back to all the other times I have cried onto Mitchie before. She is the only person I could open up to. I let my guard down when I'm around her. I can't do that with anyone else. Even when I was keeping secrets from her she would always be there for me and made me feel better no matter what. She could literally say and do nothing and I would still feel better, just because of the fact that she was there. I wanted so badly to feel her arms wrap around me like she usually does when I'm upset. I wanted her to stroke my hair and hug me and tell me that everything was going to be alright and that she wasn't going to leave me. I knew this was all wishful thinking.

"Come on Mitchie wake up. _Please_. I love you. I love you more than anything. You gotta wake up. I need you. I'm nothing without you," I begged helplessly into her motionless body. "Just…please…for me. Open your eyes or squeeze my hand or…anything. Just let me know you're still here with me. You can't leave me, Mitch. You promised me, remember? You promised that you would never leave me. Please don't break your promise I don't think I can take it." I felt my whole body start to shake as my cries turned into sobs. I remembered what I have been telling myself this whole time: try and be strong for her. I picked my head up and wiped my face with the sleeve of my black hoodie. I looked down at Mitchie's sleeping form and her now tear-stained shoulder. I lifted her hand and kissed it before taking a deep breath, trying to calm myself down.

"I'm sorry Mitch. You just…make me so unbelievably crazy I can't even think straight. But…I'm going to be here with you every chance I get. I'm not gonna leave your side. And when you wake up I'm going to be right here. You know, I don't think Zach has left this place since he found out about what happened." I laughed humorlessly although a small smile dared to form on my face. "You really are all he has in terms of an actual family. At least I have Brian. My mom, as you know, is a different story…" I trailed off not wanting to think about the horrible woman I call my mother.

"Um…oh yeah, Max and I are talking again. Yeah, we finally had a real conversation about everything. Turns out we were both just being stupid. He doesn't blame me for our dad leaving. I really needed to hear that; with everything going on I'm glad _something_ went right. And when Zach stopped by the other day he told me that he worked out a schedule with your dad so that he could come here every day after school before work. He cares about you a lot but you keep scaring him. I don't know how many times he has had to deal with this. But…don't worry, it's not your fault, and the times before…they weren't your fault either. I know what I said hurt you. You know, about your eating disorder. I swear I was just mad, mostly at myself, but I shouldn't have thrown that in your face." I remembered the look on her face when I was going off on her that night. It killed me, especially because I was the reason for it.

"I would never try to use that against you. I didn't mean to hurt you, Mitch. I never do. I hope you know that." I held on tighter to her hand. I watched it rest limply in my grasp. I waited to see if it would move. It never did. "Open your eyes. Not just for me but for your parents and for Zach and for everyone else that loves and cares about you. I hope I'm sitting right by your side when you finally do. It's only been a week but I miss you so much, Mitch. I want to see your beautiful eyes and that shine that's always in them when you smile." I sighed and stared intently into her closed eyes as if they would somehow open if I looked at them hard enough. I wish it were that simple.

The slow, steady beat of her heart rate monitor put me in a sort of daydream. It lulled me almost to the point of serenity. It was nice to feel tranquil for once. Even while in a coma she still manages to put me at ease. I had always admired that about her. I was thankful for it. With all the chaos going on it's good to have _something_ normal in my life. But now I'm sitting here watching it slip away from me. I drew in a shaky breath as I heard the door open slowly. My back was facing it so I couldn't tell if it was her parents or just the nurse. The careful hand on my shoulder answered my question.

"Alex, honey, are you okay?" a feminine voice asked from behind me. It was her mom and, try as I might, I couldn't will myself to keep up the façade that she seemed to hold. I didn't turn around to look at her. I couldn't. I couldn't even speak. I felt my throat close up and my eyes burn. I shook my head weakly, still holding Mitchie's hand. The hand on my shoulder was joined by another as she pulled me in a tight hug. I turned into the embrace and broke down once again.

"I'm sorry," was all I could get out. I don't know if I was apologizing for falling apart in front of her or for causing all of this but it was all I could say.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, okay? And don't worry; Mitchie's a fighter and she's going to be fine." She sounded convincing but I could hear her confidence falter. It was clear in her voice; she is just as big a wreck as I am. I pulled away from her and looked up to see Brian and Mitchie's dad standing in the doorway looking on with concerned eyes. I hated how everyone was staring at me and I immediately felt uncomfortable. I couldn't be in this room anymore. I had to get out.

"Um, Brian…could you help me with my crutches?" I asked and he seemed to understand that I wanted to go home.

"Sure, hang on." He quickly came to my side and helped me stand up and led me to the door. He stopped and turned around to say his goodbyes to Mitchie's parents and I prepared myself to do the same.

"Bye Alex, we hope you feel better." I gave awkward hugs to both of them, trying not to hurt my arm even more. I took one last look at Mitchie. Everything was still the same. She never moved. The beeping never changed its tempo. But it's okay. It was the only thing telling me that she was still alive. That she was still here with me. If the beeping stopped, so would my entire world.

She is my entire world.

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><p><strong>AN 3: Chapter Title Song/Quote: I'm Lost Without You by Blink 182**


	19. A Dustland Fairytale

**A/N 1: I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaack! Did you miss me? Because I certainly missed writing this. Over vacation I thought up this entire chapter and some parts for future chapters. I don't know, I guess traveling has inspired me. Good news for you guys though. You guys get a chapter the second I got back. I thought it would take me a while to get back into it but like I said, I really missed writing. So I wasted no time and stayed up until four in the morning to finish this up. I apologize for my absence and the undeniably depressing chapters lately. Thanks for all the great feedback though and I hope you like this one!  
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**Don't forget to review/favorite/follow/whatever, because we all know how happy that makes me.  
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**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

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><p>19. A Dustland Fairytale<p>

_Out here the good girls die  
>Now Cinderella don't you go to sleep<br>It's such a bitter form of refuge  
>Oh don't you know the kingdom's under siege?<br>And everybody needs you_

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><p><strong>Alex's POV<strong>

I didn't think it was possible to be numb for this long. This has been the fastest and slowest month of my life. The biting cold of the winter was subsiding as March approached and spring was bound to be on its way. My life has pretty much morphed into a routine and if a day comes where that routine is broken I have a fit. For the most part though, I am numb to everyone and everything. The only time when I try to act as if I'm not dying on the inside is when someone tries to talk to me. But people know better than to do that.

My arm is feeling a bit better. My knee is a different story. At least now I can use my crutches properly to drag myself around my house, the school, and the hospital. I'm just glad that my arm fracture wasn't too serious or I would have been in pain for weeks. My knee can only take so much abuse. After breaking it the first time it is a little bit more sensitive. It's healing though. I sometimes don't even need to use my crutches but it still hurts to put pressure on my leg. Therapy helps even though it's killing me but I am definitely getting better. In the physical sense, anyway.

Emotionally, like I said, I am numb. I hardly do or say anything. I don't speak unless I am spoken to and I don't move unless it is absolutely necessary. I just sit in my room, or my desk, or in the chair next to Mitchie's hospital bed. I didn't miss too much work in school while I was in the hospital so I caught up pretty quickly. It's not like I had any major distractions, considering I was basically a vegetable. I could have done something with my time but I didn't feel like it. I have actually lost the will to care about anything at all. I try to put all my unused energy and focus into my school work though. That way, I figured, at least _something_ good was coming out of all this. My grades have improved significantly. Mitchie would be proud if she knew how well I was doing academically. She always used to try to get me to do my work or try a little harder in school but I always just floated along with my average grades.

School hasn't been the easiest since I came back. I'm constantly reminded of her everywhere I go. People ask me how she's doing all the time. I don't blame them; I would be curious too. And I do see her almost if not every day. It's weird without her there. I never realized how much time we really spent together until she wasn't there anymore. Homeroom is boring and uneventful. My classes drag on even if she wasn't in any of them although with the new semester starting our schedules have changed. Homeroom stays the same but we may or may not have classes or lunch together. I'll just have to wait until she comes back to find out.

I haven't been spending a lot of time with Nate. He isn't being an asshole but he isn't being very supportive either. To be honest, I admit he isn't completely out of line with his behavior. I would avoid me too. He probably doesn't want to have to deal with his depressed girlfriend. He never asks me how I'm doing in terms of my injuries and I think I am actually a little thankful for that. For once I didn't have to talk about it and I would get a break from this whole situation that's been eating away at me. We would sit together during lunch sometimes. Other times Zach would hang out with me, especially when he wanted to talk about Mitchie.

That was both a problem and a relief. I liked that I had Zach to lean on and I liked that I could be there for him to lean on too. We needed each other. At times I really did want to talk about her but I wanted to talk about her on my own time, not when people in the halls or teachers would randomly bring her up. I would always be trying to concentrate on thinking about _anything else_ and I would be caught off guard with a question of 'is she doing any better?' Sometimes I would cry, even in school. I would just excuse myself, pretending that I needed to pee or something, and I would just roam the halls aimlessly trying to calm myself down. The last thing I needed was to break down or throw a tantrum in the middle of class.

Zach also visits Mitchie every day. I would sometimes run into him at the hospital but that was a very rare occasion. His work schedule and my physical therapy schedule didn't match so I only saw him sometimes. He would usually go after school and I would go in the evening. Sometimes he would come back at night and I would still be there. We tend to leave each other alone when we visit her but from time to time we would keep each other company. We understood each other because we were exactly the same. We both care about Mitchie more than anything. The only difference is that he isn't in love with her.

I have never run into Eric. I am willing to bet money that he has no doubt come here to visit her. He avoids me and I know it. I honestly don't care that he visits her; I'm glad she has so many people who want to see if she is okay. Just because I don't like him doesn't mean I don't think he has the right to see her. He probably thinks I am going to start something or give him attitude if I run into him at the hospital. He's an idiot.

I try to stay as long as I can when I come here. It means less time to be spent at home. Brian has gone back to his ridiculous regular work hours ever since I was able to do things on my own. I didn't need supervision anymore. Moving around the house was tricky at first but I am now fully capable of going up and down the stairs and getting back up when I trip or fall…which happened often. Max is always gone so it's usually just me in the house. My mom's work schedule has been hectic too so she's hardly ever home. When she is she just yells at me all the time. She hasn't hurt me though, well not yet anyway. I'm already in pain with my bad knee and just like last time she doesn't feel the need to hit me when I'm already hurt.

The past month has been uneventful in my eyes. I'm just waiting. I wait for school to come so I have something to do. I wait for Brian to come home and take me to therapy. I wait for Brian to take me to the hospital. I wait for every day to finally pass so the next one can hurry up and come and then I wait for that one to pass too. I wait for any changes in Mitchie's status. I wait for the doctor to tell me something good. And I wait for the day where I can finally look into those beautiful brown eyes again.

"Oh hey Alex I didn't know you were still here," a male voice said a few feet away from me. I knew that voice. I hear it a lot, saying that same sentence in this very spot. It's Zach.

"Yeah, Brian's working late again so I told him I would just stay here and wait for him. I didn't get a chance to come here yesterday so I wanted to stay a little longer…you know, make up for lost time." He smiled warmly at me. It was a comforting smile and it always brightened me up a bit when I saw it, even when I was in this place and under the worst circumstances.

"I know what you mean. I couldn't come yesterday either. I told Mitchie's dad that I would work earlier so he could see her for a while," he explained and I actually found myself smiling back at him.

"That was sweet of you."

"Well the man should be able to visit his daughter once in a while. And he's been pretty lenient with me at work so it was the least I could do." He leaned against the door frame and crossed his arms. "How long have you been here anyway?"

"I don't know actually…a while. I think since four." He checked his watch and raised an eyebrow.

"You've been here for five hours?" he asked as he laughed a little. "What have you been doing?"

"This. Just sitting here. Watching her. Hoping she wakes up."

"Do you talk to her?"

"Sometimes."

"Me too. People keep telling me that it's good to talk to people in a coma."

"Do you really believe that?" I asked curiously.

"I don't know Alex I just…" he trailed off while shaking his head. He looked flustered, like he wanted to talk but couldn't get it out. "I'm sorry."

"No it's okay Zach. Here, come sit." I motioned to the empty chair next to me and he walked over to take a seat. He leaned back and put his arms over his head, covering his face. "You okay?" That was a stupid question. If someone asked me that I would probably get mad at them. Of course he's not okay.

"Yes and no." He drew in a deep sigh and dropped his arms to his sides and chuckled a bit. "You know, I'm starting to think she _likes_ doing this to us. I mean, this is the fourth time I might lose her. I don't even know how she's still alive." I stared at him wordlessly hoping he would elaborate without needing me to encourage him to. "I don't want to feel like she's had too many chances."

"Too many chances?"

"C'mon Alex, the hospital trips, my party, and now _this_? I don't know I just think she's beating the odds too many times and…maybe…her luck is going to run out."

"You…don't think she's going to wake up?" I was shocked. We were each other's rock throughout this whole thing. We helped each other stay hopeful and here he was telling me he…has _doubt_?

"It's not that, because I want her to wake up…_so _badly. I'm just…afraid."

"I know what you mean."

"Normally I get so mad at her. Last time we were here I screamed at her. I made her cry." I know the feeling. I've been screaming at her and making her cry too. "If she were to wake up right now…I wouldn't even be mad at her. I wouldn't raise my voice. I wouldn't make her feel bad about anything. I would probably cry from happiness. I just want to see her open her eyes so I know that everything is going to be okay." Zach and I had a lot more in common than I thought.

"You want to tell her that you love her and how relieved you are that she's alright."

"Yeah…"

"You want to make up for any time that you did yell at her because you almost lost her. And the thought of never getting the chance to do so tears you apart."

"Yeah, exactly. It's like you read my mind."

"It's because I feel the exact same way." He sighed once more and moved his hands behind his head.

"Do you think she's going to wake up?" I snapped my head towards him. I definitely did not see that question coming. I opened my mouth and closed it right away. I didn't even know how to answer that. He must have sensed my hesitance. "Forget what your parents say and forget what Mitchie's parents say. Do _you_ think she's going to wake up?" I thought about it for a while.

"Um…I don't really know. Last week the doctor said there was a thirty or forty-something percent chance she would wake up."

"I think she's going to." I looked at him, confused.

"I thought you didn't."

"No I just said I was afraid she might not. I don't want to think about it but I can't help it…especially when I'm here all the time. I'm forced to think about it."

"So you think she'll make it?" He stayed quiet for a while and then nodded his head, confident in his answer.

"Yeah, I really do. And hey, over the weekend the doctor said she's fifty-fifty now." My eyes practically fell out of my head.

"What?" I had to remind myself of where I was and control the volume of my voice. It was really hard not to scream though.

"Yeah apparently they did some tests to see how she was doing and she's doing better. Her heart's still extremely weak but...not as bad. So that's a good thing," he said with a small smile.

"Good thing? That's a _great_ thing!"

"But it's still really unpredictable. It keeps changing so I try not to think too much about what the doctors tell us." He had a point.

"I know. I know…it's just…"

"I know." A silence fell upon us. It was surprisingly not uncomfortable. We just watched our best friend sleep. "So um…I never really asked you this. I didn't want to bring it up but I'm really curious." I tensed up as he spoke. I didn't know what he was hinting at but I had a feeling that I wouldn't want to talk about it.

"What is it?"

"What happened?" Oh, I knew what he was talking about alright. I suppose I am really the only one, besides Mitchie, who knows what really happened before we all ended up here. I felt like I owed it to him. I took a deep breath and turned to face him.

"Well…we were arguing that day, like we had been for a while, and I…said some things to her. She got really upset and left for a while. When she came back she just drove us to that coffee shop off of Main Street. She wanted us to talk in public so we wouldn't yell and cause a scene. When we were driving back home we were still kind of fighting and we ended up getting caught in a pile-up on the parkway."

"Drunk driver, right?" he asked, double-checking.

"Yeah. We were fine after we got hit but we were stuck. I couldn't move my leg and she couldn't get her seatbelt off. I think she got it off before we got hit but I blacked out. When I opened my eyes she was gone," I told him as my eyebrows knitted together in confusion as I thought back to that awful night.

"So...what, she left?" I thought about that for a second. Did she get out of the car before we got hit? Is that why she wasn't there when I opened my eyes?

"I actually have no idea. I only saw her on the floor when they were wheeling me into the back of the ambulance."

"You think she left and got hit when she was outside?"

"I don't know. I think she knew we were going to get hit again because she started freaking out before it happened."

"And she got out?"

"I think so. I think I saw her get her seatbelt off."

"And she just left you?" My face dropped from confusion to just blank. _And she just left you._ No. That's ridiculous. She wouldn't leave me. Especially if she saw the car coming, she wouldn't do that to me…would she? "I'm sorry I didn't mean to put that in your head."

"It's okay," I said, my voice a little shakier than I had hoped it would be.

"Don't think about it. She cares about you."

"She does?" It was stupid of me to ask for reassurance. I know she does.

"Of course. You guys are the closest friends I have ever seen."

"Yeah, we are. I just feel terrible about all of this."

"This isn't your fault. I know you would never do something like this to Mitchie. You love her."

"I do," I said quietly, hoping that my voice wouldn't give me away. "She's my best friend."

"You love her more than that." I could tell if he was asking me or telling me. I just stared at him not knowing what to say.

"I…what?"

"Come on Alex, I see the way you look at her. You can't tell me you don't have feelings for her." He doesn't seem to be weirded out by it. He also seemed to be completely sure of what he was saying. There really was no point in denying it to him.

"Is it really that obvious?" He chuckled and shook his head.

"No, don't worry. And don't worry about me telling anyone. I take it that this is something you want to keep hidden, so your secret's safe with me." I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding in.

"Thanks Zach, for everything."

"Don't mention it. For what it's worth, I think you would be good for her."

"You do?"

"Yeah, why not? You love her. You look out for her. I think you care about her more than you care about yourself. And you put her happiness above everything else." I smiled a little and looked away from him. It was weird talking to someone about my feelings for Mitchie…well someone that isn't Mitchie. "She feels the same, you know?" I immediately turned back to him. Did she talk to him about me?

"She does? How do you know? What did she say?" He seemed to be entertained by the mini heart attack I was having.

"She didn't say anything." All hope had flown out the window again. "She didn't have to." I raised my eyebrow at him. "You guys already look and act like you're a couple. You'd have to be blind not to see it." I dropped my head and let it fall into my hands. The last thing I wanted was for my feelings for Mitchie to be _obvious_ to everyone. "Or maybe it's just me because I'm really close with you guys."

"She doesn't feel the same. She's told me. Multiple times."

"Do you really believe that?"

"Yes?"

"Maybe she's just scared."

"How are you so sure of this? Mitchie didn't even mention it to you."

"I just am. Don't worry Alex, she'll come around. Just give her time."

"For your sake, I hope you're right." He laughed and looked at me weirdly.

"For _my_ sake? Why me?"

"Because if you're wrong I'm going to kick your ass for filling me up with false hope," I said and he laughed even harder.

"Yeah okay, good luck with that little girl." He ruffled my hair and I punched him in the arm.

"Dick."

"Jesus you are just like Mitchie," he said as he rubbed the spot where I hit him as if I actually hurt him. "Well it's a good thing we're in a hospital."

"Hey, Mitchie punches way harder than I do. One time she almost dislocated my shoulder."

"That's nothing; she almost set me on fire once," he retorted and I laughed with him. "On purpose!"

"When…and why? What did you do to her?"

"We were like eight. I stole her book and she threw a lit candle at me when I wouldn't give it back to her." I laughed harder.

"Well you deserved it. How dare you steal from her…when you were EIGHT!" We slowed our laughter down, trying not to make so much noise and disrupt the other patients. "We're being really loud."

"Hey, maybe if we're loud enough we'll wake Mitchie up," he joked. I really wish it was that simple though.

We continued joking around the rest of the night. It was nice to not be miserable for a change. Zach and I went back and forth exchanging different stories and experiences we have had with Mitchie. We were playfully competitive in regards to who was her 'best' friend. He would argue that he has known her longer and therefore knows more about her. I would counter-argue that we are closer even though we only met in middle school. It was all in good fun because we obviously didn't care. I just liked laughing for once.

He asked me some more about my feelings for Mitchie and I surprisingly didn't close up like I normally would. After being numb for so long I just wanted to let everything out. I cleverly left out some details, like the times when we kissed…and almost had sex at his house. I didn't think he needed to know _everything_. He was supportive and kept telling me to not give up on her. I already knew that I wasn't going to. She has never given up on me. Granted, it wasn't nearly the same scenario but…whatever.

"How long have we been here?"

"I don't know, like a couple hours? Why?"

"Brian was supposed to pick me up. He's probably stuck working even later than he was supposed to." I sighed and looked at my watch.

"If you want I'll just drive you home when I leave," he offered and I considered it. It would save Brian the trouble of coming down here again.

"Yeah that would be great…if you don't mind."

"Don't worry. It's no problem; driving helps me clear my head. It would be nice to get a chance to do that." I looked at him concerned.

"I know I asked you this…and I hate hearing this too but…how are you holding up with everything?" I asked cautiously.

"You want the truth?" I nodded, urging him to continue. "I'm not doing so great. She's so important to me. I never really noticed how much I…need her. I go to her for the smallest things and I don't even realize until she's not there anymore. I just miss having her around I guess." My heart ached for this guy sitting next to me. He literally is in just as much pain as I am. We are feeling the exact same things. "I'm sorry…I can't imagine how bad this must be for you too."

"We're pretty much in the same boat. That's why I asked you how you were. I know for me, there are days where I don't think I can make it through without breaking down. I love her and I would do anything to have her wake up."

"I know, you and me both." Another silence fell upon us. "But hey, let's look at the bright side…" I waited for him to reveal this so-called 'bright side' but he never did. I just stared at him.

"…What bright side?"

"I don't know. I just figured if you thought there was one it would cheer you up…did it work?" he asked hopefully. I was still depressed but I have to admit, his attempt at cheering me up did bring a smile to my face, albeit a small one.

"Maybe a little. I mean…there might be a bright side. We could be dealing with this alone." He thought for a moment and nodded in agreement.

"You are absolutely right." For the first time in a long time I felt sort of…happy. You know that feeling you get when things are going so horribly wrong in your life and then all of a sudden it changes? All of a sudden things start to turn around and you get hopeful and everything around you seems to brighten and just seem…better. Do you know how it feels when you finally reach that feeling and have it all ripped away from you? I do.

In the midst of our conversation my main source of tranquility disrupted us. It was no longer peaceful and it no longer put me at ease. The machine. That steady beeping that I loved hearing so much. No more. I dreaded the day I might hear it; the tempo picking up pace or stopping altogether. We almost didn't notice it. It wasn't gradual. It was pretty sudden but we weren't paying much attention. The beeping has become permanent background music to our visits here; you don't hear it unless you listen for it.

It happened quickly but it felt like everything was in slow motion: the rapid beeping, the panicked look on Zach's face, the door bursting open, the doctors and nurses shoving me aside. I couldn't even tell what was going on. I tried to talk, to ask something, but it's like my voice was on mute. I couldn't even hear what the doctors were saying. The only noise that I heard was that beeping that was increasing in speed by the second. And it was deafening.

"Alex come on we have to get out of here." Zach's voice broke the trance I was in and all of the noises came crashing down on my ears.

"What's going on?" I asked in a frantic voice.

"I don't know but they said we need to go." Why are there so many doctors in here? And why won't the beeping slow down?

"I'm not leaving." I turned to one of the men in scrubs. "What's wrong with her? What's happening?"

"Ma'am, you're going to have to leave the room," he told me, completely ignoring my questions.

"No I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's going on!" I shouted stubbornly.

"Please get her out of here." I don't know who he was talking to but I felt strong hands grab me by my arms and pull me towards the door.

"Alex, let's go!" I heard Zach behind me and I realized it was his hold I was in.

"Get off of me!" I struggled and struggled and I eventually broke free of his grasp. I ran towards the hospital bed, trying to push past the nurses. "No, Mitch, please wake up!"

"Alex!" I ignored him but one of the nurses held me back. Zach came back and started pulling me again.

"Let me go!" This time he wrapped his arms around my waist and dragged me backwards. I tried holding onto anything I could reach. I kicked and screamed and kicked and screamed. It was difficult with my messed up knee but I managed. "Mitchie!" Tears were streaming down my face. Zach lifted me off of the ground but I continued kicking at nothing. I repeatedly and hysterically cried out her name over and over. My knee eventually started aching and he successfully pulled me out of the room and a doctor closed the door to ensure that I wouldn't come back in.

"Alex, get a hold of yourself!" He sat me down in a chair forcefully.

"Why won't anyone tell me what's wrong with her!" I yelled and he immediately shushed me considering we were in a hospital hallway.

"I wanna know what's going on too but we have to let the doctors do their job!" I stood up angrily and began storming away. "Hey! Where are you going?"

"Leave me alone!" I called back to him as I rounded a corner, praying that he wouldn't follow after me. I wandered the halls that went on and on and on. I rode the elevator up and down the entire building about six times. I had no real destination in mind. I just needed to get away and be alone and keep walking…and by 'walking' I mean 'limping.' But I wasn't leaving this place. I needed to know how she was. I remembered that I have my phone on me and I figured that Zach would call if the doctors came out and said anything.

All those weeks of numbness, gone. All the pain that I had tried to ignore and suppress came all at once and it made my stomach clench and my chest burn. My head was pounding and my knee felt like it was going to fall off. I clutched at my abdomen and leaned against the wall, taking deep breaths. The tears dried up but threatened to fall again, stinging at the corners of my eyes. I don't know how long I had been aimlessly walking around but I finally felt myself coming down from my hysteria. I started to make my way back to where I had left Zach. When I reached Mitchie's floor I saw him sitting against the wall with his head resting on his arms which were propped up on his knees. I walked over to him and took a seat by his side.

"Hey," I whispered; I had done enough yelling for the night.

"Oh, you're back." He seemed surprised.

"Well I wasn't about to leave." He nodded. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I mean, you almost knocked the wind out of me…but it's okay," he said while laughing a bit.

"Sorry about that too."

"Don't worry I'll live." I turned to look him in his eyes. They were just as lost as mine were.

"…Will Mitchie?" I asked in a voice too broken to be heard properly but he got it.

"I don't know Alex. I want to tell you yes but…I just don't know." I leaned my head weakly against his shoulder and shut my eyes, wanting to disappear or just wake up from this never-ending nightmare. I heard the sound of a door opening and multiple footsteps against the tiled floor. I looked up to see the doctors exiting Mitchie's room. Zach stood up and immediately reached for my hand to help me up as well. Mitchie's main doctor, the one that told me to leave, came up to us, his expression unreadable.

"Well the bad news is that her body is a lot weaker than we thought." He paused and I felt like the world had just stopped spinning. "Her heart rate was extremely high and when we tried to get it back to normal it dropped exponentially low and she started flat-lining again." I don't even think I was breathing anymore.

"What's the good news?"

"The good news is that we were able to revive her. She is stable but very weak. It was like she was hanging on by a thread." I felt air fill up in my lungs again and I exhaled, feeling Zach's arm on my shoulder pulling me in for a hug. I could feel his heart beating madly, matching my own. "I'll leave you kids alone. I have to run to my office real quick." I went over what I had just heard. The doctor's words ran through my head and I froze before turning to face the retreating man in blue.

"Wait what do you mean 'was'?" No answer. Zach looked at my confused face curiously. I pushed passed him, ignoring my knee's protests and hobbled my way into Mitchie's room. I nearly tripped over my own feet and my knee almost gave out, causing me to momentarily lose my balance. I caught myself before I could fall face-first onto the cold floor. I stared at the hospital bed at the end of the room. And I saw it. I saw the sight that would make my heart stop and my lungs give out. It brought tears to my eyes and made want to cry. I walked closer to make sure I wasn't imagining things, and I still saw it. I reached the foot of the bed and just stared, not blinking once…and I still saw it.

Those beautiful brown eyes that I love so much.

And they were staring back at me.

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><p><strong>AN 2: Chapter Title Song/Quote: A Dustland Fairytale by The Killers**


	20. Who Are You Anyway?

**A/N 1: Dead at work = free time to write. I'm glad I got time to write this one but I have to admit that it was extremely difficult for me to come up with it. You'll understand in future chapters why these few coming up are important but it's not like I plan on giving anything away. If I do then I'm just going to be upset lol. I know where I'm trying to go with this and what I'm trying to get out in my head and it's really hard to put it in the right words. Anyway, if it's confusing it's because it's probably meant to be.  
><strong>

**Don't forget to review/favorite/follow/whatever, because we all know how happy that makes me.  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

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><p>20. Who Are You Anyway?<p>

_I still have all these questions  
>You're all talk<br>No follow through  
>When I ask you for an answer<br>That's when you say you'll have one soon_

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><p><strong>Alex's POV<strong>

Things never go as you planned. I should be an expert on this concept by now but I am still never prepared. The weeks leading up to this very moment that I have been so desperately waiting for did nothing to help me. I should have written something down, anything, because I literally cannot find any words to say. My feet remained cemented to the ground as I stood frozen at the foot of the hospital bed. Our eyes were locked but neither of us said anything. I only barely heard Zach's footsteps behind me.

"Alex, what are you…oh my fucking God," he blurted out as he finally reached my side. Well that reaction seemed appropriate. "Mitchie." He said her name carefully, almost as if he didn't believe he was actually talking to her conscious body. She averted her eyes from me and moved them to him but still said nothing. "I can't believe it." Neither could I. I still couldn't tear my eyes away from her. Her eyes might have been open but there was something different about them. When she looked at me I couldn't tell what she was thinking. The _way_ she looked at me was…_different_. I heard the door open behind us and the doctor approached us.

"Excuse me but we are going to need to run some tests and I am going to have to ask you both to leave again," he said politely and Zach held onto my arm, probably thinking I was going to put up another fight to stay again. "I will come notify you when you may come back inside." He led me out of the room, all the while my eyes were glued to Mitchie. Her eyes never left mine as the door closed.

"I gotta call Steve," Zach said slightly frantically as he dug into his pockets searching for his cell phone. He started walking down the hallway as he dialed Mitchie's dad. I leaned against the wall to support myself. I was so overwhelmingly happy I could hardly keep myself standing up straight. I honestly do not even know how to react. Do I scream? Cry? I think I have done enough of that already. For now I'll try actually breathing. "Neither of her parents picked up so I left them both messages." Zach reappeared next to me and pulled me into the tightest hug imaginable. "She's awake, Alex."

"Ow Zach watch out, my arm," I muttered and winced in pain. My arm might have been healing but it still hurt if you put too much pressure on it.

"Oh crap I'm sorry. You okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine," I said as I rubbed my injured arm. He hugged me again—this time without crushing me—and I let a few happy tears escape. I hugged him back, using him as support instead of the wall.

"I told you she'd wake up," he said quietly and I untangled myself from his embrace.

"She seemed a little…off though, don't you think?" I asked curiously.

"Well she just woke up from a month-long coma. Weren't you a little, I don't know, disoriented when you woke up?" I thought about it for a while. I was kind of out of it but I snapped back pretty quickly.

"I mean, I did, but like…she just looked so stoic and emotionless. Like she was there but not really there, you know?" I thought back to her blank stare and a slight shiver ran down my spine.

"I don't know Alex. All I care about is that she's not dead." I dropped the subject and agreed with him. He had a point. I shouldn't be dwelling on something that may or may not even be important. I could just be overanalyzing everything. I mean, I have been thinking about what it would be like when she finally did wake up but I thought she would be…different I guess. Well…she is definitely different, that's for sure.

We decided to go downstairs and sit in the waiting room. I was nervous as hell. I was practically shaking from anticipation. I just wanted to see her, talk to her. She didn't even say anything when she saw me. If I saw her after waking up I would have been shouting and annoying the entire building. I would be so thrilled to have her be the first thing I see when I open my eyes. I remembered the night of the accident and what was going on just minutes before we got hit. I wish we weren't fighting this whole time. It all could have been avoided had I not been so stupid. Maybe she blames me too and she's mad at me. I probably would be.

I sat with Zach for I don't know how long. He kept trying to reach Mitchie's parents but for some reason they weren't answering their phones. He even tried the house and still no answer. I was biting my nails like I usually do when I am anxious. I had to keep my leg from bouncing because I didn't think my knee could handle it. I was growing tired. I had been here for such a long time. I wanted to sleep but I couldn't. Not until I finally got to see her again.

"Is anybody here for Michelle Torres?" I heard a man's deep voice call out into the room we were sitting in and Zach and I immediately stood up. "Oh there you are. Ms. Torres is stable although her blood pressure is low. I checked her previous medical files; she has been here before for the same problem but it is not severe at the moment. She is very weak so she may seem tired or lethargic. Her injuries have improved a bit. We removed her stitches but her ribcage suffered a substantial amount of trauma as well as her head. So she is going to be in quite a bit of pain for a while."

"Can she move?" Zach asked before I could. He flipped through his papers.

"There was no severe damage to her spinal cord. Like I said, most of the trauma was to her head and midsection."

"What about brain damage?"

"She was a bit delayed with her responses and her speech is off. She isn't speaking much but that was to be expected." I sighed in relief. So _that's_ why she wasn't talking when she woke up. "As far as we could tell, there is no real, permanent brain damage. Apparently the windshield she went through was already broken so it didn't hurt her as much as it should have. If it were still intact it probably would have killed her instantly." I held my breath while he was talking. I felt like bad news was on the way but I didn't want to think about it.

"Can we go see her?" Zach asked, seeing as I was busy being a statue next to him.

"Yes but she might nod off every now and then; she still needs her rest." We nodded and did not hesitate to hurry to her room. When we finally reached her she was exactly the same as when we left her. She was sitting up a little more but she still had that weird, emotionless look on her face. Her eyes once again locked on mine and said nothing.

"Hey Mitch, how you feelin'?" He sat next to her bedside and put a hand on hers. I, on the other hand, remained standing in my spot. She stared at me a bit longer and then turned to Zach and a weak, almost forced, smile came to her face.

"I've been better." I have waited such a long time to hear that voice again. It was hoarse and raspy but it was still music to my ears, even if it did sound like she was gargling nails. She tried to sit up a little more but had difficulty with her broken wrist. Her expression fell again. The half-smile she wore turned into a frown that almost looked scared. "I'm sorry." She's sorry? Sorry for what? This is the exact opposite direction I thought the conversation would go in. Wasn't I supposed to be apologizing to her? Zach looked just as confused as I did.

"What?" he asked. I didn't know what was wrong with me. She is the one straining to talk and I just kept my mouth shut. It was like I was hypnotized. I couldn't stop looking at her, like I was trying to figure something out. Maybe I was trying to figure out why she was giving me the exact same look.

"Please don't be mad at me, Zach," she begged. He moved closer and wrapped his arms around her shoulders carefully and kissed the top of her head.

"Not this time Mitch. Not this time."

"Really?"

"I'm too happy to be mad."

"So…no yelling?"

"Nope." I backtracked and slowly walked out of the room. I don't know why but I felt the need to leave. Half of the reason was because I wanted to give Zach some time alone and the other half was because the awkwardness between Mitchie and I was starting to make me extremely uncomfortable. I knew I would end up going back eventually but I just need to clear my head for now.

I made my way down to the hospital cafeteria and sat at a table by myself. If she wasn't mad at me before then she might be mad at me now for just walking out right after she finally woke up. I think the two of us have already established that I am not exactly a great friend. Well…it's not like she was talking to me anyway. I want to blame it on the whole situation with me and the accident; perhaps she is just really shaken up about the whole thing. I was. Things just seem too weird right now though. I decided to call Brian. He thankfully picked up after the first few rings.

"Hello?"

"Hey it's Alex."

"Oh Alex, look I'm really sorry but I didn't expect to be kept here this late," he apologized. I forgot to tell him that Zach offered a ride. I kind of didn't want him to take me home anymore. I just wanted to be alone with Mitchie after he leaves. Maybe if it's just the two of us we can act like normal friends.

"It's okay I don't mind waiting."

"How is she?"

"Um…she's awake."

"She is? That's great! No wonder you want to stay late." He knew me so well.

"Yeah so you don't have to rush here." I think he caught onto the weird tone of my voice.

"What's the matter? You don't sound as happy as I thought you would be."

"I'm fine I'm just…in shock I guess."

"Is she okay?"

"Define okay."

"I don't know. Is there something wrong with her; paralyzed, memory loss, any typical hospital misfortunes?" Memory loss? That didn't even cross my mind. No that's impossible. I know she was looking at me oddly but it couldn't be because she doesn't remember me. She has to remember me. She remembers Zach. Well she has known Zach since she was like…four. No way. There is no way she lost her memory. The doctor said she was fine. "Alex? You there?" Brian's voice brought me back to the conversation.

"Yeah I'm here."

"What's going on?"

"Nothing. The doctor said she was fine."

"So then what's the problem?" I seriously have no idea how to explain this to him. I don't even know how to explain this to myself.

"I don't know. I think I'm just paranoid or something. I'm probably just being ridiculous."

"You usually are." I laughed despite myself. He always makes jokes when I am clearly distraught.

"Thank you."

"I'm sure nothing's wrong. Just give her some time to come back to reality."

"You're probably right."

"I usually am."

"Shut up." I laughed again and realized how late it was actually getting. I didn't want to disturb anyone here by talking on the phone. "I gotta go, just call me when you're leaving, okay?"

"No problem. Tell Mitchie I said hi."

"Will do. Bye Brian."

"Bye." I hung up and opened up a new text message. I quickly texted Zach telling him he didn't have to drive me home and then put my phone back in my pocket. I wish I had brought my crutches with me but I left them in Mitchie's room earlier. My knee was starting to bother me after walking around so much. I contemplated getting up and going back but I was in too much pain so I didn't feel like moving.

I thought about what Brian said over the phone about any 'typical hospital misfortunes'. I know he wasn't trying to get me worked up or freaked out but he sure did a great job of doing so. I didn't want to believe that there might be a possibility that Mitchie doesn't know who I am. I swear to God if I have to go through the last few months all over again I will just flat out kill myself. I cannot relive that again. I won't be able to handle that pain again. I would be back at square one. And square one was absolutely miserable.

If it wasn't that then what was it though? I have never seen her look at me that way before. And she won't talk to me either. I mean, I know I didn't say anything to her but I was literally speechless upon seeing her eyes open again after all this time. I decided that I wasn't going to leave this building without at least _trying_ to have a conversation with her. I had to. I have waited so long. And I wanted to be there when she woke up and here I am. And what am I doing? Avoiding her? I'm beyond nervous and for what? She's my best friend. I have nothing to worry about.

After some time I felt the pain in my knee subside and I figured I could walk again without falling or crying. I will forever hate my mother for ruining my knee in the first place. I pushed myself out of my chair and headed straight for the elevator to take me to Mitchie's floor. When I reached her door I noticed that it was open a little. I walked in to find that Zach had left already. I checked my watch; I internally groaned. I really hated when Brian had to work the night shifts but at least I can spend more time here. I looked over at Mitchie. Her eyes were closed again and I sighed while taking the seat next to her bed. I didn't want to wake her up or bother so I just sat quietly. I forgot how tired I was and I soon felt my eyes closing, sleep finally taking over me.

I don't know how long I was asleep but it did not feel like a very long time. The plastic chair I was in was incredibly uncomfortable. I rubbed my eyes, still feeling exhausted, and looked next to me to find Mitchie looking intently at me again. I momentarily died a little and practically jumped out of my skin. I brought my hand to my chest to calm my racing heart.

"Jesus Christ Mitch you scared the crap out of me." She furrowed her brows a bit but then her face went back to its normal expression. "Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked, my curiosity getting the best of me. I had to know what was going on.

"Like what?" Her voice was still rough but at least she was talking to me.

"I don't know, like you're looking at a complete stranger."

"I'm not doing anything." She seemed only slightly confused at my questioning but I shook my head, pushing the thought aside. "Are you okay?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that question?"

"You just seem on edge"

"So do you," I pointed out. I wanted to stop this and talk about what I have wanted to talk about ever since I woke up in this damn hospital. I wanted to tell her everything I told her while she was in a coma. "Mitchie, can we talk?"

"We are talking."

"You know what I mean."

"No I don't." Why was she being like this? There was no way in hell she didn't know what I was talking about.

"Do you really not think we have nothing to talk about?" I asked and she looked at me weirdly again.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I just stared at her disbelievingly.

"Are you kidding me?"

"I meant you phrased it weirdly; I don't know if I should say yes or no."

"You're avoiding the subject."

"No I'm not."

"Damn it Mitchie! I don't want fighting to be the first thing we do."

"What do you want to do then?"

"I want to talk but you won't talk to me."

"I am talking to you…" she said as if it were obvious. She was being so odd and I had no idea why. Her expression hasn't changed once since we started this conversation.

"Stop doing that!"

"Can you not yell? I thought you didn't want to fight."

"I don't but…ugh never mind. Forget it." I stood up and reached for my crutches, not wanting to limp around on my bad knee anymore. I think she noticed that I was about to leave again because I heard her voice stop me before I could.

"Wait Alex, I'm sorry. Please just…stay." I stopped in my tracks and turned around to look at her. Her face actually showed emotion for once and her eyes weren't so distant anymore.

"You just said my name," I mused out loud without meaning to. She looked at me weirdly again but this is a look I've seen before.

"Yeah…why wouldn't I?" she asked, genuinely confused.

"I…I don't know." I slowly walked myself back to the chair but I didn't sit just yet.

"What did you think I lost my memory or something?" she asked and I couldn't tell if she was joking or not. When I didn't answer her she laughed a little. "Oh c'mon Alex I couldn't forget you even if I wanted to." I didn't know if I should smile at that or not because I didn't know if that was a good or bad thing.

"Do you want to?" I asked hesitantly. She raised an eyebrow at me.

"Want to what? Forget you?" I nodded slowly and her eyebrow stayed where it was. "Do you think I'm mad at you or something?"

"Aren't you?"

"For what?"

"I don't know…_everything_?"

"Um…no?"

"Really? The fighting? The accident? Nothing?"

"Well I don't want to fight with you either so I don't care about any of that." She stopped and her face went back to that weird emotionless look. "And I don't even remember the accident."

"I thought you said you didn't lose your memory." She looked away from me but still held that look. I put my hand on her shoulder and she immediately flinched. I pulled my hand back to my side. She still avoided my eyes.

"I didn't. I just don't remember the accident."

"What _do_ you remember?"

"Getting in the car and driving. One minute it's the end of January and the next time I open my eyes I find out that it's March."

"That's it?" She nodded her head firmly.

"That's it." I sighed and figured that's all I was going to get out of her. I decided to sit down again after all. I really shouldn't be standing up for so long. "What happened to your knee?"

"Broke it again."

"The same one?" she asked sounding concerned. It was like there was a switch going on and off inside of her controlling her emotions.

"Yup. I'm sure when this heals my mom will be waiting to break it a third time," I half-joked with a humorless laugh. It probably wasn't the best idea to say that.

"You're living at home again?" she asked almost incredulously.

"Yeah, what else am I supposed to do? I have a shattered knee cap and a bum arm. Up until about a week ago I could barely move around on my own," I tried explaining but she just looked at me as if I had lost my mind.

"So? You're just going to continue living with the woman who abuses you?" Fear flashed in my eyes as I thought about the weeks to come. My mother sure wasn't going to just back off from now on. My injuries are getting better and Brian isn't staying at home anymore. She wasn't just going to forget me leaving for such a long time. It was terrifying actually; knowing something terrible is going to happen but not knowing when. She was pissed and I knew it. Mitchie knew that too but I didn't want to fight with her about this.

"Mitchie just let it go. I can handle it." She scoffed and I was almost offended.

"Until you end up in the hospital again."

"It doesn't matter," I told her, trying to prevent my voice from rising.

"Yes it does!" she shouted and this time I had to remind her of where we were.

"Now you're the one who needs to stop yelling. I thought you didn't want to fight why are you getting so mad at me now?"

"Because you're being stupid Alex!" And I thought I was the irrational one. Her eyes were dark and they were piercing me. I don't know what is going on with her. I literally did nothing to warrant this from her. I again tried to put my hand on her shoulder to try and calm her down but she immediately swatted it away as if it burned her.

"Mitch, what's wrong?" I asked, ignoring her attitude. This isn't like her.

"Nothing's wrong," she said defensively and I stepped back from her.

"Don't lie to me."

"I'm not lying."

"You never get like this. I mean, I thought you would be mad at me but for completely different reasons. I don't want to do this. I have been sitting here every single day crying hysterically, hoping you would finally wake up. I missed you so much, Mitchie you don't even understand. I just wanted you to wake up so I can finally see you again and tell you how sorry I am for everything I have ever put you through." I felt myself starting to break but I did a good job at holding it together.

"Don't apologize," she said in softer tone. The kind of tone she used to use when she was trying to comfort me instead of when she was tearing me down.

"But I just feel like this is all my fault," I admitted and she had a pained expression on her face, but it could have been from her injuries. "I feel like you're here because of me."

"I'm not. Just stop."

"But-"

"Alex. Just stop it," she said sternly. "Why do you want to talk about this so badly?"

"Why don't you?"

"What do you want me to say!" she yelled, bringing her voice back up again. "Yes Alex this is entirely your fault? No! I'm not going to tell you that. You want me to sit here and lie to you and blame you for everything? Because I don't! I don't want to talk about it because there is nothing to talk about." She finished her rant and the room fell silent.

"Fine, I'm sorry!"

"No," she paused and brought her hand up to cover her eyes. She took a deep breath and uncovered her face. "I'm sorry" I remained silent, not knowing what to say anymore. It stayed quiet and tense for a while until my phone when off signaling I had a new text message. I checked it and saw that it was from Brian; he was finally here.

"I gotta go," I said and used my crutches to get myself out of the chair. I started to walk towards the door when Mitchie's voice stopped me again.

"Alex wait!" she yelled anxiously, successfully getting my attention. "Will you come back tomorrow?" What? After this ridiculous fight we just had she wants me to come back? I stared at her a bit not knowing what to make of her erratic behavior. She was being so hot and cold with me I didn't know how to react. On one hand I want to see her but on the other I don't want this to happen again. I think she took my hesitance as a no because her eyes softened and had a pleading look as she stared back at me. "Please, I didn't mean to go off on you before I just…promise me you'll come back." I had no idea what was going on in her mind but I wanted to believe that she was telling the truth. She wants me around but all we're going to do is fight, I just know it. "Please." Still, I couldn't help but give in to her. I knew I had to.

"I promise." I didn't go near her before I left. I could feel her eyes on me the whole time but I just kept looking straight out the door. I didn't say a goodbye and neither did she. If she did then it was too quiet for me to hear. I was too focused on other things anyway. I felt like I was on autopilot as I made my way throughout the hospital and into the parking lot where Brian was waiting for me. I knew he was going to ask me about what happened but I really couldn't talk to anyone at the moment. When I got in the car I told him that I was tired and didn't feel like talking. The whole ride home I was just drowning in my thoughts; they were suffocating me.

I was an idiot for thinking everything could go back to normal once she finally woke up. Nothing has ever been normal between us. But I wasn't going to let that stop me from being there for her. I wasn't going to go back on my word. She has never given up on me and I wasn't about to give up on her. Even if I had planned out what to say, I would have never in a million years thought that this is how everything would go. Mitchie was always the level-headed one. Now her mood swings are worse than mine. She freaks out over everything I say and gets mad at me every ten seconds. Then all of a sudden she's sorry and wants me to stay with her. She looks at me with these eyes, like there's nothing left inside. And it scares me. This isn't her. This isn't Mitchie.

**A/N 2: Chapter Song Title/Quote: Who Are You Anyway? by Taking Back Sunday**


	21. Gotta Get Away

**A/N 1: I know, this is a fast update, I'm shocked too. I usually wait to see your reactions to the last chapter but I was inspired and once I started I didn't know where to stop, so I kept going. This one is long. And I like this one better than the last. For the most part, it came out exactly how I wanted it to. So I'm happy about that. If you have any questions, feel free to send me a message, I always answer them. Enjoy and let me know what you think!  
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**Don't forget to review/favorite/follow/whatever, because we all know how happy that makes me.  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

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><p>21. Gotta Get Away<p>

_Sitting on the bed or lying wide awake  
>There's demons in my head<br>And it's more than I can take  
>I think I'm on a roll, but I think it's kinda weak<br>Saying all I know is I gotta get away from me_

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><p><strong>Alex's POV<strong>

I think that this is a new record for us. I came to visit Mitchie, like I had promised, and within twenty short minutes we started fighting. What's the reason this time? Mitchie is a psychopath is all I could come up with. I wouldn't tell her that though. Not unless I want to get punched in the face. Her wrist may be broken but I don't doubt that she will still try to hit me if I said something. Our conversation started out normal. She seemed happy when I came in the room, almost as if she didn't think I would actually come. After what happened yesterday, I'm surprised I actually did. A promise is a promise. And let's face it, I could never stay away.

"What do you want from me Alex?" she asked stubbornly and I almost forgot what we were talking about.

"How come every time I try to ask you something you just turn everything around on me?"

"I do not."

"Yes you do! You don't want to talk about your problems so you bring up mine!"

"I don't have a problem. You just won't drop it."

"You're being ridiculous; do you even listen to me when I talk anymore? What do you think I'm trying to talk about? Anything that happened before doesn't even matter to me. You already know my feelings for you so why on Earth would I even want to bring that up now?" She seemed to visibly calm down but looked like she was confused about something.

"What are you talking about?" Is she serious? I thought my head was about to explode.

"I'm talking about you! This isn't about me. Fuck my feelings. I want to know what the fuck happened that night because nothing makes sense!"

"That's what you're trying to talk about?"

"You _know_ it's what I'm trying to talk about! You know it and you keep turning it around on me so you won't have to!"

"No you're the one who keeps telling me you don't want to fight with me yet you keep bringing it up."

"No you just keep putting words in my mouth."

"Then why are you even here if all we do is fight? I'm used to it; I'm surprised you aren't by now." This is so unbelievably ridiculous. We are officially physically incapable of having a civilized conversation anymore. Everything leads to an argument but this time it is actually not even my fault.

"Do you want me to go? Because I'll leave if you want me to." She kept her eyes away from me. She has been doing that a lot.

"I don't want you to leave."

"You don't sound very convincing. If this is going to be another argument because apparently 'all we do is fight' then I'll go."

"Us fighting is nothing new is all I'm saying. It's like we're picking up right where we left off," she said sarcastically.

"For the love of God, that's not what I keep talking about!" At this point I was already standing up, slightly pacing as Mitchie stared at nothing in particular at the foot of her bed.

"You said you want to talk about what happened that night." I tried really hard not to get so frustrated but I just wanted to take my crutches and smash the windows.

"Not about that! I meant AFTER!" There is no way she could continue to play dumb with me.

"You mean here in the hospital?" Apparently she could.

"I mean the accident!" I shouted as I slammed my fist down on the table on the other side of the room, successfully knocking over my crutches, which in turn knocked over other things that were on the table. That was a lot louder than I thought it would be because Mitchie flinched, startled by the sudden noise. "Sorry." I walked over to her and noticed that her eyes were closed. "Why won't you look at me?" It was weird. Yesterday she kept staring at me and now it's like she is afraid to.

"I can't," she said quietly, barely above a whisper. She looked frightened and I briefly wondered if I did something to make her scared of me. I knew that this wasn't normal.

"Mitchie…" She still wouldn't look my way. "You need to talk about it. Tell me what's going on. You know that I don't mean our fight and you know that I don't mean my feelings for you. There's something wrong Mitch, please just let me help you."

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Yes there is," I said in a calm voice. I was keeping my tone in check. I didn't want this to turn into a shouting match. This wasn't just Mitchie being stubborn and fighting and yelling is only going to make it worse for her. "What happened?"

"I don't know!" she screamed but I didn't let it get to me. I was still going to keep my voice down.

"Yes you do Mitch."

"No I don't. I don't remember it."

"You're lying. When I was telling you about my knee this morning how did you know it was because my leg was stuck? How did you tell the doctor about the broken windshield? If you don't remember the accident how do you remember that?" She didn't say anything. Silent tears started trailing down her face. I walked over to her and brought my hand up to wipe them away but she slapped it away. I knew that what I was about to do could potentially make the situation worse but it was like an instinct. I leaned over the bed and pulled her into me to hug her carefully. Yesterday when Zach hugged her she was a little freaked out but with the way she was acting with me I had a feeling it was going to be a lot worse. And I was right.

"Stop." Her voice was shaky but her hand was strong as she grabbed my arm. She shoved me as much as she could, crying the whole time. "Please Alex." I relinquished and let her go. She looked terrified.

"I'm sorry. It's okay, I'm not touching you." She finally looked at me and then turned away again. "Mitchie…" She still wouldn't answer me or turn around.

"Just go," she whispered, her eyes shut tight once again. I didn't want to leave her side but I didn't want to continue upsetting her. This was too complicated for me to even begin to process.

"If you really want me to," I said and she remained quiet. I just nodded my head solemnly and went back to where my crutches were. I hadn't been here that long so Brian should still be with Mitchie's parents downstairs. I stopped to turn around and look at her, hoping she would feel my eyes on her and meet my gaze for once.

"I don't want you to leave." Her voice was still a little strained and it cracked towards the end. "But…you just need to go." She sounded sincere and I think that's what worried me the most. I thought that staying with her might help her but maybe me being here is only making things worse.

"Okay, I'll go," I said, trying to be understanding. I rested the crutches underneath my arms and leaned into them. My arm hurt a little but I can grip things a little tighter now, making it a lot easier for me to walk with these things. Mitchie finally looked up at me and our eyes locked onto each other. No words were exchanged and I turned away from her and headed out the door, feeling her stare burn into my back the whole time.

I made my way to the main floor of the building to find my stepdad and thankfully I didn't have to go far. He was in the same spot I had left him with both of Mitchie's parents and they were talking about something I didn't quite catch. Brian noticed me and his eyebrows scrunched together for a second, wondering what I was doing here after only thirty minutes.

"Hey is everything okay?" I probably had the saddest look on my face, like a little kid who just watched their puppy die.

"Um, yeah I just…wanted to let her rest, she seemed…out of it," I tried explaining without actually telling the whole truth. I know I should tell her parents because I seriously think something is wrong with her and this would probably concern the two of them.

"Is she okay?" her mom asked, slightly worried.

"What? Yeah she's fine," I told her but my voice was betraying me and I was sounding worse by the second. They looked between one another and then back to me and then back to one another.

"Brian, do you think we could speak with Alex for a moment?"

"Yeah sure, I'll just be waiting in the car okay?" I nodded and he left us standing in the waiting room of the hospital. I turned back to face Mitchie's parents and they both had this weird look on their faces. I couldn't tell what it was though and that bothered me a lot.

"What's up?" I asked in what I thought was a casual tone but they still looked at me the same.

"Alex, we think there's something wrong with Mitchie," Steve started saying cautiously, not wanting anything he is saying to be true in the least bit.

"You do?" I swallowed the lump that I didn't notice was forming in my throat until just now.

"Yes…and if you notice anything strange with her…or her behavior…we want you to tell us." I looked at him and then his wife. They both looked serious but equally scared.

"Well I mean…she keeps getting mad at me but…I thought that was normal."

"Normal?"

"Before the accident we were arguing a lot so I figured that this was nothing new." They nodded their heads, accepting my answer even though they were hoping to hear something different. "But…" I started to trail off. I thought back to when I touched her, when I hugged her, and how she reacted to everything I did.

"But what?" Her mother was curious now. She is hoping I can tell her anything about her daughter to help her figure out what is going on with her.

"She freaked out when I tried to hug her…did she do that with you too?" They looked confused and I knew I wasn't going to like the answer they were going to give me.

"No, she seemed a little stiff but she _is_ in a hospital bed…with three broken ribs," Steve said and I grew even more confused. I think they did too.

"So she was fine with you touching her?"

"Well, yeah, but she's jumpy and closes up every now and then at random times." I hated this. None of us knew what to do. "So…why _did_ you leave?"

"She told me to," I said sadly and their heads shot back to me instantly. They seemed more shocked than I was that Mitchie would do something like that, to me of all people.

"She did?" I nodded again. "But…why?"

"I don't know. I was trying to talk to her but she was yelling at me and she started freaking out and when I tried to hug her she just got more upset and started crying." I felt like crying just thinking about it. I don't even care that she hit me or kicked me out. I just couldn't stand seeing her like that. Her parents did that thing again where they had a silent conversation just by looking at each other.

"Well…I'm sure she didn't mean it Alex. But I think it would be best if you maybe stayed away from Mitchie for a while." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. She actually wanted me to stop seeing her.

"What? Why?"

"I know you're not doing it on purpose, but I think you being around her is upsetting her and we don't want to make things worse. We don't even know what's wrong but we're just looking out for her." There was no way I could do that. I wanted to help but I don't think I could do it.

"But…you can't do that. She said she didn't want me to go," I tried reasoning with them but her mom held her ground. It didn't look like she planned on changing her mind any time soon.

"Mitchie isn't in the best state of mind right now; she doesn't know what's best for her. I'm sorry Alex but we don't think you should hang out with her for the time being." My throat was closing up and I thought I was going throw a tantrum. I was seriously about to but I thought about what she said. I care about her too much to do something that would end up hurting her. If staying away from her is the only way I can help then I'm going to stay away.

"…Okay," I said, my voice on the verge of breaking. I didn't even stick around to hear them tell me anything else. I just wanted to leave already. I found Brian outside in his car and I got in immediately.

"What was that about?"

"Nothing, please just take me home."

* * *

><p>Mitchie didn't stay in the hospital long, despite her mother's countless arguments. Apparently she didn't think she was stable enough to come home but the doctors insisted that she was fine. When asked about her weird behavior they said that it's not uncommon but if it persists after a month then they should see a psychologist. I still haven't seen her since she came back. That was a few weeks ago. She's doing a lot better though, physically anyway. Her wrist is healing. My injuries are almost completely better too. The splints are off and I don't even need my pain meds anymore. Mitchie still does though because her ribs and ankle still hurt a lot. Mentally, however, she is still the same as when I saw her in the hospital. How do I know this if I'm not allowed to see her? Zach.<p>

According to Zach, Mitchie's parents told him to make sure that I don't go anywhere near her when she returned to school, which she did shortly after she was dismissed. I couldn't text her either because her phone was destroyed in the wreck and she won't be getting a new one until the end of the week. She was getting upset. I didn't even have to ask. I just know these things. As much as being around me upsets her I can see it in her eyes; she doesn't like this anymore than I do. She thought I was avoiding her. That I couldn't tell on my own although I don't know why. It should have been obvious. I told Zach to explain everything to her. I don't care what her parents wanted. I wasn't going to let her think I was doing this because I _wanted_ to.

I begged him to let me see her and keep it from her mom and dad. He felt bad for me so he said he wouldn't say anything to her parents…just this once. I sat with her during lunch and sure enough she was happy to see me. I didn't hug her. I wanted to, but I knew I couldn't. I kept my hands to myself; I knew better. This time I was prepared. I went over this in my mind multiple times in the off chance Zach actually let me talk to her. I didn't bring up anything that happened in the hospital that day. I didn't ask about the night of the accident. I avoided any subject that I thought might set her off.

Our conversation went okay for the most part. She didn't scream at me but she was still a little weird; I could just tell. I made the mistake of asking her how her injuries were and she became sort of standoffish and distant after that but she slowly came back. Maybe her parents were wrong. Maybe it wasn't me. I was sitting here with her and nothing bad was happening again. If I just watch what I say and do why can't I hang out with her? It was kind of hard to avoid her in school as it is. Turns out with our new schedules, Mitchie has lunch and two classes with me now in addition to homeroom.

"What happened to your neck?" I noticed some red markings in the space between her neck and her collarbone and I grew curious, and slightly worried. These weren't like the ones she had in the hospital from the accident. These looked new.

"I had a bug bite and I scratched it too hard," she answered well rehearsed. I knew she wasn't telling me the truth. It sounded like something she had thought of before just in case someone questioned her.

"How bad was it? It looks like you scarred yourself."

"It's fine Alex," she said more seriously. This is the tone of voice I wanted to avoid. Nothing good can come out of this conversation if she kept talking like this.

"But Mitch it looks really bad," I told her as I moved her hair away from the area to look at it closer. Without thinking I brushed my finger over it and like a reflex her hand flew to mine and shoved it away with enough force to almost throw me off my seat. I regained my balance though and sat up straight again and she slapped me, hard. I was taken aback but I was still quick to apologize. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." I held my hands up like a criminal who has just dropped their weapons but she turned away from me. "Mitchie," I prompted but no response. The bell rang, interrupting us and I was actually a little thankful for it. She can have some time to calm down and maybe I can try again during last period.

I took her silence as a hint; she wanted to be left alone again. I stood up and headed towards the cafeteria exit when Zach stopped me. I don't know if he was following me or spying on me but he had this half-mad-half-worried look on his face. He probably thought I was going to set Mitchie off again. Well, he wasn't wrong but still…I don't want to have to be babysat when I hang out with her.

"What happened?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked, pretending like I had no idea what was going on.

"I'm talking about Mitchie. What did you do?"

"Nothing."

"Alex…what did you do?"

"Nothing! But…can I ask you something?" He seemed to back off.

"What?"

"What's with the scratches on her neck?"

"I've never seen any scratches. Maybe I should ask her about them," he wondered out loud but I thought that was a terrible idea. I know the fact that it was _me_ had a lot to do with it but she didn't react so well when I pointed them out.

"Uh I don't think you should. It's probably nothing but if it is something I doubt she's going to want to talk about it." He took what I said into consideration and nodded.

"You're probably right. Just, please stay away from her the rest of the day. I know it's hard but I don't want any more risk. Please?" he asked and I could tell he was doing this for the sake of her parents.

"We have class together at the end of the day but…sure, I guess," I said slightly disappointed. I was kind of hoping that Zach would be more understanding about this but I could see where he is coming from. I just wish I wasn't the one who had to be kept away from her.

"Thanks, I'll see you later Alex." I said a goodbye to him and took off to my next class. The periods seemed to just drag on and on but that was most likely because I spent each class waiting for it to be over. I just wanted to get to last period so I could see Mitchie again.

I practically jumped out of my seat and ran to the third floor when the bell rang. I didn't even care that I was one of the first students in the room; I just took my seat towards the back windows and waited. Her seat was in the row to my left because our teacher still believed in alphabetical seating. More and more kids filed into the room and took their seats and before I knew it the late bell rang and Mitchie's seat was still empty.

I thought she might have had trouble walking or something; it's happened before. Since she came back her teachers were more lenient with her lateness because of her ankle. Ten more minutes have passed and I was starting to worry. I looked all around the room but I knew it was pointless; I have been watching the door like a hawk and I would have seen her walk in. This would be so much easier if I could just text her. I looked down at the worn out notebook on my desk and proceeded to tear out one of the pages. I crumpled it in my hand and threw it one row over, two seats down: Frank's desk.

The paper ball struck him in the back of his head and he instantly turned around. When he saw it was me who did it he chucked his pen at me in retaliation. I instinctively ducked and the poor kid behind me got smacked in the face with it. Frank started hysterically laughing but at least I got his attention. He probably thought we were just messing around like we usually do but I really needed to talk to him. I know he has class with Mitchie after lunch.

"The fuck was that for?" he asked in a hushed tone.

"Did you see Mitchie at all today?" I whispered back but I might as well have been mouthing it out. I doubt Frank heard me.

"What?" Definitely didn't hear me.

"Quiet in the back!" our teacher shouted from the front of the classroom. He was always a prick. If there wasn't dead silence then he wasn't happy. I tried mouthing out the same sentence but he still didn't get it. Frustrated, I opened my notebook again to a new page and grabbed my sharpie. In big letters I scribbled down two words.

**WHERE'S MITCHIE?**

He made an 'O' shape with his mouth and turned around in his seat. I was about to throw more of my things at him, this time out of sheer annoyance, when he turned back to face me again. He was holding up his own notebook and thankfully I didn't have to strain too much to read his awful handwriting.

**HOME**

She went home? Why? I started to get worried again and I quickly started writing on my paper. I looked back up and Frank wasn't facing me anymore. I sighed and threw my pen cap to his desk. It hit his hand and he turned around.

**WHY?**

He looked like he was getting annoyed with this but I needed to know. I think he saw the desperation on my face because he started writing again. Frank could always tell what I was feeling just by looking at me. It was weird but I was so thankful for it at times; this being one of them.

**FREAKED OUT IN CLASS**

Crap. I knew I should have been more careful when I was talking to her. I had the rules set in my mind for me to follow. First rule: don't touch her. It was simple enough but those scratches were just so…weird. And if she went home early then her parents are going to wonder what happened. The last time, as far as I know, that she freaked out was when she was with me. They are going to put two and two together and figure out that I probably was with her.

**WHAT HAPPENED?**

I bet he already knew that was going to be my next question because he was already writing something down in response. This time there were more words on the page and I could hardly decipher what it said. I swear Frank's handwriting is pure chicken scratch; it's like a spastic child was writing it.

**NO CLUE**  
><strong>WASN'T PAYING ATTENTION<strong>  
><strong>SORRY<strong>

I mouthed a 'thanks' and thankfully he caught it and nodded his head at me before turning back around. I let my head hit the desk and I sat there not listening to a word my teacher was saying. I watched the clock hanging over the blackboard. It seemed to be moving slower than usual but I knew it was just my mind playing tricks on me. I just wanted school to end. But wait…what am I going to do after? If I go to Mitchie's house her parents are never going to let me see her. They still think I make her worse. To be honest, after today, I think they might be right.

I waited and waited and finally, after falling asleep briefly, the bell rang and I ran out the door. I didn't even bother to stop at my locker for anything; I just kept walking towards the exit and into the school parking lot. I was finally able to drive again and I was so glad that I didn't have to wait for Brian anymore. I started the engine but before I could put it in reverse someone tapped on my window. It was Zach again. I rolled my window down and greeted him.

"They know." That's all he said. Not even a 'hi' or 'what's up'. And I knew exactly what he was talking about. It took everything in me not to run him over.

"What! I ask you to do one thing for me and you can't just keep your mouth shut?"

"I didn't tell them. Look Alex I'm sorry but they were pissed when she had to go home. The first thing that came to their minds was you and even when I tried telling them that you didn't go near her they wouldn't believe me." I banged my head against the steering wheel repeatedly until Zach put his hand in front of it to get me to stop. My forehead met his hand and I looked up at him.

"I'm gonna go see her now."

"You can't though," he said pointedly

"Why do they hate me?" I whined in response.

"They don't hate you at all. They're just worried about Mitchie."

"I know but…I have to at least try to reason with them. She's my best friend; how long do they plan on keeping me away from her?"

"Well I'm not the one who wants you to stay away from her so…good luck." With that I put the car in reverse and quickly pulled out of the lot and onto the street, heading straight for Mitchie's house.

When I got there I thought about being obnoxious and banging on the door because I was beyond anxious but I decided against it. The last thing I need is to make them even more pissed with me. I raised my shaky finger up to the doorbell and rang it. I could hear it inside of the house. It was loud and it echoed off of the walls. I heard a few muffled words exchanged through the door and then the doorknob started to turn. I held my breath as the door opened revealing a slightly confused Steve.

"Alex? What are you doing here?" That was a stupid question.

"I want to see Mitchie." I couldn't keep doing this. Not knowing was beginning to drive me mental.

"I can't let you do that," he said in a somewhat apologetic tone. It sounded like he really was sorry that he wasn't letting me in. Just then Connie appeared next to him. And she did not look happy.

"Alex I told you to stay away from her. What did you do?" she automatically started accusing me and Steve stepped in front of her as if she was going to attack me.

"I didn't do anything. This is insane you can't keep doing this. She's my best friend I have every right to see her."

"But we think you're the reason she's acting like this," she continued and it was getting hard for me to not hit her.

"I'm not doing anything!" She pushed passed Steve and tried to close the door on me but I stuck my foot out and wedged it between the door and the door frame, keeping it open and crushing my foot in the process. "Please, just let me see her,"

"Goodbye Alex," she said as she tried to close the door again but I held my foot in place and put my arm out to pry the door back open. She was trying to push me out the door but I had to keep trying.

"Mitchie!" I called out into the house. Maybe if she could tell them that this is completely stupid then they will listen to her. Or maybe after what happened today she will tell me to leave. It didn't matter. I'll leave if she wants me to. But only if _she_ wants me to.

"Connie, maybe we should just let her see her. It's been about a month and nothing has changed," her dad tried reasoning with her.

"Steve I don't think you-"

"Guys, what are you doing?" a distant voice said, stopping everyone from any further arguing. We all turned our heads to the girl standing in the kitchen but her mom was still trying to close the door. "Is that Alex?" she asked as she started to move closer to us.

"She was just leaving." Like hell I was.

"Let her in." Her voice was calm but serious. She sounded tired and hoarse, like she had been previously crying. Her eyes weren't red though so maybe she was just sleeping.

"Mitchie," her mother warned and pinned her with a threatening stare but Mitchie didn't falter.

"Mom, it wasn't her fault. Just let her in, please." Everything was quiet for a while and everyone just looked at each other. The suspense was killing me. Maybe I should just leave. If I wasn't causing problems for Mitchie then I didn't want to start causing problems for her with her parents. Steve stepped back and pulled the door open all the way, letting me in. Her mom just stayed quiet and stared at me as I walked into the house fully. Mitchie turned around and started walking towards her room and I followed shortly after. When we got in I closed the door behind me and faced her to find her sitting on her bed cross-legged. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" I eyed her curiously.

"Mostly my parents. But…I want you to know I didn't mean to hit you today."

"It's okay. And they're just doing what they think is best for you."

"No. They don't even treat me like their daughter anymore. They just keep watching me and asking me stupid questions."

"Isn't that supposed to be my job?" I joked, hoping to lighten the mood. It didn't work. "Sorry."

"They're sending me to a shrink tomorrow," she said, not looking at me again. She plucked at a stray piece of lint on the bottom of her sock.

"Is that a bad thing?" She looked up at me and I wondered if that wasn't the right thing to say. I didn't think I'd actually be here right now so I had nothing planned. There was a great possibility that this could end badly.

"There's nothing wrong with me." I don't know if she was trying to convince me or herself but she didn't sound so sure. It made my heart hurt to see her so lost. I tentatively took a seat next to her…but not too close.

"Mitch…about today…"

"I told you I didn't mean to hit you," she said, guilt clearly evident in her voice.

"I know and I said that it's okay. I meant after lunch…what happened?" She didn't answer me. She just shook her head and started crying. I squeezed my eyes shut, preparing for an outburst or for her parents to come in and see what they think I caused. Nothing happened. She just kept crying. She had her head in her hands but I wouldn't dare try to pull them away from her face. I wanted to comfort her though but I knew hugging her was out of the question. "Mitchie…hey, look at me," I said in a gentle tone but she wouldn't look up. "You're going to be okay Mitch, I promise. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere," I told her and then a thought hit me. "Unless you want me to." She finally lifted her head up and I looked into a pair of bloodshot, tear-filled eyes.

"I don't want you to leave," she started and then slowly inched closer to me on the bed. I was getting nervous. I had no idea what she was doing. She seemed to get worse, the closer she got to me. Then why was she still moving? It's like she was testing the waters or something. She was now right beside me, our shoulders touching and her eyes closed, and I hated that I couldn't hug her. She looked so broken though; I couldn't not try to comfort her. I'll regret this later but I lifted my arm slowly and very carefully, as if she were made of paper thin glass, placed it over her shoulder. She turned her face into my neck and cried into it. I didn't want to push my luck so I just stayed still until she moved away from me, shaking her head again. "I can't, I can't."

"Mitchie, it's okay." She wiped her tears with her hand and tried to calm herself down. She started taking deep breaths; it seemed to work. Maybe she is getting a little better. Once her tears stopped she got off the bed and started moving around the room, pacing perhaps.

"I'm sorry about all this, I just…" she stopped in her tracks and stared at me, or at least I _think_ she was staring at me. "Alex, what is that?" she asked and I looked at her confused. I really have no idea what she is talking about.

"What's what?" I asked, trying to see what she was referring to. She was looking at me, not directly though. I followed her eyes to my hoodie that was slightly falling off of my shoulder, exposing the thin strap to the shirt I was wearing. I was still confused until I realized what she could see. I had made it a point to keep the sweater on all day but I didn't notice it slide down. It must have happened when Mitchie was leaning into me. I quickly pulled it back to where it should be and zipped it up. "It's nothing." Maybe I should take some lessons from Mitchie and come up with something _beforehand_ so I don't have to deal with this.

"Take off your sweater," she demanded and I really didn't like the fact that the attention was on me now.

"What? No." It was so obvious now I don't even know why I'm trying to lie and hide it from her.

"Take it off." She wasn't backing down and when I wouldn't answer her she came towards me and grabbed me by my arms and pushed us both back. I was startled to say the least; she wouldn't even let me touch her and yet here she was tackling me onto her bed. If I wasn't so concerned for her mental health I would have been turned on by this.

"Mitchie what are you doing? Get off," I told her as I struggled underneath her body. I didn't want to move around too much for fear of hitting her ribs by accident. Once she unzipped my hoodie she pulled it off of my arms and tossed it aside. She got off of me and stepped back to look at me. I stayed lying on my back, not wanting to get up and have this conversation.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because."

"Alex, she's hitting you again! I told you not go back!" I lightly ran my fingers over the now purple bruise adorning my shoulder. It doesn't hurt as much as it did a few days ago when I got it.

"Mitchie you know I have no choice."

"Yes you do. Don't be stupid."

"Maybe I should just go," I said as I stood up, grabbed my hoodie, and headed for the door. I was about to walk out when Mitchie grabbed my wrist.

"Stay here." I whipped my head around and stared at her. I must have heard her wrong. Or maybe I'm the one who's crazy.

"What?" Her pleading eyes made me weak at the knees and I wanted to tell her yes. I wanted to tell her that I wanted nothing more than to live with her again, but I know that I can't.

"Stay with me again. Please don't go back." The sound of her door opening broke us out of our conversation and we saw both of her parents standing there looking at us.

"What's going on in here?" her dad asked curiously. He looked between us, probably trying to figure out if we were fighting again.

"I was actually about to," I started to say but Mitchie cut me off.

"I want Alex to stay with us." Her parents looked at her like she has completely lost her mind. I think she actually might have.

"That is out of the question Mitchie," her mom was quick to answer; anything to get me away I suppose.

"I don't care."

"Mitchie," I pleaded with her, begging for her to stop talking about this. They looked back at me and finally noticed the bruise on my shoulder. Their expression changed to one of concern but this time it wasn't directed at Mitchie; it was directed at me.

"Mitchie, I know that Alex's situation is…unfortunate but I don't think her staying here now wouldn't be good for you," her mom tried to explain to her but she wouldn't listen.

"You don't know that…and I don't care. I want her to stay here. I swear Alex hasn't done anything wrong. Today at school, it was my fault. I didn't even see her today." They seemed to take her word for it but still looked skeptical. "If anything, she's helping me." I couldn't tell if she really meant that because it confused the hell out me. She might just be lying to convince her parents to let me stay.

"I don't know Mitch. Don't get me wrong, I want to help Alex just as much as you do but…" she trailed off and I could see both her parents actually debating this in their minds. Were they seriously considering it? I thought they wanted me to never set foot in this house again.

"Mom, she's just going to keep hurting her if she goes back home." At that, her mom's stubborn face was replaced by one of compassion. It was shocking but she always was sensitive when it came to this subject. She hated seeing any child abused by their parents and surely I was no exception…even if she did think I was the cause of her daughter's mental problems. She seemed torn. I could tell that she _really_ wanted to stick to her original plan of keeping me away from Mitchie but her morality got the best of her. She knew that this was more important than something she didn't even know was true or not. She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"I can't believe I'm about to say this." Mitchie's eyes actually lit up with hope; a look I have not seen from her in a long while. "But you're right. Alex, you're not safe at home so…you may stay here again." It looked like it actually pained her to say that but I was grateful nevertheless. "But…she's staying in the guest room this time."

"What why?" I don't know why Mitchie was asking. She got what she wanted; she was just pushing it now. Her dad glared at her.

"You _know_ why Mitchie," he said and she crossed her arms like she was actually getting annoyed at this one simple condition. I wanted to tell her to shut up before they changed their minds.

"You still think her being around me is bad for me," she accused and her dad's glare intensified; it kind of scared me.

"We're not doing this because it would be in _your_ best interest. We're doing it because it would be in _her_ best interest if she stayed in the guest room," he said seriously, leaving no room for debate. Something seemed to click in her mind and she nodded in agreement. I wonder what that was all about. I like how no one seemed to include me in this conversation that was in fact about me.

"Um…really, the guest room is more than fine. I really appreciate you guys letting me stay here again."

"I'm still not one hundred percent okay with this but…it's better than you going back to your house."

"Connie, it's okay. We should trust Mitchie. Besides, Alex is like family; we couldn't keep them apart for too long anyway. By the way Alex, you still have to go home sometimes you know that right? I don't want Brian sending out a search party for you," Steve added and I quickly nodded. "Okay, well then, I guess you should get some of your things and you can come back here tonight." I thanked them again and I decided that I might as well get that over with now. I said a goodbye to them and headed out the apartment, making my way to my own.

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><p>I sprinted as fast as I could. My knee prevented me from going fast but I pushed through the pain and kept moving my legs. The wind against my cheeks hurt and I thought tears were going to form in my eyes but I wouldn't let them fall. I knew that there was no reason for me to keep running; I was safe out here. I was out in the open where nothing bad could happen to me. I didn't care; I needed refuge. I needed Mitchie.<p>

I reached the familiar building and quickly bounded up the stairs after being buzzed in. My knee was practically screaming at me to stop. I was torturing it and I knew that this was going to hurt tomorrow but it didn't matter. I reached the fourth floor and the door was already open, waiting for me. I skidded to a halt when I made it into the living room and Mitchie's parents saw me from the kitchen and stared at me with a weird look, probably wondering why I was so damn frantic.

"Alex? Are you okay?" I turned to face them and they audibly gasped and quickly came to my side. Mitchie's mom grabbed my face gently and examined it. "Oh my God what happened?"

"I didn't know she was going to be there. I thought it was too early for her to be home. She saw me and knew I was trying to leave again. I tried to run but I wasn't fast enough," I said in a panicked voice, all in one breath.

"Slow down. Your mom was home?" I nodded. "Jesus Christ." She sighed and let go of my face. "Go get yourself cleaned up, okay?" I nodded again and grabbed my bag and headed towards the bathroom. Behind me I heard them whispering to each other.

"See? Do you still think this is a bad idea?" Steve asked and Connie just sighed once more.

"No." I walked into the bathroom and stopped when I saw my reflection in the mirror. Wow. I looked a lot worse than I thought I did. My lip was a little swollen and was bleeding as well as my nose and my cheeks were turning a deep red. I turned the water on but before I could wash my face I heard footsteps behind me.

"Alex?" I turned around to see Mitchie standing in the doorway in grey shorts and a plain black t-shirt. Now was not the time to stare at her. I looked up to her face and she looked like she was about to start freaking out again. I had no idea why. I hadn't even said anything to her yet.

"Mitch what's wrong?" She went straight back to her bedroom without saying anything and I followed her. She was pacing and taking deep breaths again but it didn't seem to calm her down this time. She grabbed her chest and sat down on the floor in front of her bed. Her breathing became even harder and she moved her hands to her face, covering her eyes. I walked over to her and knelt down in front of her. "What happened?" She moved her hands to look at me briefly before moving away from me again. Now full on hyperventilating, she began to worry me. I was so confused. I brought my hand up to my face when I felt something tickle my lip. When I looked down at my hand I saw it covered in my own blood. _Crap._

I quickly went to her bathroom and immediately started to throw water at my face. I grabbed a fistful of tissues and furiously wiped away the excess blood, not caring that it burned the cut on my lip. Once I was sure I was clean I went back to find Mitchie on the floor again. I walked back over to her and pulled her arms away from her face. She was crying but she didn't shove me or slap me again for touching her. She just continued to shake as the tears flowed freely from her eyes.

"I'm sorry. Look, I'm okay. Nothing happened," I tried to tell her, not wanting her to freak out over me bleeding. She looked at me fully and then looked back into my eyes. "See? I'm fine."

"Alex…" she trailed off and I tried to read the look in her eyes. How can she keep doing this to herself? This was worse than any other time I have seen her. Her freak outs before were nothing compared to this. Even if she didn't hit me she looked absolutely broken. Just the way she was looking at me broke my heart into a million pieces. In a breathy whisper, a desperate plea fell from her trembling lips. "I need help."

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><p><strong>AN 2: Chapter Song Title/Quote: Gotta Get Away by The Offspring**


	22. Hints Of Acquiescence

**A/N 1: I'm back with another fast update (fast for me anyway). If the story's getting weird it's because I'm a psych major and I like incorporating what I know into my writing. Which brings me to another story idea that I have in my head. I may or may not write it while this story is still in progress only because the idea isn't my own so I don't have to come up with any storyline. More info to come, and I will most likely publish upon request. Back to TPAP, I didn't plan this chapter out much so it might be a bit off. If you have questions PMs are welcome and always answered.  
><strong>

**Enjoy and let me know what you think!  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

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><p>22. Hints of Acquiescence<p>

_But you can't care if you're not breathing.  
>Inhale while she's leaving<br>It's the only thing that's left to get you high  
>The aftermath, commonly quietly arcane<br>Alludes to closure in suggestive subtle ways_

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><p><strong>Alex's POV<strong>

I was never a light sleeper. The apocalypse could be happening right outside and I would still be fast asleep. I don't know why but I have been pretty wired lately. If I do fall asleep it is only for a short time. At home I would wake up in the middle of the night and try to find something to do to keep myself busy until I felt tired again. It wasn't something that would happen all the time but occasionally I would suffer from insomnia. Tonight was one of those nights.

My eyes were wide open and my body was full of energy but I knew that it was deceiving me. I would get up and move around and feel like I'm about to crash minutes later. Regardless, I got out of bed and headed straight for the kitchen. The house was dead quiet; it was almost creepy. I didn't want to eat something at this hour so I settled for water. I poured a glass and already started to feel myself getting tired. The feeling didn't last long. As I started drinking the most painful, ear-piercing scream I had ever heard in my life shattered the silence throughout the house. It scared me half to death and I spit out my water, almost choking on it. It wasn't loud, being muffled by a shut door, but when the only noise you can hear is the sound of your own breathing it sounded absolutely deafening.

When I finally caught my breath and recovered from my heart attack I followed the cries to the source: Mitchie's bedroom. I almost didn't want to open the door, fearing what I might find inside. In all the years I have known her I don't think I have ever heard her scream like this. It sounded like she was being murdered. Sometimes it was loud and other times it sounded like it was stifled. I cringed when I heard it again and I wondered how on Earth her parents haven't woken up from it yet. Well, their room is further away but still…

I opened the door and braced myself for what would be one of the strangest and most horrifying things I will ever encounter. Mitchie was writhing in her bed, gripping the sheets, and screaming into her pillow. I slowly walked closer, growing more and more frightened with each step I took. I reached the foot of her bed and watched her carefully. She moved her face from the pillow and her cries increased significantly in volume and I flinched from the sudden severity of it. I thought she was having another one of her episodes until I realized that her eyes were closed. Was she still sleeping?

"Mitchie." I grabbed her shoulders and shook her, trying to get her to wake up. Nothing changed. If anything, she started shaking even more. I swear, for a moment, I thought she might have been possessed and needed to be exorcised. Her shouting was silenced once again as she buried her face into the mattress. I grabbed her arms but she just pulled away. She freed herself from my grasp and what she did next literally made my jaw drop. She began clawing at her chest furiously. She grabbed at the skin, almost as if she was trying to rip it off, leaving light red streaks. Now I know where those came from; I knew she was lying to me that day.

I immediately sat on the bed next to her and took her hands in mine to stop her from hurting herself even more. For someone who was asleep she sure was strong. I held her arms down to her sides and she shook even more; it was like she was trying to get off of the bed but I was in her way. I called out her name a couple more times, hoping she would just open her eyes already. She kept her eyes shut tight and tried tearing at her skin again but I kept her pinned.

"Mitch, stop it! Wake up!" I half-yelled half-whispered, not wanting her parents to wake up. She screamed and one of my hands flew to clasp her mouth. "Shh! C'mon Mitchie, wake up." I shook her again and her eyes finally shot open. She was sweating and breathing heavily. I sighed in relief and tried to let go of her before she could freak out from me touching her but I wasn't quick enough. She shoved me hard and I fell backwards off of the bed. I was confused, not knowing what to do, so I just sat there. She eyed me for a while and once her breathing returned to normal she lied back down. "Are you okay?" I know I'm the one whose head just collided with the hardwood but I didn't know what else to say. What do you say after witnessing that?

"I'm fine," she croaked out in a raspy voice. Her fingers traced over the new marks at the bottom of her neck. I rubbed my throbbing elbow and stood up but didn't move too close to her.

"Mitchie, what was that?" I asked, completely bewildered. She pulled the covers over her and turned away from me. At least now I know why her parents didn't want me in the same room as her this time. They were probably scared for my safety. I realized that she wasn't going to answer me so I didn't continue to push it. I sighed again, suddenly feeling exhausted, and I walked out of her room. I stopped in her door way as I was about to close it and turned to face her. "Goodnight, Mitch."

I didn't bring it up the next day, or any day after that. Not to her anyway. She wouldn't talk to me if I did bring it up. We acted as if nothing had ever happened. I didn't even mention her freshly scarred skin or the bruise on my elbow; one that was actually not caused by my mother. I did, however, speak to her parents. I told them that day in the hospital that if I notice anything about Mitchie I would tell them about it. I actually feared for her life now so there was no way that I wasn't going to tell them. According to them, this has been happening ever since she came home. She has these nightmares that send her into a panic but she never talks about them. It doesn't happen every night…or they just don't wake up from it if it does.

It's been a while since I first saw it and it has happened almost every night since. It always goes the same way except now I'm quicker to move away so I don't get hit again. She just stares at me until she isn't gasping for air anymore and then acts as if I'm not even there. I don't say anything though. I just let her be and leave. What am I supposed to do? I'm not a doctor. I don't know how to help her and I am always afraid of doing or saying something that will just make it worse.

She has started seeing someone in hopes to fix her problems, which she now admits that she has. Even though she knows she needs help she still won't talk to me or her parents about it. We have all tried to get her to open up to us but she just stays quiet or says she doesn't want to talk about it. Her parents are getting frustrated with her stubborn behavior but I never pry. If she tells me she doesn't want to talk about it then I'm not going to force her. The only time I ever ask is when I'm seriously concerned, like when she has her nightmares. I'm just glad she is at least finally talking to _someone_ about it now.

She doesn't tell us about her visits. Her mom has tried a million times but she won't do it. I only ever asked her once and she has gone about three times. She goes twice a week even though her mother insisted that she go every day. After her first visit I asked her how it went and all she said was 'fine' and then walked away from me. She looked drained, sick even, and I didn't have the heart to make her do something she didn't want to. I always tell her that whenever she is ready to talk to me I would be there to listen. I wanted her to know that I was still going to be here no matter what she said or did to hurt me. She constantly tells me that she doesn't mean to hurt me all the time. She doesn't have to tell me. I know she doesn't.

I'm currently walking through the school halls on my way to her locker. I spotted her rummaging through it, trying to find something in the pile of books and papers shoved in there. I don't know when Mitchie became such an unorganized person when it comes to school but things were starting to fall out. She dropped a spiral notebook, some papers, and a small bottle. I came to her side and picked everything up for her, not wanting her to bend down and hurt her ribs even more. They were still in a tremendous amount of pain but her limp was going away now. I started handing her the items.

"Thanks. I really need to clean this."

"So why don't you?" I asked and she simply shrugged.

"Don't feel like it." I put the papers back in her notebook and she took it from me and stuffed it back into the giant mess she calls a locker. I was about to hand over the bottle when I took a good look at it and raised my eyebrow.

"Hey, aren't you supposed to leave your pain meds with the nurse?" When I broke my knee both times I remembered that the school nurse had to keep a schedule and monitor when I took my painkillers. All kids on meds had to do that; it was so that the school could make sure no one would overdose on school grounds, and they would avoid a lawsuit. Mitchie's attention was still on the missing book in her locker that she couldn't seem to find.

"Um, I did." She didn't sound defensive or like she was trying to lie to me. I was holding her pills in my hand yet she sounded genuinely confused.

"Then what is…" I trailed off as I turned the small bottle in my hand, looking it over once again. We were given the same medication when we got out of the hospital. Our pills were supposed to be white tablets but I was staring at multi-colored capsules, and the bottle seemed to be full. My confusion only grew when I read the information label. "What the…? Prazosin? Mitchie, what is this?" Her eyes widened a bit and she grabbed it from my hand, quickly throwing it back into her locker.

"Nothing."

"You're taking other medication?" Even if they weren't her pain meds she still needed to keep them with the school. If she were to be caught with prescription pills she would be expelled in a heartbeat.

"No I'm not." Did she think I was stupid? I just stared at her in awe. This was the worst lie from her I have ever heard. She wasn't even trying to be clever about it.

"Is that a joke?"

"No. My therapist thinks they'll help me sleep but I'm not taking them." I studied her face. She doesn't look like she has been sleeping at all. I thought her visits were starting to help her because she hasn't had a nightmare in a few days. They wake me up every time because I am so restless lately but I haven't heard anything.

"Maybe you should. You don't look so good Mitch."

"I'm just tired is all."

"Yeah I can tell; you fell asleep during homeroom _and_ second period. And you hardly ate anything during lunch. What's going on?" She looked like she was about to close up again but her expression changed and she sighed.

"I swear I'm trying but…I just can't eat," she said somewhat sadly. I didn't fail to realize that she is trying to direct the conversation away from her mysterious new medication.

"You have to eat something; you look like you're going to pass out. We're not going through this again," I told her seriously. Her parents have enough to worry about right now with her. The last thing they need is to worry about her eating disorder again.

"I know we're not." I looked at her sternly.

"You were throwing up last night." She shut her locker after finally finding the correct notebook for her next class. She leaned against it and rubbed her eyes, the dark circles under them clearly evident.

"Alex, I swear to you that I'm not doing this on purpose. I literally cannot eat."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. The doctor said it could be a side effect of the painkillers…for people who have problems with their blood pressure. I'm just nauseas all the time. I try to eat, I really do, but I just can't stomach it. I could take the pills, eat and puke, take the pills and not eat anything, or not take the pills, eat and suffer this unbearable pain." I looked at her sympathetically. She sounded like she meant what she was saying and it didn't sound so farfetched anyway.

"I know it's hard but…please try to eat something, even if it's not a lot."

"I'll try."

"Now…can I ask you why you're not taking the other meds?" I asked carefully. I didn't know if this was something I could talk to her about or not.

"I don't want to," she said simply. That's it? That's her excuse?

"Why not? If it's going to help you sleep then I think you should take them," I suggested and she turned to look straight ahead instead of at me.

"It's complicated."

"Care to explain?" She pushed herself off of the lockers and we started walking to our last class of the day.

"You remember when I went to the hospital because I fainted in school?" I thought back to that day; that was when I ran away. Zach texted me telling me what happened and I immediately came back.

"Yeah, blood pressure problems again, right?" She nodded and we headed up the stairs to the third floor.

"Yeah. Apparently there's a possibility that it might happen again if I take these pills. Honestly, I would rather never sleep again than go back to the hospital. With the whole not eating and puking when I do thing my parents are going to get suspicious. If I end up in the hospital because of fainting they are definitely going to think I'm bulimic again. They're already on my back 24/7 I don't need them questioning me about this too."

"I'm sorry Mitch. But maybe you should just tell them about it. Explain it to them. You look sick."

"I'm fine."

"You look like you haven't slept in days."

"That's because I haven't," she said as we entered the classroom and took our seats in the far back. She didn't seem to care that she isn't sleeping even though she looks tired as hell.

"What? Why?" Our teacher shushed me loudly and made it a point to announce to the class how inconsiderate I was for talking while he was trying to teach. I really hated him.

"Alex, would you care to apologize to the class for being so rude?" he asked smugly and I raised my eyebrow at him. He couldn't be serious. I decided to mess with him.

"Uh, no." He really didn't look like he liked my answer. His nostrils flared a little and he narrowed his eyes.

"Then would you like detention after school instead?" He thought he was so damn clever. I heard Frank trying to hold in his laughter. He _would_ be laughing while I'm getting in trouble, that asshole.

"Honestly, does anyone actually ever answer 'yes' to that?" I asked, half-seriously. I was actually curious but I was really trying to make him look stupid. Which I did. Some of the kids in class laughed and he glared at all of them.

"Ms. Russo, how many times do I need to punish you before you realize that your behavior is unacceptable?"

"You sound like my mom," I pointed out and this time Mitchie was trying to stifle her laughter.

"Oh I'm sorry Michelle, would you like to join her after school?" Damn it Mitchie. I didn't want her to get in trouble too. She apologized and remained quiet. I really needed to learn to do that.

"Now Alex, do you want to make that a double?"

"What is this, Burger King?"

"Excuse me?"

"Are you trying to give me detention or a Whopper?" Mitchie covered her face with her hands, probably to stop herself from laughing again but the rest of the class didn't share the same mentality…especially Frank who was definitely the loudest.

"Mr. Hoffman, I already gave you detention yesterday don't make me give you another." At that Frank instantly shut up. I didn't bother holding in my snicker and he turned around and mouthed 'fuck you' to me. "So Alex what will it be?"

"You're asking as if you're giving me a choice," I said indifferently. The way he talks to us is getting really old really fast. "Just tell me I have detention."

"You know…if you put half as much effort in your school work as you did in your snarky comments and attitude you might not be such a terrible student." I was really starting to get tired of him talking about me.

"Do you even plan on teaching or are you just going to insult me all day? I didn't realize how special I was."

"Surely, I would not waste my time on _you_," he said like he was disgusted by me or something.

"That's too bad; I think we could have been great friends," I told him, now actually trying to annoy him. I think it was working. At least the class was getting a kick out of this.

"You're hysterical Ms. Russo. I bet you won't be laughing when you're stuck with the other delinquents after school."

"I don't think you give them enough credit. The kids in detention are pretty funny."

"Well then I guess you wouldn't mind joining them all week."

"Sounds like a blast," I said, my voice cheery and overly sarcastic, and he was seconds away from being completely fed up with me. About time.

"Just get out of my class, Alex." He pointed to the door.

"Don't mind if I do." I didn't hesitate to pull my bag over my shoulder and get up from my seat. Mitchie glared at me on my way out. She hates it when I get in trouble, more so now because she doesn't want to wait for me after school. Even though I still have my car Mitchie and I walk to school or take the bus. I offer a million times to drive us but she absolutely refuses. And I obviously wasn't going to leave her to go to school by herself so I said I didn't mind walking; whatever she wanted to do so she wouldn't freak out.

I headed to the front of the room to receive my detention slip; turns out I did get a double today. I shook my head and left the class before I could piss the teacher off even more. I made my way to the detention room on the first floor and the old man sitting behind the desk looked up at me from behind his tiny glasses. He rolled his eyes, like he was expecting me, and held out his hand to take my note. He read it over and chuckled.

"Hey Mr. Porter."

"Alex…why am I not surprised?" he asked as he signed my paper stating that I actually showed up.

"In my defense I haven't been here in a long time."

"Rivera sends everyone to detention don't take it personally. His reasons are preposterous. Your slip says 'disrupting the class with inappropriate comedy'." He continued to laugh as he handed it back to me.

"He's such a tool; he can't even take a joke."

"Well he gave you two detentions so that's an hour and half." I groaned and took a random seat, not caring where. "Just wait twenty minutes after the bell rings and you can go; I'll sign you out." Thank God. He always would let me out earlier than I am supposed to. One of the perks of constantly getting detention: becoming friends with the teacher in charge of it. It was pretty empty in here considering last period was still going on. Most people didn't get here until after school let out. I was alone for the most part except for two other guys in the back. They looked younger, possibly freshman. Detention before the bell rings is always boring. Since I wasted so much time in class there was only half an hour left until the bell rang. It just seemed to take forever.

When thirty minutes had finally passed more students started coming in. I recognized some of them but didn't really care to talk to anyone today. I kept my head down and waited for twenty more minutes to pass. There weren't a lot of kids in here today. Usually at least half the classroom is filled. There were probably about ten other people in here though. In the middle of my train of thought someone called my name. I knew who it was without even looking up. I would rather keep my head down but that's just asking for an argument.

"Hi Nate," I said in a bored voice as he took the seat next to me.

"Why've you been avoiding me?" I couldn't tell if he was pissed off or actually concerned. The former seemed to make a lot more sense to me.

"I haven't. I'm just busy." It wasn't a _total_ lie. I just really didn't feel like seeing him lately.

"Don't bullshit me Alex."

"I'm not. I just need some space." He didn't seem to be taking this too well. I thought that maybe I should just break up with him now and get it over with but I was afraid of how he might react.

"Are you breaking up with me?" he asked, somewhat shocked that I would even consider such a ridiculous thing.

"Um…" I tried to say the words; I really did. I just couldn't. The way he was looking at me scared me.

"Don't be stupid." That sounded a lot less hurtful coming from Mitchie. I didn't want to have this conversation anymore so I just turned in my seat only to have my arm grabbed roughly. He pulled me back to face him again. "Hey, I'm talking to you."

"I don't care Nate. I'm really getting tired of this," I said in an irritated voice. "You always do this. You ignore me for days and when you finally decide to come around and I pull away you get all mad and aggressive. If things don't go your way you just push me around. What am I only your girlfriend when it's convenient for you?"

"Well _sorry_ if I don't want to deal with your bitching every ten seconds."

"Why are you even with me if you hate me so much? You treat me like shit and then get mad when I don't want to be around you."

"Let's be real Alex. You're a good fuck…_sometimes_. If I can get over your horrible looks and personality I think you can get over this." As much as I couldn't stand him I can't lie. That hurt, a lot. He gripped my arm a little tighter, threateningly. "You may be stupid but I don't think you're stupid enough to actually break up with me. What are you without me anyway? Nothing." I tried. I tried so hard not to let his words get to me but I seriously felt like I was about to cry.

"Alex, you can just go now," Mr. Porter called out to me and I couldn't have been more thankful at that moment; he had such great timing. Before I could completely lose it I quickly stood up and he signed me out of detention.

I started walking out of the school and I wondered if Mitchie stuck around but I highly doubted it. I remembered that she finally had a new phone so I decided to call her to see where she was. I dialed her number and she picked up after three rings.

"Hello?"

"Hey, are you still at school?"

"No, I walked home. I actually just got in."

"Oh."

"Are you okay? You sound upset." I guess I wasn't doing such a good job at covering it up.

"What? No, I'm fine. I got let out early so I'm coming home now."

"Alex."

"I'll see you later." I hung up before she could start questioning me again. I know how she gets when Nate pisses me off and I didn't feel like dealing with it right now. I just wanted to go home.

The walk seemed shorter than usual. It's probably because I knew Mitchie was going to be waiting to ask me what's wrong when I get there and I wanted to avoid that as much as I possibly could. Unfortunately I reached her apartment in no time despite walking slower than usual. I let myself in and sure enough there she was on the living room couch.

"Hey Mitch." I wondered if I looked as sad as I sounded. She turned to face me and frowned a little.

"What's wrong?" Well that answers that question.

"Nothing." I took a seat next to her and propped my feet up on the coffee table. She pushed them off almost instantly. I was confused until I realized I still had my sneakers on. I kicked them off and put my feet back where they were.

"Did something happen in detention?" I swear it's like she already knows and just wants to hear me admit it. I let out a long sigh. I might as well tell her. I know she won't let it go until I do.

"Nate."

"What did he do?"

"Same as usual. He shat on my life and basically threatened me not to dump him." Her eyes widened a little and she stood up.

"Alex, just do it already! It's not going to get easier the longer you wait."

"I don't think you understand Mitchie. I just can't."

"So you're just going to be with him for the rest of your life?"

"No…I don't know."

"I'm starting to think you actually _want_ to be with him." At that I stood up too. I didn't want to go off on her though so I didn't get in her face.

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"You're the one who was defending him not too long ago."

"That's because he has more mood swings than a pregnant woman. I seriously think he might be bipolar. And you can't honestly think I want to be with him. Have you forgotten almost everything I have told you? I. Am. _Gay._ And Nate makes me sick to my stomach."

"Then just break up with him."

"I can't! Every time I want to or try to he just gets angry. You see the way he gets when we're out somewhere together. Imagine if I actually told him I didn't want to be with him anymore. He'd kill me…like, literally kill me." She seemed to back off even though she was still unhappy about it.

"Alright fine. You seem to know what you're doing." I couldn't tell if that was sarcastic or not but I decided not to ask. Instead, I turned the conversation around on what we were talking about in class before I got into trouble.

"Thank you. Now, about you not sleeping…" I trailed off and she walked away from me without saying anything. "Mitchie!" I called after her but she went into her room and I followed. "C'mon you can't tell me you haven't slept in days and expect me to not be concerned."

"Please don't be. I already get enough of that from my parents."

"But I care about you."

"I know but could you just care a little less?"

"Um…no?" She sat on her bed and lied down on it, her legs dangling over the edge.

"Look, I can't sleep, okay? I won't do it." I lied down on my stomach next to her.

"Why not?"

"You know why not, Alex. I just can't. It's driving me crazy."

"You can't keep staying up all night. It's not healthy."

"Neither is anything else I do." I just looked at her, wishing there was something I could do. _Anything._ "Promise you won't tell my parents?"

"Mitch, I can't do that."

"But why! Why do you _have_ to tell them? If you really care about me as much as you say you do then you will just do this one thing for me. Please."

"Don't do that to me. I tell them these things _because_ I care about you and you know that."

"I just can't deal with them on top of everything else. Do you have any idea how difficult it is for me? Even this right now…I'm trying so hard," she said, her voice uneven and I could hear her on the verge of tears.

"What do you mean, 'right now'?" She motioned between the two of us.

"This. Being next to you." I looked at her completely confused. She drew in a shaky breath and turned towards me. "My parents weren't wrong before…about you."

"You said-"

"I know what I said. I lied."

"So…being around me really does make you worse?" I asked carefully, afraid of the answer I knew I was going to get. She nodded her head slowly and turned to look up at the ceiling again. "Then why'd you ask me to stay? If you can't be around me then why am I here?"

"Because Alex, what else am I going to do? Never see you again? I can't do that. And I'd rather you be here than at home. Besides, I am getting a little better at this."

"Mitchie, you not sleeping isn't really considered getting better. What happens when you can't keep staying awake?"

"I don't know!" She was getting frustrated. I could tell. I didn't want to argue with her any further on the matter so I let it go.

Even if I didn't promise, I did what she asked. I didn't tell her parents about her not taking her medication. I knew I probably should have but I didn't want to upset her. Because I apparently upset her without even trying to. I had no idea what she was talking about. How am I making things worse for her? I thought she actually was getting better but I thought it was because I was watching what I say and do. I just want to her to be able to talk to me about it. Maybe if she finally does this will all get a little easier.

Things were a little tense between us the rest of the day. I admit I tried to keep my distance from her. She didn't make it a point to talk to me any more than she had to anyway. Dinner was quiet and awkward. I don't think her parents noticed though. They kept asking her how she was doing and I could see how uncomfortable it made her. I wanted to tell them to stop but I knew I couldn't do that. They were glad that she seemed to be doing better. They haven't woken up from her screaming in the middle of the night or seen her freak out lately. They didn't know that it wasn't real. This wasn't over. Mitchie was just lying to them.

It didn't surprise me at all when I found myself lying awake in bed that night. I was starting to get used to it but it was still annoying. I am tired all day but when it's actually night time I can't seem to fall asleep. I wondered if Mitchie was awake. Is she still trying to keep this up? She's bound to fall asleep sometime. She looked exhausted today. I turned over in bed and tried closing my eyes, wanting nothing more than to just pass out already. I actually felt my eyelids getting a little heavier. Just when I thought sleep was about to take me over a loud scream ripped through the room and I shot out of bed, now more awake than ever.

I didn't waste time. I knew what was happening. I quickly went to the room next to mine and shut the door behind me, not wanting her parents to hear her. She was gripping her chest again and I hopped up on the bed and tried to pull her arm away but she wouldn't budge. Her nails were digging into the skin and she continued to fight against me the more I tried to get her to stop. I straddled her, not caring if she woke up and freaked out, and used both of my hands to pry her arms away from her.

"Mitchie!" I called her name over and over again but she wouldn't wake up. She started clawing at herself again and I wondered what she was even trying to do…and why. This had to be her worst nightmare yet. She was starting to break skin and draw blood. I grabbed her hands and held them down with all the strength I had. "Wake up, Mitch!" She opened her eyes, but her screaming didn't stop. In fact, it only got worse. I didn't get off of her though. She tried pushing me off but I refused to move this time. I held her down and shushed her, trying to get her to calm down.

"Stop!" she yelled as she struggled under my weight, tears streaming down her face and her body trembling. I put my hand over her mouth to quiet her screaming.

"Mitchie, relax! Nothing's happening," I told her but she was still slightly hyperventilating. After a little while she stopped shouting. I thought maybe now would be a good time to let her go. I removed my hand and climbed off of her. I was about to get off her bed and leave her alone but she grabbed my wrist tightly and pulled me back. I stared at her and her big brown eyes. They were scared and desperate and I wish I knew what was going through her mind at the moment. I was inches away from her and she let go of me. For a second I thought she was going to hit me but she threw her arms around me and hugged me tightly instead. She wasn't fighting me anymore. I was startled but I hugged her back as she sobbed into my chest.

"I can't do this anymore, Alex! I can't!" I just held her and let her get it out of her system. The poor girl can't get a night's sleep without waking up screaming and terrified. "Don't leave me." I don't know why she was holding onto me if I was the problem but I didn't care. I'll stay with her as long as she wants me to.

"It's okay Mitch. I'm right here." She cried harder into me and I held onto her tighter. I tried anything that would calm her down. Her broken cries echoed in my ears and I wanted to cry with her. "I'm not going anywhere. Everything's gonna be okay."

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><p><strong>AN 2: This would have been up yesterday but I had problems with my school that took literally all day and made me want to shoot myself in the face. To my readers still in high school: college sucks. It's necessary but it's such a fucking joke and I can't stand it. Word of advice: go away to college, don't commute unless you absolutely have no choice. Thanks for listening. Rant over.**

**A/N 3: Chapter Song Title/Quote: Hints Of Acquiescence by Boys Night Out  
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	23. Do You Wanna Know?

**A/N 1: I think I'm on a roll with these fast updates. I guess I've been inspired. Or bored. Or both. Anyway, Mitchie's POV comes back in this one. I hope this chapter comes across how it is in my head. I think I got it right for the most part. A lot is revealed in this one. Hopefully your questions will be answered, even if I don't answer them _directly_. But then again, when do I ever? Because that would be boring. Enjoy!  
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**Be sure to leave a review; I love knowing what you guys think. Follow/favorite/whatever as well!  
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**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

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><p>23. Do You Wanna Know?<p>

_Don't let me go, I'll fall apart  
>Don't say you won't follow my heart<br>I've kept this deep inside for far too long  
>It can't be wrong<em>

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><p><strong>Alex's POV<strong>

The sun was shining brightly through the half-turned shades of the window, momentarily blinding me. I looked down at the girl still wrapped in my protective embrace and a sad smile reached my face. A million and one thoughts raced through my head as I recalled the events of the previous night but the one that stuck out the most was the fact that she wanted me to stay. She always wants to be left alone afterwards but she actually didn't want me to go…me, the cause of all of this.

I untangled myself from her tight hold on me and let her continue sleeping in peace. She wasn't going to school today. I found that out yesterday during dinner when her parents informed her of some appointment that she absolutely could not miss. I glanced down at the dark red lines trailing from her collarbone and neck to the center of her chest. Her t-shirts usually cover them up, when they're not v-necks, but I wondered if her parents knew about them. If they were out in the open they were almost impossible to overlook.

I dragged myself out of bed and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. I almost felt bad for getting up. I didn't even want to go to school today. If I could I would just stay here in bed with her. I know she knows I have school but I still feel weird leaving her before she wakes up. And I wasn't about to wake her up. This is probably the most sleep she has gotten in a while. I was going to confront her when I come home later. Talking about what happened last night is probably the last thing she wants to do but she's hurting herself and I just want this to stop.

I left her room and walked back to mine to change. My mind was too preoccupied with Mitchie to even focus on finding clothes so it took me longer than usual to get dressed. Once I had my clothes on, I pulled my worn out Converses on my feet and looked for my car keys. Since Mitchie wasn't coming with me I decided I might as well save some time and drive to school today. It feels like forever since the last time I was even in my car. I found them on the dresser underneath one of my shirts and I shoved them into my pocket. I made my way into the kitchen where Steve was looking through the fridge. He heard my footsteps and peered over the door to see who it was.

"Alex? You're up early." He stood up and tossed me an apple and then a water bottle.

"I know. I'm shocked too."

"Rough night again?" I nodded and he leaned against the island across from me. "How bad was it?"

"Bad."

"Sorry you had to deal with that."

"I don't mind. I want to help, it's just…"

"…you don't know how," he finished for me. He knew exactly what I was feeling. "Believe me, we've tried. She just doesn't like talking about it."

"I think talking about it is what sets her off." He looked at me confused and I elaborated. "Whenever I'm with her I try not to ask her about it. She has been fine lately, during the day anyway."

"She's going to have to talk about it eventually."

"I know. I think she might be coming around. It's been almost two months but she's nowhere near as bad as she was when she first woke up."

"That's true. I don't know; I hope after today we'll have _some_ clue as to what's going on with her."

"Why, what's going on today?"

"We're taking her to a new psychologist. The one she saw before kept telling us it could be multiple things but it was 'too early to tell'."

"Do you think it'll help?"

"I sincerely hope so, Alex." He went back in the fridge to find more food. "You heading to school early or are you gonna wait here a while?"

"I think I'm just going to leave now, but let me know how it goes today. I don't know if she'll tell me or not and I don't really want to bring it up if she won't."

"Sure thing." With that I grabbed my bag and left the apartment. It was going to be weird in school without Mitchie again. Hopefully I can stay out of detention this time so I can come back home as soon as possible.

**Mitchie's POV**

I woke up without the comfort of Alex next to me in the morning…or at least I think it is still morning. I looked over at my clock to see that it's almost noon. I forgot that Alex actually had to go to school today. I was kind of glad that I didn't until I remembered _why_. Once that thought passed through my mind, everything that happened last night came flooding back to me. I couldn't believe how bad I let things get. I know I should have gotten help when things first started to get like this but I just don't know how to deal.

I sat up in bed and my hand instinctively came up to my neck. I felt the slightly raised skin, around my new scars, and sighed. It hurt a lot more than usual. I got up and walked over to my mirror to examine them more closely. They were darker. It looked like I was bleeding at some point. I don't know how hard I scratched myself this time but it looked awful. Make up definitely would not hide this completely so I had to be extra careful. My parents didn't need to know about this.

Speaking of my parents, they should be coming in here any second to remind me of the awful day ahead of me. I don't need to see anyone new. This is a waste of time; I know what's wrong with me. I just don't want to talk about it. But not talking about it is driving me insane. The only person I need to talk to about it is Alex but she is the hardest person to talk to. And I'm afraid my mom is eventually going to have me committed to a psych ward. In all honesty I am starting to believe I may actually belong in one.

"Mitchie, are you ready to go?" As if on cue, my mother calls me from the other side of my door.

"Um, not yet…five more minutes."

"Is everything okay?" Of course she would think something's wrong. Once they're convinced you're crazy they always think something is wrong with you. I can never do anything anymore without being questioned, even when I'm fine.

"Yeah Mom I'll be right out," I reassured her and she seemed to let it go. I sighed and changed, not wanting to keep my parents waiting. Maybe this visit will be good for me. I just need to _know_ how to deal. I can't keep living like this, especially if I'm living with Alex. It needs to stop but I need to be strong enough to put an end to it. Or at least to begin dealing with it. And I know it all starts with Alex. I already had my mind made up. I'm going to try and explain everything to her. And I mean _everything_.

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><p><strong>Alex's POV<strong>

School could not have gone worse. The building could have caught fire and burned to the ground and it still would have been better. All I wanted to do was rush through this day and come home but of course it dragged on _forever_. I was fully intent on talking to Mitchie after school but now all I want to do is go to bed and never wake up. Hopefully she didn't come home yet but I know that's just wishful thinking. There was no way her appointment lasted four hours.

To put it simply, my day consisted of getting into trouble for no reason whatsoever and getting harassed by Nate…for no reason whatsoever. Breaking up with him is going to be a lot harder than I thought it would be. And I thought it was going to be near impossible to begin with. If I have to deal with him grabbing and shoving me any longer my head might actually explode. To top it all off, apparently telling your boyfriend to leave you alone and stop hurting you constitutes as 'disrupting the halls during class time'. This added to me being in the halls without a pass, even though I had a free period, resulted in detention…again.

I trudged my way up the stairs of the apartment until I reached 4E, the familiar 'Torres' label underneath the doorbell. I let myself in, noticing right away that the house was empty. I sighed in relief but the feeling lasted for only a brief moment. The sound of a crash and something breaking filled the room. It didn't sound like glass so I was confused as to what was going on. A stifled string of profanities came from the back of the house and I recognized Mitchie's voice instantly. Well…so much for sleeping.

I walked in the direction of the noise, finding Mitchie in her bedroom clutching her hand tightly against herself and wincing in pain. I was about to rush over to her to see what was wrong when I took in the current state of her room. It looked like a tornado had just passed through it. Things were knocked off of her dresser and desk, her chair looked like it had been thrown across the room, and there were random pieces of what looked like wood on the floor. I took a closer look and realized what it was.

"Are you okay?" I asked once her slight whimper snapped me out of my trance.

"Yeah, I'm fine my hand just hurts." I examined the hand she was holding. It was slightly red with a long scratch stretching from one end of her palm to the other.

"What happened? And what did you do to your guitar?" I asked as I saw the broken strings on the cracked neck. The body was completely destroyed with no hopes of repair.

"I broke it."

"I can see that. You did that on purpose?"

"Yes." I was so confused and her nonchalant tone was even weirder. She went to her bathroom and ran her hand under water to stop the stinging. When she came back out I was still staring at her with my eyebrow raised.

"Why?"

"Because it was pissing me off."

"Why? What did it do to you?" I asked, although now was probably not the time to be making jokes. She turned and shot a glare my way and I mouthed an apology.

"I just can't play anymore," she said angrily.

"You mean you physically can't play or you're having trouble writing again?"

"Both. My wrist is still kind of messed up and I can't get a song out to save my life. I got frustrated and I may have taken it out on my guitar." I was a little worried. She never had outbursts like this for something so small. And she loved her guitar. I can't believe she would just break it.

"It's okay Mitch. It'll get better just give it time." She mumbled something in protest but I couldn't make out what it was. "How'd it go today?" I asked a little hesitantly.

"Fine." I don't know if that's all she planned on saying but I figured I might as well prompt her to actually open up.

"Look, Mitchie, I know about those pills your therapist gave you."

"Yeah I know you do…because I told you," she said in an obvious tone and I shook my head at her.

"No I mean I know _why_. During lunch I went to the library because I was curious. I know who they prescribe those to. Why couldn't you just tell me?"

"Because…" I continued staring at her, urging her to continue. She sat on her bed and sighed. "The doctor said it wasn't that bad."

"I thought it was."

"Apparently it could be a lot worse. Even though it's not severe it's more likely to happen to people that already have…_other_ psychological disorders. And well…you know," she said motioning to herself. I knew what she meant. "And I _am_ getting better. My new psychologist thinks that compared to a few months ago I sound like I have improved. He just told me to take something for anxiety…so things like _this_ don't happen," she said gesturing her arms to her disheveled bedroom.

"I take it you haven't gotten them yet." She shook her head and she stood up again. "Mitchie are you sure you have this under control? Last night-"

"I know. I'm sorry about that." I don't know why she always insisted on apologizing for something she obviously had no control over.

"It's okay. At least you didn't hit me again." She turned and looked at me with guilt and I regretted saying anything about that. She always feels bad even though I tell her not to.

"Alex you know I don't mean to do that, it's just…sometimes…I can't look at you." I studied her face curiously and wondered what on Earth she was talking about. And then it hit me. It was painfully obvious I don't know how I didn't see it before.

"You remember." She turned to face me, the pained look on her face made my chest tighten. "When you're around me…you remember." The silent tears collecting in her eyes were enough confirmation for me she didn't even have to nod her head. "Mitchie…"

"I don't want to but I can't help it. I can't look at you or even think about you without picturing you…dying," she said shakily, trying her hardest to keep her tears in. "I can't sleep at night and when I do it just comes back to haunt me. Every time I hear a car honking or tires screeching, I see it over and over again and there's nothing I could do about it."

"What is it Mitch? What do you see?" I urged, my own voice wavering at the sight of her breaking down. "What happened that night?" She started pacing and took a deep breath, her normal routine for calming herself down. Was she actually going to talk about it?

"You said you don't remember anything between the first hit and getting pulled out right?" she asked and I nodded. I could see how hard it was for her to even bring it up. She's finally opening up. I almost didn't want to put her through this anymore but I know she has to. And I think she knows that too.

**_Flashback (January: Night of the Accident) ((Mitchie's POV))_**

"_You're mad at me." I could see it in her eyes and the way she refused to look at me. I never meant to hurt her but I always end up causing her more pain. I thought that getting things out and clearing the air will fix us but nothing seems to work anymore._

"_I'm not mad." The sadness in her voice was clearly evident. I felt bad for pushing this further but I just wanted everything to be okay._

"_You're lying." She finally turned her head away from the window to meet my gaze as I merged onto the parkway. I refocused my attention to the road ahead of me although it was difficult with the amount of rain and fog blurring my vision._

"_Okay fine. I know I shouldn't be but I can't help it." I really thought that she would stop this but I couldn't really blame her. It was partially my fault and even though I was getting fed up with all this arguing I didn't have the heart to get mad at her. I was about to tell her I was sorry for doing this to her when I was stopped by a loud screeching sound and the car jerked to the side. My seatbelt automatically locked but since I'm short my seat is already closer to the steering wheel than normal. My head banged against it and I heard Alex next to me. "Ow what the hell!" She was against the dashboard, her lip bleeding slightly. She faced me and a worried look took over her face. "Are you okay?"_

"_Yeah I'm fine I just hit my head. Can you move?" I asked, rubbing my forehead, as she tried wiggling in her seat but had trouble doing so. She winced in pain and shook her head. _

"_No my leg's stuck." I was about to tell her to stop moving so she won't hurt herself but froze when I saw bright headlights in the distance. A loud honking brought me back to reality and I realized that the car was coming straight towards us. My eyes widened and I tried to get my seatbelt off but it wouldn't budge. My heart was racing faster than it ever has before and I tried and tried to rip the seatbelt off of me but it was still locked. I cursed under my breath but started freaking out with each passing millisecond. I could hear Alex asking me what was going on but I had no time. I finally got the thing undone and quickly climbed over the armrest in between us. I straddled her and frantically reached to the side of her seat, ignoring every question she asked me. I finally found the handle to move her seat and immediately pushed it backwards, freeing her leg. I tried pulling her out of the passenger's side but I knew it was too late. I instinctively pushed her head down and pulled her aside when the car collided with my own, my eyes shut tightly the entire time._

_I opened my eyes when I finally felt the car stop moving. Glass was everywhere and I was extremely dizzy. My leg was throbbing and a sharp pain shot through my foot when I tried moving it. My stomach felt like it was on fire and my head was pounding; I felt like I was going to faint. When I refocused my vision, although still a little hazy, I looked down to see I was still holding onto Alex, who wasn't moving. Her eyes were closed and she was covered in blood. Whether it was hers, mine, or a combination of the two, I had no idea, but I actually felt my heart stop and my world fell apart._

"_Alex!" I pushed her hair out of her face but her head just lay limply to the side. I took a look at my car. It was dented and destroyed. The windows were smashed in and the windshield was cracked, on the verge of shattering to pieces. I tried shaking her but she wouldn't move. "No, no, no Alex, please wake up!" The tears that were welling up in my eyes did not hesitate to spill over and pour down my face. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I sobbed harder but the sound of my cries were drowned out by more honking. I could hear crashes not too far from here and I wondered just how many cars suffered the same fate as mine. How many people are going through this pain right now?_

_I was visibly shaking and I was trying not to choke on my screams. Alex lay unconscious underneath me, still in my arms, her blood trickling down her battered arm and onto my own. My hands were dark red and still trembling as I held her face. Scrapes and cuts were scattered across her delicate features and my heart was even more shattered than the windows of the car._

_More honking. I felt like all I could hear was honking. Outside I saw a car trying to stop but hitting another, causing more cars to swerve out of the way. It was horrifying. It was a chain effect. One accident causes another which causes another and so on. My breathing was shallow and I didn't think I could stay awake any longer. The pounding in my head increased as did all the noises around me. My cries died out as the honking seemed to be getting closer to me. More bright lights flooded the darkness and tires squealed loudly from behind. It only took a split second for me to realize that I might relive this nightmare all over again but I didn't move. I couldn't move. I couldn't leave her here._

_Only two seconds passed before I felt the car get hit again causing us both to jerk forward. I tried getting up but another car rear ended us and I immediately remembered that Alex is the only one with her seatbelt still on. In an instant my hold on Alex tightened but it wasn't strong enough to keep me from crashing through the windshield. I landed against the hood of my car and I felt my hand twist underneath me as I fell onto the cold pavement. The blinding pain in my head only got worse and everything started to go black. I heard the faint sound of sirens approaching as my eyes finally shut._

**_End Flashback_**

I stared at Alex's face; my heart feeling like it was beating out of my chest. A tear fell from my cheek and landed on my shaking hands. I hadn't even realized that I was crying this much. This was the first time I had gone through, in detail, what happened that night. Even when I'm with my therapist I don't go completely in depth. But I had to tell her. It was eating me alive and I couldn't keep it in any longer. I waited for her reaction. I couldn't say anything else. My throat was dry and felt like it was closing up.

"Mitchie, I…I don't know what to say." She came closer to me and reached her hand out, carefully going over the scratches on my neck. "You dream about the accident, don't you?"

"Every time I sleep…it's always different but…always the same. I see you next to me. The car is coming…_agonizingly _slow, like it's taunting me. But I'm always stuck and I can't move. I try and try to get out but the seatbelt just tightens and strangles me as I watch you die. Every. Time." I'm openly sobbing at this point; I don't even know how she can understand my words through my hoarse voice and loud crying. She hugged me tightly but I pulled away from her. "And every time you're near me I just see you…unconscious and covered in blood. It's like a flashback. It happens so quickly but it freaks me out and I can't stand to be around you anymore. Because I'm afraid of seeing you like that again. I _can't_ see you like that again."

"Mitchie-"

"I held you, Alex. I held you as you bled in my arms. You wouldn't wake up; I thought you were dead!"

"But I'm not! I'm not dead. I'm right here…because of you." I looked up at her through my watery eyes and she held my hand. "That accident should have killed me." I turned away from her and tried to pull my hand back but she wouldn't let me go. "Look at me Mitch," she demanded gently and I used all the strength I had to force myself to look at her. I fought back against the images that tried to cloud my mind. "You could have left me. You could have gotten out of that car without a scratch on you but you didn't. You wanted to get me out too and make sure I was okay. You stayed with me, Mitch." I cried harder as I let her words cut through me like a knife. She wrapped her arms around me and this time, I let her.

"I'm sorry," I whispered into her shoulder and she backed up to stare at me with a confused expression.

"For what? You have literally nothing to apologize for. If anything, I'm the one who should be sorry. Mitchie, I had no idea how hard I was making this for you."

"It's not your fault."

"But still…the accident traumatized you. Why would you want me to stay here if all I do is remind you of it?" I moved away from her and I felt my heart racing again. She looked at me concerned and I knew that I couldn't stop now. I knew I had to tell her everything.

"Because Alex, I told you, I'd rather have you hear than at home where I know you're going to get hurt. And I just…I can't not be around you; it would just make me even worse."

"What do you mean?"

"Alex, I have been trying so hard to explain this to myself but being away from you just makes me miserable in every sense of the word. What it comes down to is I would put up with all of this—the nightmares, the flashbacks…everything—just so I don't have to be away from you. And I _can't_ be away from you…because I'm in love with you. And I am absolutely _terrified_." She blinked a couple times but said nothing. I thought I was going to pass out.

"What?"

"I love you. So much that it scares the shit out of me." She looked stunned, like I had said the most outrageous thing in the world that there was no way it could possibly be true. Maybe it was outrageous. But I didn't care. I needed to tell her.

"No you don't; you said so yourself."

"I have literally tried for months to figure out what I was feeling. I never felt this way about _anybody_ before, not Eric, not even Shane. When I saw that car coming I knew I had to do _something_ because I couldn't stand the thought of you getting hurt. And I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I just let it happen and didn't even _try_. I need you, Alex. I could have died but I didn't care as long as you were okay," I tried explaining but she still stared at me with that bewildered look on her face.

"This doesn't make any sense."…What the fuck?

"Are you kidding me? How does it not make sense?" I asked, completely astonished by her reaction. I thought we would be on the same page now.

"Mitch, you don't-"

"You think I'm just holding onto you because I'm afraid of losing you again?" She didn't say anything and I knew that I was right. "This isn't something that just randomly hit me when I woke up from a coma, Alex. I can't believe I have to actually convince you that this is real."

"Even if it is I don't think this is a good idea." I think my jaw actually dropped. I officially had no idea what was going on anymore.

**Alex's POV**

"What? Why not? I thought that this is what you wanted." She had a point but I still couldn't bring myself to give in to this, even though I really wanted to.

"Mitchie I'm telling you…this, us, would be bad. You said you can't even look at me. You freak out when I touch you or even come too close to you."

"Alex, I'm not confusing this with something else. I know how I get but I told you that I'm working on it. God, why can't I do anything normal anymore without you people thinking I'm crazy or just having another meltdown!"

"I never said that you were crazy."

"You didn't have to! You know, you said I didn't know what I wanted and I admit that I didn't but I do now. It's you. It's been you all along." I didn't know what to say to her. I couldn't believe anything that she was telling me even though I have been waiting to hear it since I was about fifteen or sixteen years old. I think my silence upset her because she moved away from me and went to her desk. She started going through her papers and drawers trying to find something. "If you don't believe me then read this." She took out an old notebook and shoved it into my hands. I looked down and flipped through it, vaguely recognizing what I was looking at; this is where she wrote all of her songs. "I may have not known it at the time but they're all about you. If I read them now you're the only person I think about. And lately I've been so fucking confused about everything I don't even know what I'm writing about anymore so I can't write _anything_. Every time I try to it just comes out…wrong." I skimmed over the neat handwriting, admiring every word on every page. My heart swelled and it actually brought tears to my eyes. I was speechless. "Maybe _you_ don't know what you want."

"Mitchie, I'm sorry-"

"Of course I should have known it would be ridiculous to think that you would wait for me to finally come around. I get it. It was unfair to you and selfish of me but I can't help it. I know I put you through a lot but I'm here now and I'm telling you that I'm not confused anymore. I love you, Alex." My mind shouted at me to say something, _anything_, but I was stuck. I couldn't form a single sentence. This was so overwhelming I didn't think it was actually happening. I finally snapped out of it when I realized Mitchie wasn't in front of me anymore. She was leaving.

"Mitchie wait!" I called out after her but I heard the door close behind her. I sat on the floor of her room with the notebook still in my hands. I read through the pages carefully, each beautiful and breathtaking lyric etched permanently into my brain. These words were about _me_. They jumped out of the page and grabbed me by the heart and my tears came back. I looked at the shut door and back to the book in my lap. She's gone. She told me loved me. And I let her go.

I think I just made the biggest mistake of my life.

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><p><strong>AN 2: Did you see that one coming? I hope not, because that means I'm becoming predictable. And that would suck. But yeah, I hope you liked it. And don't hate me for this :)  
><strong>

**A/N 3: Chapter Song Title/Quote: Do You Wanna Know? by Alkaline Trio  
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	24. All Hail The Heartbreaker

**A/N 1: I didn't want to keep you guys waiting so long so I made sure to finish this chapter today. The next one shouldn't take long because I already have it planned out. If it does take longer it's because I don't have time (work, etc). I may have rushed through this one so the quality might be off but that's just because I wanted to get through it so I can write the next one. I was going to make it a two-parter but then ended up leaving them as two separate chapters. Oh well, I loved the feedback I got for the last one. Really, you guys are the best. And it makes me want to write more. So thank you!  
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**Be sure to leave a review; I love knowing what you guys think. Follow/favorite/whatever as well!  
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**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

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><p>24. All Hail The Heartbreaker<p>

_I had the notion that you'd make me forget the world  
>But your undecisive mind shows me that you are just another girl<br>I had the feeling that those looks you gave me were real  
>What if I ripped your heart apart at the seams, maybe then you'd know how I feel<em>

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><p><strong>Alex's POV<strong>

I think it is safe to say that I am officially the queen of bad decisions. I am also starting to think that I might be the crazy one. I have no other explanation for what is going on other than I have completely lost my mind. Why else would I confess my undying love for my best friend only to be turned down then have her finally tell me she feels the same way and then reject her? And to top it all off, she walked away from me…and I didn't go after her. Why? Like I said, I think I have mental problems.

Now that I have managed to make things as awkward and uncomfortable as I possibly could I think that I have successfully ruined my chance to finally be with Mitchie. After her confession and my rejection we kept our distance the rest of the day…and almost every day after that. It's actually quite awful. Our walks to school are silent. Our conversations during lunch are forced. Dinner consists of her parents talking as I try to avoid the disappointed look in her eyes every time they pass over me.

This has been going on for about a week. One painfully long week. If I could, I would go back to that night and run after her the second she started leaving. I would make it so that she wouldn't even leave in the first place. She would tell me that she is in love with me and I would kiss her right then and there. But I can't do that. I made the mistake of letting her go and I have never regretted anything more in my life.

Even though I can't change the past, I could try and make things better after messing it up…which I actually tried to do. It didn't go as well as I had hoped it would. I tried to explain myself to her over and over. She still seemed undeniably upset. She says she's not mad at me but I could tell that I hurt her. Even though I begged her to hear me out to understand why I did what I did she didn't want to hear it.

_Flashback (Last Week)_

"_Mitchie, please can we just-"_

"_Don't even bother Alex. It doesn't matter." She wasn't yelling and I was extremely thankful for that. She just sounded like she was tired and I was getting on her nerves; I probably was._

"_Please, I feel terrible about what happened." She turned around and almost looked offended. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her feelings but of course I was bound to do that regardless._

"_How do you think I feel?"_

"_I know how you feel. In case you forgot, just a couple months ago, I was the one telling you I loved you and you were the one rejecting me," I told her and now I could tell that I definitely pissed her off._

"_So what is this, payback for me turning you down before? What are we, ten? I already told you that I was sorry but c'mon you couldn't expect me to feel the same when I haven't even thought about it before you told me."_

"_I know and you're right but-"_

"_Tell me the truth. If we had never gotten into that accident would you still be so hesitant about this?" she asked seriously and I didn't really have to think much about it…or at all._

"_No."_

"_Oh, so what you're trying to tell me is you want to be with me but…you don't want to be with me? You sure make a lot of sense, Alex," she said, her sarcasm ringing loud and clear through every word._

"_Mitchie I'm just worried," I tried to explain but she wouldn't let me._

"_Just call it what it is Alex. Don't make excuses; it'll hurt less." I actually hated myself for what I was doing to her._

"_I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm doing this because I don't want you to get hurt."_

"_You're the only one that's hurting me."_

"_Just hear me out. I really think that we should, I don't know…wait? At least until you stop freaking out when you're around me."_

"_You already told me you didn't want to be with me I don't need to hear it a million times," she said sadly and a little annoyed. I knew I was being ridiculous but I seriously think us being together is a bad idea. And I don't want to do anything that will get in the way of her recovery._

"_Mitch you know I do, it's just…I want you to get better…without any added pressure." We remained silent for a while, just looking at each other. It was almost as if we were trying to come up with a mutual decision without actually talking about it. It's too bad that we are not in an agreement._

"_Fine. Whatever you say, Alex," she sighed and turned around to start walking away from me. This time I followed her._

"_You're mad at me."_

"_I'm not mad. I get it, okay? So let's just…forget this."_

_End Flashback_

At the time, I didn't know if she meant forget the conversation or forget the idea of us being together. Either way I knew things weren't going to be easy afterwards. And I was right; they haven't been. I was confused and frustrated as to why things ended up the way they did until I realized that through my reasoning I was still rejecting her. I've known Mitchie for a long time now and I know that the one thing she is absolutely terrified of is rejection. The girl has this irrational fear that she is incapable of being wanted yet I have told her countless times that she is. I want her. Eric wants her. Hell, I think Nate even tried to cheat on me with her one time. But Mitchie would never do that to me and, well…Nate is retarded.

I soon realized that I needed to pull my head out of my ass and fix things, and I mean _actually_ fix things this time. That didn't work out so well either. Turns out, when she said 'let's forget this' she really did mean the idea of us being together. I didn't know why she just gave up on that so quickly; if she said she loved me why would that just go away all of a sudden? Then I remembered who I was talking about. This is her way of protecting herself from getting hurt again. Hurt by me. Because I am the only one that's hurting her. I hate myself.

We did, however, repair the damage done to our friendship. This whole thing made it weird to even be around each other and I couldn't stand it. I wanted to be able to be in the same room as her without feeling like I am being suffocated by the tension. We agreed that this wouldn't get in the way of our friendship, much like my original confession to her. That was last night; it's Friday now. Things are always going to be different though, especially now. I can't just forget that the girl I am in love with actually loves me back. But now I _have_ to forget it.

We're okay now; kind of like how we used to be, and I am happy about that. Mitchie isn't doing too well though, as in I think she is sick. I don't know why but she hasn't been looking okay these past few days. When I asked her if she was feeling alright she said she was fine. She stayed home today because she could barely get herself out of bed. I think it is a combination of all the meds she has to take. She recently started taking the ones to help her sleep, albeit reluctantly. She explained to her parents how they're affecting her but they probably still think she's bulimic again.

Her pills are working though. She isn't on edge all the time and has calmed down significantly. As for her nightmares, they haven't gone away but I don't think they're as bad. They're definitely not as frequent as they were before she started taking something for it. I was starting to think that maybe I was wrong in my decision to not be with her. Granted, she still gets a little freaked out around me but she is getting better. Even if I do tell her that I was wrong she is already past dealing with this again because I already hurt her enough the first time. We have to _forget it_.

"Why do you look like you want to kill yourself?" asked a not very concerned Zach as he sat across from me at a random lunch table.

"You're hilarious," I droned while he stole my French fries off of my plate. I swatted his hand away but he took them anyway.

"Where's Mitch?"

"Home sick." He furrowed his brows before taking more of my food. "Do you mind?"

"No not at all. Why is she homesick?"

"No, not homesick, she's at home because she's sick."

"You word things poorly," he pointed out and took my can of soda and started drinking. I gave up on trying to stop him.

"So I've heard."

"Is she alright?" he asked, now actually concerned for his best friend.

"Yeah I think so. She's just nauseas a lot so she stayed in bed today."

"And how are things between the two of you?" It was no secret that we were…I guess you could call it fighting. Zach noticed as did many others I am sure. Zach is the only one who knows about my feelings for her though.

"Um, they're…better." It wasn't exactly a lie but it's not like it was the whole truth. He knows we have been a little rocky lately but he never knew why.

"Care to tell me what's been going on?" I let out a sigh and slumped forward a bit, mainly so no one else can hear me but him. I might as well tell him. I mean, he might even have some advice for me. He's known Mitchie since he was like four.

"Well…it started like…I don't know, a week ago maybe. She was finally talking about the accident and telling me what happened that night," I began and Zach reached across the table to grab another French fry. I pushed the plate towards him. "Just take it." He smiled and gratefully took the free food. "Anyway, she finally told me what's going on with her. Turns out I _am_ the problem." He looked at me confused and I already knew what his next question was going to be.

"So what is wrong with her exactly?"

"Her new doctor says it's 'slight post-traumatic stress disorder', most likely from witnessing the entire accident. Hence why she freaks out around me; I remind her of it."

"That sucks."

"Yes it does."

"And you're living with her too. That sucks even worse."

"I'm aware. And get this, after explaining everything to me she tells me that she is in love with me." He spit out his soda, getting a good amount of it on my forearm. I grimaced and he apologized.

"Sorry. But holy crap. So what happened?" he asked, now more intrigued than ever. I swear he can be such a girl sometimes.

"I kind of…did nothing," I admitted and he went from excited back to looking confused.

"What? You did _nothing_? Isn't this what you've been waiting for?"

"Well yeah of course it is but Zach she can't even look at me without remembering the accident. I just think it would be better if we didn't do anything until she's better."

"What if she never gets better?"

"Please don't say that. I don't need to think so pessimistically about this anymore than I already am."

"What do you mean?"

"Well me basically telling her no upset her. Now she doesn't want anything to do with me."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. She's convinced that I was just making excuses instead of just telling her that I don't want to be with her or that I don't love her anymore but that's not even true. I just can't get that through to her."

"Well, that's Mitchie for you." I groaned and dropped my head to the table.

"Zaaaaaaaaach what am I going to do?" I whined and he moved my arm from my face.

"Oh c'mon I'm sure she'll come around," he tried but it didn't make me feel better.

"That's what you said before when I told you she is never going to feel the same and look what happened. She did come around and I messed that up…forever."

"No, not forever."

"Trust me, it is forever. I had _one_ chance. That was it. And I blew it."

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do. Now she's going to move on and I bet it's going to be with Eric and they'll start dating and I'm going to be miserable for the rest of my life and she's going to-"

"Alex! Shut up," he interrupted my depressed rambling and I lifted my head back up.

"Am I being ridiculous?"

"Yes, but honestly when are you not?" I narrowed my eyes at him but he just ignored me.

"Zach this is serious."

"You seriously think she is going to try to move on? After only a week?"

"Yes," I said and thought about it for a moment. "I am being ridiculous, aren't I?"

"Actually that does sound like something Mitchie would do." And now my head has become reacquainted with the lunch table.

"Ughhhh. God damn it why did I turn her down?"

"I don't know but did you try telling her you're sorry and that you _do_ want to be with her, like…now?"

"Yes!"

"And what did she say?"

"She said '_let's just forget this_'," I said using air quotes.

"Oh wow, maybe you did ruin your chances. Mitchie's pretty stubborn when it comes to things like that," he told me and I groaned again, wishing I would just disappear.

"You're not helping!" I shouted and he put his hands up as if I was going to hit him.

"Sorry. Do you want me to try talking to her? Maybe I can get through to her," he offered but I was a little hesitant. I never exactly told Mitchie that Zach knows about my feelings for her. I don't know if it's something she wanted him to know or something she wanted to tell him herself. Plus, I don't think she would appreciate me outing her, even if it is only Zach.

"I don't know…"

"C'mon, I'll talk to her today if you want. And I won't say anything about…that, unless she brings it up first." He seemed to read my mind and I thought about it again. Maybe getting an outside opinion from her other best friend will make her change her mind about this whole thing.

"Okay. Thanks Zach."

"No problem, happy to help. Want a French fry?" he asked, holding up the salty food to me.

"Don't offer me my own lunch…dick."

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><p>School was uneventful, except for the fact that my grades are apparently starting to slip again. I don't know why but I can't keep focus anymore, which sucks considering we have SATs coming up. Mitchie was on my ass before about how I gave up trying but I tried to tell her that not everyone is as smart as she is. I don't understand it at all. It's like she doesn't even have to try. And when I try I still don't do as well as she does. I have to completely give up everything else in my life and put all my attention on my school work in order to do well. It worked when she was in a coma. And I'm never going to have that kind of focus again.<p>

Zach planned on talking to Mitchie after school and I was extremely nervous. If this didn't work I honestly don't know what else will. I'm at the end of my ropes here. This was driving me crazy. And it was my fault. But I didn't even know what he was going to say to her. I wish we had went over this before so I wouldn't be an absolute mess right now wondering what the hell is going on with them. I guess I would just have to wait and hope for the best.

I decided that I didn't want to go home right away. I wanted to wait a while before I had to see Mitchie again. I served another detention today so that at least killed some time. I _could_ spend time with Nate but that had disaster written all over it. And besides, I'm not _that_ desperate...or stupid. I decided against it and figured I might as well try to go to my house. Hopefully Max or Brian would be there if my mom happened to be there too.

I drove the short distance to my apartment and was about to get out of my car before I stopped myself. I pulled out my phone and called the house to see who would pick up. If it was anyone but my mom I would go upstairs but if it was her I am going to haul ass out of this entire neighborhood. It rang for a while and just as I was about to hang up somebody answered the phone. I breathed a huge sigh of relief when I heard Max's voice on the other end.

"Hello?"

"Hey Max it's Alex."

"Oh hey Alex, what's up?"

"Nothing I was just on my way home and I wanted to know if anyone was there."

"Uh yeah I'm here. Brian should be home soon. He just went out to buy food or something. Mom won't be back until later tonight though," he informed me and I had to hold in my happiness. I was so glad I could go home and not have to deal with her at all.

"Oh okay thanks. I'll be there in a few."

"Okay, see you later." I hung up the phone and waited about five minutes before going up the stairs that I haven't seen in a while. I walked through the door and found Max sitting lazily on the couch flipping through the channels on TV. He turned around when he heard the door close behind me. "Well that was fast."

"I was already almost here." I walked over and sat down on the other end of the couch.

"Why'd you wanna know who was here? Did you wanna bring Nate over or something?" he asked without taking his eyes off of the television screen, still not finding anything good to watch.

"Ugh, God no." I rolled my eyes but I don't think he caught it seeing as he wasn't looking at me.

"Good. I don't want to have to explain that to Brian when he comes back."

"Explain what to Brian?" asks none other than Brian himself. He walked into the apartment balancing paper bags in both of his arms. Neither Max nor I bothered to get up and help him. "Oh don't worry guys I don't need help. I love carrying a million things by myself," he said sarcastically but we just looked at him and remained seated.

"You look like you got it under control," Max said even though it was obvious that he was about to drop everything. Not even a second after, Brian lost his grip on one of the bags and while trying to grab it again he dropped another. "Or maybe not." He stood up and went over to finally help him. I, on the other hand, decided to watch on in amusement. "Hey, Useless, are you going to help?" he asked and I shook my head uncaringly.

"No thanks." They put all the groceries on the kitchen counter and began putting things where they belonged.

"I haven't seen you in a while Alex. Where have you been?" Brian asked over his shoulder as he placed things in the cupboard next to the fridge.

"Mainly Mitchie's." He knew I wanted to be there for her ever since she got out of the hospital but after a few months he starts to wonder.

"That sounds about right. You gonna be home for dinner? Your mom's bringing home pizza," he told me and I had to refrain from running out of the apartment altogether. The mere thought of spending any time with my mother made me want to run for the hills. I was still absolutely terrified of her. And Max and Brian still had absolutely no idea what was going on.

"Um, no I think I'm going to Mitchie's tonight. Since it's Friday I'm probably just going to sleep over."

"Alright." Thank God he didn't question me further on the matter. After a while Max went to his room and I wandered into the kitchen where Brian was still trying to put everything away. "So how is Mitchie, anyway?"

"She's getting better." He knew that there was something going on with her. I was upset about it one day when her parents had that 'Alex ban' and he wanted to know what was wrong. I wasn't opposed to telling him; I always told him everything. Well…_almost_ everything.

"That's good. You alright? You seem down," he asked, picking up almost instantly on my mood.

"What? Yeah, I'm fine," I answered unconvincingly.

"Is it Nate?" For once I _wish_ it was actually Nate that was bothering me.

"No it's…someone else." He nodded his head even though he still looked a little confused. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"What would you do if you liked someone…but you know being with them would be a bad idea?"

"Hmm…a bad idea how?" I didn't want to go into too much detail because then he'll get suspicious and he can definitely guess who I'm talking about.

"Like…I don't know, like too many things can go wrong," I tried to explain hoping he wouldn't ask me to elaborate any further.

"I say go for it," he said without much thought to it and I looked at him skeptically.

"Anyone but Nate, right?"

"You know me so well, Alex."

"Brian I'm being serious."

"So am I." I pushed myself out of my seat and got up. This is why kids don't go to their parents for relationship advice. He grabbed my arm and pulled me back to the kitchen.

"I'm sorry, I know you're upset, just…tell me what's wrong." I sat back down and sighed.

"Forget Nate. Pretend I'm not even with him right now. I just don't know what to do."

"Well, you like whoever this is, don't you?"

"I really do."

"And does this person feel the same way?"

"Yes…I mean, well…I don't know anymore. I think I messed it up."

"Why?"

"Because I just think something bad is going to happen."

"Alex, look, if you really care about someone you shouldn't let fear get in the way of that. Now, I think you should try."

"But I already blew it."

"Well, try harder," he said as if it was the easiest and most obvious thing in the world. Actually, he had a point. "And when I say 'try' I don't mean sit around and wait for things to get better I mean get off your ass actually do something about it."

"You know what? You're right."

"I always am."

"Sure you are…" I patted his shoulder and got up again.

"And dump Nate while you're at it!" I heard Max call from the couch. When did he even come back in here?

"Yeah I agree with him."

"Okay I get it! No one likes Nate," I said and made my way back to the living room.

"_You_ don't even like Nate!" Max yelled accusingly.

"That is not true." It's _so_ true. I don't even know why I'm lying to them about it. I make it so obvious that I don't like him anymore.

"Yeah, okay," he said as he rolled his eyes at me. I would have broken up with Nate a long time ago if it wasn't so damn difficult. We dropped the subject and continued talking for a while. I looked out the window and saw that the sun was going down a bit. I looked at my wrist to check my watch until I realized I didn't wear it today.

"What time is it?"

"Um, like 6-sih," Brian said without checking his own watch. "Why? You leaving already?"

"Yeah I'm gonna head over to Mitchie's. I'll see you guys tomorrow…if you're home." They both said bye to me and I grabbed my things and headed out the door and straight for my car.

The drive to Mitchie's is extremely short so I didn't really have time to plan out anything. I knew I was going to tell her though. Brian was right. I couldn't just sit around and wait for things go my way. I am going to tell her that I don't care how difficult it might get or if anything else is going to get in the way. I want to be with her and if she still wants us to forget about it then I am not going to stop until I convince her to change her mind.

I parked my car and wasted no time in running up the stairs. When I walked into the apartment I could smell dinner being made. Her mom was in the kitchen cooking and her dad was on the couch watching sports. They both said hi to me and asked where I have been. I decided that it was probably best to leave out the fact that I had detention and just told them I went to my house. They were glad to hear I made time to see my family. I didn't feel like making small talk so I went to Mitchie's room where I knew she would be. She was typing something on her laptop when she heard the door open and turned around to see who it was.

"Hey Alex, where have you been?" she asked, sounding a lot better than she did this morning.

"Detention…then my house." She looked at me as if I had lost my mind and I corrected myself. "With Max and Brian."

"Oh. Why do you keep getting into trouble?"

"I don't know. I wasn't paying attention in class or something."

"Obviously not if you don't know why you got detention."

"You have a point. So uh, how are you feeling?"

"A lot better actually. I think I just needed to sleep it off."

"That's good. Hey um, Mitch, there's kind of something I wanted to talk to you about," I stammered out nervously. She eyed me weirdly and shut her laptop and pushed it aside.

"Uh…okay."

"Look, about what I said…about…us-"

"Don't worry about it Alex, I told you it's okay."

"It is?"

"Yeah, we're fine. And you know you were probably right anyway. It's just too complicated." Well that's not the reaction I was expecting.

"But you don't understand. I want us-"

"Guys, dinner's ready!" Her dad called to us from the dining table, interrupting me. She sighed and stood up from her chair.

"Let's go, we'll talk after we eat, okay?"

"Alright." I followed her to the table where her parents were already seated. I didn't focus much on the conversation going on. I drifted in and out until Steve asked us something.

"So are you guys doing anything this weekend?" I had my mouth full of food so I just shrugged my shoulders.

"Well I'm going out tomorrow night," Mitchie said and I looked up at her. We didn't have anything planned really so I had no idea what she was talking about. Her attention was on her half-eaten plate.

"What? Where? Mitchie I know you're getting better but I don't think-" her mom started to protest but Mitchie stopped her.

"Don't worry. I'm going out with Zach."

"Oh okay, well that's nice." I just wanted to get through dinner as quickly as possible so I can finish talking to Mitchie.

"We're going on a date." I don't know why she won't just let me tell her that I want to…wait, WHAT!

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><p><strong>AN 2: Chapter Song Title/Quote: All Hail The Heartbreaker by The Spill Canvas**


	25. The Tension And The Terror

**A/N 1: I'm glad I finished this last night because if I didn't get it up this morning I wouldn't have been able to do it until Monday. And I didn't want to do that to you guys. Especially after the last one. Your reviews mean the world to me. I can't thank you enough for even reading this.**

**Edit: THIS IS THE FINAL CHAPTER.  
><strong>

**Be sure to leave a review; I love knowing what you guys think. Follow/favorite/whatever as well!  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

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><p>25. The Tension And The Terror<p>

_A look, a laugh, a smile, a second  
>Passes by and I regret it<br>Words just aren't right  
>Sometimes I just can't explain all the ways you devastate me<br>Always on my mind_

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><p><strong>Alex's POV<strong>

My eyes nearly bulged out of my head as I coughed profusely. The food traveling down my throat came to a halt and I couldn't breathe. Everyone's attention immediately shifted to me to watch me choke. I made out faint suggestions like 'drink water' or the more obvious 'breathe Alex' but nothing really registered in my mind. It wasn't until I felt Steve's giant hand slap me on my back once that I finally caught my breath. With one final cough my lungs collected enough strength to force the food out of my throat and back into my mouth where I spit it into my napkin.

"Jesus Alex, chew your food," Steve said slightly amused. Even when I'm choking he still cracks a joke. I didn't realize that not being able to breathe was funny. I practically drank my entire glass of water before I felt like I was able to speak again.

"Sorry about that," I croaked out, my throat still hurting a bit. I looked across the table at Mitchie who looked only slightly concerned that I was an obnoxious shade of red from almost coughing up a lung. She raised her eyebrow at me and I just stared at her. "So um, what were you saying?"

"Zach asked me out today…and I said yes," she said, not taking her eyes off of me once.

"Oh honey that's great!" her mom exclaimed, thrilled at the idea of them finally dating after wanting them to for so long. I tried not to roll my eyes. This was absolute bullshit.

"I thought you said you didn't like him like that," Steve pointed out and I was quick to agree with him…perhaps a little too quick.

"Yeah and I thought he didn't like you like that either." She shot me a subtle glare. "Isn't he the one who says incest is gross whenever people think you're dating?"

"Well, you know sometimes people don't realize their feelings for someone right away," she said while still staring me down.

"I think it's a great idea. Zach is such a nice boy," Connie added in and this time I actually did roll my eyes.

"Yeah, he's great," I said dryly.

"I always thought you two would be so cute together. You know, you usually end up falling for your best friend." I wanted to laugh at the irony. Mitchie looked like she was thinking the same thing. Her parents might as well not even be in the room with us because we weren't paying attention to anyone or anything but each other.

"So all of a sudden, after thirteen years, you guys finally realize that you have feelings for each other?"

"Better late than never, right?" she said, narrowing her eyes at me. What was she trying to do? Does she even _want_ to go out with him or is she just trying to get some sort of a reaction out of me.

"Sounds kind of impulsive if you ask me."

"What's the sense in waiting; it's not like I'm dating anyone else." Yeah, that was meant to rile me up. And it worked. Her parents were looking between the two of us, slightly confused by our tense exchange.

"Everything okay guys?"

"Yes," we said at the same time, still keeping our eyes on each other. I looked down at my plate, finally breaking my stare, and noticed that I barely had food left on it. I took this as the perfect opportunity to get out of here. I excused myself from the table and headed straight for my room. Not soon after I heard footsteps approaching and the door reopened revealing a slightly frustrated Mitchie.

"What was that Alex?" she asked as she crossed her arms.

"I should be asking you that question. Seriously, Mitch…_Zach_? When the hell did that happen?"

"Today." Of course, when he said he was going to talk to her. Well…he talked to her alright.

"You sure he actually asked you out…on a date?"

"Why? Is that really so hard to believe?" she asked, somewhat offended.

"No that's not what I meant. Maybe you just misunderstood," I said, not wanting to hurt her feelings even though I am fuming.

"He came over after school. He asked why I've been upset lately so I told him but don't worry I left out the minor detail, you know…about you." Oh so now I'm a _minor detail_ to her? "He comforted me and-"

"And what? Told you he loved you?" I asked bitterly. She glared at me again.

"He asked me if I wanted to go on a date with him so it was kind of hard to misinterpret that."

"So that's it? We're over?"

"No we're not. Because we never started. As I recall, you didn't want to." I stood up from the bed and walked up to her.

"But I already told you that I _do_ want to."

"No you don't."

"Oh give me a break Mitchie what are you doing? Is this some ploy to make me jealous or something?"

"Not everything is about you Alex."

"Oh really? Because last week I believe you told me that you were in love with me. What happened to that? Was that a lie? Or did you just get over that over the course of seven days?"

"You said you wanted to wait until I get better and, honestly, I don't know when or if that is ever going to happen. You can't just expect me to wait around forever."

"I would."

"It's a little late for that now."

"So all of this…it means nothing to you? _I _mean nothing to you?" She remained quiet and shifted on her feet uncomfortably.

"No," she said so quietly I almost didn't hear her.

"No what, no I'm wrong or no I don't mean anything?" She shook her head and unfolded her arms.

"I'm done talking about this." She turned around and started leaving, probably to go to her own room. But I was done chasing her.

"Fine, go. I don't care. Have fun on your date tomorrow," I called out after her but not too loudly. I didn't want to draw attention from her parents.

I don't even know what to make of this right now. How can she tell me all those things and now they mean nothing one week later? She told me loved me. I read the notebook with all her songs in it. I literally read _every song _in that entire book. The lyrics were so beautiful and perfect I couldn't believe they were actually about me. Just a few hours ago I was dead set on finally getting the girl of my dreams and now she's actually going on a date with somebody else. AND IT'S WITH ZACH!

I swear I could kill him. This whole time I have been telling him what's wrong and asking what I should do. He knows how I feel. And he just lied to my face. Has he liked her this whole time? And what about Mitchie? Has _she_ liked _him_ this whole time? She probably never even meant it when she said she was in love with me. I bet she was just having one of her episodes. And I actually thought I had a chance with her. I almost had a heart attack from hope.

I knew I couldn't stay mad forever but God damn it I was furious. I was pissed off and hurt and I just wanted to break something. I seriously felt like destroying this room but I knew I would regret that later. I knew if I did _anything_ out of anger right now I would regret it later. That is why I didn't go after her when she left. That and I really had nothing left to say to her. If her mind was going to be made up so quickly then so was mine.

Of course I was out of my mind if I thought I was going to get over her like she has gotten over me. I have actually tried to get over her when I first realized my feelings for her. I never wanted to feel this way about my best friend but I couldn't help it. I knew nothing good could come out of this. And just when I think everything was finally going to turn around and work out for me Zach had to come in and ruin it all. I hate to say this but I kind of always feared that something like this would happen. I just didn't know how badly it would hurt.

* * *

><p><strong>Mitchie's POV<strong>

I was going around my room searching through all of my things. I was supposed to be going out with Zach today and I was extremely nervous. I was also an absolute mess. I hated how things went with Alex last night. I didn't _want_ to hurt her and I honestly didn't think going out with Zach would hurt her that much but apparently it did. I wasn't happy about it even though she hurt me first. It felt kind of childish and I didn't want to treat this like a game but I think we are way past that now.

I didn't even bother to check to see how much time I had until Zach picked me up but I knew I wasn't running late. Still, I couldn't seem to find anything in my room. I hardly ever misplace anything so I don't know why everything seems to get lost. I heard a knock at my door which was weird because my door wasn't even closed. Then I remembered that I was deep inside the closet…no pun intended. I backed out of it and saw Alex standing in the doorway leaning against the wall. She didn't look like she was mad anymore but I was curious as to what she was doing here.

"I found your shoes in my room. I figured you might need them," she said cautiously, almost sadly but I took them from her.

"Thank you I was looking for these." She nodded and I thought she was going to leave but she turned around and looked me up and down.

"You should wear brown instead; you could borrow my boots if you want." I still couldn't decipher the tone in her voice. It was weird. It was calm but she didn't exactly look like she was happy.

"Oh…uh, yeah, thanks, if you don't mind." She shook her head and went back to her room to retrieve the shoes. She brought them back and I eyed her carefully as I put them on. She wasn't looking at me…not at my face anyway. She seemed distant.

"So um…when are you leaving?"

"In like, twenty minutes I think." She walked over and sat on my bed, crossing her legs, and I took in her appearance. She was wearing skinny jeans and a black t-shirt with an unbuttoned dark blue flannel over it. A black knit beanie sat lazily on the back of her head, her hair straightened and black Vans on her feet. I wondered why she looked like that considering she always says that if she has nothing to do then she sees no point in getting dressed.

"Where are you guys going?" she asked after a little while. It was weird talking to her about this.

"I'm not sure. He didn't tell me."

"Oh."

"So what are you doing tonight?"

"I told Brian I would be home for dinner tonight. He wants us together as a family. So that means my mom is going to be there too. Not exactly looking forward to that but I couldn't say no." Oh so that's why she looks like she is ready to go somewhere. I was a little nervous for her though. I know she is going to be with her _whole_ family but I also know how she gets when she has to be around her mother.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" I asked, slightly worried.

"We'll see; it's always unpredictable when I have to spend time with her." It was quiet between us and I couldn't take the silence. This conversation was too awkward. I had to ask.

"…Are we okay, Alex?" She glanced up at me from the bed and I saw hurt flash in her eyes before she tried to hide it. She drew in a sigh before looking at me again.

"Um, yeah…we're fine," she said quietly but I didn't believe her for a second. I could see right through her but I didn't want to push it further. I will do anything to avoid another argument.

"Are _you_ okay?" She stood up and started to walk out of my room. I mentally slapped myself for causing this and I grabbed her hand. "Alex, wait."

"Don't worry about me. Just go on your date; I'll be fine. I have to go to my house now anyway," she said as I let go of her.

"Alex-" She headed for the door but stopped and turned to look at me again.

"You look beautiful Mitchie." She didn't even try to hide the sadness in her voice and I felt my chest tighten. She turned back around and left. I sat at the foot of my bed where she was previously sitting. I don't know how long I sat there drowning in my thoughts but I was interrupted when I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I pulled it out to see a text message from Zach telling me that he was downstairs.

He was waiting in his car when I came outside. I have been getting a little better when it comes to driving. Of course, I still refuse to drive but getting in a car with someone isn't as nerve-wracking as it used to be…unless I'm with Alex. Being in a car with her still freaks me out. I got in the passenger side and after greeting me he leaned over and kissed my cheek. It's not like it was the first time he has ever kissed my cheek but it just felt weird for some reason. I pushed the thought out of my mind and smiled at him. I needed to get over Alex.

The drive was filled with casual conversation, like it usually is with Zach. He informed me that we were going to a movie and then dinner. We were joking around a lot and I was actually having fun. He picked a comedy for us to see and we were laughing the entire time. He paid for everything and it was kind of weird to see him acting all gentleman-like with me. I have to admit, being out with him was nice but I couldn't help but compare him to Alex…_the entire time_.

For instance, Alex wouldn't have told me what we were doing because she likes surprising people. I would ask her a million times but she'd never tell me. She would also tell me that I had to pick the movie. Either that or she would pick a horror movie just for her own amusement. She knows I am easily scared by just about anything and she thinks it's cute when I can't watch what's on the screen because I am too busy covering my eyes. In my defense, I just really hate loud noises.

Also, Alex would have tried to hold my hand probably about a dozen times by now. It's not like I would be opposed to it, because I wouldn't, but she feels the need to see if I actually want to first. She may act cocky at times but she can get shy around me. I don't know why though. I've never told her that I didn't like it. Before I never understood why, or why she did the things she did around me but that was when I didn't know how she felt. It all made sense now and I kind of miss it.

"Mitch, you okay? You look like you're somewhere else." Zach's voice brought me back to reality. We were currently sitting at a table in a local restaurant, not too far from his house. It was a nice place and the food was good too. I've been here a couple times before. Alex would have taken me to some random ass restaurant that I have never heard of before because according to her I like 'weird shit like that'.

"What? Oh yeah, I'm fine." I probably didn't sound as convincing as I had wanted to but I didn't want him to think I was upset while I was with him.

"You sure?" He definitely knew me better than to just accept a lie. He could always tell when I wasn't telling the truth. God damn our thirteen years of friendship.

"Yeah I'm having a great time…I just…"

"…You…wish you were with Alex instead?" he asked, finishing my sentence for me and I stared at him not knowing what to do. Did I say something out loud? Why would he even think that?

"What? What are you talking about?" I think my voice was a little too high pitched to sound anywhere near normal.

"You've been weird and distant all night. I think I have known you long enough to know when something is wrong." He didn't seem like he was mad but I was still curious as to why he would bring up her name when we haven't even mentioned her all night.

"But what does Alex have to do with that?"

"Like you haven't been thinking about her this whole time." I think I was actually speechless. Was I even making it obvious? "She's the one you really want to be with."

"I…I have no idea what you're talking about." I don't know why I was trying to deny it. He seemed like he was so sure of himself. And it's not like he was wrong. I just didn't understand it.

"Really? So you have no idea that Alex is in love with you?" he asked and I'm pretty sure my eyes widened at the question.

"What…how did you know that?" I asked, completely shocked. He smiled and shook his head.

"I didn't, but you just told me."

"Are you kidding me?"

"Yeah I am. Alex actually told me."

"She did?" That was weird. Alex was terrified of people finding out. I had no idea she told him. Wait, when did she even tell him?

"Yeah…while you were in a coma. I mean it was kind of obvious. And it's kind of obvious that you love her too. What I don't understand is why you would let her go so quickly." I just stared at him trying to come up with something to say. I got nothing. "C'mon, after all these years you don't think I know how your stubborn brain works?"

"Wait…is that why you asked me out?" I wasn't mad I was just so confused and…still shocked.

"I mean…she _may_ have told me you wanted to move on and I figured if you tried with someone you would never in a million years want to be with it would knock some sense into you and you would realize how ridiculous you are being. Please tell me it worked and you're not mad at me," he said only slightly scared that I might go off on him for pretending to ask me out.

"So…you just used me?"

"Technically I let you use me…without you really knowing. Clever, isn't it?" Well that made more sense.

"You're an idiot."

"Oh c'mon Mitch I wasn't trying to hurt you."

"No, I know. I'm not mad at you. I just think you're an idiot," I told him and he smiled at me again. I wanted to punch him but I couldn't help but smile too.

"So we're cool?" he asked hopefully, as if I was going to be pissed off at him for this.

"You do realize that if you were anyone else I would kick your ass, right?"

"Of course."

"I am actually a little relieved though."

"Why?"

"Well I kind of felt bad because I thought you were serious and I really felt awkward this whole time."

"Tell me about it." We both laughed and I was glad that things weren't weird. "Now you probably shouldn't waste any more time than you already have." I smiled at the thought of her but it dropped when I remembered how upset she was yesterday…and how she was acting earlier.

"What if she doesn't forgive me?"

"I wouldn't worry too much; I think that girl would wait for you even if you got married and moved halfway around the world." She usually is determined like that but I think I hurt her pretty bad. "Just apologize. She'll forgive you. I promise." I had some doubts but I couldn't afford to hold on to any of that. I needed to make this right.

"How do you know?"

"Because I've had to listen to her mope about you for _months_. Trust me; she's not going to brush you off any time soon."

"Like I did with her?" I asked, my guilt rising up inside of me.

"Exactly." He didn't seem to care how bad I was feeling about this. He probably just felt so accomplished. _Idiot_.

"You're right. I need to fix this." He waved over the waiter and asked for the check.

"Well then let's go so you can fix it." When the bill was brought to the table Zach pulled out some money from his wallet and left it on the table. I tried to stop him from paying for me again considering this wasn't technically a date. He yelled at me and told me that if I didn't want to cause a scene in the restaurant I should just shut up and let him pay for his 'date' like a man should. I shoved him as we left with quite a few people staring at us. I didn't care; we were just trying not to laugh.

He drove me back to my house and I hoped that Alex had come home from having dinner with her family. I was going over what I should say to her when I finally saw her but I kept changing my mind. I had no idea what I was going to do when I went upstairs but I knew that I couldn't put it off any longer. Zach was right; I had already wasted enough time. Even if I was unprepared I was going to try. I mean, she said she would wait forever. When he pulled up to my apartment I barely waited for him to come to a full stop before I hurried out of the car. I stopped myself though and turned around when Zach called me.

"What, no kiss? God you're the worst date ever," he complained as if he actually cared. I leaned into his rolled down window and kissed him on the cheek and he scoffed. "Tease."

"Thank you Zachary. And just so we're clear…you and me…just friends," I told him and he grimaced.

"Ugh, please, Mitchie…incest is disgusting." I shook my head at him and laughed.

"Good." I quickly went up the stairs to my apartment and stopped at the door when I realized I _still_ had no idea what to do or say. This wasn't some romantic movie. I couldn't just run in there, kiss her and live happily ever after. I knew things didn't work like that and I also knew I had the tendency to make bad situations worse. Now that I think about it, she might not even be there. I took a deep breath and walked inside and went straight to her room. It was empty.

I sighed and briefly contemplated waiting there for her but decided against it. I closed the door and went to my room instead. I paused before going in when I heard my television on the other side. I scrunched my eyebrows together in confusion and went inside to find Alex lying on my bed with her back against the headboard. The lights were off and she was staring intently at the screen watching Arrested Development. I don't think she even noticed me coming into the room until I flipped the lights on. She immediately shut her eyes, blinded by the sudden brightness.

"How long have you been sitting here in the dark?" I asked as I kicked off the shoes I was wearing.

"An hour maybe," she replied, finally opening her eyes and adjusting them to the new light.

"The TV in the living room is bigger you know," I informed her and she held up an Xbox 360 controller.

"Netflix."

"Oh, right." I watched as she brought her attention back to her favorite show. "How many times have you seen this?" I asked knowing she's seen every episode a million times.

"Not enough," she laughed as she paused what she was watching.

"How did dinner go?" She didn't look like she was hurt, well not by her mother anyway.

"It was fine. My mom looked like she was trying to murder me with her eyes the whole time but it was fine. I stayed with Brian most of the night so I would never be left alone with her. After a while I just came back here and it was empty…you're home early, aren't you?" She sounded uncomfortable asking this.

"I um…I ended the date a little early." She sat up more; her knees bent, and looked at me curiously.

"Why? What happened?" she asked, genuinely concerned.

"Well, at some point during the night, I realized that I do love Zach…as a brother…nothing more. And he feels the same."

"Oh…I'm sorry," she said even though she didn't look it.

"No you're not."

"You're right. I'm not."

"Good…because I'm not either."

"What do you mean?" I walked up to where she was on the bed and sat in front of her, her eyes never leaving me the whole time.

"I mean…it doesn't matter…because…you're the one who I want to be with."

**Alex's POV**

What just happened? I thought she was moving on. What happened with Zach? I was starting to think that Mitchie might be bipolar but I obviously wasn't going to say that out loud. Was this whole date thing supposed to make me jealous or help her forget about me? But here she is, sitting right in front of me, telling me that she was wrong. She wants to be with _me_. We've had this conversation before though and I cannot mess it up again.

"Really?" I asked, unsure of where this would go.

"Yes, really. I was crazy to think I could ever try to get over you. I just can't do it. And…I don't want to," she admitted and my heart started beating faster. I think I have just been given another chance. And I had to take it.

"Mitchie-"

"Now, before you say anything I want to apologize for hurting you. I know I was being unfair."

"It's okay, you don't-"

"And I know you think this might end up badly or it might be taking a risk but…I don't care. I _want_ to take that risk…because I love you." She moved closer to the point where she was hovering over me with her hands on either side of my body. My breath hitched in my throat.

"Mitch, I-" I started but was interrupted again. This time it was not by Mitchie but by the sound of someone knocking on her door. In a split second I realized what was happening and became very aware of the position we were in. Now, I have had the unfortunate experience of being walked in on…on more occasions than one. None of them ended well. In an instance of fear and panic I pushed Mitchie off of me, a bit too forcefully, and she fell on the floor with a loud thud. It only took about two seconds to regret that when I remembered her injuries…that I probably just made worse.

"Mitch?" I heard her dad call through the door.

"Yeah?" she called back, trying to hide the pain in her voice. She sat up and tried to put on a normal face when Steve opened the door.

"Just checking to see if you were home…why are you on the floor?"

"Looking for something."

"Oh…okay…you're weird." He shook his head and left us alone. Once he was gone Mitchie stood up and locked her door so this wouldn't happen again. She brought her hand to her midsection and groaned in pain.

"What the hell Alex?"

"Mitch I'm so sorry I completely forgot." She cursed and started taking deep breaths. She sat in front of me on the bed again, rubbing her head.

"God what do you want me to slip into a coma again?" she asked, not really seriously, but my face dropped anyway.

"That's not funny." She let out a small laugh and straddled my waist. The butterflies in my stomach were practically on fire.

"Oh c'mon I was just kidding," she said while smiling, trying to get me to smile too.

"It wasn't funny." Even though I wanted to keep a straight face I knew I couldn't resist. Her smile was definitely contagious.

"You're right; it was a bad joke."

"Yeah, I don't see you being a comedian in the future," I teased and she shrugged her shoulders, agreeing with me.

"Well…do you see me being your girlfriend in the future?" she asked and I think I stopped breathing altogether.

"Um…I…I think I might," I managed to stutter out. "It depends…"

"On what?"

"If you can still love me even though I'm paranoid, stupid, and slightly belligerent," I told her and she smiled at me again. God, I loved that smile.

"Well _that_ depends if you can still love me…even though I'm stubborn, impulsive, and completely mental."

"Of course I can. I'll always love you…no matter what," I said but then thought about how close we are to each other right now. I didn't know if it was bad or not to be this close to her but I couldn't bring myself to move away. I was enjoying this way too much. I wanted to see how far I could go though. I sat up a bit more and brought my hands to her waist. My fingers brushed her bare skin underneath her shirt, just above the waistline of her jeans, and I looked up at her to see her staring into my eyes. I tried to find any hint of discomfort. I found none. "Is this okay?" I asked to make sure. She took a deep breath, moved her hands behind my neck, and leaned in closer. I thought I was going to die.

"Perfect," she whispered and I didn't need any further reassurance. I wrapped my arms around her fully and pulled her body closer to mine. She leaned in closer, closing the gap between us, and kissed me softly. The second I felt her lips on mine I kissed her back and I swear something inside of me just exploded. I couldn't describe it. This wasn't like the other times we have kissed. Thank God I was sitting or I would have collapsed. Her lips moved against mine perfectly and her skin burned under my fingertips. It wasn't fast or urgent but it didn't need to be. She pulled back, my teeth gently tugging on her lower lip in the process, and looked into my eyes again. "I'm assuming that's a yes to my first question?" she asked hopefully. I let go of her and pulled her hands from behind me to intertwine our fingers.

"You know…every time we have kissed before, we've either ended up mad or confused or hurt…or crying," I pointed out.

"Are you mad now?"

"No. Are you?" I asked and she shook her head. "Confused?"

"Not at all." I released her hands and brought mine to grab her face and pull her into another passionate kiss. When I pulled back I couldn't contain my happiness. Her smile matched my own and she's never looked more beautiful. I never wanted to let her go.

"Then it's a yes."

* * *

><p><strong>Please read an important update in Chapter 26.<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>AN 2: Chapter Song Title/Quote: The Tension And The Terror by Straylight Run  
><strong>


	26. Important Author's Note

**IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE  
><strong>

**Hey guys. This is not a chapter update but I do have some important things to say to those of you who read and follow this story. I have decided to end it. I have been thinking about it for a while and I don't want it to continue anymore. Chapter 25 is the final chapter in The Push and Pull.**

**I do realize that I have said multiple times that I would not abandon this story and that I did post two chapters after 25. I am deleting those chapters and ending it but I am, however, reposting them.**

**If I sound confusing, I apologize. What I mean, in a nutshell, is that the story—and I mean the _whole_ story (including unwritten future chapters)—is being split. This half of the story stands alone for more reasons than one. I cannot continue it because my original purpose in writing it is finished. I accomplished what I had intended and I don't want to stretch it out.**

**The thing is the story was never intended to be about the romantic relationship. It was to be included but never the main concept. I wanted this story to be more about the strength of their friendship lasting through their different struggles and whether or not they could overcome their own fears for the sake of their friendship and, yes, their love as well.**

**The other half of the story, I feel, deals with something entirely different. New concept, new story…you see where I'm going with this? It makes no sense to push this any further so I am creating a sequel.**

**Chapters 26 and 27 that I have already posted will be the first two chapters of a new story under a new title. What that title is as of now I have no idea. It will be in the same category with the same characters under the same rating but if you want you can put me in your author alerts to know when I will be posting it so you won't have to look for it.**

**The chapters will be exactly the same. I don't plan on rewriting them so if you have read them already you do not need to reread them. Feel free to review again but it's not necessary and it doesn't really matter. What was supposed to originally be Chapter 28 is currently being written and is almost finished. When it is completed I will post all three chapters at once in the new story.**

**So thank you for sticking with me throughout this entire thing and I apologize for this long note but I didn't want to do all of this without an explanation. This story is very special to me, especially with it being my first, and I couldn't have gotten through it without your encouragement and kind words.**

**I hate singling people out because it's not fair to everyone else but I do want to thank a few people that I have noticed from time to time. You guys have helped me so much and gave me the will and inspiration to keep writing even when I thought I was going to quit. Ad3n, aydenjett, Evangeline Vera, full360-2b-me, greatpretender27, Jamiemazing, Jaredx03, lovezfan, nvrshoutnvr, NickiMinajlover, PerhapsDL4SG, RainyWednesday, RiddleMeThisBatman, tatimac, VanessaBabyS. That's alphabetized and if I missed you I apologize but your feedback at one time or another really meant a lot to me and helped me a great deal with writing this so I cannot thank you enough.**

**I love you all, those who favorited both this and me, those who put it on alert, those who reviewed every chapter, those who reviewed once, those who reviewed anonymously, those who didn't review. I really appreciate it and thank you for not only encouraging me to continue but for allowing me to accomplish what I had wanted all along.**

**And with that I will leave you and the continuation of this story will be up before you know it.**

**-manhattanProject**


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